BLEEDING HEARTS
I urge you to read the last part of Simon's Blog round up - Under "SE and Other Asia" - the part about the death sentence in Singapore, and then get involved in the comments section.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
GENGHIS'ISM
The return of an old favourite - todays comment is on the "stunning" victory in the World Series of the Boston Red Sox who came back from 3-0 down in the playoffs to beat the Yankees 4-3, and then thumped the Cardinals 4-0 in the finale.
The only good thing about the Red Sox winning the World Series is that their scumbag fans might set fire to the dump. I think we should give Massachusets and all it's Liberals to Canada
UPDATE - from the horse's mouth (or should that be arse?), apparently the line was... Hopefully their scumbag fans would burn that godforsaken shithole to the ground.
The return of an old favourite - todays comment is on the "stunning" victory in the World Series of the Boston Red Sox who came back from 3-0 down in the playoffs to beat the Yankees 4-3, and then thumped the Cardinals 4-0 in the finale.
The only good thing about the Red Sox winning the World Series is that their scumbag fans might set fire to the dump. I think we should give Massachusets and all it's Liberals to Canada
UPDATE - from the horse's mouth (or should that be arse?), apparently the line was... Hopefully their scumbag fans would burn that godforsaken shithole to the ground.
I TAKE IT ALL BACK
I may have given the impression that I was not in favour of UK troops moving into more dangerous roles in Iraq to help out the Americans.
I have now learnt that the troops being redeployed are from the "largely-Welsh" Queen's Dragoon Guards.
If the Americans, or indeed Iraqis, want them, they can have them.
I may have given the impression that I was not in favour of UK troops moving into more dangerous roles in Iraq to help out the Americans.
I have now learnt that the troops being redeployed are from the "largely-Welsh" Queen's Dragoon Guards.
If the Americans, or indeed Iraqis, want them, they can have them.
Monday, October 25, 2004
FRIENDLY FIRE
According to Shaky, there is uproar in the UK at the decision to send to lend the US some of our troops as "it puts them within rifle range of the Americans".
A quick google later and it turns out that in the first War in Iraq "it has emerged that friendly fire killed more British troops that the Iraqis did - of 16 British soldiers killed, nine were killed by Americans".
I hope their body armour is as thick on the back as the front.
According to Shaky, there is uproar in the UK at the decision to send to lend the US some of our troops as "it puts them within rifle range of the Americans".
A quick google later and it turns out that in the first War in Iraq "it has emerged that friendly fire killed more British troops that the Iraqis did - of 16 British soldiers killed, nine were killed by Americans".
I hope their body armour is as thick on the back as the front.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
U.K. TROOPS SINGLE-HANDEDLY WIN WAR ON TERROR
So the Yanks are now pleading with us to help them out with a bit of manpower in Iraq. Now the boots on the other foot eh!!!! Time for us bail out “your sorry asses” (though quite why donkeys need bailing out, or are involved in a war, even in Iraq, is not clear)
Yet again you were late to the party - we were getting bombed by lunatic terrorists for decades (mainly funded from the U.S. I might add), and you just sat by and did nothing till finally someone attacked you (reminiscent of another war maybe?).
But now having stirred up the shit you suddenly realize that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and have come cap in hand to us. Well we’ve learnt from the past and have given ourselves the nice cushy options, in a nice cushy part of Iraq, and let our allies to do all the nasty work. But at least we turned up on time, in the right place, and we will be glad to lend you a few troops.
In return we shall be expecting you guys to be eternally grateful that we got involved, and every time you question our involvement we shall come back with the line that without us you’d all be speaking Arabic!
We also reserve the right to make lots of movies in the future in which us Brits single-handedly beat the evil Iraqi dictator without any mention of any of our allies, or who did any of the actual fighting. We also reserve the right to make “factual” movies where we portray “actual events” from the war but substitute in British actors for any role that was actually fulfilled by an American (or any part of the US military military) in real-life, or which would otherwise have been played by Tom Hanks.
So the Yanks are now pleading with us to help them out with a bit of manpower in Iraq. Now the boots on the other foot eh!!!! Time for us bail out “your sorry asses” (though quite why donkeys need bailing out, or are involved in a war, even in Iraq, is not clear)
Yet again you were late to the party - we were getting bombed by lunatic terrorists for decades (mainly funded from the U.S. I might add), and you just sat by and did nothing till finally someone attacked you (reminiscent of another war maybe?).
But now having stirred up the shit you suddenly realize that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and have come cap in hand to us. Well we’ve learnt from the past and have given ourselves the nice cushy options, in a nice cushy part of Iraq, and let our allies to do all the nasty work. But at least we turned up on time, in the right place, and we will be glad to lend you a few troops.
In return we shall be expecting you guys to be eternally grateful that we got involved, and every time you question our involvement we shall come back with the line that without us you’d all be speaking Arabic!
We also reserve the right to make lots of movies in the future in which us Brits single-handedly beat the evil Iraqi dictator without any mention of any of our allies, or who did any of the actual fighting. We also reserve the right to make “factual” movies where we portray “actual events” from the war but substitute in British actors for any role that was actually fulfilled by an American (or any part of the US military military) in real-life, or which would otherwise have been played by Tom Hanks.
EAGLES
Last night I went to the Eagles concert, in the Hong Kong Coliseum. Never been there before. Never will again. The address is in Hung Hom, on the Kowloon side of the harbour.
We decide to get the ferry to Hung Hom. The Coliseum must be close by right?
Leave work, meet Mrs C, and get in a cab. “Star Ferry please”. Off we go. The wrong way. And straight into the biggest traffic jam I’ve seen in Hong Kong. 20 minutes later (it’s a 10 minute walk to the ferry from the office) we finally get out at the Mandarin and walk under the underpass to the Ferry ourselves.
The ferry has just left. 20 minutes to the next one. No problem. It’s 7 now, 7.20 ferry, 7.40 arrive, short walk. Concert due to start at 8pm. Lots of Gweilos have had the same bright idea as us so we feel someone must know what’s going on and we’ll be fine.
7.20 – the ferry arrives and on we hop.
7.35 – we arrive at Hung Hom pier. It is surrounded by the only empty and barren piece of land in the whole of Hong Kong. All it is missing are tumbleweeds blowing across the broken concrete.
“Where the fcuk are we?”
“Why have they built a pier miles from any signs of civilization?”
“Where’s the Coliseum?”
Noone knows.
“Where are the cabs?”
“There aren’t any but there’s a cab rank”
5 minutes later we’re at the rank, in the middle of a long queue of similarly lost Gweilos and there is no sign of a cab, so we decide to start walking
Just round the corner is a huge shopping centre (with what appears to be a large concrete ship-shaped thing in the middle of it for no obvious reason), and loads of cabs, so in we hop and off we go. Turns out the Coliseum is miles from the pier, but after 10 minutes driving and 10 minutes in a jam around the venue out we get and there we are at 8pm on the nose.
There’s a huge queue at the catering outlets outside for beers etc so I suggest we go in and get a beer inside.
The ticket has “Gate B” on it in big black letters.
So I go to Gate B, which has a big black letter B on a red background
“No no – you need to go to the Blue Gate – B stands for Blue”
Well Obviously.
B stands for Blue.
Not just B.
Or Brown.
Or Black.
Or Burnt Ochre.
Or Beaten to Death by an Enraged and Thirsty Expat
We find the “Blue” Gate. You can tell by the Blue background and the big, black letter G on it.
Knowing that Hong Kong’ers aren’t exactly au fait with Gweilo concert customs, in particular beer drinking, I thought I’d better check with the gate man that you can indeed buy beer inside.
“Can I buy beer inside the building?”
“Certainly no problem”
“You’re sure I can buy beer inside?”
“Yes yes”
So in we go.
We find our seats almost immediately and I ask the trying-to-be-very helpful venue staff where I can buy a beer.
“No beer inside. Not allowed”
“But I specifically asked and was specifically told that beer was available”
“No no. No beer allowed”
Bugger.
Can’t be bothered to fight my way out again so decide to watch the concert dry.
5 minutes later an Aussie couple come by clutching paper cups of beer.
“Excuse me. Where did you get those?”
“You have to go back outside, buy the beer in cans and then put it into paper cups and then you can bring it in”
“Excellent. Thanks.”
I stand up to get the beers in.
The lights promptly go down and The Eagles appear 30 minutes late.
Ah sod it. I’ll watch some and then go get a beer.
A few melodies later and they’re saying 1 more before the break. Right. That’s my cue. Beat the rush. Off I go.
I get to the bar. It is staffed by two women who have clearly never seen a Gweilo before, let alone tried to communicate with them. There is also one old dear at the back who is lifting cans of Carlsberg individually out of a 24 can pack and putting them on a table, from where the two saleswomen are individually picking them up, opening them (my one had long nails so had to use a fork to lever the top open), and then slowly pour them into paper cups.
Thank God I got out early because you could have died of thirst in the queue that formed 10 seconds after they finished that song.
Back in I go.
Second half is pretty good. The classics are played, the encore is Hotel California, the second encore is Desperado. Ok that’s enough and off we go.
15 minutes of wandering around the bowels of Kowloon later and we find a cab.
“The Peak please”
“Hong Kong?”
Yes. Hong Kong island”
Much sighing and sucking of teeth later…. “OK” and we’re away, homeward bound….
Several directions later (I think it was our drivers first time on the island) and we’re approaching home, which is on a narrow and windy road. It’s now midnight. We turn a corner and there in front of us is a huge fcuking great mobile crane being loaded onto the back of a lowloader in the middle of a residential area (they are building yet more flats at the top end of the road). Road totally blocked. 5 minutes we sit in the cab with a queue forming behind us.
"Sod this. Let’s walk. It’s only 10 minutes from here”
We pay the guy and off we go.
2 minutes later all the cars that were behind us drive past.
Bugger. They must have finally got that thing loaded and out of the way.
So we arrive home at about 12.15, to find that our front door is open and one of our dogs is running around outside being chased by a security guard.
Another average night out in Hong Kong….
Last night I went to the Eagles concert, in the Hong Kong Coliseum. Never been there before. Never will again. The address is in Hung Hom, on the Kowloon side of the harbour.
We decide to get the ferry to Hung Hom. The Coliseum must be close by right?
Leave work, meet Mrs C, and get in a cab. “Star Ferry please”. Off we go. The wrong way. And straight into the biggest traffic jam I’ve seen in Hong Kong. 20 minutes later (it’s a 10 minute walk to the ferry from the office) we finally get out at the Mandarin and walk under the underpass to the Ferry ourselves.
The ferry has just left. 20 minutes to the next one. No problem. It’s 7 now, 7.20 ferry, 7.40 arrive, short walk. Concert due to start at 8pm. Lots of Gweilos have had the same bright idea as us so we feel someone must know what’s going on and we’ll be fine.
7.20 – the ferry arrives and on we hop.
7.35 – we arrive at Hung Hom pier. It is surrounded by the only empty and barren piece of land in the whole of Hong Kong. All it is missing are tumbleweeds blowing across the broken concrete.
“Where the fcuk are we?”
“Why have they built a pier miles from any signs of civilization?”
“Where’s the Coliseum?”
Noone knows.
“Where are the cabs?”
“There aren’t any but there’s a cab rank”
5 minutes later we’re at the rank, in the middle of a long queue of similarly lost Gweilos and there is no sign of a cab, so we decide to start walking
Just round the corner is a huge shopping centre (with what appears to be a large concrete ship-shaped thing in the middle of it for no obvious reason), and loads of cabs, so in we hop and off we go. Turns out the Coliseum is miles from the pier, but after 10 minutes driving and 10 minutes in a jam around the venue out we get and there we are at 8pm on the nose.
There’s a huge queue at the catering outlets outside for beers etc so I suggest we go in and get a beer inside.
The ticket has “Gate B” on it in big black letters.
So I go to Gate B, which has a big black letter B on a red background
“No no – you need to go to the Blue Gate – B stands for Blue”
Well Obviously.
B stands for Blue.
Not just B.
Or Brown.
Or Black.
Or Burnt Ochre.
Or Beaten to Death by an Enraged and Thirsty Expat
We find the “Blue” Gate. You can tell by the Blue background and the big, black letter G on it.
Knowing that Hong Kong’ers aren’t exactly au fait with Gweilo concert customs, in particular beer drinking, I thought I’d better check with the gate man that you can indeed buy beer inside.
“Can I buy beer inside the building?”
“Certainly no problem”
“You’re sure I can buy beer inside?”
“Yes yes”
So in we go.
We find our seats almost immediately and I ask the trying-to-be-very helpful venue staff where I can buy a beer.
“No beer inside. Not allowed”
“But I specifically asked and was specifically told that beer was available”
“No no. No beer allowed”
Bugger.
Can’t be bothered to fight my way out again so decide to watch the concert dry.
5 minutes later an Aussie couple come by clutching paper cups of beer.
“Excuse me. Where did you get those?”
“You have to go back outside, buy the beer in cans and then put it into paper cups and then you can bring it in”
“Excellent. Thanks.”
I stand up to get the beers in.
The lights promptly go down and The Eagles appear 30 minutes late.
Ah sod it. I’ll watch some and then go get a beer.
A few melodies later and they’re saying 1 more before the break. Right. That’s my cue. Beat the rush. Off I go.
I get to the bar. It is staffed by two women who have clearly never seen a Gweilo before, let alone tried to communicate with them. There is also one old dear at the back who is lifting cans of Carlsberg individually out of a 24 can pack and putting them on a table, from where the two saleswomen are individually picking them up, opening them (my one had long nails so had to use a fork to lever the top open), and then slowly pour them into paper cups.
Thank God I got out early because you could have died of thirst in the queue that formed 10 seconds after they finished that song.
Back in I go.
Second half is pretty good. The classics are played, the encore is Hotel California, the second encore is Desperado. Ok that’s enough and off we go.
15 minutes of wandering around the bowels of Kowloon later and we find a cab.
“The Peak please”
“Hong Kong?”
Yes. Hong Kong island”
Much sighing and sucking of teeth later…. “OK” and we’re away, homeward bound….
Several directions later (I think it was our drivers first time on the island) and we’re approaching home, which is on a narrow and windy road. It’s now midnight. We turn a corner and there in front of us is a huge fcuking great mobile crane being loaded onto the back of a lowloader in the middle of a residential area (they are building yet more flats at the top end of the road). Road totally blocked. 5 minutes we sit in the cab with a queue forming behind us.
"Sod this. Let’s walk. It’s only 10 minutes from here”
We pay the guy and off we go.
2 minutes later all the cars that were behind us drive past.
Bugger. They must have finally got that thing loaded and out of the way.
So we arrive home at about 12.15, to find that our front door is open and one of our dogs is running around outside being chased by a security guard.
Another average night out in Hong Kong….
DID THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU, OR WAS IT THE CAR?
A car has fallen off a cliff in Mendoza, Argentina while a couple had sex inside it.
According to Terra Noticias Populares the 35-year old man and the 31-year-old woman who don't want to be identified were not harmed at the 100-metre fall.
But the fire fighters had to be called to help the woman get out of the car.
The couple told the police that they were so concentrated in their activity that they did not feel the car moving.
Police spokesperson said: "What could have been a tragedy is now our latest joke!"
From Ananova.com
A car has fallen off a cliff in Mendoza, Argentina while a couple had sex inside it.
According to Terra Noticias Populares the 35-year old man and the 31-year-old woman who don't want to be identified were not harmed at the 100-metre fall.
But the fire fighters had to be called to help the woman get out of the car.
The couple told the police that they were so concentrated in their activity that they did not feel the car moving.
Police spokesperson said: "What could have been a tragedy is now our latest joke!"
From Ananova.com
STUPIDITY
A post entitled Good Deeds this morning on SimonWorld has got my goat. It concerns "phishing" and the "you've-won-the-Spanish-lottery,-just-give-us-your-bank-acct-details,-your-pin-numbers-and-a-large-cheque-and-we'll-get-the-money-right-to-you" scam that I'm sure we've all received via email dozens of times. Someone called Romana, who clearly comes from educationally subnormal stock, said that only the internet and SimonWorld prevented her dad from firing off all his details immediately in response to one of these emails.
While I agree that it is clearly illegal to go around robbing people blind, my views on this are somewhat unsympathetic. My comment on SimonWorld was...
i'm sorry but there is a bit of evolutionary darwinism going on here....
you know how lions target the weak, the crippled, the old and/or the frail as easy targets, and so keep raising the genetic bar of the herd by removing the duds, well this is the same.
anyone who is so stupid as to believe that they have won a foreign lottery they have not even entered, and to be informed of the winning in an email from someone they've never heard of, deserves to lose everything!
it's natures way of ensuring that stupid people sink to the bottom
and I stand by it.
A post entitled Good Deeds this morning on SimonWorld has got my goat. It concerns "phishing" and the "you've-won-the-Spanish-lottery,-just-give-us-your-bank-acct-details,-your-pin-numbers-and-a-large-cheque-and-we'll-get-the-money-right-to-you" scam that I'm sure we've all received via email dozens of times. Someone called Romana, who clearly comes from educationally subnormal stock, said that only the internet and SimonWorld prevented her dad from firing off all his details immediately in response to one of these emails.
While I agree that it is clearly illegal to go around robbing people blind, my views on this are somewhat unsympathetic. My comment on SimonWorld was...
i'm sorry but there is a bit of evolutionary darwinism going on here....
you know how lions target the weak, the crippled, the old and/or the frail as easy targets, and so keep raising the genetic bar of the herd by removing the duds, well this is the same.
anyone who is so stupid as to believe that they have won a foreign lottery they have not even entered, and to be informed of the winning in an email from someone they've never heard of, deserves to lose everything!
it's natures way of ensuring that stupid people sink to the bottom
and I stand by it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
GOING HOME
Sadly nothing of particular interest has happened to me recently (some might say ever), and the usual tactic of rehashing what's in the papers has already been dealt with by several other bloggers, but a local colleague here moaning about the state of public transport here in HK and claiming he had caught a cold as a result of using it (for those who are not in HK, or have not visited, public transort here is amazingly clean, efficient and pleasant to use) reminded me of this little gem which is ages old, and may well be false, but was sent to me a while ago by a fellow englishman. The alarming thing is that even if it is false, it is believable. It is number 9,184,528,472,531 etc etc on my list of "reasons to never go back to Mud Island"
If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read.
During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.
The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats:
1. 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog)
2. 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive)
3. Vomit originating from at least 9 separate people
4. Human urine originating from at least 4 separate people
5. Human excrement
6. Rodent excrement
7. Human semen
When the seats were taken apart, they found:
8. The remains of 6 mice
9. The remains of 2 large rats
10. 1 previously unheard of fungus
It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests,you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people.
It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.
It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recentlyflushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating.
It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).
Night all and happy commute (especially those unlucky enough to be in blighty.
Sadly nothing of particular interest has happened to me recently (some might say ever), and the usual tactic of rehashing what's in the papers has already been dealt with by several other bloggers, but a local colleague here moaning about the state of public transport here in HK and claiming he had caught a cold as a result of using it (for those who are not in HK, or have not visited, public transort here is amazingly clean, efficient and pleasant to use) reminded me of this little gem which is ages old, and may well be false, but was sent to me a while ago by a fellow englishman. The alarming thing is that even if it is false, it is believable. It is number 9,184,528,472,531 etc etc on my list of "reasons to never go back to Mud Island"
If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read.
During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.
The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats:
1. 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog)
2. 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive)
3. Vomit originating from at least 9 separate people
4. Human urine originating from at least 4 separate people
5. Human excrement
6. Rodent excrement
7. Human semen
When the seats were taken apart, they found:
8. The remains of 6 mice
9. The remains of 2 large rats
10. 1 previously unheard of fungus
It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests,you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people.
It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.
It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recentlyflushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating.
It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).
Night all and happy commute (especially those unlucky enough to be in blighty.
Friday, October 15, 2004
I'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
Last night, in a bout of gravity-induced madness (see below), I decided to walk home. Not that arduous you may think, but remember I live on the Peak....
Fortunately for me we have just moved offices and are now very close to the base of the Peak Tram so it is easy to find a route up (apart from just hopping on the Tram). I settled on Tramway Path up to McDonnell Rd, then Brewin Path to May Road, then Chatham Path to Barker Rd and finally Hospital Path to home sweet home.
So off I go.
What a fool...
It looks close, easy and a nice bracing walk away from the traffic.
Turns out it is fcuking steep, fcuking miles, and fcuking hard work. Also above May Road the paths are not lit so it is fcuking dark.
45 sweaty minutes later I arrived home.
Won't be doing that again in a hurry!
Last night, in a bout of gravity-induced madness (see below), I decided to walk home. Not that arduous you may think, but remember I live on the Peak....
Fortunately for me we have just moved offices and are now very close to the base of the Peak Tram so it is easy to find a route up (apart from just hopping on the Tram). I settled on Tramway Path up to McDonnell Rd, then Brewin Path to May Road, then Chatham Path to Barker Rd and finally Hospital Path to home sweet home.
So off I go.
What a fool...
It looks close, easy and a nice bracing walk away from the traffic.
Turns out it is fcuking steep, fcuking miles, and fcuking hard work. Also above May Road the paths are not lit so it is fcuking dark.
45 sweaty minutes later I arrived home.
Won't be doing that again in a hurry!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
HE AINT HEAVY, HE'S MY REFLECTION
Just back from first trip to the gym since SARS (moving buildings puts these stupid ideas into your head). A few things seem to have changed since my last visit to a gym.
Firstly absolutely EVERYONE has an iPOd. I could tell people were looking at my little Panasonic MP3 thingy and sniggering.
Secondly, there are even more machines now to inflict pain on muscles I never knew I had, and most of them are way to complicated for a simpleton like me to understand.
But by far the most significant change is gravity. Clearly gravity has got a lot stronger since my last visit to a gym.
I'm sure the weights were lighter before, and no matter how many sets of scales I stood on I couldn't find any that were within 4 kgs of my last time on the scales, and they weren't telling me I'd lost weight!
I'm blaming it on the fact that in our last place the gym was on the 36th floor whereas here it is on the 3rd. I had no idea there was so much more gravity down near the ground!
Where are Einstein and Newton when you need them to back you up?
Just back from first trip to the gym since SARS (moving buildings puts these stupid ideas into your head). A few things seem to have changed since my last visit to a gym.
Firstly absolutely EVERYONE has an iPOd. I could tell people were looking at my little Panasonic MP3 thingy and sniggering.
Secondly, there are even more machines now to inflict pain on muscles I never knew I had, and most of them are way to complicated for a simpleton like me to understand.
But by far the most significant change is gravity. Clearly gravity has got a lot stronger since my last visit to a gym.
I'm sure the weights were lighter before, and no matter how many sets of scales I stood on I couldn't find any that were within 4 kgs of my last time on the scales, and they weren't telling me I'd lost weight!
I'm blaming it on the fact that in our last place the gym was on the 36th floor whereas here it is on the 3rd. I had no idea there was so much more gravity down near the ground!
Where are Einstein and Newton when you need them to back you up?
Monday, October 11, 2004
WHAT'S WRONG WITH "GOOD LUCK"?
Our company moved buildings last weekend. Just had this drop into my inbox.
"[Big Boss] invites you to join the pig cutting ceremony at the trading floor to wish us prosperity in this new office."
Pig cutting?????????????????????????????????????????????????
And Big Boss is a 100% English gweilo. Imagine if he'd been Chinese? What the hell would they have been cutting then?
It's on at 11.30 - I shall report back with news.
UPDATE
It really was a pig. A huge barbecued pig. Which had to be cut down the middle by Big Boss with a ruddy great cleaver.
And Big Boss really is Jewish and so isn't allowed to touch pork.
He did a good job though - he held the cleaver and got someone else to smack it on the back to get through the crisp skin.
Cha siu for lunch I think.
Our company moved buildings last weekend. Just had this drop into my inbox.
"[Big Boss] invites you to join the pig cutting ceremony at the trading floor to wish us prosperity in this new office."
Pig cutting?????????????????????????????????????????????????
And Big Boss is a 100% English gweilo. Imagine if he'd been Chinese? What the hell would they have been cutting then?
It's on at 11.30 - I shall report back with news.
UPDATE
It really was a pig. A huge barbecued pig. Which had to be cut down the middle by Big Boss with a ruddy great cleaver.
And Big Boss really is Jewish and so isn't allowed to touch pork.
He did a good job though - he held the cleaver and got someone else to smack it on the back to get through the crisp skin.
Cha siu for lunch I think.
SUDDENLY THE WORLD MAKES SENSE AGAIN
As I expected, it was a tight game, finishing 16-16 at Welford Road.
The table now reads.....
Leicester 23
Sale 22
Gloucester 21
Wasps 21
Bath 19
Newcastle 14
London Irish 14
Northampton 12
Leeds 11
Saracens 9
Worcester 8
Harlequins 3
Tiiiiiiiggggggggeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssss
As I expected, it was a tight game, finishing 16-16 at Welford Road.
The table now reads.....
Leicester 23
Sale 22
Gloucester 21
Wasps 21
Bath 19
Newcastle 14
London Irish 14
Northampton 12
Leeds 11
Saracens 9
Worcester 8
Harlequins 3
Tiiiiiiiggggggggeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssss
Friday, October 08, 2004
LEICESTER V BATH
The only team the average Leicester fan wants to see lose more than Northampton is Bath, so this weekends clash at Welford Road should a cracker. On current form Leicester should shade it, but a few players are carrying knocks and may not make the starting 15, including Austin Healey, Seru Rabeni and Ollie Smith. If more than 1 of those doesn't make it then the two teams will be very evenly matched
The only team the average Leicester fan wants to see lose more than Northampton is Bath, so this weekends clash at Welford Road should a cracker. On current form Leicester should shade it, but a few players are carrying knocks and may not make the starting 15, including Austin Healey, Seru Rabeni and Ollie Smith. If more than 1 of those doesn't make it then the two teams will be very evenly matched
(NOT) GREAT WORKS OF LITERATURE
Just received this from my most loyal reader (thanks Mrs C).
For those of you who do not know, Bulwer-Lytton wrote The Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the contest title...
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
"AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!'"
Just received this from my most loyal reader (thanks Mrs C).
For those of you who do not know, Bulwer-Lytton wrote The Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the contest title...
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
"AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!'"
Thursday, October 07, 2004
MAN PREFERS JAIL TO BEING HOME WITH HIS WIFE
Itzehoe, Germany (dpa) - A man in Germany surrendered to authorities saying he preferred spending time in jail rather than being free at home with his wife, police said Tuesday.
The 47-year-old man in the North Sea coastal town of Itzehoe had been slapped with a fine of 100 dollars for an offence.
Faced with a choice of paying the fine or spending 10 days in jail, he asked officers to lock him away.
``He said he couldn't stand the constant bickering at home with his wife and was looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet,'' a police spokesman said.
No Comment
Itzehoe, Germany (dpa) - A man in Germany surrendered to authorities saying he preferred spending time in jail rather than being free at home with his wife, police said Tuesday.
The 47-year-old man in the North Sea coastal town of Itzehoe had been slapped with a fine of 100 dollars for an offence.
Faced with a choice of paying the fine or spending 10 days in jail, he asked officers to lock him away.
``He said he couldn't stand the constant bickering at home with his wife and was looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet,'' a police spokesman said.
No Comment
VOCABULARY
In one of his/her recent comments Germaine Greer (aka Genghis) has coined a superb new word for people from the great southern land whose views he finds risible - Antipodopes.
For the first time since the Rugby World Cup I am grateful that I am surrounded by Aussies. I shall be able to use it frequently!
In one of his/her recent comments Germaine Greer (aka Genghis) has coined a superb new word for people from the great southern land whose views he finds risible - Antipodopes.
For the first time since the Rugby World Cup I am grateful that I am surrounded by Aussies. I shall be able to use it frequently!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
LONG HAIR
Simon is having a go at Long Hair, saying he is making a mockery of LegCo and himself.
Leaving aside the question of whether it is possible to make a mockery of something as toothless and impotent as LegCo, I couldn't disagree more.
Having Long Hair in LegCo is like when we had real characters in the House in the UK - people like Tony Benn, Arthur Scargill, Ken Livingstone and Dennis Skinner. As their numbers have thinned, so UK politics has become increasingly grey and bland, with little distinction between left and right and the entire place is now dominated by tedious men in suits all looking out for themselves instead of the people they are supposed to represent. The men I mentioned above may have been lunatics but at least they made the place interesting, generated popular debate about government in general and government policies in particular, and stood by their principles instead of constantly shifiting position to suit the prevailing mood.
At least with Long Hair you can be pretty sure he's unlikely to be in it solely to line his own pockets and brown-nose Beijing, unlike all the other slimey little toads in Hong Kongs laughable masquerade of a parliament. And he at least might have the balls to turn round to them and say no to the property developers who run the few parts of Hong Kong life that aren't directly controlled by Beijing.
What LegCo needs is MORE people like Long Hair, not fewer.
UPDATE - Coverage of the swearing in of Long Hair is on the BBC website here and the Standard here.
And does anyone else find it ironic that the fiercest critic of a parliament that is totally beholden to the Chinese Communist Party, and the staunchest supporter of universal suffrage in Hong Kong, is an avowed Marxist?
Simon is having a go at Long Hair, saying he is making a mockery of LegCo and himself.
Leaving aside the question of whether it is possible to make a mockery of something as toothless and impotent as LegCo, I couldn't disagree more.
Having Long Hair in LegCo is like when we had real characters in the House in the UK - people like Tony Benn, Arthur Scargill, Ken Livingstone and Dennis Skinner. As their numbers have thinned, so UK politics has become increasingly grey and bland, with little distinction between left and right and the entire place is now dominated by tedious men in suits all looking out for themselves instead of the people they are supposed to represent. The men I mentioned above may have been lunatics but at least they made the place interesting, generated popular debate about government in general and government policies in particular, and stood by their principles instead of constantly shifiting position to suit the prevailing mood.
At least with Long Hair you can be pretty sure he's unlikely to be in it solely to line his own pockets and brown-nose Beijing, unlike all the other slimey little toads in Hong Kongs laughable masquerade of a parliament. And he at least might have the balls to turn round to them and say no to the property developers who run the few parts of Hong Kong life that aren't directly controlled by Beijing.
What LegCo needs is MORE people like Long Hair, not fewer.
UPDATE - Coverage of the swearing in of Long Hair is on the BBC website here and the Standard here.
And does anyone else find it ironic that the fiercest critic of a parliament that is totally beholden to the Chinese Communist Party, and the staunchest supporter of universal suffrage in Hong Kong, is an avowed Marxist?
ALERT THE MEDIA
As of 30 minutes ago I have completed my three year residency requirement in Hong Kong and so am now available for selection for both the Hong Kong Cricket team and the Hong Kong Rugby team.
If either team needs an unfit late-thirtysomething year old with a receding hairline to make up the numbers one afternoon please feel free to contact me. I am equally inept at both games and I am available most weekends, hangovers permitting.
As of 30 minutes ago I have completed my three year residency requirement in Hong Kong and so am now available for selection for both the Hong Kong Cricket team and the Hong Kong Rugby team.
If either team needs an unfit late-thirtysomething year old with a receding hairline to make up the numbers one afternoon please feel free to contact me. I am equally inept at both games and I am available most weekends, hangovers permitting.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
SEX TOY SHUTS DOWN AUSTRALIAN AIRPORT
Sydney (dpa) - A sex toy left in a rubbish bin that was mistaken for a bomb forced the evacuation of an airport on Australia's east coast Monday. Mackay airport in far north Queensland closed down for an hour after a security officer became alarmed about what turned out to be a vibrator. ``It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,'' cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant said. ``We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out,'' she told Australia's AAP news agency. She said, in retrospect, the humming did sound exactly like a vibrator, but that it was better to be safe then sorry. ``You can't afford to take chances,'' Bryant said.
I'm sure her colleagues, those famed models of restraint and decorum in the cosmopolitan and cultural hub that is "far north Queensland", are absolutely not asking her how she knows what the sound is like and are absolutely not taking the piss at all.
Sydney (dpa) - A sex toy left in a rubbish bin that was mistaken for a bomb forced the evacuation of an airport on Australia's east coast Monday. Mackay airport in far north Queensland closed down for an hour after a security officer became alarmed about what turned out to be a vibrator. ``It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,'' cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant said. ``We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out,'' she told Australia's AAP news agency. She said, in retrospect, the humming did sound exactly like a vibrator, but that it was better to be safe then sorry. ``You can't afford to take chances,'' Bryant said.
I'm sure her colleagues, those famed models of restraint and decorum in the cosmopolitan and cultural hub that is "far north Queensland", are absolutely not asking her how she knows what the sound is like and are absolutely not taking the piss at all.
NEW ENGLAND CAPTAIN
Wilkinson has been confirmed as the new captain of England for the upcoming 3 autumn internationals. Not a shock but it is a big ask of someone who is only 25 to be both the lynchpin of the team at fly-half and captain. Still if anyone can do it he can.
Frankly I think he's on a hiding to nothing this year. We will walk all over Canada on 13 Nov but then we have South africa and Australia the next two weekends and without Johnson, Leaonard, Dallaglio, Back and potentially Hill (currently injured) the squad looks particularly thin and lacking experience up front. I have high hopes but low expectations for both this autumn and next years Six Nations, and I think Wilkinsons reign could start off with some sound thrashings at the hands of the Aussies, and the hands and feet of the notoriously dirty Bokke and Froggies.
Doesn't really matter though - he's only keeping the seat warm till the little Charioteer has mastered the rules anyway.
Wilkinson has been confirmed as the new captain of England for the upcoming 3 autumn internationals. Not a shock but it is a big ask of someone who is only 25 to be both the lynchpin of the team at fly-half and captain. Still if anyone can do it he can.
Frankly I think he's on a hiding to nothing this year. We will walk all over Canada on 13 Nov but then we have South africa and Australia the next two weekends and without Johnson, Leaonard, Dallaglio, Back and potentially Hill (currently injured) the squad looks particularly thin and lacking experience up front. I have high hopes but low expectations for both this autumn and next years Six Nations, and I think Wilkinsons reign could start off with some sound thrashings at the hands of the Aussies, and the hands and feet of the notoriously dirty Bokke and Froggies.
Doesn't really matter though - he's only keeping the seat warm till the little Charioteer has mastered the rules anyway.
Friday, October 01, 2004
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Just watched the debate on CNN (am at work on a public holiday - v annoying). Kerry came across much better and appeared much more "presidential".
A discussion here afterwards brought the following gem from one of our colleagues in Tokyo...
"Kerry definitely came across better, but the problem is American politics panders to the lowest common denominator so a lot of people may well vote for Bush precisely because he's an idiot."
More ammo for my argument that democracy is an inherently flawed system and a benevolent dictatorship is the best way to go.
Just watched the debate on CNN (am at work on a public holiday - v annoying). Kerry came across much better and appeared much more "presidential".
A discussion here afterwards brought the following gem from one of our colleagues in Tokyo...
"Kerry definitely came across better, but the problem is American politics panders to the lowest common denominator so a lot of people may well vote for Bush precisely because he's an idiot."
More ammo for my argument that democracy is an inherently flawed system and a benevolent dictatorship is the best way to go.