Saturday, January 31, 2004

OLD CONFUCIANS NEVER DIE,

They just become capitalists instead.

A couple of heart-warming tales from the SCMP to show just how western the Chinese are becoming...

MAN KILLED NEIGHBOURS OVER UPROOTED TREES
A court in the capital sentenced a man to death on Thursday after finding him guilty of murdering four family members, including a five-year-old girl. Zhang Honghai stabbed the neighbouring family to death in May last year after they uprooted some trees in his yard, the Beijing News reports. Zhang told the court that killing was the best way of solving a dispute quickly.

PEDESTRIANS LOOK AWAY AS STABBED MAN BLEEDS
SICHUAN - Passers-by ignored a man's pleas for help as he lay bleeding ina Chengdu street after being stabbed nine times by a gang of robbers, the West China Daily reports. Onlookers refused to even lend him a mobile phone to call for help. A passing nurse eventually came to the man's aid.

Friday, January 30, 2004

POLLUTION

Now the Chinese New Year is over factories are restartiong all over the mainland. I have been unable to see Kowloon almost all day from our (almost) waterfront office in Central thanks to what the H.K. Observatory refers to as "haze". a quick check reveals the pollution index stands as high as 127 in parts of the city. A guide to the index is that 0-25 is Low, 26-50 is Medium with no long-term health effects, 51-100 is High with long-term health effects if exposed to these levels over a long time. Above 100 (Very High) they start advising people to stay indoors and avoid strenuous activity - except they advise people very quietly as they don't actually want anyone to hear the warning. Scarily the scale goes to 500 - if this is 127 then i dread to think what 500 is like - but Hong Kong's record is apparently a "mere" 178.

In the 2 years i have been here I have never heard of a "Low" reading, and I have rarely heard of a reading of "Medium", and then only once or twice, The index is consistently at High or Very High, implying long-term health effects for all of us who live here.

On the plus side - it could be worse - we could live in Singasnore.

On that cheery note I'm off for a weekend of sailing in our polluted harbour, jogging round the polluted peak, and walking in the polluted country parks, with a few beers thrown in on Saturday night at a leaving drinks for good measure.

I shall try to post something over the weekend. though I'm not sure if I, or my laptop, are up to the task having never tried to post from home before.
GERMAN CANNIBAL GETS 8 YEARS

The verdict is in on the German Cannibal case. for anyone who doesn't know about this case, where have you been the last few months?

The court has ruled the killing amounted to manslaughter - less than the prosecution demand of "sexual murder" (15 years+) and more than the defence of "illegal euthanasia" (6 mths to 5 yrs). It's a very wierd case, and I think the court has probably got it about right. We don't want to encourage people to go around killing and eating each other, but at the same time he did rid the gene pool of a clearly very disturbed individual - in fact I think he should be nominated for a Darwin Award .
LOOKS LIKE THE WONDERBRA ADS HAVE ARRIVED IN CHINA

From the SCMP - "A migrant worker from Xinyang in Henan didn't notice his luggage being stolen from Guangzhou railway station because he was mesmerised by a billboard advertising women's underwear. The man put down his luggage and fell into a trance gazing at the beautiful, paritally clothed model. He snapped out of his daydream five minutes later but only to find his luggage missing, the Information Times reports."
AMERICANS

I think it's time to introduce the world to the 2 rabid right-wing Americans that I have the misfortune to work with, as they and their views will no doubt form the basis of many a posting. In the interests of anonimity I shall give them pseudonyms.

Firstly there is Attila the Gun. He will support any politician as long as they support the principle that any American who has reached kindertgarten (that's pre-school to non-europeans)age and is has an IQ larger than their shoe size has the inalienable right to carry either an Uzi, Kalashnikov or AK47 at all times (apparently in case they bump into any passing wildlife so they can despatch it as messily and noisily as possible.). Also the guns should preferably be loaded with armour-piercing bullets in case said wildlife happens to have acquired any bullet-proof fur on it's way through evolution. He also starts to froth at the mention of words such as "tax" (unless followed immediately by "cut"), Dean, Edwards, Clark, Kerry, Lieberman or Al Sharpton. Unfortunately he then becomes incoherent and what he says next usually makes no sense.

Secondly there is Genghis Rant. His political views are hard to ascertain as they are normally expounded at such a volume that it causes ears to bleed, and his chief form of political discussion appears to be to repeat the same thing again and again, at increasing volume, until his opponent either dies due to blood loss from the ears, or simply gives up and starts doing something more entertaining, such as sticking knitting needles in their eyes. His reactions are even more extreme than Attila the Gun's, and mention of almost any word in the English language sends him frothing. The one coherent thought I have been able to get out of him is that he is worried George W Bush is showing signs of being dangerously liberal and is hoping to persuade Attila the Gun to stand against him for leadership of the Republican Party.

You will be hearing a lot about these two...
IT'S CRUNCH TIME

The Heineken European Rugby Cup pool matches conlcude this weekend, and D Day is here for the previously invincible Leicester Tigers. Tonight they take on Stade Francais in a winner-takes-all clash at Welford Road. Hopefully now that the speculation over the future of Martin Johnson is over he, and the team, will be able to focus properly on this game.

It has been a pretty dire season for Tigers so far, with their usual challenge for honours reduced to an ignominious scrap near the foot of the table to avoid the humiliation of relegation. Admittedly they lost an entire forward pack to the World Cup, but it seems their problems have been as much behind the scrum as in front of it. I think the decisionb to let Tim Stimpson go to France early in the season is one they will rue, and it has been compounded by Geordan Murphy breaking his leg in the warm-up to the world Cup. They seem to have lost the ability to score tries and create openings, and games they used to win at the death have started going against them.

The European Cup is their only realistic chance of silverware this season, but Stade Francais will not be an easy side to overcome. They are consistently one of the best French club sides and if Diego Dominguez has a good day at fly-half then Tigers will be in real trouble.

A careful perusal of the Sports Channels in the SCMP reveals that unfortunately none of the channels have been able to fit the game into their busy schedules. ESPN is showing "Goals!". Cable Sports is showing Australian Open highlights followed by Table Tennis, and Star Sports has Go-Karting!

Who decides these schedules? What moron thinks anyone cares about any of those programmes or "sports", especially at 4.00am!

I shall make it my lifes work to get some decent bloody sport on TV here - and I don't mean the game with 22 over-paid and under-educated men wearing plastic shirts and running around after a ball in between grotesque over-acting and rolling around any time anyone has the temerity to damage their hairstyles.
COLD

To put Hong Kong's "bitter" (as described to me by a local colleague) winter into perspective, I received an email yesterday from a customer based in Winnipeg, Canada. It was -34 Celsius there yesterday, -49 if you include the wind chill.

Now THAT is a winter!
A BIGGER KILLER THAN BIRD FLU

I think it rather puts the bird-flu "pandemic" in it's proper spot when stolen manhole covers are causing more deaths! Perhaps the WHO should get involved in this instead of pointlessly scaring people witless (though most of the people who are scared by their feeble attempts to whip up a panic were pretty witless to start with if you ask me.)
"INVACUATION"

Unfortunatley for me I am still on our London offices email distribution list, and despite repreated efforts I am unable to get myself removed from the list. Normally this just results in 50-60 pointless emails a day which I delete, but occasionally it throws up a gem, such as the 1 late yesterday, infoirming me a pending invacuation drill in ourLondon office. Apparently this means theat when the fire alarm goes off instead of going outdoors to safety, you go to the basement where you will be trapped by falling rubble and masonry and then cooked until very well done in the event of a real fire. I think it is all part of a secret "headcount reduction" plan by H.R. which they are too ashamed to admit to.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

BACK TO IMPORTANT MATTERS

As spotted by the Shaky Kaiser England have named their Sevens Squad for the New Zealand leg of the IRB World 7s tournament. Looks good but may struggle without Henry Paul who has earned promotion to the 6 Nations Squad. His control of a game was phenomenal.

I'm going to be in New Zealand next month but sadly will miss the NZ 7s by 1 week, which will greatly harm Englands chances. I have the proud distinction of only ever having seen 3 7-a-side rugby tournaments, all of which England have won.

I was in Edinburgh for inaugural 1993 World 7's which England won - a huge shock to all concerned (especially the Scots who were particularly unpleasant about it and thus cemented their place at no.1 in the list of most depsised Rugby / Soccer / anything else team. I will even support France before Scotland, and that takes a bit of saying for an englishman). I was then here for the HK 7s in 2002 and 2003, which coincidentally were the only other tournaments England had won up till that time.

Frankly I think the RFU should pay for me to attend all tournaments as i am clearly Englands lucky mascot. 3 tournaments and I've never seen them lose a game - what more could they ask for.
ANOTHER SUICIDE BOMBER

On the day tht the Hezbollah and the Isaelis are trading prisoners, another bunch ogf lunatics goes and sets off a suicide bomb in Jerusalem.

Now I admit upfront I have never to anywhere near Israel (and in the current environment am never likely to), know nothing about the history of the creation of the state of Israel, have only a sketchy understanding of what happened in the 6 day war and the siezing of the West Bank and the Gaza Strip (although it seems to me that if Israel won them in a war they didn't start then frankly they should keep them).

Also my knowledge of Judaism and the Radical form of Muslim espoused by most of the "Palestinians" is almost non-existent....

HOWEVER, my twopenneth worth.... Why on earth do these suicide bombers keep on trying? The state of Israel exists, whether they like it or not, and it is not going to go away just because some morons are prepared to blow themsleves up. Israel is basically funded by the United States so has effectively infinite resources when compared to the palestinians, who have endless supplies of sand, rocks and idiots, and some explosives and bullets, but are conspicuously short of tanks, fighter jets, air-to-surface (or vice versa) missiles or any other form of significant battle machinery. They are never going to win and should just make the best of what they have.

Having said that, I'm not sure that Israel's frequently over-the-top military responses are helping the situation. They are clearly not stopping the supply of willing bombers, and if anything are probably creating an ever-growing group of people who have lost family, friends and property at the hands of the Israeli military, and so are more open to extremist rhetoric. This wall they are building will merely further drive the 2 sides apart, and make the conditions of the palestinians ever harsher as they are prevented from getting to their places of work.

As has been shown all over the world, there is no real answer to religious hatred as it is not founded in logic, but to borrow a line from Nelson Mandela, who knew a thing or 2 about hatred, "no one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate." You can easily teach people to hate when there is evidence everywhere of death and destruction at the hands of another religion or creed, but take away that evidence and a lot of the reason for the hatred may disappear too. Israel should maybe try helping the palestinians rather than attempting to drive them into subjugation. (Another quote from someone i should know but can't remember - "we have nothing to fear except the man who has nothing to lose").

It probably won't work of course cos at the core of the problem are fundamentalist religious lunatics, on both sides, who would rather see the deaths continue than give an inch, but it would be nice to see it tried.
Just had 1 of thoise marvellous Hon Kong experiences. I'm standing downstairs waiting for the lift. An asian woman comes and stands nearby also waitng for the lift. The lift i happen to be standing in front of arrives. I stand aside to let her get in first. she enters, immediately hits a floor and then then "close door" button - I'm just about to get in and find the door closing on the precariously balanced starbucks lattes i'm carrying. she doesn't even notice or acknowledge me and just keeps slapping that "close" button. I shoot her an evil look which she completely ignores. I would love to press every button for every floor upto and including her floor, but unfortunately she is getting out at the second possible stop.

I am tempted next time to try to shut her out, but it is futile and will only lead to "lift rage". I shall just have to persevere with my antiquated notions of manners in the hope that eventually I will scratch the surface.

And another thing - why are they so desperate to get in lifts and slam the doors and get going, but put them on an escalator and they stop dead, as though their legs do not function when standing on metal stairs?

Ahhh the mysteries of the Orient...
Telegraph | News | Roads blocked, trains axed, runways shut . . . so much for being prepared

What is it about the U.K. that makes it's inhabitants surprised by cold weather? you'd have thought after several thousand years of inhabiting the same small muddy island the locals would have got the hang of the climate, but apparently not. Every year it snows, and every year the entire country grinds to a halt as motorists, train companies and local councils display how unprepared they are for winter. How hard can it be to get things to work? around Europe you can get trains to most ski resorts but in the UK a couple of centimetres of snow brings the network to a halt. In europe drivers put winter tyres on their cars for added grip in snowy and icy conditions but in the UK noone has ever heard of them. They would rather slide into a ditch than admit they do not live in a sub-tropical paradise.

I had the misfortune of being back in blighty over the christmas / new year period and was reminded how cold, wet, grey and miserable the place is for 9 months of the year. As soon as the locals wake up to this truth then perhaps they can prepare for the inevitable.
And now to more important news

Another year, another trophy to be won by the all-conquering English rugby team.....
BIRD FLU AND SARS CONSPIRACY THEORY

In the days pre-SARS almost noone had ever heard of the World Health Organisation, and those who had couldn't actually tell you specifically what they did.

Now suddenly, as a result of 2 rather pathetic viruses which combined have killed fewer people than 1 decent coalmine collapse in China, we hang on their every word. The worlds stock markets rise and fall with the severity of their "you're all about to die" warnings. Tourism-based economies teeter on the brink of collapse as yet another version of a nasty cold is touted as the next global killer.

And who disseminates all this (mis)information? CNN. Their ratings have gone through the roof. Their presenters are becoming household names. Their perceived importance has never been greater.

And who benefits from all this? Anyone who wants the eyes of the world to be focussed somewhere else. Who could this be? Who has been having a rough time recently as weapons of mass destruction fail to be found, record trade deficits and dollar weakness hit the headlines, coalition soliders die daily in Iraq? Surely not George W Bush? Or perhaps it could be someone who has narrowly survived votes in parliament despite his theoretical huge majority, whose involvement in the dealings leading up to the suicide of a government scientist are shrouded in mystery, whose ability to lead the government into the next election is openly being questioned by his own side? Surely not Tony Blair?

I'm sure MI6 and/or the CIA are not involved in all these scare stories and mysterious viruses, and that CNN are just reporting what they believe to be the truth, but then again stranger things have happened....
WHALE EXPLODES IN TAIWANESE CITY

Now there's a headline you don't see very often...

It was a sperm whale too. I'll leave the rest of this paragraph to your imaginations...
What is it about Hong Kong drivers that means the more expensive and faster the car, the slower the driver. I had the misfortune of following a huge merc, which was following a huge bmw, into central this morning. Oh my god it was slow. 20km/h if I was lucky. And do they disconnect the indicator lights on these things at purchase? They're all over the road with no hint of an indication they're about to change lanes, and then with no warning they slam on the brakes before peeling off down some side road. Hong Kongers are without doubt the worst drivers in the world. For anyone who doubts me, name one famous Chinese racing driver!

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

When I was in England I was generally regarded as being a bit right wing... actually a lot right wing.... I now sit betweet 2 americans and have discovered that actually I am a dangerous pinko leftie. I have never heard such ludicrous ravings before as I have from these 2. They view Bush with great suspicion as being a bit of a closet socialist, and they talk non-stop about the "primaries" currently getting under way in the states and have views on each and every candidate, who they regard as equally contemptuous, which they expound for hours at a time, and usually finish with the following observation - "he's a fucking nutjob".

And the really scary thing is the actual election is 11 months away so I have to put up with this tedious crap till then, and then no doubt there will be endless post-mortem's after the election... Lord give me strength (and I'm a confirmed atheist!)
I think i may have inadvertantly breached blogger etiquette - i should have linked Simon and Hemlock when i mentioned them.

This is like your first day at a new school - trying hard not to annoy the big boys cos otherwise i'm going to have a hellish time.
I think i may have inadvertantly breached blogger etiquette - i should have linked
Simon and Hemlock have both mentioned the new 3G mobile phones that are now available here. I believe one of the services they offer is a video phone facility so you can see who you are talking to and they can see you.

This sounds quite fun, but surely the handset (which I admit to not having seen), is a normal 1-piece affair like an "old" mobile phone. If so, then surely all they are going to see is an unpleasant close-up of your inner ear? Or if the camera faces out whoever you are standing next to? and how are you supposed to look at someone and hear them at the same time?

And lastly why on earth would you want soccer beamed to your mobile phone? it's hard enough to avoid the bloody game as it is here without it appearing on my phone too. Now if they would beam rugby that would be a different matter...
Hmmmmmm. Interesting. Why did the words "and now here" appear at the foot my last entry? They certainly weren't on the draft. This internet thingy isn't as easy as it looks.
I know that all expat blogs in Hong Kong seem to take great pleasure in panning the HK government in all its forms, and some also love to have a go at asian service, but I would like to take time to praise both. I needed to get my HK visa transferred to my nice shiny new passport which i coillected yesterday from the British Consulate. I called personnel (or H.R. as we are now supposed to call them). Thanks to the type of management logic you could only get in an american bank they are located in another building approximately 15 mins away by foot. They asked me to leave the old and new passport at our reception here this morning. It was collected at 11 am, and now i have just had a call asking me to go back to reception to pick up my passport, complete with it's new visa.

Someone from our personnel had come all the way down, picked it up, gone to the immigration office, got the visa transferred and brought it back. If you tried to get anyone in England to do that they would look at you like you were mad, and the chances of getting any government institution in the UK to turn something round in a matter of hours is absolutely zero. I think Asian service is superb, and the HK government has many faults, but not as many as most other governments. There is no such thing as perfect government, but HK doesn't do badly, especially seeing as there is no political history here and most "politicians" are really ex-civil servants or bankers / lawyers / similar with no political experience or "savvy".

And now here
Germaine Greer has attacked Australia for being a suburban wasteland devoid of cerebral stimulation. Ms Greer lives in Saffron Walden, in Essex. Anyone who has ever been anywhere near England, and especially Essex, will appreciate the irony of this.
If you get bird flu should you have chicken soup to make you fell better?
This is my first link to Sweet Chariots.

This is how I format text.
So here it is. My first foray into cyberspace. Is this virtual world ready for me? Am I ready for it? Who knows? Who cares? Probably noone.