Tuesday, July 27, 2004

OFF TO MUD ISLAND

So here I am in the executive club lounge. Bizarrely enough it's the busiest place in the airport. That's the problem with AsiaMiles and cheap air travel - every Tom, Dick and Harry has an exec club card these days, or has upgraded himself using AsiaMiles, and the only real space in the airport is out there in the murky underworld of the "normal"departure area. Ah well. Back in one week.
TYPHOON TIME?

Could be another day off approaching....?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

The Democratic party copnvention is now 11 minutes old, and, thanks to the wonder of live CNN, Attila is watching and commenting on every single mooment. He is driving me insane. Do Americans not understand that no-one else gives a flying fcuk about some pointless convention? I don't go about the Labour or Conservative party annual shindigs so why can't they just leave the rest of us in peace.

This thing goes on for 4 days for gods sake. Never has the prospect of cattle class to Mud Island tonight seemed so appealing.

Monday, July 26, 2004

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

I’m off to Mud Island on Tuesday night for a wedding on Friday at which I am doing joint-best man duty. I decided over the weekend that I had better dig out my wedding kit in preparation – check for holes etc. I last wore this kit for my own wedding 3 ½ years ago, since when many things have changed. Apart from now being married, I have also somehow managed to move from the UK to HK, and along the way pick up 1 ¾ children and 2 dogs (the 3/4 part is the reason Mrs C won't be joining me on this jaunt). I thought, however, that one thing had remained unchanged – my waist size. How cruelly I was disabused of that notion.

On Friday night I put on, or tried to put on, the trousers of my morning suit. Big mistake. There was a good 1 ½ inches of stomach still showing at the point where the clip is supposed to meet the clasp. I did get them closed but there’s certainly no way I could sit down with them in that state.

How did this happen?? I blame made-to-measure clothing. Since coming here every new suit or shirt I have bought has been made-to-measure, mostly by Mr. William Cheng of Kowloon. Clearly he has been lying! Every time I go over I say “Ithink I’m abut the same size as before” and he says “I’ll just check”, then, haing done the measurements again, says “yes, about the same”. Obviously, in the interest of not losing a customer, he omits the rest of the sentence, which would be “in your dreams fatso”.

Now I don’t blame him. I’d do the same. And his suits and shirts are great. But it has left me with a bit of a problem. There are two solutions. Either get a new pair of trousers, or lose 1 ½ inches off my gut.

Not yet having made the big Four Oh I am still subject to the belief that I am a young, fit, healthy individual in the prime of life, so on Saturday morning set out to lose said 1 ½ inches (I should add here that I played squash on Friday lunchtime so I had already done a bit of exercise on Friday)

So Friday night – sit-ups, press-ups, dig out the weights that had been propping a door open for the last 2 years.

Saturday morning - 2 ½ hours of jogging / hiking (depending on the slope) round Pok Fu Lam country park, , up to High West, round The Peak and back home.

Saturday afternoon – Ploughing up and down the pool for a bit (embarrassingly short time before I was in danger of drowning) followed by sit-ups, press-ups and the weights again.

Sunday morning – 20 mins or so up and down the pool while the little charioteer is asleep.

Sunday afternoon – 45 mins “brisk walking” with the dogs followed by another 20 mins in the pool. Then back to sit-ups, press-ups and the weights.

Result this morning?

I am still 1 ½ inches away from closing the trousers comfortably, but I am now in so much pain, and so weakened by the frenzied activity of the weekend, that I can’t take them off the hanger without wincing in pain and then barely have the strength to hold them. In fact I have seen glaciers move more quickly than I did this morning when the alarm went off. I wanted to get out of bed but it took a while for the message to reach muscles that were still in shock from the previous days.

Still – I won’t give up. Off for a swim at lunch today, a jog tonight and hopefully a game of squash tomorrow lunchtime before I leave.

Just in case I don’t make it however, anyone know if there’s a Moss Bros in Cambridge?

Friday, July 23, 2004

THE IMPORTANT STUFF

The Palestinians are revolting (pun intended), the Israelis are still building their wall (quite right too in my view - the wall may be illegal but so is suicide bombing and I haven't heard much from the UN or EU on that!), the Sudanese are murdering each other, Taiwan is preparing for a Chinese invasion and the Iraqis have found the headless body of a westerner, but it's time to focus on the important stuff...

SPORT

CRICKET
A magnificent day yesterday for England at Lords. Listened to a fair bit last night thanks to the miracle of the web - Test Match Special was still as good as ever, with Aggers, Blowers and CMJ waffling on like a bunch of old farts and the cricket being purely incicental to the entire event. Magnificent. I think the only times I have ever actually missed Mud Island is when I Listen to the England cricket team playing at Lords or watch the  rugby team are playing at Twickenham. Many a happy beer has been sunk at both venues....
But I digress.  England finished day 1 at 391-2 (or 2-391 if you're Australian). What a performance. Centuries for Robert Key and Andrew Strauss, who shared a stand of 291, have put England in an unassailable position. From here the West Indies can only pray for rain (which will probably work knowing the English climate).

RUGBY
Tri-Nations time again - with NZ v South Africa kicking off at 3.30pm HK time. Having a South African wife, and therefore a half South African son, I suppose I should be supporting the Bokke, but secretly I'll be hoping for Kiwi win. They are an awesome side at present, clearly the best in the world, and besides my early experiences of meeting South Africans at sporting events just after the end of apartheid has left me bitter and twisted at what a buch of arrogant wankers they were and I'm finding it hard to shake that off, even though things have improved immeasurably since. Whatever happens though it should be a great game - one thing i have to give the Bokke is they don't give up so while they may not have the talent of the Kiwis they are very long on sheer guts which will get them a long way.

Have fun all. See you on Monday.


SECOND BEST ADVERT THIS YEAR ON ASIAXPAT.COM

25. Canon v2 Digital Camera - BROKEN
(Posted: Jul. 22, 04)
I have a Canon v2 (2 megapixels) which my wife brought back after her holidays and its broken.

Past warranty period, and can't be bothered to get it fixed, because we've got another 3 megapixel camera anyway.

Don't know what's wrong with the camera, but I have the box, papers, all wires, receipt, etc.

You make the offer!


What is it about today that has brought the lunatics out?
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21. The Eminem Show (CD)
(Posted: Jul. 23, 04)
Someone please buy this horrible CD off me - this is THE worst CD I have every bought!

Literally brand new - listened to the first 3 minutes and absolutely need to get rid of it!

$75
Hipomonsteresquipedalophobia
 
The fear or reading or saying long words.

Anyone else think that's not a good choice of name?
SUDAN

Kofi Annan says he thinks the UN may back moves to threaten Sudan with sanctions over the current atrocities in Darfur. Oooooh I bet they're scared now! The UN has had many high-profile successes with it's rhetoric and sanctions, including... ermmmm.... hmmmmmm.... can't think of any right now but I'm sure there were some.

And how is imposing sanctions on a coutnry with virtually no international trade going to help? Will they even notice? Sadly this will all come back to oil again. One of the main reasons there is fighting around the Darfur region is because it is oil rich, and the arab dominated governement in Khartoum is trying to drive the native african inhabitants out of the region rather than cut them a slice of the action.

Of course this means that governments around the world will publicly be saying how bad the situation is, while privately be signing drilling, refining and shipping deals left right and centre.

Plus ca change....
NEW ADDITION TO THE BLOGROLL

on the beach at the end of the world and for those of a more risque nature, you may want to follow the link on her blog to her other diary, "pillowbook" - thank you Simon for the tip....

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Bigger breasts offered as perk to U.S. soldiers

NEW YORK, July 21 (Reuters) - The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan "Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.
The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.
"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.
Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.
The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."


"Someone to practice on"???? Since when are they likely to be required to do an emergency breast enlargement in a field hospital? I'm a bit of a MASH fan andI certainly don't remember Hawkeye, Trapper, or Honeycut being asked to perfom the procedure, though maybe Hotlips Hoolahan secretly got some treatment from Frank Burns.

And Genghis and Attila's tax dollars as they sit here in low-tax Hong Kong paying US taxes are helping to pay for this..... tee hee hee.
THE MOTORING SECTION

Beware of taxi reg JU 2868 who took me home last night. He seems to think red traffic light signals only apply to other people.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

A DAY OF ANNIVERSARIES

25th anniversary of Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon

Or did he....?

And it's my sisters birthday....

Someone please remind me to call her once Mud Island wakes up.

REVERSE AIR RAGE

Two flight attendants have attacked a passenger in an unprecedented case of reverse air-rage, according to Russia's leading airline.

An Aeroflot spokeswoman said the incident occurred after the passenger, named as Artyom Chernopup, said the men were drunk and not doing their job.

Russian media said the alleged victim left the plane with a black eye and reported the incident to the police.

Aeroflot said the crew and plane were contracted out from another company.

Spokeswoman Irina Dannenberg said the entire crew of the flight - from Moscow to the Siberian city of Nizhnevartovsk - had been suspended while the incident was investigated.

She said Aeroflot did not have enough aircraft and leased planes together with their crews from other companies.

The airline was now tightening controls over contracted staff, she added.

A Nizhnevartovsk airport representative told Izvestiya newspaper that a medical examination after the flight showed the cabin attendants were heavily intoxicated.

Another passenger told a forum on the avia.ru civil aviation website that the stewards distributed in-flight meals only when the plane started its descent, and managed to spill large quantities of food on the floor.

"At this point I noticed something was wrong," the passenger said. "Only about half the meals ended up on the tables or in the laps of passengers, the rest ended up on the floor.

"We left the plane with lunch-boxes crunching beneath our feet."

Correspondents say intoxicated passengers are common on Russian flights, but this incident was unprecedented.

THE LEGEND OF KING ARTHUR

As most people have probably spotted a new movie is about to hit the screens based on the supposed stoiry of King Arthur, the semi-mythical first King of England. Looks like it could be a good movie in the switch-your-brain-off-and-enjoy-the-action kind of a way.

On the back of the movie the English tourist industy, and in particular Cornwall, which, as far as I am aware, has always been the generally accepted birthplace and original haunt of Arthur, is gearing itself up in the hope of attracting a few feeble-minded movie buffs to blighty's muddy shores and parting them from their hard earned dosh.

As King Arthur and his legend lay siege to box offices around the world, conflict rages in the land of his birth.
For not only was Arthur Britain's saviour in the Dark Ages against invading Saxons, he also works wonders on the tourism earnings of depressed local economies -- and several are vying for his services.
The tale of Arthur, the sorcerer Merlin, and the quest for the Holy Grail has long been a staple of British schoolchildren.
Most were taught he was born of an illicit tryst between the English king Uther Pendragon and the wife of his rival Gorlois after Uther sneaked into Gorlois' Tintagel Castle high on Cornwall's craggy Atlantic cliffs.
"They say it was right here that Merlin magicked Uther into the likeness of Gorlois so he could sneak into the bed of his wife, Ygerna," Cornish expert Rob Tremain told Reuters from within the stronghold's slate walls.
"We're quite confident that this was Arthur's birthplace," he added.


Now however, the Scots and Welsh are trying to get in on the act. Not content with draining the English taxpayer of every last drop just to keep their feeble countries afloat, they now want to nick our King!

But a revolt is simmering north of the border in Scotland, according to author Alistair Moffat, whose book "Arthur the Lost Kingdoms" argues he was a Scot.
"The Cornish got seriously upset with me," he said. "A lot of the Cornish tourist industry depends on this."
Jerry Bruckheimer's movie, "King Arthur", has Arthur as a Romano-British mercenary, played by a stoic Clive Owen. He leads a band of knights against Celts in Scotland, helping the Roman Empire as it retreats from Britain.
Guinevere, played by Keira Knightley, persuades the knights to switch sides, joining her Celtic brethren against Saxon invaders as they rush to fill the power vacuum left by the Romans.
To coincide with the film's British release Scottish Borders Tourism has launched a campaign highlighting local Arthurian connections.
It places Arthur's fortress of Camelot at Roxburgh, a full 470 miles (756 km) away from the Cornish tourist board's preferred location near the town of Camelford in southwest England.
As further evidence to back up the Scottish claim, Moffat cites a 7th century poem found in Edinburgh, "The Gododdin", as the first reference to the warrior-king.


I'm sorry? Some poem written by a semi-literate scot in the 7th century while he was waiting for the invention of deep-fried Mars bar, deep-fried pizza and heart disease is supposed to prove he was scottish?

And now the sheepshaggers want a piece of the action..

Twelfth century poetry from the "Black Book of Carmarthen" describes Arthur as a Welsh warlord, says Steve Blake, director of the Centre for Arthurian Studies in North Wales.
References to the castle in Tintagel merely stem from confusion with the Welsh word Dindagol, meaning city on the headland, he says.


So the fact that there actually was a place called Tintagel is irrelevant and we're supposed to believe it is a corruption of Dindagol? Come on. And even if true, I don't care if a welsh word translates as "place where Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot and a lot of knights all lived and sat around a round table" I still would refuse to accept it as any form of evidence. In fact anything in Welsh should be automatically dismissed as it is not a language so much as a phlegm-hurling contest.

To historians, however, the conflict and confusion serve to illustrate a much more sobering possibility.
Folk historian Juliette Wood says that when different regions lay claim to a legendary figure, it can often be taken as proof that the figure was more myth than actual history.
"This localisation of Arthur is the dead giveaway," she said. "In common with most academics, I don't think he was ever real."


Sadly this last bit is probably the truth, though why anyone would admit to being a "folk historian" is a complete mystery.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

CABLE TV AND SPORTS COVERAGE

Now that ESPN/STAR Sports is moving to Now Broadband TV it seems I have little choice but to follow them.

The woman at i-Cable seemd very confused when I informed her I was cancelling my contract because of the sports coverage and kept bleating on about them having the English Premier League rights so how could I leave. My protestations that...
a) my team are Leicester City who are no longer in the Premiership,
b) I want to watch rugby and/or cricket. These sports are no longer available on i-Cable so why on earth would I continue to pay for the service
c) Even if my team were in the Premiership I would rather stick pins in my eyes than stay up all night to watch 22 neanderthals hoof a ball about...
all seemed incomprehensible to her. Am I really the only person in HK who doesn't give a monkeys chuff about the Premiership (or Beckhams latest hairstyle)?

Anyway - looks like it's Now Broadband for me.

Has anyone tried it and got any comments, advice or tips?

Monday, July 19, 2004

THIS IS TOO SICK TO HAVE AN AMUSING TITLE.

11:13 19Jul2004 RTRS-Drunk Filipino nails wife's mouth shut, kills her
    MANILA, July 19 (Reuters) - A drunken Filipino farmer nailed his wife's mouth shut and beat her to death in front of their children, then prepared breakfast for her the next day without realising he had killed her, police said on Monday.
    Police called to the house of Rodolfo and Vilma Porras in the town of Manapla, in the central Philippines, on Saturday found the 40-year-old woman dead in her bed with one-inch (two cm) nails driven through her mouth and the back of both knees.
    Police officer Eliseo Solaban said two of the couple's four children, a girl aged 10 and a boy of eight, told investigators their father beat their mother to death with an iron and drenched her with boiling water after coming home drunk.
    The girl was still in shock, Solaban said by telephone.
    Porras, 40, was on the run on Monday. The man awoke on the morning after Friday's killing and cooked breakfast as normal, then fled after realising his wife was dead, the policeman said.
    "I've worked on shocking crimes before, but I can't hide how I feel about a man doing this to his wife," Solaban said.
 
ANTI-SEMITISM

France and Israel are at loggerheads since Israeli PM Ariel Sharon sugested Jews should leave France and move to Israel to escape anti-semitism.

Now I'm a total heathen when it comes to all religion. I've never really got my head round any of them, and I certainly can't understand why religions seem to hate each other so much.

So looking at this from the point of view of someone who doesn't really understand what all the fuss is about, is he really trying to suggest that it is safer for a Jew to be in Israel, surrounded by millions of people (some of whom are prepared to die in their efforts to attack and kill Jews) and sovereign nations (of which at least 1, Iran, is actively seeking nuclear weapons),who are openly sworn to the total destruction of Israel, than to be in France?

I know there was a whole saga years ago about some bloke called Dreyfus but really. Come on Ariel me old mate. Who do you think you are kidding?
RUGBY

New Zealand 16 Australia 7

What a game.

And how great to see a southern hemisphere game that didn't finish with some preposterous sixty-something to forty-something scoreline like in the Super 12 basketball

It was played in foul conditions - cold, windy and pouring with rain (like Leicester 9 months of the year), which probably marginally suited the All Blacks more than the Wallabies, though I doubt either side were exactly happy.

How the Wallabies held on to only lose by 9 points I will never know. Their defence was awesome. The All Blacks must have spent 50% of the game within 10 metres of the try-line but just couldn't get over to score, and finally were resorting to kicking at goal rather than their preferred line-out and drive options, until finally Howlett crossed the line.

Then when Mortlock got a break-away try to bring it back to a 6 point difference I had a horrible feeling the Aussies would somehow sneak it. Thankfully the Kiwis got another penalty and held on for a hugely deserved win.

Pacific Islanders 24 South Africa 38

Thanks to the wonders of Star Sports changing their scheduling without telling anyone my video missed the last 10 minutes of this game, but what I saw convinced me the Pacific Island team deserve to be taken seriously. They have given all 3 Tri Nations participants a huge run for their money and should be included in a remodelled 4 Nations in the future, or even a 5 Nations including Argentina. And each of the Pacific Island member countries should get a Super 12 team to provide some depth to their squads and ensure that come the World Cup they can still be competitive.

Of course it won't happen because then these players may opt to stay at home and not play their rugby for New Zealand or Australia, so clearly these 2 won't allow such a structure to develop, but wouldn't it be great if it did.
Girlfriend 'hit with alligator'

A man in the US state of Florida was arrested after he allegedly used his pet alligator to hit his girlfriend.
David Havenner, 41, faces misdemeanour charges of battery and possession of an alligator, said the authorities.

Girlfriend Nancy Monico claimed he beat her with his fists and then grabbed the alligator and swung it at her as she tried to escape, said officials.

The three-foot (one metre) alligator, which had been kept in a bathtub, was handed to Florida wildlife officials.

"He threw [the alligator] at me," 39-year-old Ms Monico said on ABC News. "I don't think he knew what he was doing. He was just throwing it at me."

She also alleged Mr Havenner threw beer bottles at her at their home in Port Orange, central Florida, said the sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson.

Mr Havenner's version of the story differed. According to the Associated Press, he told investigators Ms Monico bit his hand because she was upset they had run out of alcohol.


No comment.

Friday, July 16, 2004

SUMMERTIME, AND THE LIVING IS WINDY....

Stormy Weather ahead - speaking in both a meteorological and sensible hiding place manner.

Happy typhoon one and all.

(and go on you All Blacks)

Thursday, July 15, 2004

FRIENDS REUNITED

During a mad moment a few years ago I signed up to Friends Reunited thinking it would be fun to get back in touch with people I was at school with.

Of course like everyone else I never did bother. If we’d been that good friends we’d have kept in touch anyway, and who wants to be reminded about their embarrassing teenage preferences in clothes, hairstyles and music by some git you never really liked in the first place.

So I never bothered to check it.

But part of the deal with them is you have to give your email address when you register and occasionally I get the odd email telling me that X number of people from my year at my school or college have joined.

Normally I ignore them but I got 1 yesterday and out of curiosity thought I’d have a look.

Now I have found a use for Friends Reunited.

People put in little bits of info about what they’re up to – job, career, wife/husband, kids etc.

You know how there are always a few kids who are the best at everything – top of the form, open the batting AND bowling in the summer and are either striker or flyhalf in the winter, and inevitably become head boy or prefect or milk monitor or whatever. And they are all matey with each other, hanging out in a little band of “cool kids”, and you, and they, just assume they are going to go on and rule the world, and you really envy them.

Well there’s nothing like checking into Friends Reunited and discovering that one of them is now working at a Carphone Warehouse in Croydon and another is an engineer in Solihull.

I realize I may not be exactly Ming the Merciless with a huge empire lording it over all and sundry, but then I never expected to, while these boys did.

There is nothing like the sight of others failing spectacularly to make your own smaller failures feel like a victory.
BALLS TO BECKHAM - UPDATE

Bid now stands at Euro10,000,000.00!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

BALLS TO BECKHAM

Fumier has already pointed out that the that Beckham hoofed into the stands at Euro 2004 in his infamous penalty miss against Portugal is for sale, but have you seen the bids! Currently Euro 2,801,850.00!!!!!!

W.T.F?

It's madness I tell you.

However for anyone who has the odd Euro3million lying around and needs a football the bidding can be followed here
I’M RICH!

Got this on my email at home last night.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail fails to meet your personal ethics. I will start by introducing myself as Bill, a staff in the accounts management section of a popular lottery establishment here in the United Kingdom.

One of our winnings of £13,852,529.00 which was announced sometime in the month of July 2000 with File No: UNL/7587/03, ticket number 47-025458952, serial number 20034 is still floating & yet to be collected/claimed.

Following my research and confirmations, the owner of this winning a foreigner by name Benjamin Walter died in August 2000 and since then nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of this money because he has no family members who are aware of the existence of the winning. Also Information from the National Immigration states that he was also single on entry into the UK.

I have secretly discussed this matter with the Lottery Coordinator of our organizations and we have agreed to find a reliable foreign partner to deal with. We thus propose to do business with you, standing in as the beneficiary of this winning from the deceased and funds released to you after due processes have been followed.

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles as the fund is a
Legitimate fund that does not originate from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal act.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,
Bill.


I’m so happy that of all the people in the world they chose me to be the beneficiary. Now I can retire. Hurrah.
IRAQ

The Philippines have announced that they will be pulling their forces out of Iraq “as soon as possible” in response to the kidnapping of one of their nationals. At present there are 51 Filipinos in Iraq, all deployed in non-combat roles.

It is a major blow to the US-led coalition in Iraq, as it means from now on soldiers will have to iron their own shirts and clean their own tents.

The U.S. is rumoured to have approached Indonesia to see if they would able to send part of their elite S.A.S. (Special Amah Service) troops to replace the departing Filipinos.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

OLYMPICS FIASCO

If this was a movie it would be panned for being unbelievable! Firstly the stadiums aren't ready, then the hotel workers are threatening to strike, then the athletes are all doped to the eyeballs, and now Athens is hit with power blackouts!

I think this will be an Olympics to remember, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

Monday, July 12, 2004

OLYMPICS FIASCO

For once it’s not Greece that is causing the fiasco, but the athletes themselves.

As I’m sure everyone knows athletes everywhere have been tarnished with revelations about use of the previously undetectable steroid THG. This has been particularly the case in the USA, where several high-profile athletes are under suspicion or investigation for possible steroid use.

Two of the top athletes incriminated are Tim Montgomery, the 100m World Record Holder, and his girlfriend Marion Jones, the reigning Olympic Womens 100m Champion.

This weekend was the US Olympic trials. They hold races and the top 2, 3 or 4 depending on the sport qualify – simple process.

Since Jones and Montgomery are both under suspicion of drug use, and authorities can now detect THG, obviously they would have to be extra careful to ensure they are totally, 100%, clean as they are bound to be tested.

Guess where each came….

Marion Jones finished fifth. Tim Montgomery finished seventh. Neither will be in the 100m at the Olympics.

Surprise surprise. Suddenly they’re not as fast as they were.

On a related note I heard an interview on the radio with the ex-coach of the most-famous drug cheat, Ben Johnson. His comment was that all athletes in all sports are on drugs, and authorities efforts are not even scratching the surface of drug-use. The interviewer then said something along the lines of “surely we should try to stamp it out to ensure a level playing-field for all.” His reply was very damning. He said “It is a level playing-field already, it’s just not the one you think it is”!

Another reason to not bother to watch the Olympics.

Friday, July 09, 2004

THE BEAUTIFUL (BUT DULL) GAME

For all those Englishmen out there who are able to delude themselves every 2 years that the English soccer team are about to win a major trophy, and if they don't it's only because of a bad refereeing decision / a cheating argentinian / injuries to important players / the time of day the game is played / the weather conditions it's played in / any other random excuse and not because they're crap, this may come as sobering news. FIFA have just released their latest world rankings of international teams.

Unsurprisingly Brazil are at no.1, then we have France at no.2 and Spain at no.3, with The Czech republic and The Netherlands making up the top 5. No sign of England yet!

Then we have Mexico at 6.

Still no England.

Then we have...

wait for it...

The U.S.A. at no.7!!!!!!

and finally England appear at no.8.

Italy and Turkey, in that order, make up the top 10.

Some may say this ranking system is rubbish and based on the above list i'm inclined to agree. There is no way England are the 8th best team in the world. We're way worse than that.

Full list here
RESIGNATIONS AND ACCOUNTABILITY

Heard an interesting view on the resignations of Health Secretary Dr Yeoh and Hospital chief Leong Che Hung. The interviewer was talking Dr Vicky Someone of Oxford University who is some sort of infectious disease specialist. She had been part of a team of advisors to the government during the SARS debacle and she had been part of a team that had done an initial report into the handling of the situation immediately after the event.

Her views were…

1. The initial report concluded that given the information available to the various parties at the various stages of the whole fiasco, no blame could be attached for any individual. The situation was wholly unprecedented and actions taken at the time were reasonable given the information that was available at the time. She mentioned that with hindsight mistakes were made, but that doesn’t mean anyone else would have done any better.

2. We now have lost the only 2 senior administrators and health officials who have any experience of dealing with outbreaks of new and/or infectious diseases. This means the lessons they learnt have been lost to the system, and next time something comes along out of the ordinary the whole learning process has to be repeated.

While these don't necessarily mean they shouldn't have gone, I think number 2 in particular is worth considering before everyone gloats too much over “accountability”

Thursday, July 08, 2004

MORE MESSAGES FROM THE DEAD!

LONDON, July 7 (Reuters) - The dead could soon be speaking from the grave if an American inventor's plan becomes reality.
Robert Barrows, of Burlingame, California has filed a patent application for a video-equipped tombstone that will display a video message from grave's occupant.
"If his patent is granted, Barrows hopes that when people make out their will, they also leave a parting video with their lawyer," New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday.
The hollow, talking tombstone will include a flat touch screen and will house a computer with a microchip memory or hard disc. It will be powered by electricity from the cemetery's lighting system.
The plan will not be the first electronically enhanced tombstone. An American company has a patent on a gravestone that will display photographs of the deceased and tributes from friends, according to the magazine.
But the Barrows plan will go one further by including contributions actually from the deceased.
"It's history from the horse's mouth," he said.
ONE FOR THE ROAD?

Warning - prostitutes ahead!

Pimps in Romania have started putting up official looking road signs to give drivers plenty of warning there are prostitutes ahead.

The idea is that potential customers will not drive past before realising they could have stopped and engaged the services of one of the girls at the roadside.

But police in Romania are not amused and say the official looking signs that show a girl in a red dress are illegal and breach road safety rules.

The signs first started appearing alongside the Olt Valley Road running through the centre of the country, and spread from there.

Lucian Tarnu head of the police in Sibiu county told the Evenimentul Zilei daily: "These signs are illegal and whoever put them up will be fined.

"They are meant to attract male drivers looking for a woman. We had to remove some a few months ago but now there's even more - and the new ones have been set in concrete."


From ananova.com
WILLING SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF

Movie buffs claim to have spotted over 30 mistakes in the new Spider-Man Movie including a scar changing sides on Peter Parkers face, a police driver suddenly gaining a crash helmet half way through a chase scene and the Spider-Man mask repairing itself.

Let me get this straight.

They are complaining about “reality” and “continuity” issues in a movie which features a boy who is bitten by a radioactive spider and develops spider-like superpowers, including the ability to cast seemingly infinite length super-strength webs, trying to save the world from a mad scientist who believes he can develop cheap and safe energy from nuclear fusion, and in the process welds 4 robotic arms, that have artificial intelligence, to himself which then attempt to take over his mind, and at the same time the world.

What are you thinking guys? It's a movie. As they say at the beginning - sit back, relax and enjoy the show...

But while I'm on the subject - the biggest mistake in the movie was casting Kirsten Dunst as the love interest and supposed supermodel/actress. If there is a plainer looking girl on the planet then I'll eat my hat.
IRAQI FREEDOM

Since the U.S. and U.K. led invasion of Iraq began last year there have been regular fatalities as everyone knows. Latest fatality numbers that I could find have the Americans on top of the military league table with 872 deaths, the U.K. is second with 60 deaths, then in descending order we have Italy with 19, Spain with 11, the Ukraine with 7, Bulgaria and Poland tied on 6, Slovakia on 3, Thailand on 2 and bringing up the rear Estonia, El Salvador, the Netherlands, Latvia and Hungary all on 1, for a total of 992 soldiers killed. On top of this we have had the truly appalling spectacle of brutal beheadings and killings of civilian contractors and military personnel by militants.

All this pales however in comparison to the 11,000 Iraqi civilians who have been killed by coalition and/or militant actions over the last 15 months (and I do realise that some of these “civilians” were probably evil bastards from Saddam’s regime who deserved everything they got, but 11,000 is still a big number).

And the justification for the invasion? The infamous and invisible Weapons of Mass Destruction.

To be fair, perhaps there were some and they were hidden or destroyed before the invasion, and even if not perhaps there was intent to create them. But even if neither of those is true then it’s all still justified because it got rid of an evil dictator right?

As of 10 days ago Iraq now has a representative government and will be moving towards free elections and democracy.

So what is the first act of the new government?

“Iraq brings in tough security law”

The government now has the power to “impose curfews, set up checkpoints and detain suspects.” It can also intercept mail and listen in to phone conversations, and set up cordons round areas and search them.
Also all this is being done with the active support of the coalition forces, who remember have notoriously been using torture techniques to get information, both in Iraq and at Guantanamo Bay.

Sounds to me suspiciously like the old regime.

There are limitations (there is supposed to be a 60 day limit to these powers), and free elections are still scheduled for “no later than January 2005” but don’t be surprised to see these powers extended further and election dates to slip.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

"NEW RELIGIOUS HATE LAWS PLANNED"

Great! As if there isn't enough around when it's voluntary.
NOT SURE IF THIS IS SICK, INSPIRED, OR BOTH

As if spam isn’t bad enough, now you may start to get emails from dead people!
OLYMPICS - A GREEK FARCE - PART XCMVIMCXLLDIV

Excellent news from Greece. Even if they do, by some miracle, manage to shake off their hangovers after their football teams totally UNspectacular win in the European Championships (by all accounts it as one of the most boring games ever played, by I have no intention of checking for myself) and get the various stadia finished in time for the games, all those tourists who they are praying are going to turn up (not looking good at the moment - ticket sales are hopeless) will have nowhere to stay - hotel workers are going on strike.
PRINCESS DIANA

This headline on the BBC website made me grimace - Queen to unveil Diana's fountain.

Those who know me know that I despised her when she was alive, and still despise her now. She was nothing but a publicity-seeking, conniving, pain-in-the-arse (literally given her love of colonic irrigation) who thought when she married a prince life would be like a fairytale with endless castles, champagne and parties and then was shocked to discover that she actually had to do some work for a living.

Now I wouldn't wish death on anyone, but I am not going to pretend that I mourn her or was affected by her passing as so many people seem to do these days.

Still the fountain is designed to be "accessible" and "inclusive" to reflect her personality - that I agree with, as I'm sure would Barry Manakee, David Waterhouse, James Gilbey, James Hewitt, Oliver Hoare, Will Carling, Doctor Hasnar Khan, Bryan Adams (apparently!), and Dodi Fayed. Not bad for a woman who portrayed herself as sinned against because her hubby had an affair (though his taste has to be questionnable). More details here.

Now please can we be allowed to never have to hear her name again.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

LINKS

Have updated a few links. Have added Richard at Forked Tongue who seems to have been aorund for ages and somehow I've managed to miss him, and new arrival Mia at Discombobulated, and removed Phil at Flying Chair cos I'm sick of his blog not working. Not a good omen for a web design company Phil!
ENGLAND JOKES...

Q : Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England football team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence

(courtesy an occasional reader)
LAST WEEKENDS SPORT

All those who were transfixed by the sight of 22 men kicking a ball around for a couple of hours to see who could concede fewest goals missed the major weekends sporting event - a world championship no less...

SONKAJARVI, Finland, July 3 (Reuters) - Two Estonian students clinched the country's seventh straight wife-carrying world championship on Saturday, winning the "wife's" weight in beer and a sauna.
Using the "Estonian Carry", where the woman clamps her thighs to the sides of the man's face while hanging upside down on his back, Madis Uusorg carried Inga Klauso 250 metres (830 ft) through a pool and over hurdles in just over a minute.
Uusorg, 20, claimed there was no secret to their victory. "I just tried to run and not think about anything," he said.
"Madis is very good at carrying women. I didn't have to do anything," his friend Klauso, 19, said. Contestants to not have to be married.
The race has its roots in local legend, according to which it was common in the late 19th century to steal women from the neighbouring villages.
It is also based on the story of Ronkainen the Robber, who made aspiring gang members prove their worth by carrying sacks of rye along a challenging track.
The competition in the remote central Finnish village of Sonkajarvi, which lies deep in forest and a few hours' drive from the Arctic Circle, drew 18 couples from as far away as Canada, England and Ireland, and around 7,000 spectators.
"The only training we've done is run around the hotel room this morning, but at least we'll be the best in Britain," said Ian Walker, a doctor of psychology from Bath.
"England lost the football, lost the tennis, so this is all we have now!"


Perhaps Posh and Becks can do something useful and enter that next time round - she's so skinny she's got to be easy to lug about and he's stupid enough to be a mule so I reckon they're naturals.

Monday, July 05, 2004

HO HUM

Light news weekend I'm afraid, except for the guy I saw hiking in Pok Fu Lam country park wearing a suit in 30-something degrees and 80-something percent humidity, but this place is so full of wierdos that kind of thing barely registers anymore.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Friday, July 02, 2004

RUGBY HEROES LUNCH

Wednesdays Lunch was excellent. Martin Bayfield was a superb MC - very quick-witted and contolled events, especially the Q and A session marvellously. Found myself sitting next to Will Greenwood for the first 2 courses which was great. What a nice bloke - though I'm sure he's sick of talking about rugby. He was probably also pretty sick of us as a table - 3 bloggers and 1 regular contributor to comments sections (great to meet you both Shaky and Aaron) meant there were a certain amount of in-jokes and blog-gossip going on, but I think the final straw was when he announced he was off to Singapore next stop for a well-earned family holiday and a certain Welshman who was on our table commented - "What do you want to go there for? It's crap". Just what a man who has shelled out a load to bring the family over for a week wants hear. Still, that's the Welsh for you.

Managed to get myself a couple of autographs (Greenwood and Dallaglio) but sadly missed Jason Leonard - I think he had heard that the all-you-can-eat buffer at Cafe 2 was still open and suddenly rushed off in case his food levels got dangerously low before dinner.

Also managed to get myself nicely toasted, and though I resisted the urge to make any bids during the auction of signed shirts etc, after the event I found myself in the bar where the silent auction was being held, and was irresistably drawn to a photo of Our Lord Martin Johnson holding aloft The Cup after The Game last November, signed by the great man himself (actual photo shown in the link). Now it is mine and, as soon as I can be bothered to get the drill out (could be a long time in this weather) it will take pride of place in our house. Sadly Mrs C doesn't seem too impressed with the idea of hanging it over the bed but I will keep working on it. At least I can take comfort from the fact that I had considerably less need to lie about how much I paid for it than the bloke who left at the same time as me carrying HK$75,000 worth of rugby shirt with an illegible scrawl on it ("I'll tell her it cost HK$1,000 he muttered" - Good luck!). At least the signature on mine is legible and the photo reminds you of The Great Event, plus the amah is much less likely to wash a photo that a rugby shirt with a scrawl on it (1 bloke in the bar recounted sadly how he had bought an All Black shirt signed on the collar by the legendary Sean Fitzpatrick at a similar event a few years ago, but as he was a little the worse for wear when he got home he just dropped it in the corner of the room and woke the next morning to find it already in the washing machine. He now owns the worlds most expensive unsigned (but with a nasty grey stain on the collar) rugby shirt. Good job it's all for charity eh!

HIGHLIGHTS OF EURO 2004

As many of you may have noticed I have largely allowed the Euro 2004 championships to pass me by owing to the inherently dull nature of the sport (I enjoy playing it, but watching, especially on TV, is a real snore), the fact that England were never going to win, and that the games are on in the middle of the night. However here are a few photographic highlights that even the most hardened anti-soccer zealot may appreciate... (following in the footsteps of the footballers, Greece seems to be the surprise package and England are totally disappointing.

I have also received an email with some other "highlights" but am sadly unable to work out how to put photos into this blog thing so I shall forward it to a more tech savy blogger who may be able to give it the credit it deserves. Over to you Shaky.