GOLF. I JUST DON'T GET IT.

Have just remembered something I meant to mention yesterday but forgot.

Yesterday morning while coming into town I saw a man practicing putting (as in on a golf green, not as in large steroid-laden East German women hurling lead cannonballs 100 metres or so) on his rooftop. He had laid out a piece of green cloth / carpet / astroturf and was there with about 15 balls aiming at a plant pot turned on it's side. It was 7.30am. At that time of day if you don't have to be up, then why would you be? And if you're going to get up, why practice golf?

This is a sport in which "athletes" such as Colin "fat bastard" Montgomerie, John "fat, drunk bastard" Daly, and even Craig "fat, drunk, sweaty bastard" Stadler can win tournaments.

I just don't understand the obsession. It's hideously expensive. Every club is ruled by ex-colonels/generals/rear-admirals who run the places like their own sad little empires, and enforce lots of pathetic little rules. Every course seems to be booked solid all year round so to play you have to get up at about 5am on a weekend and trek to China to play. It involves almost no physical exercise (remember someone else carries their sticks), and nothing moves at a speed above a gentle stroll. Yes it is difficult to aim the ball accurately, but it's also difficult to thread a needle, and no-one calls that a sport (though no doubt ESPN will now show the all-malaysian under-15 needle threading championships instead of say the 6 Nations rugby).

One day everyone will wake up and realise they have wasted a huge amount of time and money on a "sport" that is boring as bollocks and which they're crap at, and when they do finally realise the error of their ways and head to the bar, they will discover that observant people such as myself who realised long ago what a waste of time it all is have not only saved lots of time and money, but have also nicked all the best seats in the bar!