Friday, April 15, 2005
A FINAL ATTILA'ISM
Attila is sadly leaving us. He is departing Hong Kong for the cold and wet shores of Mud Island where he has been offered a position at another bank.
But he will not be forgotten, particularly for this gem from last week...
SIMON - Kylie's coming to Hong Kong. Let's see if we can get tickets.
ATTILA - Kylie? Who's Kylie? Is he a singer or something?
You will be sorely missed.
Attila is sadly leaving us. He is departing Hong Kong for the cold and wet shores of Mud Island where he has been offered a position at another bank.
But he will not be forgotten, particularly for this gem from last week...
SIMON - Kylie's coming to Hong Kong. Let's see if we can get tickets.
ATTILA - Kylie? Who's Kylie? Is he a singer or something?
You will be sorely missed.
FRIDAY FROLIC
From a reader
Things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: No.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.
From a reader
Things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: No.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
BRILLIANT
In the middle of this stream of random consciousness from the Shaky Kaiser is a photo, with no comments against it, that made me almost wet myself
I think we should start a petition to get them to make that TV series. See who does the best blessing, the best communion, who's the most removed from reality...
In the middle of this stream of random consciousness from the Shaky Kaiser is a photo, with no comments against it, that made me almost wet myself
I think we should start a petition to get them to make that TV series. See who does the best blessing, the best communion, who's the most removed from reality...
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
NEVER GO ON TOUR WITHOUT A JONNY
so Jonny wilkinson has been left out of the Lions squad.
At first sight this looks like big news, but reading between the lines Woodward is clearly just waiting for him to prove his fitness with a couple of games and then he'll be on the plane.
Stephen Jones and Ronan O'Gara are both excellent fly-halves, and in many areas are probably better than Wilkinson, but he's the team banker. When the pressure's on he's the boy you want in the firing line, and Woodward knows it.
so Jonny wilkinson has been left out of the Lions squad.
At first sight this looks like big news, but reading between the lines Woodward is clearly just waiting for him to prove his fitness with a couple of games and then he'll be on the plane.
Stephen Jones and Ronan O'Gara are both excellent fly-halves, and in many areas are probably better than Wilkinson, but he's the team banker. When the pressure's on he's the boy you want in the firing line, and Woodward knows it.
Monday, April 11, 2005
SIGN OF THE TIMES
Today at midday BST Clive Woodward will announce his squad for this summers Lions tour to New Zealand.
In a sign of the times he will be informing the players he has bselected beforehand not by letter, or a phonecall, or fax, or even email, but by SMS!!
Meantime I can hardly wait for the announcement.
And that reminds me. I must get some flights sorted to Auckland. I have some major customers there who are demanding my presence in late June and early July.
Today at midday BST Clive Woodward will announce his squad for this summers Lions tour to New Zealand.
In a sign of the times he will be informing the players he has bselected beforehand not by letter, or a phonecall, or fax, or even email, but by SMS!!
Meantime I can hardly wait for the announcement.
And that reminds me. I must get some flights sorted to Auckland. I have some major customers there who are demanding my presence in late June and early July.
Friday, April 01, 2005
GOOD ON YOU PRINCE CHARLES
Excellent news. Prince Charles has confirmed, admittedly unwittingly, that he despises the press. Not surprising when you consider that every thing he does is lambasted by the media and he is often treated as an object of ridicule.
If I was him I'd wait till I was King, then dissolve parliament, reinstate myself as absolute monarch and ban most of the media.
I would then revoke the acts of parliament that gave independence to Australia and New Zealand, nick all their best cricketers and rugby players, and then give them back their independence. I was going to suggest doing the same for Canada but I can't think of anything they have that we would want.
Excellent news. Prince Charles has confirmed, admittedly unwittingly, that he despises the press. Not surprising when you consider that every thing he does is lambasted by the media and he is often treated as an object of ridicule.
If I was him I'd wait till I was King, then dissolve parliament, reinstate myself as absolute monarch and ban most of the media.
I would then revoke the acts of parliament that gave independence to Australia and New Zealand, nick all their best cricketers and rugby players, and then give them back their independence. I was going to suggest doing the same for Canada but I can't think of anything they have that we would want.
TERRI SCHIAVO
Terri Schiavo has finally died 13 days after her feeding tube, which has kept her alive since 1990, was removed.
The case has caused outrage amongst the religious nutters in the U.S. with priests, politicians and even the president all wading in with their "culture of life" logic to quote George W implying that everyone should be kept going no matter what the circumstances.
There are 2 things I don't understand about this....
1. Say we keep feeding her, then her lungs pack up. We would implicity have to put her on a ventilator as she can't be allowed to die. Then her heart plays up. We have to install a pacemaker. Then her kidneys pack up. We have to start doing daily dialysis. Then her liver packs up. We give her a transplant. We could keep her going pretty much for ever. Where do we draw the line? And all the time we keep her going we are using up resources that could be used to help other patients. And remember all this is for a woman that the majority of medical opinion believes to be so severely brain damaged she is in a permanent vegetative state. Which brings me to my next point..
2. These religous nutters all believe in God and Heaven. So why are they so determined to keep a woman alive here on earth in a living hell instead of wanting her to die so she can go to heaven and enjoy herself? Shouldn't they be the ones trying to pull the plug, not keep her going?
Terri Schiavo has finally died 13 days after her feeding tube, which has kept her alive since 1990, was removed.
The case has caused outrage amongst the religious nutters in the U.S. with priests, politicians and even the president all wading in with their "culture of life" logic to quote George W implying that everyone should be kept going no matter what the circumstances.
There are 2 things I don't understand about this....
1. Say we keep feeding her, then her lungs pack up. We would implicity have to put her on a ventilator as she can't be allowed to die. Then her heart plays up. We have to install a pacemaker. Then her kidneys pack up. We have to start doing daily dialysis. Then her liver packs up. We give her a transplant. We could keep her going pretty much for ever. Where do we draw the line? And all the time we keep her going we are using up resources that could be used to help other patients. And remember all this is for a woman that the majority of medical opinion believes to be so severely brain damaged she is in a permanent vegetative state. Which brings me to my next point..
2. These religous nutters all believe in God and Heaven. So why are they so determined to keep a woman alive here on earth in a living hell instead of wanting her to die so she can go to heaven and enjoy herself? Shouldn't they be the ones trying to pull the plug, not keep her going?
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
An end to drunken phone calls?
LONDON, March 14 (UPI) -- Cell phone users can now save themselves from making embarrassing drunken phone calls with a new service by British network Virgin Mobile.Phone users can now place a temporary block on calls to ex-partners, bosses or anyone else they are tempted to afflict with their drunken lack of verbal inhibition.Before a night out, one can dial 333, followed by the number to be blocked.The service, Dialing Under the Influence, was introduced after a survey found of the calls people made while drunk, 30 percent were to ex-partners.
From Bloomberg.
LONDON, March 14 (UPI) -- Cell phone users can now save themselves from making embarrassing drunken phone calls with a new service by British network Virgin Mobile.Phone users can now place a temporary block on calls to ex-partners, bosses or anyone else they are tempted to afflict with their drunken lack of verbal inhibition.Before a night out, one can dial 333, followed by the number to be blocked.The service, Dialing Under the Influence, was introduced after a survey found of the calls people made while drunk, 30 percent were to ex-partners.
From Bloomberg.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
OO'ER MISSUS
I guess I must have missed this episode of Rainbow, the Childrens TV programme.
(For non 30-something Brits, Rainbow was a staple of Childrens TV in the UK in the 70's and 80s)
I guess I must have missed this episode of Rainbow, the Childrens TV programme.
(For non 30-something Brits, Rainbow was a staple of Childrens TV in the UK in the 70's and 80s)
Monday, February 28, 2005
BUYING A NEW CAR IN HK…
After a litany of woes with a used (1 yr old when we bought it – through LandRover) LandRover Freelander (company slogan – Worst4x4xFar), including water leaking into the engine block requiring a total engine rebuild, the gearbox being entirely rebuilt, the tailgate window opening and shutting at random, sporadic overheating , whining transmission, excessive road and tyre noise, asthmatic air conditioning and various bits of interior trim literally falling off, the final straw came with a terrible whining noise from the transmission combined with yet more steam from uinder the bonnet. I called LandRover and they agreed to buy the thing back from me. So “The Shed” as it had become known (very unaffectionately) disappeared from our parking space (they had to collect it on a lorry as it was undriveable) and I set out, clutching their cheque, to find a replacement.
The only rule – no more LandRovers!
We have two small children and two dogs, so either an estate car or a 4x4 are the only viable options, and my wife likes the high driving positions of 4x4’s so that is ideally what I was aiming for.
Firstly I thought I’d head down the second-hand route, and off I trotted to the AutoMall next to the Grand Hyatt for a look around. There were a few options which immediately presented themselves – a couple of BMW 3 Series estates (1997 and 2000), a Mercedes ML320 (1998), a few Lexus RX300, and one guy trying to tempt me into a RangeRover. Despite my vow of no more LandRovers I actually succumbed briefly to the salesmans entreaties and climbed into this beast. It was all very cosyt and comfortable. Then he put the key in to fire it up. BONG! “EAS FAULT” flashes across the LCD Display in the dash – Electronic Air Suspension – not cheap to fix. That immediately cured me of any urge to look any further at anything remotely associated with LandRover.
After a bit of consideration I decided a BMW 3 Series estate would do the job nicely. Not too big, not too thirsty , safe, reliable, nice to drive (we had a 3 series saloon in the UK before moving here and it was excellent) etc etc… I wander up to the salesman for the first car.
“Would it be possible to have a test drive in this car please?”
“Do you like the price?”
“Well I think $148k for a 1997 is a bit steep but if the car’s good then we can discuss that”
“Agree price first, then drive”
“But I don’t know what it’s worth until I’ve driven it. Perhaps the suspension is shot, or the brakes are worn out, or the aircon doesn’t work? How can I agree a price before I’ve driven it?
“No drive till price agreed”
“Sod you then” (Actually that bit was muttered to myself) and I stalked off.
Second 3 series estate
“Would it be possible to have a test drive in this car please?”
“Do you like the price?”
This is taking a familiar turn.
“Are you going to tell me I can’t drive it till we’ve a greed a price?”
“Yes.”
time for more stalking.
This time I head towards the Mercedes ML320. He’s asking $199k which seems good for a “prestige” vehicle.
And yes I can test drive it. Hurrah.
In I climb. First thing I notice is that most of the trim seems to have been made out of the cheapest plastic available at the time. Even so we set off. Out of the car park we go, and that’s where the problems start.
Me “What’s that noise?”
Him “The engine”
“All the Mercedes I’ve ever driven are quiet as a mouse, how come this one is so loud?”
“Small engine, big car”
He’s not joking. I try to head up Magazine Gap Road and we do make it to the top, but on the way up any attempt to accelerate by pressing on the right hand pedal are met with huge roars from the engine but no noticeable increase in speed.
“This is hopeless. I’ll be deaf in days. Let’s go back”
“Do you want to try a ML430?” (The V8-engined car) “I have one available”
“Sure”
And off we go. Much, much better, quiet, powerful, refined – a totally different proposition.
“Do you have any service history for the car?
“No”
“Is it a grey import or a Zung Fu car?”
“Import – don’t know where from or who by”
Hmmmm – suddenly I’ve gone off it.
Beaten by the Automall I decide to head to the Franchise dealers.
Mazda first. They have been advertising some used Mazda Tribute’s for a few weeks and sound like a bargain. Similar in size to the Freelander, V6 engines, and these have been used by Mazda’s own managers so service record etc is impeccable. Plus they are asking on $99k!
But oh what a disappointment. Like the ML320 only more so. The noise from the road once you are moving is unreal. The high profile “off-road” tyres roar and the engine whirrs, hums and thrashes away at varying volumes as you press on the accelerator but again with no noticeable change in speed.
Now I decide to start looking at new cars. After all this will be transporting my family about and HK’s used market is notoriously dodgy at best.
So to Toyota for a look at a RAV4.
“Hi. I’m thinking of buying a RAV4 and was wondering if you would have one I could test drive please, either new or used is fine.”
Sorry. No RAV4 in stock. We don’t keep them in stock in Hong Kong.”
“But I’ve seen a few about. How did those people test them?”
“They didn’t. Just ordered and we delivered. Takesd about 3 months.”
“Thanks but I need a car now.”
Maybe Honda?
“I’d like to have a look a C-RV please if you have one and go for a test drive”
“Not here (HK-side). Kowloon only. We have two new cars. But no test drive.”
“No test drive? Why? You said you have 2 for sale.”
“They are new. If you drive them they won’t be new”
I’ve never looked at it like that. Never will again either. I’m sorry but expecting someone to shell out the best part of $300k on a car they’ve never driven is insane.
I can’t believe how hard it is proving to spend a large amount of money in this town.
So to Subaru almost next door…. with very low expectations. Some friends in Australia have a Subaru Forester which they think is great so I decide to have a look.
Higher and taller than an estate, but lower than a 4x4, it falls between the two camps, but is still eminently suitable for the job which it would be doing. First shock – they have one in the showroom! In I go and have a poke about in it, then the salesman comes over.
“Do you have one of these I can test drive please?”
“Yes. You want to try it now?”
“Errrrrr.” (I wasn’t prepared for this turn of events) . “Sure, why not?”
“Wait five minutes please”
Four minutes later, a shiny silver Forester is out front.
In I get and off we go.
This is the 2.0XT model so has basically the same flat-four “boxer” engine as the Subaru Impreza Turbo Nutter car, albeit with a smaller turbo, and develops approximately 175bhp. The engine is also mounted very low in the vehicle. The result is a dull family estate on the outside that goes like the clappers when you get your toe down. And it has 4 wheel drive (AWD in Subaru speak) so goes round corners at ludicrous speeds with grip to spare if you feel like being a hooligan. It’s also pretty quiet, reasonably refined and comes with a 3 yr warranty on everything.
Then things get better…
“There’s something about the interior that doesn’t look like the one in the showroom?”
“Yes – the centre console has been updated for 2005 but the mechanics are all identical. We have three of these from last year which we are doing a deal on. We are selling them for $219k instead of $245k for the ones with the new-look interior.”
“So I can get one of these for $219k and it’ll just have slightly different air-con buttons to the 2005 car? Will it be a new registration or are they registered already?”
“Yes, basically just the buttons are different, and yes it will be brand new registration. The 3 year warranty starts the day you collect it.”
“Ok. Let me think about it.”
…..
“I’ve thought about it. Done.”
I collected the car on Friday night from Subaru, my new favourite company. 48 hours later and I am a very happy customer so far. Everything works, nothing makes strange noises, no windows have mysteriously opened themsleves while the car is parked and locked, no bits have fallen off, there is no pool of oil in our parking space, and no steam coming from under the bonnet. When you've had a LandRover before those are all minor miracles!
One last thing. Our old Freelander has now turned up at the Automall! It now has leather upholstery (it was cloth when we had it) and has I hope been totally rebuilt under the bonner. Even so I would advise all readers to avoid light-blue Freelanders like the plague - especially if the registration is KA 8430
After a litany of woes with a used (1 yr old when we bought it – through LandRover) LandRover Freelander (company slogan – Worst4x4xFar), including water leaking into the engine block requiring a total engine rebuild, the gearbox being entirely rebuilt, the tailgate window opening and shutting at random, sporadic overheating , whining transmission, excessive road and tyre noise, asthmatic air conditioning and various bits of interior trim literally falling off, the final straw came with a terrible whining noise from the transmission combined with yet more steam from uinder the bonnet. I called LandRover and they agreed to buy the thing back from me. So “The Shed” as it had become known (very unaffectionately) disappeared from our parking space (they had to collect it on a lorry as it was undriveable) and I set out, clutching their cheque, to find a replacement.
The only rule – no more LandRovers!
We have two small children and two dogs, so either an estate car or a 4x4 are the only viable options, and my wife likes the high driving positions of 4x4’s so that is ideally what I was aiming for.
Firstly I thought I’d head down the second-hand route, and off I trotted to the AutoMall next to the Grand Hyatt for a look around. There were a few options which immediately presented themselves – a couple of BMW 3 Series estates (1997 and 2000), a Mercedes ML320 (1998), a few Lexus RX300, and one guy trying to tempt me into a RangeRover. Despite my vow of no more LandRovers I actually succumbed briefly to the salesmans entreaties and climbed into this beast. It was all very cosyt and comfortable. Then he put the key in to fire it up. BONG! “EAS FAULT” flashes across the LCD Display in the dash – Electronic Air Suspension – not cheap to fix. That immediately cured me of any urge to look any further at anything remotely associated with LandRover.
After a bit of consideration I decided a BMW 3 Series estate would do the job nicely. Not too big, not too thirsty , safe, reliable, nice to drive (we had a 3 series saloon in the UK before moving here and it was excellent) etc etc… I wander up to the salesman for the first car.
“Would it be possible to have a test drive in this car please?”
“Do you like the price?”
“Well I think $148k for a 1997 is a bit steep but if the car’s good then we can discuss that”
“Agree price first, then drive”
“But I don’t know what it’s worth until I’ve driven it. Perhaps the suspension is shot, or the brakes are worn out, or the aircon doesn’t work? How can I agree a price before I’ve driven it?
“No drive till price agreed”
“Sod you then” (Actually that bit was muttered to myself) and I stalked off.
Second 3 series estate
“Would it be possible to have a test drive in this car please?”
“Do you like the price?”
This is taking a familiar turn.
“Are you going to tell me I can’t drive it till we’ve a greed a price?”
“Yes.”
time for more stalking.
This time I head towards the Mercedes ML320. He’s asking $199k which seems good for a “prestige” vehicle.
And yes I can test drive it. Hurrah.
In I climb. First thing I notice is that most of the trim seems to have been made out of the cheapest plastic available at the time. Even so we set off. Out of the car park we go, and that’s where the problems start.
Me “What’s that noise?”
Him “The engine”
“All the Mercedes I’ve ever driven are quiet as a mouse, how come this one is so loud?”
“Small engine, big car”
He’s not joking. I try to head up Magazine Gap Road and we do make it to the top, but on the way up any attempt to accelerate by pressing on the right hand pedal are met with huge roars from the engine but no noticeable increase in speed.
“This is hopeless. I’ll be deaf in days. Let’s go back”
“Do you want to try a ML430?” (The V8-engined car) “I have one available”
“Sure”
And off we go. Much, much better, quiet, powerful, refined – a totally different proposition.
“Do you have any service history for the car?
“No”
“Is it a grey import or a Zung Fu car?”
“Import – don’t know where from or who by”
Hmmmm – suddenly I’ve gone off it.
Beaten by the Automall I decide to head to the Franchise dealers.
Mazda first. They have been advertising some used Mazda Tribute’s for a few weeks and sound like a bargain. Similar in size to the Freelander, V6 engines, and these have been used by Mazda’s own managers so service record etc is impeccable. Plus they are asking on $99k!
But oh what a disappointment. Like the ML320 only more so. The noise from the road once you are moving is unreal. The high profile “off-road” tyres roar and the engine whirrs, hums and thrashes away at varying volumes as you press on the accelerator but again with no noticeable change in speed.
Now I decide to start looking at new cars. After all this will be transporting my family about and HK’s used market is notoriously dodgy at best.
So to Toyota for a look at a RAV4.
“Hi. I’m thinking of buying a RAV4 and was wondering if you would have one I could test drive please, either new or used is fine.”
Sorry. No RAV4 in stock. We don’t keep them in stock in Hong Kong.”
“But I’ve seen a few about. How did those people test them?”
“They didn’t. Just ordered and we delivered. Takesd about 3 months.”
“Thanks but I need a car now.”
Maybe Honda?
“I’d like to have a look a C-RV please if you have one and go for a test drive”
“Not here (HK-side). Kowloon only. We have two new cars. But no test drive.”
“No test drive? Why? You said you have 2 for sale.”
“They are new. If you drive them they won’t be new”
I’ve never looked at it like that. Never will again either. I’m sorry but expecting someone to shell out the best part of $300k on a car they’ve never driven is insane.
I can’t believe how hard it is proving to spend a large amount of money in this town.
So to Subaru almost next door…. with very low expectations. Some friends in Australia have a Subaru Forester which they think is great so I decide to have a look.
Higher and taller than an estate, but lower than a 4x4, it falls between the two camps, but is still eminently suitable for the job which it would be doing. First shock – they have one in the showroom! In I go and have a poke about in it, then the salesman comes over.
“Do you have one of these I can test drive please?”
“Yes. You want to try it now?”
“Errrrrr.” (I wasn’t prepared for this turn of events) . “Sure, why not?”
“Wait five minutes please”
Four minutes later, a shiny silver Forester is out front.
In I get and off we go.
This is the 2.0XT model so has basically the same flat-four “boxer” engine as the Subaru Impreza Turbo Nutter car, albeit with a smaller turbo, and develops approximately 175bhp. The engine is also mounted very low in the vehicle. The result is a dull family estate on the outside that goes like the clappers when you get your toe down. And it has 4 wheel drive (AWD in Subaru speak) so goes round corners at ludicrous speeds with grip to spare if you feel like being a hooligan. It’s also pretty quiet, reasonably refined and comes with a 3 yr warranty on everything.
Then things get better…
“There’s something about the interior that doesn’t look like the one in the showroom?”
“Yes – the centre console has been updated for 2005 but the mechanics are all identical. We have three of these from last year which we are doing a deal on. We are selling them for $219k instead of $245k for the ones with the new-look interior.”
“So I can get one of these for $219k and it’ll just have slightly different air-con buttons to the 2005 car? Will it be a new registration or are they registered already?”
“Yes, basically just the buttons are different, and yes it will be brand new registration. The 3 year warranty starts the day you collect it.”
“Ok. Let me think about it.”
…..
“I’ve thought about it. Done.”
I collected the car on Friday night from Subaru, my new favourite company. 48 hours later and I am a very happy customer so far. Everything works, nothing makes strange noises, no windows have mysteriously opened themsleves while the car is parked and locked, no bits have fallen off, there is no pool of oil in our parking space, and no steam coming from under the bonnet. When you've had a LandRover before those are all minor miracles!
One last thing. Our old Freelander has now turned up at the Automall! It now has leather upholstery (it was cloth when we had it) and has I hope been totally rebuilt under the bonner. Even so I would advise all readers to avoid light-blue Freelanders like the plague - especially if the registration is KA 8430
Friday, February 25, 2005
TOP ADVICE
I was watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy the other night (Ye I do watch it voluntarily, and yes I do enjoy it and find it funny. It makes me feel much better to know that no matter how low I stoop there is always someone else out there who is a bigger slob than me). Anyway while watching I heard possibly the best piece of advice ever dispensed on television.
Ted Allen, the food and wine guy, was going through some more schmucks alcohol collection, which was a very sorry mix of cheap and nasty wines and spirits.
He called the poor sap over and offered him this tip....
"Life's too short to drink cheap booze"
An excellent piece of advice which I think will have to become part of my philosophy of life.
I was watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy the other night (Ye I do watch it voluntarily, and yes I do enjoy it and find it funny. It makes me feel much better to know that no matter how low I stoop there is always someone else out there who is a bigger slob than me). Anyway while watching I heard possibly the best piece of advice ever dispensed on television.
Ted Allen, the food and wine guy, was going through some more schmucks alcohol collection, which was a very sorry mix of cheap and nasty wines and spirits.
He called the poor sap over and offered him this tip....
"Life's too short to drink cheap booze"
An excellent piece of advice which I think will have to become part of my philosophy of life.
THE POWER OF BLOGS
Iran recently arrested 2 bloggers, Mr Motjaba Saminejad and Mr Arash Sigarchi for aiding countrer-revolutionaries and spying (basically they were criticising the regime).
In response, the Committe to Protect Bloggers (yes it does exist) called for a "day of action" by bloggers.
Oooh I bet the Iranian authorities were scared! The prospect of thousands of nerds across the world sitting in front of their computers and doing nothing except setting the heading for Tuesday as "Free Motjaba Saminejad and Arasha Sigarchi" must have terrified them.
Imagine the scene. It's a meeting of the Government. President Hojjat ol-Eslam val-Moslemin Hajj Seyyed Mohammad Khatami (crazy name, crazy guy) and Ayatollah Ali Khamenei are getting a run down of the days agenda. Iraq is imploding on their doorstep and at the same time setting a dangerous (for Iran) precedent of democracy in the Middle East. Europe and America are demanding Iran gives up its nuclear ambitions (Europe using bribery and America using not-very-thinly veiled threats of imminent invasion), Israel appears to be adging towards peace with the Palestinians, possibly creating a secure Israeli state, probably nuclear armed but certainly funded by the US, within striking distance of Iran. Then suddenly an aide run in...
"Hold everything! New agenda. Item 1. Bloggers are holding a day of action against us!"
Hmmmmm. Grow up fellow bloggers. We're just people writing drivel and rehashing other news stories. If i want real news and comment I'll read a paper. The only people who care about blogs are other bloggers.
My advice to you, if you live in a harsh and intolerant regime, is DON'T BLOG! You'll be arrested, possibly tortured and very likely imprisoned, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
To prove the point, Iran promptly sentenced Arash Sigarchi to 14 years in jail.
Clearly they were quaking in their boots!
If you're going to hold a day of action go and burn down a couple of Iranian embassies. They'll notice that. Holding a "cyber-protest" in the "blogosphere" isn't going to do a damn thing I'm afraid, no matter how many get involved.
Iran recently arrested 2 bloggers, Mr Motjaba Saminejad and Mr Arash Sigarchi for aiding countrer-revolutionaries and spying (basically they were criticising the regime).
In response, the Committe to Protect Bloggers (yes it does exist) called for a "day of action" by bloggers.
Oooh I bet the Iranian authorities were scared! The prospect of thousands of nerds across the world sitting in front of their computers and doing nothing except setting the heading for Tuesday as "Free Motjaba Saminejad and Arasha Sigarchi" must have terrified them.
Imagine the scene. It's a meeting of the Government. President Hojjat ol-Eslam val-Moslemin Hajj Seyyed Mohammad Khatami (crazy name, crazy guy) and Ayatollah Ali Khamenei are getting a run down of the days agenda. Iraq is imploding on their doorstep and at the same time setting a dangerous (for Iran) precedent of democracy in the Middle East. Europe and America are demanding Iran gives up its nuclear ambitions (Europe using bribery and America using not-very-thinly veiled threats of imminent invasion), Israel appears to be adging towards peace with the Palestinians, possibly creating a secure Israeli state, probably nuclear armed but certainly funded by the US, within striking distance of Iran. Then suddenly an aide run in...
"Hold everything! New agenda. Item 1. Bloggers are holding a day of action against us!"
Hmmmmm. Grow up fellow bloggers. We're just people writing drivel and rehashing other news stories. If i want real news and comment I'll read a paper. The only people who care about blogs are other bloggers.
My advice to you, if you live in a harsh and intolerant regime, is DON'T BLOG! You'll be arrested, possibly tortured and very likely imprisoned, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
To prove the point, Iran promptly sentenced Arash Sigarchi to 14 years in jail.
Clearly they were quaking in their boots!
If you're going to hold a day of action go and burn down a couple of Iranian embassies. They'll notice that. Holding a "cyber-protest" in the "blogosphere" isn't going to do a damn thing I'm afraid, no matter how many get involved.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
LINKS
Time to update my links I think. I use the link list really as a way of getting to pages I like to read - i.e. find entertaining and/or informative - so there is no point in maintaining links to pages I find dull and/or sanctimonious and therefore rarely read, so i have updated my sidebar accordingly.
Byebye Ordinary Gweilo
Byebye Phil
I'm sure you don't care anyway
Time to update my links I think. I use the link list really as a way of getting to pages I like to read - i.e. find entertaining and/or informative - so there is no point in maintaining links to pages I find dull and/or sanctimonious and therefore rarely read, so i have updated my sidebar accordingly.
Byebye Ordinary Gweilo
Byebye Phil
I'm sure you don't care anyway
ALIEN INVADERS
Hong Kongers have just woken up to the presence of yet more Alien invaders in their midst. Somehow the presence of their nests in the mid-levels and dotted all over the south side of the island had gone unnoticed for years. Now however the Hong Kong government, led by visionary Chief Executive C.H. Tung and backed by Beijing, is determined to stamp out this menace. It seems the invaders have been here for much longer than anyone had imagined, and many have in fact been here so long that most Hong Kongers have started to regard them as in fact being native to the SAR. Nothing could be further from the truth. Research has shown that these invaders first started arriving in significant numbers in 1841 and 1842 and their presence and numbers have been growing steadily since then. Fortunately they are easily identifiable by their pale colouring compared to native species.
They are also relatively easy to find. The worker drones can be found most mornings on the mid-levels escalator, which they use to descend to Central where they forage during the day for the resources to keep their queen and young fed, while the queens remain in the nest, lying on the sofa in front of the TV, engaging in the bizarre ritual of "coffee" with similarly indolent queens, or ordering around junior female workers who remain in the nest to tend to the queens every need. At weekends, when usually resource-rich central empties out, they can be found during the day on the beaches of the south side of the island, or in the evenings in the areas known as Soho, Lan Kwai Fong or Wan Chai where they gather to celebrate another successful week eking out an existence in Hong Kong.
During the early years of this invasion there were plenty of resources available to sustain both native and “alien” species, and they co-existed happily. In fact many even felt that the new arrivals were a benefit to Hong Kong, as their industrious efforts produced by-products such as wealth, stable government and low tax rates. Now however the competition for resources is heating up, and more importantly, a side-effect of the presence of this alin species in Hong Kong is a grwoing from of dementia known as "desire for democracy". Research has shown that prolonged exposure to the aliens can cause native individuals to develop an unhealthy and unwelcome desire to decide their own fate rather than have it decided several thousand kilometres to the north. Clearly this menace has to be stamped out fast if Hong Kong is to fulfill it's potential as part of the glorious Motherland. Various schemes have been proposed.
C.H. Tung has already launched two major efforts to eradicate the menace.
Firstly he has started filling in the harbour, removing the major reason the invaders were first attracted to Hong Kong. By taking away a major resource and replacing it with concrete he aims to remove a fertile source of resources and replace it with a wasteland on which even the native species would be hard-pressed to survive.
The second part of his plan is to remove the food supply for the invaders. At present most of their nutrition comes from Central, and easy and energy efficient location given the invaders preferred nesting sites in Mid Levels. Tung is therefore attempting to move the nutrition rich feeding planes of Central to a remote and inaccessible location he has dubbed Cyberport. He hopes that by making their daily trips for sustenance at least as difficult as it would be in their native habitats the invaders will leave of their own accord. Unfortunately for Tung he failed to realize that in relocating the food supply for the aliens, he would also be relocating the food supply for native species, and so this plan has so far failed to produce any quantifiable results.
Donald Tsang meanwhile has a different plan. He has noted that the invaders are less able and willing to tolerate energy-poor nutrition and cramped nests. His plan is that the invaders can be driven out by sheer weight of numbers. He reasons that if the native species can be persuaded to up their procreation rate, then eventually the invaders will be driven out as the native species natural tendency to use all available resources and leave behind infertile wastelands will lower the average resource level for all to a level that only the native species can tolerate. An added attraction is that to fund this plan he will be using resources provided by the aliens themselves (a by-product of their endeavour known as “taxes”) to encourage the native species to up their reproductive rate. At first glance it seems an admirable plan, however it is not clear whether Mr Tsang has realized that if he replaces the aliens with the native species then this resource supply is likely to dry up.
It is shaping up to be a battle royal! Will the tenacious invaders hold on, or will the natives succeed in eradicating them permanently.
Only time will tell.
Hong Kongers have just woken up to the presence of yet more Alien invaders in their midst. Somehow the presence of their nests in the mid-levels and dotted all over the south side of the island had gone unnoticed for years. Now however the Hong Kong government, led by visionary Chief Executive C.H. Tung and backed by Beijing, is determined to stamp out this menace. It seems the invaders have been here for much longer than anyone had imagined, and many have in fact been here so long that most Hong Kongers have started to regard them as in fact being native to the SAR. Nothing could be further from the truth. Research has shown that these invaders first started arriving in significant numbers in 1841 and 1842 and their presence and numbers have been growing steadily since then. Fortunately they are easily identifiable by their pale colouring compared to native species.
They are also relatively easy to find. The worker drones can be found most mornings on the mid-levels escalator, which they use to descend to Central where they forage during the day for the resources to keep their queen and young fed, while the queens remain in the nest, lying on the sofa in front of the TV, engaging in the bizarre ritual of "coffee" with similarly indolent queens, or ordering around junior female workers who remain in the nest to tend to the queens every need. At weekends, when usually resource-rich central empties out, they can be found during the day on the beaches of the south side of the island, or in the evenings in the areas known as Soho, Lan Kwai Fong or Wan Chai where they gather to celebrate another successful week eking out an existence in Hong Kong.
During the early years of this invasion there were plenty of resources available to sustain both native and “alien” species, and they co-existed happily. In fact many even felt that the new arrivals were a benefit to Hong Kong, as their industrious efforts produced by-products such as wealth, stable government and low tax rates. Now however the competition for resources is heating up, and more importantly, a side-effect of the presence of this alin species in Hong Kong is a grwoing from of dementia known as "desire for democracy". Research has shown that prolonged exposure to the aliens can cause native individuals to develop an unhealthy and unwelcome desire to decide their own fate rather than have it decided several thousand kilometres to the north. Clearly this menace has to be stamped out fast if Hong Kong is to fulfill it's potential as part of the glorious Motherland. Various schemes have been proposed.
C.H. Tung has already launched two major efforts to eradicate the menace.
Firstly he has started filling in the harbour, removing the major reason the invaders were first attracted to Hong Kong. By taking away a major resource and replacing it with concrete he aims to remove a fertile source of resources and replace it with a wasteland on which even the native species would be hard-pressed to survive.
The second part of his plan is to remove the food supply for the invaders. At present most of their nutrition comes from Central, and easy and energy efficient location given the invaders preferred nesting sites in Mid Levels. Tung is therefore attempting to move the nutrition rich feeding planes of Central to a remote and inaccessible location he has dubbed Cyberport. He hopes that by making their daily trips for sustenance at least as difficult as it would be in their native habitats the invaders will leave of their own accord. Unfortunately for Tung he failed to realize that in relocating the food supply for the aliens, he would also be relocating the food supply for native species, and so this plan has so far failed to produce any quantifiable results.
Donald Tsang meanwhile has a different plan. He has noted that the invaders are less able and willing to tolerate energy-poor nutrition and cramped nests. His plan is that the invaders can be driven out by sheer weight of numbers. He reasons that if the native species can be persuaded to up their procreation rate, then eventually the invaders will be driven out as the native species natural tendency to use all available resources and leave behind infertile wastelands will lower the average resource level for all to a level that only the native species can tolerate. An added attraction is that to fund this plan he will be using resources provided by the aliens themselves (a by-product of their endeavour known as “taxes”) to encourage the native species to up their reproductive rate. At first glance it seems an admirable plan, however it is not clear whether Mr Tsang has realized that if he replaces the aliens with the native species then this resource supply is likely to dry up.
It is shaping up to be a battle royal! Will the tenacious invaders hold on, or will the natives succeed in eradicating them permanently.
Only time will tell.
SIX NATIONS / RUGBY
I have seen both the Wales v England and England v France games.
There seems to be a general wailing and gnashing of teeth at the state of English rugby at present. I would like to offer a couple of thoughts....
1. During the first year of Woodwards reign England got thumped by all and sundry as he experimented with his players to find a team that could play the way he wanted them to play. Robinson is merely doing the same.
2. England were 1 score away from winning both games, and outscored France 2 tries to 0 (the measure by which the whinging Aussies and Kiwis seem to measure games when their kickers have a bad day). At no point did France look threatening. Yes we had a bad kicking day and let France off the hook, but experience will help both Hodgson and Barkley in the future, plus in the wings there is not only Jonny Wilkinson but also Andy Goode, who kicked 11 from 11 last weekend in Leicester's 83-10 rout of Newcastle having starred the previous weekend for England A in their defeat of France A.
3. The World Cup is 2 years away. The raw 23 and 24 year olds of today will have 20 caps or more each to their names by the time it comes round and be a totally different prospect to today.
Long and short of it is we are likely to have a rough year, and may well lose again this weekend against Ireland, but I am far from despondent. Wilkinson and Hill are on their way back and will lend authority and experience to a side that I believe has great potential. I agree that at present we are not the side we were, and the Kiwis and South Africans both have reasonable claims to the number 1 slot on current form, but I am quietly optimistic that we have the strength in depth to get re-emerge when it counts as a front-runner.
The future's bright.
The future's white.
I have seen both the Wales v England and England v France games.
There seems to be a general wailing and gnashing of teeth at the state of English rugby at present. I would like to offer a couple of thoughts....
1. During the first year of Woodwards reign England got thumped by all and sundry as he experimented with his players to find a team that could play the way he wanted them to play. Robinson is merely doing the same.
2. England were 1 score away from winning both games, and outscored France 2 tries to 0 (the measure by which the whinging Aussies and Kiwis seem to measure games when their kickers have a bad day). At no point did France look threatening. Yes we had a bad kicking day and let France off the hook, but experience will help both Hodgson and Barkley in the future, plus in the wings there is not only Jonny Wilkinson but also Andy Goode, who kicked 11 from 11 last weekend in Leicester's 83-10 rout of Newcastle having starred the previous weekend for England A in their defeat of France A.
3. The World Cup is 2 years away. The raw 23 and 24 year olds of today will have 20 caps or more each to their names by the time it comes round and be a totally different prospect to today.
Long and short of it is we are likely to have a rough year, and may well lose again this weekend against Ireland, but I am far from despondent. Wilkinson and Hill are on their way back and will lend authority and experience to a side that I believe has great potential. I agree that at present we are not the side we were, and the Kiwis and South Africans both have reasonable claims to the number 1 slot on current form, but I am quietly optimistic that we have the strength in depth to get re-emerge when it counts as a front-runner.
The future's bright.
The future's white.
AND WE'RE BACK...
Actually have been back for a week but couldn't be bothered to update!
Anyway skiing was great, thanks for asking.
Lots of snow, a bit of sun and plenty of beer, including a cheeky few at the famous Mooserwirt - then 3 days sprinting round the UK doing a family and friends tour (please note family and friends are different categories, and while membership of "family" normally comes with a free membership of "friends" in one case there is definitely no crossover - hi Mum!)
Will be offering a few thoughts on recent events soon, if anyone cares.
Actually have been back for a week but couldn't be bothered to update!
Anyway skiing was great, thanks for asking.
Lots of snow, a bit of sun and plenty of beer, including a cheeky few at the famous Mooserwirt - then 3 days sprinting round the UK doing a family and friends tour (please note family and friends are different categories, and while membership of "family" normally comes with a free membership of "friends" in one case there is definitely no crossover - hi Mum!)
Will be offering a few thoughts on recent events soon, if anyone cares.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
APOLOGIES
For lack of posts. It's been very busy at work - lots of customers and enormous fromages in town for a big conference.
I'm off to Europe for some skiing StAnton style for a week abnd then a couple of days in Mud Island doing the friends and family run before returning to paradise just in time the C.N.Y. fireworks
Blogging will recommence sometime around 14 Feb
Be good while I'm away
For lack of posts. It's been very busy at work - lots of customers and enormous fromages in town for a big conference.
I'm off to Europe for some skiing StAnton style for a week abnd then a couple of days in Mud Island doing the friends and family run before returning to paradise just in time the C.N.Y. fireworks
Blogging will recommence sometime around 14 Feb
Be good while I'm away
Friday, January 21, 2005
STUPIDITY
Just when you thought people could not be more stupid....
Tel Aviv (dpa) - An Israeli who taught his pet parrot the name of his mistress now faces divorce - after the bird kept squawking it to his wife.
The wife grew suspicious when the parrot kept greeting her with the strange name, and hired a detective to unravel the mystery, the Israeli newspaper Maariv reported Thursday.
It said pictures taken by the detective were now being used as evidence in the divorce court, showing the husband and mistress in a compromising position - with the parrot right next to them.
The woman might not have forgiven the husband, but she forgave the pet, the report said - teaching it a new greeting. Now, whenever the husband appears, it says ``hello - and goodbye''.
What would possess him to teach it his mistresses name?
And even if he didn't teach it her name, and it just picked it up, couldn't he work out his wife might get suspicious and arrange an "accident" for the bird?
Just when you thought people could not be more stupid....
Tel Aviv (dpa) - An Israeli who taught his pet parrot the name of his mistress now faces divorce - after the bird kept squawking it to his wife.
The wife grew suspicious when the parrot kept greeting her with the strange name, and hired a detective to unravel the mystery, the Israeli newspaper Maariv reported Thursday.
It said pictures taken by the detective were now being used as evidence in the divorce court, showing the husband and mistress in a compromising position - with the parrot right next to them.
The woman might not have forgiven the husband, but she forgave the pet, the report said - teaching it a new greeting. Now, whenever the husband appears, it says ``hello - and goodbye''.
What would possess him to teach it his mistresses name?
And even if he didn't teach it her name, and it just picked it up, couldn't he work out his wife might get suspicious and arrange an "accident" for the bird?
Thursday, January 20, 2005
ASIAN TSUNAMIS
In a sure sign that finally journalists are running out of things to write about the Tsunami disaster, the back page of the main section of the SCMP is devoted to a "what if" scenario of a major earthquake near the Philippines generating a tsunami, and it's possible effects on Hong Kong.
It points out that there are no deep-seap pressure sensors or warning systems in the South China Sea and that Hong Kong's geography means the tsunami would gain height and destructive power as it came into Hong Kong and the harbour. There are two professors of something or other talking in earnest tones about how Sha Tin would be devestated (might be the best thing that ever happened to Sha Tin if you ask me but there you go) and the 1st and 2nd floor of buildings on HK island and Kowloon waterfronts would be inundated.
All quite chilling, if highly improbable.
And to be frank I'm not really that bothered because I work on the 48th floor of a building nowhere near the waterfront and live on The Peak.
So nahnahnahnah
In a sure sign that finally journalists are running out of things to write about the Tsunami disaster, the back page of the main section of the SCMP is devoted to a "what if" scenario of a major earthquake near the Philippines generating a tsunami, and it's possible effects on Hong Kong.
It points out that there are no deep-seap pressure sensors or warning systems in the South China Sea and that Hong Kong's geography means the tsunami would gain height and destructive power as it came into Hong Kong and the harbour. There are two professors of something or other talking in earnest tones about how Sha Tin would be devestated (might be the best thing that ever happened to Sha Tin if you ask me but there you go) and the 1st and 2nd floor of buildings on HK island and Kowloon waterfronts would be inundated.
All quite chilling, if highly improbable.
And to be frank I'm not really that bothered because I work on the 48th floor of a building nowhere near the waterfront and live on The Peak.
So nahnahnahnah
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
THE REAL ENGLISH DICTIONARY
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words (and leave it to the Post to search for new meanings). And the winners are....
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
Thank you reader for that...
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words (and leave it to the Post to search for new meanings). And the winners are....
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
Thank you reader for that...
RANT
Much has been written on various blogs about the trials and tribulations of walking the streets in Hong Kong. Fumier in particular wrote a good piece if I remember correctly.
Well I am just back from a quick lunchtime shopping trip, never the most pleasant of tasks, which was made even more hellish than usual by the walkways being littered with all sort of human detritus. There were deranged old harridans, wandering all over the place like an American sailor (or Shaky) after a night out in Wan Chai, screaming at each other in Cantonese from a range of about 6 inches. There were great long lines of mainlanders, unsure how to deal with the miracle of escalators, and having successfully negotiated their ascent from, or descent to, street level, they were hobbling along, blindly following a woman waving a piece of yellow cloth attached to what appeared to be a stolen car aerial in almost total silence, wondering at the miracle that the Great Lychee is able to provide it’s citizens with electricity 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (unlike, for example, Shanghai-which-will-soon-overtake-Hong-Kong), with only the gentle rustle of man-made fabrics as they walked to give away their presence. And of course there were tourists. Everywhere. Standing stock still in the middle of the pavement and staring upwards in appreciative awe at the sight of the great monuments to mammon that have been constructed everywhere about Asia's World City.
These people are a nuisance at best, and during the lunchtime rush hour, when those of us with jobs to do and places to go to join the throng, they are a positive menace. Then it came to me. Just as I had been forced to nudge an old woman into the path of a bus in order to shut her up and let me pass I saw the light. It is so obvious.
There should be system whereby members of the community who are actively contributing economically to the society should get priority. A little like the congestion charge in London if you will, designed to keep “casual day-trippers” out of the centre of the city at it’s most crowded times.
But instead of forcing everyone to pay, there should be a system whereby those who are gainfully employed, and preferably have an income above a certain level, have a special pass allowing them to walk during peak hours. And then you could extend it further by having “VIP walking lanes” which only people who have paid over a certain threshold in tax will be allowed to use.
Clearly some allowance would have to be made for visitors actually shopping and thus contributing to Hong Kong, so those who can produce receipts for total sales above a certain value in say the previous hour should also be allowed to move freely at these times.
The benefits to this are endless. Apart obviously from clearing the walkways of riff-raff and freeing up space on the pavements for those of us whose taxes have actually paid for the damn thing. There would be a system of fines introduced for people found violating the rules, which would help to fund the budget deficit without the ludicrous idea of a sales tax. And if you make the entry level to the VIP Lanes high enough then in the warped minds of Hong Kong tycoons it would become a status symbol to be seen walking around Central during rush hour, getting them out of their BMWs and Mercedes and onto their feet, promoting health and reducing traffic congestion and pollution in one go.
And finally it would provide some much needed real work for Hong Kong’s finest, instead of forcing them to resort to arresting people who have dropped their doorkeys for littering.
Much has been written on various blogs about the trials and tribulations of walking the streets in Hong Kong. Fumier in particular wrote a good piece if I remember correctly.
Well I am just back from a quick lunchtime shopping trip, never the most pleasant of tasks, which was made even more hellish than usual by the walkways being littered with all sort of human detritus. There were deranged old harridans, wandering all over the place like an American sailor (or Shaky) after a night out in Wan Chai, screaming at each other in Cantonese from a range of about 6 inches. There were great long lines of mainlanders, unsure how to deal with the miracle of escalators, and having successfully negotiated their ascent from, or descent to, street level, they were hobbling along, blindly following a woman waving a piece of yellow cloth attached to what appeared to be a stolen car aerial in almost total silence, wondering at the miracle that the Great Lychee is able to provide it’s citizens with electricity 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (unlike, for example, Shanghai-which-will-soon-overtake-Hong-Kong), with only the gentle rustle of man-made fabrics as they walked to give away their presence. And of course there were tourists. Everywhere. Standing stock still in the middle of the pavement and staring upwards in appreciative awe at the sight of the great monuments to mammon that have been constructed everywhere about Asia's World City.
These people are a nuisance at best, and during the lunchtime rush hour, when those of us with jobs to do and places to go to join the throng, they are a positive menace. Then it came to me. Just as I had been forced to nudge an old woman into the path of a bus in order to shut her up and let me pass I saw the light. It is so obvious.
There should be system whereby members of the community who are actively contributing economically to the society should get priority. A little like the congestion charge in London if you will, designed to keep “casual day-trippers” out of the centre of the city at it’s most crowded times.
But instead of forcing everyone to pay, there should be a system whereby those who are gainfully employed, and preferably have an income above a certain level, have a special pass allowing them to walk during peak hours. And then you could extend it further by having “VIP walking lanes” which only people who have paid over a certain threshold in tax will be allowed to use.
Clearly some allowance would have to be made for visitors actually shopping and thus contributing to Hong Kong, so those who can produce receipts for total sales above a certain value in say the previous hour should also be allowed to move freely at these times.
The benefits to this are endless. Apart obviously from clearing the walkways of riff-raff and freeing up space on the pavements for those of us whose taxes have actually paid for the damn thing. There would be a system of fines introduced for people found violating the rules, which would help to fund the budget deficit without the ludicrous idea of a sales tax. And if you make the entry level to the VIP Lanes high enough then in the warped minds of Hong Kong tycoons it would become a status symbol to be seen walking around Central during rush hour, getting them out of their BMWs and Mercedes and onto their feet, promoting health and reducing traffic congestion and pollution in one go.
And finally it would provide some much needed real work for Hong Kong’s finest, instead of forcing them to resort to arresting people who have dropped their doorkeys for littering.
FRIDAY FROLIC - UPDATE - ANSWER AT BOTTOM OF POST
What do the following people have in common...
Tommy Lee
Tim Roth
Britney Spears
Drew Careey
Gail Porter
Davina McCall
Billy Connolly
Steve Tyler
Liv Tyler
Meg Matthews
Christina Aguilera
Janet Jackson
Feel free to leave guesses in the comments section.
Answer on Monday
UPDATE
The answer is.....
They all have a pierced nipple.
What do the following people have in common...
Tommy Lee
Tim Roth
Britney Spears
Drew Careey
Gail Porter
Davina McCall
Billy Connolly
Steve Tyler
Liv Tyler
Meg Matthews
Christina Aguilera
Janet Jackson
Feel free to leave guesses in the comments section.
Answer on Monday
UPDATE
The answer is.....
They all have a pierced nipple.
iPod
So this weekend I decided to step up and buy an iPod. Off I trotted on Saturday afternoon to Wan Chai Comp Centre. 8 shops later I can only conclude that Hong Kong has run out of iPods unless you want an iPod Photo which i can't see the point of - tiny screen which you can't see anything on and fair bit bigger than the standard one.
Looks like I'll have to wait a while.
So this weekend I decided to step up and buy an iPod. Off I trotted on Saturday afternoon to Wan Chai Comp Centre. 8 shops later I can only conclude that Hong Kong has run out of iPods unless you want an iPod Photo which i can't see the point of - tiny screen which you can't see anything on and fair bit bigger than the standard one.
Looks like I'll have to wait a while.
TIGERS MADE IT!!!
By the skin of our teeth we're through to the last 8 of the European Cup as one of the 2 best runners-up, thanks to Edinburgh's shock win over Perpignan (the Scots only win of the competition) - and now we have to face Leinster who have been in fine form.
Should be a cracker, though we'll probably never know thanks to the geniusses at ESPNStar and their sports programming. DICKHEADS!
By the skin of our teeth we're through to the last 8 of the European Cup as one of the 2 best runners-up, thanks to Edinburgh's shock win over Perpignan (the Scots only win of the competition) - and now we have to face Leinster who have been in fine form.
Should be a cracker, though we'll probably never know thanks to the geniusses at ESPNStar and their sports programming. DICKHEADS!
Friday, January 14, 2005
WEEKEND SPORT
On top of the continuing England v south Africa test match this weekend sees the final pool stage games in the Heineken European Rugby Cup.
This has been a particularly crappy day to end a week that started well then went rapidly downhill, but to distract the weary worker bee there are 13 teams still in contention for the remaining 7 places in the last 8 so there should be some really tense games with some major rugby heavyweights (sadly including Leicester) in serious danger of missing out on the knockout stages of Europes premier club rugby tournament.
Fortunately in Asia we have ESPNStar sports - "the world leader in sport" so they're bound to be showing some of these games live right?
Silly me - Saturday night Star is showing old tennis and on Sunday night "classic boxing", meanwhile ESPN is showing recorded Basketball on saturday night and old football on Sunday night.
What crap. Why do we pay for this shit?
I can't wait till more channels and sports see the light and go live direct to your p.c. thru broadband like the south african cricket so I can watch proper sport instead of people patting balls back to each other over a net or trying to hit some little white lump into a hole miles away.
On top of the continuing England v south Africa test match this weekend sees the final pool stage games in the Heineken European Rugby Cup.
This has been a particularly crappy day to end a week that started well then went rapidly downhill, but to distract the weary worker bee there are 13 teams still in contention for the remaining 7 places in the last 8 so there should be some really tense games with some major rugby heavyweights (sadly including Leicester) in serious danger of missing out on the knockout stages of Europes premier club rugby tournament.
Fortunately in Asia we have ESPNStar sports - "the world leader in sport" so they're bound to be showing some of these games live right?
Silly me - Saturday night Star is showing old tennis and on Sunday night "classic boxing", meanwhile ESPN is showing recorded Basketball on saturday night and old football on Sunday night.
What crap. Why do we pay for this shit?
I can't wait till more channels and sports see the light and go live direct to your p.c. thru broadband like the south african cricket so I can watch proper sport instead of people patting balls back to each other over a net or trying to hit some little white lump into a hole miles away.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?
LOS ANGELES, Jan. 10 (UPI) -- To the horror of U.S. nutritionists, the Hardee's fast food chain is reporting higher sales based on its new mountainous 4-inch thick Monster Thickburger.
The burger contains two 1/3-pound Angus beef patties, four strips of bacon and three slices of cheese, and it comes slathered with a glob of mayonnaise and wrapped in a buttered bun. It costs $5.49 and has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.
While the Center for Science in the Public Interest called it the "fast-food equivalent of a snuff film," top brass at Hardee's parent CKE Restaurants Inc., are crowing about its popularity, the Los Angeles Times said Monday.
"Sales results for this politically incorrect burger have been encouraging," Andrew Puzder, CKE's chief executive told Wall Street analysts after the big burger's introduction in mid-November.
Wednesday, when CKE reported December sales at Hardee's were up 5.8 percent year over year, Puzder credited the burger and "its audacity" for the jump.
But it's ok because I'm suer they all have a Diet Coke to wash it down.
"Fast-food equivalent of a snuff film" - great line. Wish I'd thought of it.
LOS ANGELES, Jan. 10 (UPI) -- To the horror of U.S. nutritionists, the Hardee's fast food chain is reporting higher sales based on its new mountainous 4-inch thick Monster Thickburger.
The burger contains two 1/3-pound Angus beef patties, four strips of bacon and three slices of cheese, and it comes slathered with a glob of mayonnaise and wrapped in a buttered bun. It costs $5.49 and has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.
While the Center for Science in the Public Interest called it the "fast-food equivalent of a snuff film," top brass at Hardee's parent CKE Restaurants Inc., are crowing about its popularity, the Los Angeles Times said Monday.
"Sales results for this politically incorrect burger have been encouraging," Andrew Puzder, CKE's chief executive told Wall Street analysts after the big burger's introduction in mid-November.
Wednesday, when CKE reported December sales at Hardee's were up 5.8 percent year over year, Puzder credited the burger and "its audacity" for the jump.
But it's ok because I'm suer they all have a Diet Coke to wash it down.
"Fast-food equivalent of a snuff film" - great line. Wish I'd thought of it.
HARRY AND THE SWASTIKA
Everyone seems to be getting their knickers in a twist over the fact that Prince Harry dressed up as a Nazi at a fancy dress party.
I'd just like to make 3 points.
1. He has apologised.
2. He's only 20 - we all do stupid things at age 20 (and indeed at still do at well betond 20). Also WWII finished 40 years before he was born, so for his generation the whole thing is "olden days" and irrelevant.
3. He is basically German!
Everyone seems to be getting their knickers in a twist over the fact that Prince Harry dressed up as a Nazi at a fancy dress party.
I'd just like to make 3 points.
1. He has apologised.
2. He's only 20 - we all do stupid things at age 20 (and indeed at still do at well betond 20). Also WWII finished 40 years before he was born, so for his generation the whole thing is "olden days" and irrelevant.
3. He is basically German!
NEW P.C.
Well it's up and running.
Only 2 problems so far.
Firstly I can't get my MP3 player's software loaded as for some reason it's refusing to recognise the serial number. Perhaps this is the incentive to get an iPod?
Secondly, depite specifying a video card and confirming there was an audio card, so we could burn DVDs etc of the kids to send home to grandparents, it never occurred to the builder that I might want a speaker! "You didn't specify it". "I didn't specify it had to be powered by electricity either but you managed to work that out". Anyway problem solved by plugging some speakers into one of the million or so holes in the back.
Lots more still to get transferred over but on the whole a huge leap forward.
Well it's up and running.
Only 2 problems so far.
Firstly I can't get my MP3 player's software loaded as for some reason it's refusing to recognise the serial number. Perhaps this is the incentive to get an iPod?
Secondly, depite specifying a video card and confirming there was an audio card, so we could burn DVDs etc of the kids to send home to grandparents, it never occurred to the builder that I might want a speaker! "You didn't specify it". "I didn't specify it had to be powered by electricity either but you managed to work that out". Anyway problem solved by plugging some speakers into one of the million or so holes in the back.
Lots more still to get transferred over but on the whole a huge leap forward.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
????????
Jan. 12 (Bloomberg) -- Oxford University researchers are to torture Christians in a U.S.-funded program to find out if belief in God can help to relieve the pain, the London-based Times reported, citing the scientists involved.
The team won't use traditional items of torture such as the rack used by the Spanish Inquisition, which started in the 13th century; rather, pain will be inflicted by simulated burns under strict supervision, the newspaper said, citing research chief
Toby Collins.
As the pain is induced, the volunteers will be shown Christian religious symbols such as a crucifix or images of the Virgin Mary, to measure neurological response, the Times said.
The scientists want to get a better idea of the way people with intense religious beliefs can withstand pain, the paper said, adding that the project is being paid for by $2 million from the U.S.-based John Templeton Foundation.
Whose idea was this?
Why does anyone want to know this?
How do you inflict a "simulated burn"?
Who would be stupid enough to volunteer?
And surely if they really want to know they could just go to Guantanamo Bay or Abu Ghraib prison and play religious lunatics there?
Jan. 12 (Bloomberg) -- Oxford University researchers are to torture Christians in a U.S.-funded program to find out if belief in God can help to relieve the pain, the London-based Times reported, citing the scientists involved.
The team won't use traditional items of torture such as the rack used by the Spanish Inquisition, which started in the 13th century; rather, pain will be inflicted by simulated burns under strict supervision, the newspaper said, citing research chief
Toby Collins.
As the pain is induced, the volunteers will be shown Christian religious symbols such as a crucifix or images of the Virgin Mary, to measure neurological response, the Times said.
The scientists want to get a better idea of the way people with intense religious beliefs can withstand pain, the paper said, adding that the project is being paid for by $2 million from the U.S.-based John Templeton Foundation.
Whose idea was this?
Why does anyone want to know this?
How do you inflict a "simulated burn"?
Who would be stupid enough to volunteer?
And surely if they really want to know they could just go to Guantanamo Bay or Abu Ghraib prison and play religious lunatics there?
NEW P.C.
Tonight is the night my new p.c. gets delivered. Thanks to the invaluable help of Shaky it has lots of Gigabytes, lots of Gigahertz, some RAMs, some ROMs, a couple of hard drives, some bits made by Intel, Windows XP, bluetooth, a wireless keyboard, a wireless mouse and most importantly a 17" LCD screen (that's the only part I understand).
Finally our 4 yr old Dell will be put out of it's increasing misery.
Or alternatively I shall come in tomorrow swearing, effing and blinding at how hard it is to get bloody computers to work.
I know which is more likely given my track record.
Tonight is the night my new p.c. gets delivered. Thanks to the invaluable help of Shaky it has lots of Gigabytes, lots of Gigahertz, some RAMs, some ROMs, a couple of hard drives, some bits made by Intel, Windows XP, bluetooth, a wireless keyboard, a wireless mouse and most importantly a 17" LCD screen (that's the only part I understand).
Finally our 4 yr old Dell will be put out of it's increasing misery.
Or alternatively I shall come in tomorrow swearing, effing and blinding at how hard it is to get bloody computers to work.
I know which is more likely given my track record.
BLOG AWARD NONSENSE
I am very disappointed that I received no bids for my votes for the Blog Awards Simon was running. I was hoping to make a tidy little sum from some desperate blogger keen to see his feeble offering elevated up the ranks.
Next year I shall offer a fee system - HK$XXX for so many votes. I can go round the office here and vote from lots of different machines, plus there are all the Pacific Coffee etc freebie machines I can use so I hope to really clean up next time as I reckon I can come up with 100 votes for sale if I try my hardest.
Also seeing as there were more categories of blog than you can shake a large stick at I think it is time to add a category for a cruelly under-represented minority - Blogs with 2 word titles beginning with S and W and using a total of 13 letters.
It makes as much sense as some of the other categories (and more than several).
I am very disappointed that I received no bids for my votes for the Blog Awards Simon was running. I was hoping to make a tidy little sum from some desperate blogger keen to see his feeble offering elevated up the ranks.
Next year I shall offer a fee system - HK$XXX for so many votes. I can go round the office here and vote from lots of different machines, plus there are all the Pacific Coffee etc freebie machines I can use so I hope to really clean up next time as I reckon I can come up with 100 votes for sale if I try my hardest.
Also seeing as there were more categories of blog than you can shake a large stick at I think it is time to add a category for a cruelly under-represented minority - Blogs with 2 word titles beginning with S and W and using a total of 13 letters.
It makes as much sense as some of the other categories (and more than several).
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
FUTILE
Just back from the gym. I spent a bit of time on one of those stairclimber things and, as there’s nothing to do except stand there and mindlessly walk uphill without moving, I was idly looking around and let my mind wander. All around me where people frantically trying to sweat off the excesses of Christmas and new year. It was then that I was struck by the futility of it all.
We invent bicycles so we don’t have to walk or run, and then spend hours on treadmills. We invent cars so we don’t have to cycle and then go to spinning classes. We invent lifts so we don’t have to walk up stairs and then spend hours on stairmasters.
What a waste of time.
On the plus side I do feel as though I’ve earnt tonight’s curry.
Just back from the gym. I spent a bit of time on one of those stairclimber things and, as there’s nothing to do except stand there and mindlessly walk uphill without moving, I was idly looking around and let my mind wander. All around me where people frantically trying to sweat off the excesses of Christmas and new year. It was then that I was struck by the futility of it all.
We invent bicycles so we don’t have to walk or run, and then spend hours on treadmills. We invent cars so we don’t have to cycle and then go to spinning classes. We invent lifts so we don’t have to walk up stairs and then spend hours on stairmasters.
What a waste of time.
On the plus side I do feel as though I’ve earnt tonight’s curry.
ENGLAND V SOUTH AFRICA
What a series so far! Records set in every game.
Game 1 - England win thier eighth cosecutive test match - their longest ever run of victories.
Game 2 - England score 139 in their first innings, and 570-7 in their second. The difference is the biggest ever difference between innings scores by the same team in a test match. South Africa manage to hang on until bad light stopped play early and the match is drawn, leaving England as the only international cricekt team to go through 2004 unbeaten.
Game 3 - South Africa come back strongly and thump England, who bat dismally. In England's second innings the top scorer in no.11 Steve Harmison. to emphasise how feeble England's batting was this is the first time in test cricket that a no.11 has top scored, and apparently only the 7th time ever in all first-class cricket.
Now the series moves to Johannesburg next Thursday. I can't wait!
What a series so far! Records set in every game.
Game 1 - England win thier eighth cosecutive test match - their longest ever run of victories.
Game 2 - England score 139 in their first innings, and 570-7 in their second. The difference is the biggest ever difference between innings scores by the same team in a test match. South Africa manage to hang on until bad light stopped play early and the match is drawn, leaving England as the only international cricekt team to go through 2004 unbeaten.
Game 3 - South Africa come back strongly and thump England, who bat dismally. In England's second innings the top scorer in no.11 Steve Harmison. to emphasise how feeble England's batting was this is the first time in test cricket that a no.11 has top scored, and apparently only the 7th time ever in all first-class cricket.
Now the series moves to Johannesburg next Thursday. I can't wait!
HAIRSTYLE OF THE YEAR
This year's mad hairstyle of the year award has already been decided. I just shared a lift with a young chinese lady. I reckon if you removed the hair she would be roughly 5ft tall. However if you include what I can only describe as the SuperAfro that she was sporting then she was definitely approaching 6ft.
She looked like the long-lost small female chinese member of the Jackson Five
God knows how she got someone to agree to do that for her.
Or why.
This year's mad hairstyle of the year award has already been decided. I just shared a lift with a young chinese lady. I reckon if you removed the hair she would be roughly 5ft tall. However if you include what I can only describe as the SuperAfro that she was sporting then she was definitely approaching 6ft.
She looked like the long-lost small female chinese member of the Jackson Five
God knows how she got someone to agree to do that for her.
Or why.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Bulgarian's blood-alcohol level astounds doctors
SOFIA, BULGARIA - Bulgarian doctors tested a man's blood-alcohol level five times before accepting it was 0.914 - nearly twice the amount considered to be life-threatening.
The 67-year-old man landed in hospital on Dec. 20 after a car knocked him off his feet in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv, police and doctors said Tuesday.
A breath test indicated blood-alcohol levels so high that police thought their equipment was broken, because the man remained conscious and talked with them.
The head of Plovdiv police, Col. Angel Rangelov, said five separate lab tests taken the same day confirmed the man's blood-alcohol level of 0.914.
A blood-alcohol level of 0.55 is considered potentially fatal.
In comparison, the Bulgarian man's level was more than 11 times higher than the legal blood-alcohol limit for drivers in Canada, which is 0.08.
The man, who has not been identified, was reported to be in stable condition after being treated for head injuries.
Thanks to Genghis for this little gem
SOFIA, BULGARIA - Bulgarian doctors tested a man's blood-alcohol level five times before accepting it was 0.914 - nearly twice the amount considered to be life-threatening.
The 67-year-old man landed in hospital on Dec. 20 after a car knocked him off his feet in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv, police and doctors said Tuesday.
A breath test indicated blood-alcohol levels so high that police thought their equipment was broken, because the man remained conscious and talked with them.
The head of Plovdiv police, Col. Angel Rangelov, said five separate lab tests taken the same day confirmed the man's blood-alcohol level of 0.914.
A blood-alcohol level of 0.55 is considered potentially fatal.
In comparison, the Bulgarian man's level was more than 11 times higher than the legal blood-alcohol limit for drivers in Canada, which is 0.08.
The man, who has not been identified, was reported to be in stable condition after being treated for head injuries.
Thanks to Genghis for this little gem
THE CHARIOTEERS MOVIE REVIEW
Bridget Jones Diary – The Edge of Reason
The Edge of Reasonable Suspension of Disbelief more like.
Renee Zellwegger famously piled on the pounds for the first movie and vowed afterwards, when a sequel was mooted, that she would never do it again. She then re-read the cheque, sorry – I mean script, and set about the pizza and doughnuts with gusto. In fact I think she may have overdone it a bit this time. Her character appears to have spent the supposed 8 weeks between the end of the first movie and the start of this one indulging in some sort of pie-eating frenzy and now looks positively zeppelin-like for most of the movie.
As for the movie itself…? Well they appear to have picked out the bits that audiences liked in the first one - her hopeless organization skills, her ability to make a fool of herself in her job as a TV reporter, comedy fight scenes between the dastardly Daniel Cleaver and the saintly Mark Darcy, etc - and decided to repeat them ad nauseam, with a Thai jail scene thrown in for luck.
The result is a movie with a fair bit of slapstick, some of which works and some of which doesn’t (I will admit to have laughed a few times, and smiled a few more), and a ludicrous plot. It is sadly almost immediately forgettable.
Truly candyfloss for the brain. All light and fluffy with no substance.
Except for Renee and her pies obviously.
Bridget Jones Diary – The Edge of Reason
The Edge of Reasonable Suspension of Disbelief more like.
Renee Zellwegger famously piled on the pounds for the first movie and vowed afterwards, when a sequel was mooted, that she would never do it again. She then re-read the cheque, sorry – I mean script, and set about the pizza and doughnuts with gusto. In fact I think she may have overdone it a bit this time. Her character appears to have spent the supposed 8 weeks between the end of the first movie and the start of this one indulging in some sort of pie-eating frenzy and now looks positively zeppelin-like for most of the movie.
As for the movie itself…? Well they appear to have picked out the bits that audiences liked in the first one - her hopeless organization skills, her ability to make a fool of herself in her job as a TV reporter, comedy fight scenes between the dastardly Daniel Cleaver and the saintly Mark Darcy, etc - and decided to repeat them ad nauseam, with a Thai jail scene thrown in for luck.
The result is a movie with a fair bit of slapstick, some of which works and some of which doesn’t (I will admit to have laughed a few times, and smiled a few more), and a ludicrous plot. It is sadly almost immediately forgettable.
Truly candyfloss for the brain. All light and fluffy with no substance.
Except for Renee and her pies obviously.
WWW.....
In the early days of television it was expected to be an almost exclusively educational tool. News, information, documentaries, classes etc etc. It was never thought it would become a mass entertainment media aiming mainly for the lowest comment denominator (how else could you explain the existence of Jim Davidson on UK TV).
The internet has similarly been heralded as a global information system which will revolutionise our lives, providing instant news, info and data quickly, on demand and with minimal effort.
Or is it destined to become just another source of titillation, entertainment and amusement?
Perhaps Googles Global Top Ten Searches for 2004 will provide an answer.
1. Britney Spears
2. Paris Hilton
3. Christina Aguilera
4. Pamela Anderson
5. Chat
6. Games
7. Carmen Electra
8. Orlando Bloom
9. Harry Potter
10. mp3
I think that answers that one
In the early days of television it was expected to be an almost exclusively educational tool. News, information, documentaries, classes etc etc. It was never thought it would become a mass entertainment media aiming mainly for the lowest comment denominator (how else could you explain the existence of Jim Davidson on UK TV).
The internet has similarly been heralded as a global information system which will revolutionise our lives, providing instant news, info and data quickly, on demand and with minimal effort.
Or is it destined to become just another source of titillation, entertainment and amusement?
Perhaps Googles Global Top Ten Searches for 2004 will provide an answer.
1. Britney Spears
2. Paris Hilton
3. Christina Aguilera
4. Pamela Anderson
5. Chat
6. Games
7. Carmen Electra
8. Orlando Bloom
9. Harry Potter
10. mp3
I think that answers that one
Friday, December 31, 2004
CURRY IS GOOD FOR YOU!
LOS ANGELES, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- A spice used for thousands of years, curry, may be a powerful new weapon in fighting Alzheimer's Disease, researchers said. Researchers from UCLA and the Department of Veterans Affairs said their study of curcumin, the yellow pigment in curry, found it broke up existing beta
amyloid on rats' brains and helped prevent accumulation of the destructive plaque.
Reporting in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, the team said curcumin is more effective in stopping the protein fragments from forming than many other drugs being tested to treat the disease that affects 4 million Americans and millions more worldwide.
"The prospect of finding a safe and effective new approach to both prevention and treatment of Alzheimer's disease is tremendously exciting," said Gregory Cole, the main UCLA investigator.
"Curcumin has been used for thousands of years as a safe anti-inflammatory in a variety of ailments as part of Indian traditional medicine," Cole said. Recent animal studies "support a growing interest in its possible use for diseases of aging involving oxidative damage and inflammation like Alzheimer's, cancer and
heart disease."
Cole called for human trials of curcumin to establish safe and effective doses.
Now all we need is to prove beer is good for you too and then I can cancel my gym membership and set about becoming the healthiest guy in town.
LOS ANGELES, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- A spice used for thousands of years, curry, may be a powerful new weapon in fighting Alzheimer's Disease, researchers said. Researchers from UCLA and the Department of Veterans Affairs said their study of curcumin, the yellow pigment in curry, found it broke up existing beta
amyloid on rats' brains and helped prevent accumulation of the destructive plaque.
Reporting in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, the team said curcumin is more effective in stopping the protein fragments from forming than many other drugs being tested to treat the disease that affects 4 million Americans and millions more worldwide.
"The prospect of finding a safe and effective new approach to both prevention and treatment of Alzheimer's disease is tremendously exciting," said Gregory Cole, the main UCLA investigator.
"Curcumin has been used for thousands of years as a safe anti-inflammatory in a variety of ailments as part of Indian traditional medicine," Cole said. Recent animal studies "support a growing interest in its possible use for diseases of aging involving oxidative damage and inflammation like Alzheimer's, cancer and
heart disease."
Cole called for human trials of curcumin to establish safe and effective doses.
Now all we need is to prove beer is good for you too and then I can cancel my gym membership and set about becoming the healthiest guy in town.
NEW YEAR’S HUMBUG
So here it is again. Regular as clockwork. New Year’s Eve.
A time for compulsory fun and laughter, for queuing for the privilege of entering overcrowded and bars and clubs so you can buy overpriced watered-down drinks, for restaurants only offering revolting “Special Set Menus” wherever you look, and for every taxi being full and queues at the rank being round the block.
There are some redeeming features I suppose which can make for some light entertainment. There are inevitably a few who spectacularly misjudge their drinking capacity and are fast asleep in the middle of the road by 8.30pm, giving endless opportunities for humiliating photos, and wherever you are it’s a sure bet that someone, usually a rugby player with a nickname like “jockstrap” or some such, will try to climb on the bar, roaored on by his mates, and then either fall or get pushed off, necessitating a trip to casualty.
Other than that though I can think of no reason to venture outside of the environs of Chateau Chariot.
Happy New Year.
If anyone needs me I shall be at home, curled up with a good wife…
So here it is again. Regular as clockwork. New Year’s Eve.
A time for compulsory fun and laughter, for queuing for the privilege of entering overcrowded and bars and clubs so you can buy overpriced watered-down drinks, for restaurants only offering revolting “Special Set Menus” wherever you look, and for every taxi being full and queues at the rank being round the block.
There are some redeeming features I suppose which can make for some light entertainment. There are inevitably a few who spectacularly misjudge their drinking capacity and are fast asleep in the middle of the road by 8.30pm, giving endless opportunities for humiliating photos, and wherever you are it’s a sure bet that someone, usually a rugby player with a nickname like “jockstrap” or some such, will try to climb on the bar, roaored on by his mates, and then either fall or get pushed off, necessitating a trip to casualty.
Other than that though I can think of no reason to venture outside of the environs of Chateau Chariot.
Happy New Year.
If anyone needs me I shall be at home, curled up with a good wife…
Thursday, December 30, 2004
VERY CYNICAL, BUT DOES THAT MAKE HIM WRONG?
link
Bet that one will start some ranting of gargantuan proportions.
And one of the people I know who was in Phuket is our very own Attila the Gun, who is well-known for his moderate world view of things. When he sees that post I may have to absent myself for a while!
link
Bet that one will start some ranting of gargantuan proportions.
And one of the people I know who was in Phuket is our very own Attila the Gun, who is well-known for his moderate world view of things. When he sees that post I may have to absent myself for a while!
A CHRISTMAS TO FORGET
A Hong Kong couple who survived the tsunami after spending seven hours adrift when water surged through their Phuket hotel room are being investigated by the Social Welfare Dept.
Leung Wai-Kei, 27, said she had let go of a rail she was clinging to and grabbed hold of a floating mattress. Then she saw her husband, Ko Chung-Keung, 36, clinging to a piece of wood nearby.
The couple, who have two children, said in Phuket that they wanted to realize their dream of spending a sunny Christmas together. They said they had won $27,000 on horse racing recently.
But it emerged last night that they had been living on welfare payments for five years and they were separated two or three years ago.
A Social Welfare Dept spokesman said “I can confirm that we are investigating a fraud case involving a 27-year-old woman and a 36-year-old man after receiving a number of reports.”
A government source said Mrs Leung and her two children were claiming single-parent welfare payments of about $9,500 a month. Under the rules, a family of four can receive about $8,000 a month.
The couple, who were slightly injured, returned to Hong Kong last night and were sent to Tuen Mun Hospital, where Mrs Leung was admitted in stable condition. (from the SCMP)
D'oh!
A Hong Kong couple who survived the tsunami after spending seven hours adrift when water surged through their Phuket hotel room are being investigated by the Social Welfare Dept.
Leung Wai-Kei, 27, said she had let go of a rail she was clinging to and grabbed hold of a floating mattress. Then she saw her husband, Ko Chung-Keung, 36, clinging to a piece of wood nearby.
The couple, who have two children, said in Phuket that they wanted to realize their dream of spending a sunny Christmas together. They said they had won $27,000 on horse racing recently.
But it emerged last night that they had been living on welfare payments for five years and they were separated two or three years ago.
A Social Welfare Dept spokesman said “I can confirm that we are investigating a fraud case involving a 27-year-old woman and a 36-year-old man after receiving a number of reports.”
A government source said Mrs Leung and her two children were claiming single-parent welfare payments of about $9,500 a month. Under the rules, a family of four can receive about $8,000 a month.
The couple, who were slightly injured, returned to Hong Kong last night and were sent to Tuen Mun Hospital, where Mrs Leung was admitted in stable condition. (from the SCMP)
D'oh!
HO HUM
It's 11 am. It was pretty clear by about 8.30 that there was very little chance of any trades happening today. I've read all the blogs I'm interested in. I've read the SCMP cover to cover (including the Business section). I've read the BBC, the Telegraph and the Times reports on the cricket. CNN now seems to be on some sort of "Tsunami Repeat" mode where they just show the same stuff over and over again. The cricket isn't due to start again till 4pm.
What to do?
It's 11 am. It was pretty clear by about 8.30 that there was very little chance of any trades happening today. I've read all the blogs I'm interested in. I've read the SCMP cover to cover (including the Business section). I've read the BBC, the Telegraph and the Times reports on the cricket. CNN now seems to be on some sort of "Tsunami Repeat" mode where they just show the same stuff over and over again. The cricket isn't due to start again till 4pm.
What to do?
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
SPORT
Rugby
------
Leicester 50 - 7 Worcester
Cricket
-------
England 281 for 1 at end of Day 3 v South Africa
Magnificent....
Rugby
------
Leicester 50 - 7 Worcester
Cricket
-------
England 281 for 1 at end of Day 3 v South Africa
Magnificent....
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Sunday, December 26, 2004
TECHNOLOGICAL HELP NEEDED PLEASE
I hope everyone had a good christmas, but now I need your help please.
It is time for a new computer. Our Dell laptop is now 4 years old, which I believe makes it stone age in techie world.
Seeing as it has not moved from the table top here for over a year we might as well get one of those box things with a proper keyboard and decent size screen.
I know it needs to have a million USB ports for Palms, MP3's, printers, digital cameras etc etc but that is as much of a decision as I am qualified to make.
So I need some help.
It'll mainly be used for email / internet and storage for photos and MP3s, plus for burning CD's and DVD's.
Can someone who knows abouth these things please give me some advice on what to get.
Do I need bluetooth?
Do I need firwire? (What is firewire??)
Should it have built in CD and/or DVD readers and writers?
Should it have built in SD / Memory Stick readers?
What version of Windows should it run?
Should it have woofers and tweeters?
Should I have a bag on my head?
HELP.....
I hope everyone had a good christmas, but now I need your help please.
It is time for a new computer. Our Dell laptop is now 4 years old, which I believe makes it stone age in techie world.
Seeing as it has not moved from the table top here for over a year we might as well get one of those box things with a proper keyboard and decent size screen.
I know it needs to have a million USB ports for Palms, MP3's, printers, digital cameras etc etc but that is as much of a decision as I am qualified to make.
So I need some help.
It'll mainly be used for email / internet and storage for photos and MP3s, plus for burning CD's and DVD's.
Can someone who knows abouth these things please give me some advice on what to get.
Do I need bluetooth?
Do I need firwire? (What is firewire??)
Should it have built in CD and/or DVD readers and writers?
Should it have built in SD / Memory Stick readers?
What version of Windows should it run?
Should it have woofers and tweeters?
Should I have a bag on my head?
HELP.....
Thursday, December 23, 2004
SENSIBLE POLICIES FOR A HAPPIER MEXICO
Mexico City (dpa) - Come New Years, residents of Villahermosa, a
sizable city southeast of the capital, may no longer run around naked
in their own homes.
If caught in the act, they face 36 hours of arrest or a fine of 133
dollars, the Mexican daily ``La Jornada'' reported Wednesday. The town
of half a million residents lies in a tropical zone about 750
kilometres southeast of Mexico City.
The town has also forbidden residents to appear at parties without
an invitation.
Only one council member, Rodrigo Sanchez, voted against the law,
saying it was ``laughable'' and ``an attack on civil rights''.
Mexican towns and cities are in the grips of a passing such
regulations, presumably in an effort to bolster city incomes.
But whether they actually make any money on the nudity law is
another thing: the town has also forbidden spying on one's neighbours.
Mexico City (dpa) - Come New Years, residents of Villahermosa, a
sizable city southeast of the capital, may no longer run around naked
in their own homes.
If caught in the act, they face 36 hours of arrest or a fine of 133
dollars, the Mexican daily ``La Jornada'' reported Wednesday. The town
of half a million residents lies in a tropical zone about 750
kilometres southeast of Mexico City.
The town has also forbidden residents to appear at parties without
an invitation.
Only one council member, Rodrigo Sanchez, voted against the law,
saying it was ``laughable'' and ``an attack on civil rights''.
Mexican towns and cities are in the grips of a passing such
regulations, presumably in an effort to bolster city incomes.
But whether they actually make any money on the nudity law is
another thing: the town has also forbidden spying on one's neighbours.
THE DANGERS OF LONG HAUL TRAVEL
We all know about the obvious dangers of long haul travel. Every airline now shows you one of those silly videos showing a smiling man or woman doing a variety of preposterous exercises to keep the blood going while you're shoehorned into your miniscule cattle class seat, lest you suffer from deep vein thrombosis and sue the bastards.
There are other dangers however.
Last night I decided to imbibe a spot of festive spirit with Genghis in the perennial favourite - Stormies in LKF. While there I had the (mis)fortune to bump into fellow blogger Shandyman. He was with undoubtedly the biggest man in HK, a huge Aussie, who I shall call Bruce for anonimity's sake. They were both off to Mud Island for Christmas on last nights flights, Shandy to the bosom of his family and Bruce to the bosom of his girlfriend. Both had packed and, in a burst of efficiency, had checked in much earlier in the day. They were in LKF to have a couple of rum and cokes each to set them on their way.
All well and good.
Except that before their pre-flight refreshments they had been to lunch in Dot Cod.
For 8 hours.
Shandy was upright, but only just.
Bruce was upright for a while, but then decided he needed to rest his eyes for 15 minutes or so by lying down in the middle of LKF, where he was the source of much amusement to the snaggle-toothed mainland tour parties who seemed to be out in even greater numbers than usual.
Bruce was eventually roused, but then Shandy realised he had forgotten something vital for his trip, the Little Madam.
Yes she was going too but had sensibly opted out of the pre-flight drinkathon.
Panic phone calls ensued and LM was eventually located, hopefully for her she was at a check-in desk getting her seat changed.
God knows if either of them made it to the flight, but my heart goes out to the poor people who had to sit next to either of them for 13 hrs.
We all know about the obvious dangers of long haul travel. Every airline now shows you one of those silly videos showing a smiling man or woman doing a variety of preposterous exercises to keep the blood going while you're shoehorned into your miniscule cattle class seat, lest you suffer from deep vein thrombosis and sue the bastards.
There are other dangers however.
Last night I decided to imbibe a spot of festive spirit with Genghis in the perennial favourite - Stormies in LKF. While there I had the (mis)fortune to bump into fellow blogger Shandyman. He was with undoubtedly the biggest man in HK, a huge Aussie, who I shall call Bruce for anonimity's sake. They were both off to Mud Island for Christmas on last nights flights, Shandy to the bosom of his family and Bruce to the bosom of his girlfriend. Both had packed and, in a burst of efficiency, had checked in much earlier in the day. They were in LKF to have a couple of rum and cokes each to set them on their way.
All well and good.
Except that before their pre-flight refreshments they had been to lunch in Dot Cod.
For 8 hours.
Shandy was upright, but only just.
Bruce was upright for a while, but then decided he needed to rest his eyes for 15 minutes or so by lying down in the middle of LKF, where he was the source of much amusement to the snaggle-toothed mainland tour parties who seemed to be out in even greater numbers than usual.
Bruce was eventually roused, but then Shandy realised he had forgotten something vital for his trip, the Little Madam.
Yes she was going too but had sensibly opted out of the pre-flight drinkathon.
Panic phone calls ensued and LM was eventually located, hopefully for her she was at a check-in desk getting her seat changed.
God knows if either of them made it to the flight, but my heart goes out to the poor people who had to sit next to either of them for 13 hrs.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Never-changing calendar developed
BALTIMORE, Dec. 21 (UPI) -- A scientist at The John Hopkins University has developed a calendar that never changes from year to year, with Christmas always falling on a Sunday.Using computer programs and mathematical formulas, Richard Henry, professor in the Henry A. Rowland Department of Physics and Astronomy, is waging a Web-based campaign to have the world change to his model by Jan. 1, 2006. Henry said this transition date is ideal, because New Year's Day 2006 falls on a Sunday on both the old and proposed calendars, facilitating a seamless transition.Under Henry's plan, each new 12-month period is identical to the one that came before. Each month has either 30 or 31 days. January, for instance, would have 30 days, as would February, April, May, July, August, October and November. March, June, September and December would all have 31 days.To compensate for leap years, Henry proposes instituting instead a one-week "mini-month" between June and July every five or six years. In honor of his personal hero, Sir Isaac Newton, Henry has dubbed this period "Newton."
Only an American could think it's a good idea to have Christmas Day and New Year's Day always fall on a Sunday (presumably his logic is that then people wouldn't need to have a day off work - God forbid that might happen!).
BALTIMORE, Dec. 21 (UPI) -- A scientist at The John Hopkins University has developed a calendar that never changes from year to year, with Christmas always falling on a Sunday.Using computer programs and mathematical formulas, Richard Henry, professor in the Henry A. Rowland Department of Physics and Astronomy, is waging a Web-based campaign to have the world change to his model by Jan. 1, 2006. Henry said this transition date is ideal, because New Year's Day 2006 falls on a Sunday on both the old and proposed calendars, facilitating a seamless transition.Under Henry's plan, each new 12-month period is identical to the one that came before. Each month has either 30 or 31 days. January, for instance, would have 30 days, as would February, April, May, July, August, October and November. March, June, September and December would all have 31 days.To compensate for leap years, Henry proposes instituting instead a one-week "mini-month" between June and July every five or six years. In honor of his personal hero, Sir Isaac Newton, Henry has dubbed this period "Newton."
Only an American could think it's a good idea to have Christmas Day and New Year's Day always fall on a Sunday (presumably his logic is that then people wouldn't need to have a day off work - God forbid that might happen!).
YET ANOTHER CHRISTMAS JOKE
A small boy goes christmas shopping with his grandfather, but there are hundreds of people in the shopping mall and he soon gets seperated from his grandfather. Fortunately his grandfather had had the foresight to tell him what to do in case this happened, so, remembering his grandfathers instructions, he finds a policeman and tells him "I've lost my grandad". The policeman says "Don't worry lad. We'll find him for you. What's he like ?" The little boy replied "Jack Daniels and birds with big tits "
Boom boom....
A small boy goes christmas shopping with his grandfather, but there are hundreds of people in the shopping mall and he soon gets seperated from his grandfather. Fortunately his grandfather had had the foresight to tell him what to do in case this happened, so, remembering his grandfathers instructions, he finds a policeman and tells him "I've lost my grandad". The policeman says "Don't worry lad. We'll find him for you. What's he like ?" The little boy replied "Jack Daniels and birds with big tits "
Boom boom....
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
ANYONE LOOKING FOR A NEW AMAH?
Check out the second advert down on this list of helpers looking for work - Maribel Apostol Taguinod (Belle to her friends apparently!)
Surely someone out there can provide some form of employment for a 29 year old single female ex-model from the Philippines.
Shaky?
Shandy?
Hemlock?
Fumier?
Simon? (I'm sure Mrs M wouldn't mind)
Check out the second advert down on this list of helpers looking for work - Maribel Apostol Taguinod (Belle to her friends apparently!)
Surely someone out there can provide some form of employment for a 29 year old single female ex-model from the Philippines.
Shaky?
Shandy?
Hemlock?
Fumier?
Simon? (I'm sure Mrs M wouldn't mind)
Monday, December 20, 2004
ANOTHER CHRISTMAS JOKE
Heard a great joke on the Radio this morning. They claimed that George W Bush is Time Magazine's "Person of the Year".
What kidders eh.
They should have saved it for April Fools though.
I mean who would really believe that?
Turns out sadly it is true.
This puts Geroge W Bush in illustrious company. Previous winners of this award include Adolf Hitler in 1938, Josef Stalin in 1939 AND 1942 and Ayatollah Khomeni in 1979.
Clearly there are bonus points in the calculations used for causing huge numbers of deaths and crushing civil liberties and dissent.
Heard a great joke on the Radio this morning. They claimed that George W Bush is Time Magazine's "Person of the Year".
What kidders eh.
They should have saved it for April Fools though.
I mean who would really believe that?
Turns out sadly it is true.
This puts Geroge W Bush in illustrious company. Previous winners of this award include Adolf Hitler in 1938, Josef Stalin in 1939 AND 1942 and Ayatollah Khomeni in 1979.
Clearly there are bonus points in the calculations used for causing huge numbers of deaths and crushing civil liberties and dissent.
Friday, December 17, 2004
HONG KONG SEVENS
Despite having been away on the day of the public sale I've got some tickets... nahnahnahnahnah...
The secret?
Give your amah a wedge of cash. Ask her to round up some friends. Give her a map and the time the tickets go on sale. Explain there might be a queue so best to get there a bit early. Then go on holiday.
Lo and behold - I've got tickets!
She has earnt her 13mth bonus this year.
Despite having been away on the day of the public sale I've got some tickets... nahnahnahnahnah...
The secret?
Give your amah a wedge of cash. Ask her to round up some friends. Give her a map and the time the tickets go on sale. Explain there might be a queue so best to get there a bit early. Then go on holiday.
Lo and behold - I've got tickets!
She has earnt her 13mth bonus this year.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
There was this man who worked for the Post Office and whose job it was
to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day just before Xmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply
addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".
With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read,
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had GBP100 in it, which was all the
money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas.
Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas
dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God, can you please help me?"
The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on
the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.
The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and
had a whip round. Between them they raised GBP96.
Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash onto
the old lady. And for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed
to God landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around
while the letter was opened.
It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself
with joy.
By the way, there was GBP4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving
b******s at the Post Office."
to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day just before Xmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply
addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".
With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read,
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had GBP100 in it, which was all the
money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas.
Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas
dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God, can you please help me?"
The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on
the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.
The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and
had a whip round. Between them they raised GBP96.
Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash onto
the old lady. And for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed
to God landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around
while the letter was opened.
It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself
with joy.
By the way, there was GBP4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving
b******s at the Post Office."
Friday, December 03, 2004
A JOKE TO FINISH THE WEEK
Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"
Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap.
"Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David made his own lunch."
(Thankyou reader)
And with that I'm off to Bali for a week.
Byeeeeeeee
Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"
Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap.
"Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David made his own lunch."
(Thankyou reader)
And with that I'm off to Bali for a week.
Byeeeeeeee
BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN
So far today no car bombs have exploded in Iraq. A spokesman for the interim Iraqi government described this as "totally unprecedented" and vowed the government would work "tirelessly" to ensure an immediate return to chaos.
A spokesman for the Association of Baghdad Car Dealers commented that if there was not immediate government action his members would be forced to consider laying off staff in "the near future" as demand for new cars to replaced those used by the bombers is crucial to their market.
UPDATE FROM REUTERS
Normal Service has been resumed
15:31 03Dec2004 RTRS-UPDATE 1-Car bomb in northern Baghdad kills 14 - police
BAGHDAD, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A car bomb killed at least 14 people on Friday in the tense northern Baghdad neighbourhood of Aadhamiya, police said.
Aadhamiya is a mainly Sunni area that has seen frequent attacks by insurgents. There was no immediate information on the target of the car bomb attack.
Earlier on Friday, gunmen stormed a police station in southern Baghdad, killing 11 policemen.
So far today no car bombs have exploded in Iraq. A spokesman for the interim Iraqi government described this as "totally unprecedented" and vowed the government would work "tirelessly" to ensure an immediate return to chaos.
A spokesman for the Association of Baghdad Car Dealers commented that if there was not immediate government action his members would be forced to consider laying off staff in "the near future" as demand for new cars to replaced those used by the bombers is crucial to their market.
UPDATE FROM REUTERS
Normal Service has been resumed
15:31 03Dec2004 RTRS-UPDATE 1-Car bomb in northern Baghdad kills 14 - police
BAGHDAD, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A car bomb killed at least 14 people on Friday in the tense northern Baghdad neighbourhood of Aadhamiya, police said.
Aadhamiya is a mainly Sunni area that has seen frequent attacks by insurgents. There was no immediate information on the target of the car bomb attack.
Earlier on Friday, gunmen stormed a police station in southern Baghdad, killing 11 policemen.
HOW SAD IS THIS?
"Santacam" to allay paedophile fears
LONDON, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A Father Christmas will have a webcam in his grotto to overcome parents' concerns after a number of high-profile paedophile cases in Britain in the past few years.
The St Elli shopping centre in Llanelli, south Wales, said children taking part in the traditional Christmas ritual of telling Santa their gift wishes would also sit beside him rather than on his knee.
"It's a sad sign of the times," St Elli manager Gilmour Jones was quoted as saying by the Guardian newspaper on Friday. "But I'm afraid that it was either this or not having Santa's grotto at all."
At the risk of sounding like an old fart, has the world really degenerated to the point where a "Santacam" is necessary before parents will lets their kids go to see Santa?
"Santacam" to allay paedophile fears
LONDON, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A Father Christmas will have a webcam in his grotto to overcome parents' concerns after a number of high-profile paedophile cases in Britain in the past few years.
The St Elli shopping centre in Llanelli, south Wales, said children taking part in the traditional Christmas ritual of telling Santa their gift wishes would also sit beside him rather than on his knee.
"It's a sad sign of the times," St Elli manager Gilmour Jones was quoted as saying by the Guardian newspaper on Friday. "But I'm afraid that it was either this or not having Santa's grotto at all."
At the risk of sounding like an old fart, has the world really degenerated to the point where a "Santacam" is necessary before parents will lets their kids go to see Santa?
Thursday, December 02, 2004
MOBILE PORN
One of the main drivers of 3G mobile phone growth globally is expected to be "adult content" downloads. In most of the world this is quietly brushed under the carpet and everyone pretends it's for video-conferencing and the like, however the porn industry was originally widely credited with ensuring the success of VHS over Betamax many years (it was the format of choice for filiming apparently as the cameras and equipment were cheaper than the Betamax equivalents, even though Betamax was by far and away the better quality format), and has been largely behind the explosive growth in web.
In Belgium however they have recognised this and while they still don't have 3G there, they are using it to promote 2G and MMS functions as this ad (not work safe) none-too-subtly shows. (website found courtesy of Shaky, though he may not want me to mention that)
I can scarcely imagine what their 3G ad will be like
One of the main drivers of 3G mobile phone growth globally is expected to be "adult content" downloads. In most of the world this is quietly brushed under the carpet and everyone pretends it's for video-conferencing and the like, however the porn industry was originally widely credited with ensuring the success of VHS over Betamax many years (it was the format of choice for filiming apparently as the cameras and equipment were cheaper than the Betamax equivalents, even though Betamax was by far and away the better quality format), and has been largely behind the explosive growth in web.
In Belgium however they have recognised this and while they still don't have 3G there, they are using it to promote 2G and MMS functions as this ad (not work safe) none-too-subtly shows. (website found courtesy of Shaky, though he may not want me to mention that)
I can scarcely imagine what their 3G ad will be like
BLOG
"Word of the Year"
And YOU can choose blog of the year here
In keeping with Asian voting practices, I am happy to announce that my vote is for sale. Any bloggers desperate to win and prepared to cheat start counting your pennies and feel free to leave your bids in my comments section.
And don't worry that this blatant auction means my vote will be discounted. My vote WILL be counted because otherwise the next time Simon and I play squash there will be an "accident"....
"Word of the Year"
And YOU can choose blog of the year here
In keeping with Asian voting practices, I am happy to announce that my vote is for sale. Any bloggers desperate to win and prepared to cheat start counting your pennies and feel free to leave your bids in my comments section.
And don't worry that this blatant auction means my vote will be discounted. My vote WILL be counted because otherwise the next time Simon and I play squash there will be an "accident"....
HARRY REDKNAPP
Sadly Harry Redknapp has left Portsmouth Football Club for some time out of the game. Like many footballing folk, he was as well known for his gifts with the English language as he was for his gifts at management.
A few of his classic comments are below... (the comment on Samassi Abou's bout of food poisoning is a particular favourite of mine)
* On his former West Ham striker: "John Hartson's got more
previous than Jack the ripper"
* On the ignoble art of 'diving': "Abou retaliated but the
fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling
around."
* On his relationship as Portsmouth's director of football with
the club's then-manager: "I shall not be interfering with Graham
Rix."
* On tactics: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in
bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only
want to talk football in bed."
* On a training-ground scrap between Alvin Martin and Matthew
Rush: "I've seen better fights at a wedding."
* On Samassi Abou: "He don't speak the English too good."
* On a striker he subsequently signed who went on to score just
two goals for West Ham: "I look at Arsenal's bench and they have
Davor Suker sitting there. The man's a legend and would score goals by the
bucketload whoever he played for."
* On West Ham's Uefa Cup chances: "Where are we in relation to
Europe? Not too far from Dover."
* On a spurned chance against Chelsea: "Joe Cole missed an open
goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
* On the crowd barracking Michael Carrick: "Everyone f***ing jumps
all over you. When Michael Carrick gave the ball away the other
week there was 20,000 people c*nting him off. He give a bad ball and they are
all f***ing 'wan**r.'"
* On new signings: "With the foreigners it's more difficult. Most of
them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go
racing. They don't even drink."
* On signing Portuguese winger Dani: "My missus fancies him. Even I don't
know whether to play him or f*ck him."
* On his playing career: "Even when we had Moore, Hurst and
Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. Which just shows how
crap the other eight of us were."
* On Paolo Di Canio's one-fingered gesture to Aston Villa fans:
"From a still picture how does anybody know what Di Canio was doing?
He might have been signalling to a team-mate about a tactic from a corner.
He might have been gesturing a tactical change. He could have been showing
that the score was 1-0."
* On Samassi Abou's mystery ailment: "The lad went home to the
Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy
missionary or something."
* And then there was his interview with Sportonair.com after Harry's
West Ham side had surrendered a first-half lead against Arsenal
and ultimately lost the match
Reporter: Harry, what message did you give the players
at half-time?
Redknapp: "Just 'play the same as we did first half.'
What do you f*cking think I said to them at half-time?"
Reporter: "Dunno."
Redknapp: "'Go and f*cking sit back and let them attack
us' or summink? Is that what you think I said? What a f*cking stupid
question."
He will be sorely missed
Sadly Harry Redknapp has left Portsmouth Football Club for some time out of the game. Like many footballing folk, he was as well known for his gifts with the English language as he was for his gifts at management.
A few of his classic comments are below... (the comment on Samassi Abou's bout of food poisoning is a particular favourite of mine)
* On his former West Ham striker: "John Hartson's got more
previous than Jack the ripper"
* On the ignoble art of 'diving': "Abou retaliated but the
fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling
around."
* On his relationship as Portsmouth's director of football with
the club's then-manager: "I shall not be interfering with Graham
Rix."
* On tactics: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in
bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only
want to talk football in bed."
* On a training-ground scrap between Alvin Martin and Matthew
Rush: "I've seen better fights at a wedding."
* On Samassi Abou: "He don't speak the English too good."
* On a striker he subsequently signed who went on to score just
two goals for West Ham: "I look at Arsenal's bench and they have
Davor Suker sitting there. The man's a legend and would score goals by the
bucketload whoever he played for."
* On West Ham's Uefa Cup chances: "Where are we in relation to
Europe? Not too far from Dover."
* On a spurned chance against Chelsea: "Joe Cole missed an open
goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
* On the crowd barracking Michael Carrick: "Everyone f***ing jumps
all over you. When Michael Carrick gave the ball away the other
week there was 20,000 people c*nting him off. He give a bad ball and they are
all f***ing 'wan**r.'"
* On new signings: "With the foreigners it's more difficult. Most of
them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go
racing. They don't even drink."
* On signing Portuguese winger Dani: "My missus fancies him. Even I don't
know whether to play him or f*ck him."
* On his playing career: "Even when we had Moore, Hurst and
Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. Which just shows how
crap the other eight of us were."
* On Paolo Di Canio's one-fingered gesture to Aston Villa fans:
"From a still picture how does anybody know what Di Canio was doing?
He might have been signalling to a team-mate about a tactic from a corner.
He might have been gesturing a tactical change. He could have been showing
that the score was 1-0."
* On Samassi Abou's mystery ailment: "The lad went home to the
Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy
missionary or something."
* And then there was his interview with Sportonair.com after Harry's
West Ham side had surrendered a first-half lead against Arsenal
and ultimately lost the match
Reporter: Harry, what message did you give the players
at half-time?
Redknapp: "Just 'play the same as we did first half.'
What do you f*cking think I said to them at half-time?"
Reporter: "Dunno."
Redknapp: "'Go and f*cking sit back and let them attack
us' or summink? Is that what you think I said? What a f*cking stupid
question."
He will be sorely missed
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
SIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU GO "OUCH"
Just been in the gym.
Heard a hairdryer spring into life in the changing room afterwards and turned round to see who on earth was using a hairdryer so I could avoid them in the future (let's be honest - only one type of man would ever use a hairdryer in a gym changing room - the sort who hang around the weights in lycra shorts but are never actually seen lifting anything (apart from their shirts maybe) ) .
Anyway imagine my surprise when it wasn't someone pouting into the mirror. It was in fact a late middle-aged, bald asian gentleman who was using it.
Note the word bald.
That only leaves 3 possible places he could be using it.
And it wasn't his armpits he was drying with that blast of superheated air.
Ouch!!
(The temptation to include the words "blow" and "job" into this post was very strong but I managed to resist in the interest of family friendly blogging)
Just been in the gym.
Heard a hairdryer spring into life in the changing room afterwards and turned round to see who on earth was using a hairdryer so I could avoid them in the future (let's be honest - only one type of man would ever use a hairdryer in a gym changing room - the sort who hang around the weights in lycra shorts but are never actually seen lifting anything (apart from their shirts maybe) ) .
Anyway imagine my surprise when it wasn't someone pouting into the mirror. It was in fact a late middle-aged, bald asian gentleman who was using it.
Note the word bald.
That only leaves 3 possible places he could be using it.
And it wasn't his armpits he was drying with that blast of superheated air.
Ouch!!
(The temptation to include the words "blow" and "job" into this post was very strong but I managed to resist in the interest of family friendly blogging)
Monday, November 29, 2004
THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL BLOGGER
Thoughts from Australia...
-------------------------
Every restaurant serves almost nothing except steak, even the "seafood" ones.
It's a big place.
So are most Aussies
They therefore probably should avoid the midriff revealing fashion look.
But they don't.
Yuk. There were some stomach churning sights. Especially after a large steak lunch.
Thoughts from the flight...
-------------------------
a new entrant in the "worst film ever category" - King Arthur. Under no circumstances should anyone ever consider seeing this movie. The 2 minutes towards the end of Keira Knightley painted blue and running around in a cross between a belt for breasts (maybe it was supposed to be some form of medieval bra?) and some form of Olde Englishe bondage outfit in no way make up for the rest of the unadulterated crap that is the rest of this movie.
Thoughts from Australia...
-------------------------
Every restaurant serves almost nothing except steak, even the "seafood" ones.
It's a big place.
So are most Aussies
They therefore probably should avoid the midriff revealing fashion look.
But they don't.
Yuk. There were some stomach churning sights. Especially after a large steak lunch.
Thoughts from the flight...
-------------------------
a new entrant in the "worst film ever category" - King Arthur. Under no circumstances should anyone ever consider seeing this movie. The 2 minutes towards the end of Keira Knightley painted blue and running around in a cross between a belt for breasts (maybe it was supposed to be some form of medieval bra?) and some form of Olde Englishe bondage outfit in no way make up for the rest of the unadulterated crap that is the rest of this movie.
Friday, November 19, 2004
GREAT SOUTHERN LAND
And so it’s off to sunny Australia for me on Sunday night, sadly for work rather than holidays.
Start with 2 days in Sydney, then a day in Brisbane, back to Sydney for a day then a day in Melbourne to finish off…
I am also toying with contacting my "long-lost" stepsister who I've only ever met twice (last time approx 18 years ago I think) and lives in Sydney. She's now got a husband (South African - they get everywhere!) and two kids which I guess makes me a step-uncle. Have got her phone number from my step-father but not had the nerve to call her yet - it's a bit daunting somehow.
Have fun while I’m gone everyone
And so it’s off to sunny Australia for me on Sunday night, sadly for work rather than holidays.
Start with 2 days in Sydney, then a day in Brisbane, back to Sydney for a day then a day in Melbourne to finish off…
I am also toying with contacting my "long-lost" stepsister who I've only ever met twice (last time approx 18 years ago I think) and lives in Sydney. She's now got a husband (South African - they get everywhere!) and two kids which I guess makes me a step-uncle. Have got her phone number from my step-father but not had the nerve to call her yet - it's a bit daunting somehow.
Have fun while I’m gone everyone
SPORT
England v South Africa
-----------------------------
This weekend is one of the few times each year when I actually miss Mud Island. England v South Africa at Twickenham.
On paper South Africa should win, despite their recent loss to Ireland and only scraping past Wales. They are the reigning Tri-Nations Champions, have a settled side and will want to avenge last weeks defeat.
England however will obviously have home advantage and will be determined to prove that last weekends thrashing of the Canadians was not a fluke.
Should be a cracking game, made more tasty by the fact that my (closet South African) wife and I are having dinner with some South Africans tomorrow night, and the game kicks off at 10.30pm. It could get messy come after-eight mint time.
The heart says England, head says South Africa
Wales v New Zealand
--------------------------
The only international sporting event where laughing at the sheep-shaggers could mean either side.
Wales to be crushed ruthlessly (or is that a hope, not a forecast)
Scotland v Australia
-------------------------
Having featured in last weekends top comedy fixture when they scored 100pts vs Japan, Scotland will now be featuring as the other side in this weekends top comedy fixture.
Australia to win by miles.
Ireland v USA
-----------------
Would be top comedy fixture where it not for above.
USA to play bravely in the first half and hold their own, then Ireland to walk away with it in the second half.
Other games
Wasps v Leicester
---------------------
3rd v 1st. Both teams will be missing players through international commitments so both will be fielding a few relatively inexperienced players, but the likes of Dallaglio, Johnson and Back will all be on display. If Wasps win then they move to within a point of Leicester and the race is wide open. If Leicester win then they will have gone a long way towards knocking out one of the few teams that may catch them.
England v South Africa
-----------------------------
This weekend is one of the few times each year when I actually miss Mud Island. England v South Africa at Twickenham.
On paper South Africa should win, despite their recent loss to Ireland and only scraping past Wales. They are the reigning Tri-Nations Champions, have a settled side and will want to avenge last weeks defeat.
England however will obviously have home advantage and will be determined to prove that last weekends thrashing of the Canadians was not a fluke.
Should be a cracking game, made more tasty by the fact that my (closet South African) wife and I are having dinner with some South Africans tomorrow night, and the game kicks off at 10.30pm. It could get messy come after-eight mint time.
The heart says England, head says South Africa
Wales v New Zealand
--------------------------
The only international sporting event where laughing at the sheep-shaggers could mean either side.
Wales to be crushed ruthlessly (or is that a hope, not a forecast)
Scotland v Australia
-------------------------
Having featured in last weekends top comedy fixture when they scored 100pts vs Japan, Scotland will now be featuring as the other side in this weekends top comedy fixture.
Australia to win by miles.
Ireland v USA
-----------------
Would be top comedy fixture where it not for above.
USA to play bravely in the first half and hold their own, then Ireland to walk away with it in the second half.
Other games
Wasps v Leicester
---------------------
3rd v 1st. Both teams will be missing players through international commitments so both will be fielding a few relatively inexperienced players, but the likes of Dallaglio, Johnson and Back will all be on display. If Wasps win then they move to within a point of Leicester and the race is wide open. If Leicester win then they will have gone a long way towards knocking out one of the few teams that may catch them.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
GENGHIS'ISM
He's back, after an innordinately long period of relative calm.
We were talking about the fox-hunting ban in the UK, then Hilary Clinton appeared on CNN...
"how about we set a pack of dogs on her? Then I could gut-shot her and watch her bleed to death"
Form is temporary, class is eternal.
He's back, after an innordinately long period of relative calm.
We were talking about the fox-hunting ban in the UK, then Hilary Clinton appeared on CNN...
"how about we set a pack of dogs on her? Then I could gut-shot her and watch her bleed to death"
Form is temporary, class is eternal.
Monday, November 15, 2004
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME
Weekend Rugby results.
England 70-0 Canada
Scotland 100-8 Japan
Wales 66-7 Romania
Why bother. Full-time professionals versus enthusiastic amateurs. The games are played in front of half-full stadiums with no atmosphere, and do no favours to the minnows who simply have their noses rubbed in the dirt.
It would be much more useful if these minor teams played each other in a mini tournament, so each had realistic chances of winning a few games and so maybe getting some positive headlines back home and help grow the sport domestically.
Weekend Rugby results.
England 70-0 Canada
Scotland 100-8 Japan
Wales 66-7 Romania
Why bother. Full-time professionals versus enthusiastic amateurs. The games are played in front of half-full stadiums with no atmosphere, and do no favours to the minnows who simply have their noses rubbed in the dirt.
It would be much more useful if these minor teams played each other in a mini tournament, so each had realistic chances of winning a few games and so maybe getting some positive headlines back home and help grow the sport domestically.
Friday, November 12, 2004
SPORT
The Northern Hemisphere Rugby Internationals season got under way last weekend, with the Welsh and the Scots both losing (tee hee hee). This weekend England get under way against Canada.
In many ways it's the perfect opening game.
Only 4 of the world cup winning team remain, with Jason Robinson captaining the side. Missing through either injury or retirement are Martin Johnson, Neil Back, Richard Hill, Trevor Woodman, Jonny Wilkinson and Jason Leaonard, and Matt Dawson and Will Greenwood have been overlooked, the former for disciplinary reasons and the latter in favour of Henry Paul, who Hong Kongers should know through his huge contributions to Englands winning streak in the HK 7's.
The team therefore is very raw, with 2 new caps featuring - Mark Cueto on the wing and Andy Hazell on the flank.
Even so England should have way too much firepower for the Canadians mix of amateurs and semi-pros (including such luminaries as Stirling Richmond who plays here in HK for DeA Tigers) and should put 40 - 50 points on them.
I expect a gritty first half of forwards slugging it out then England's strength and fitness will tell in the second half.
Swing low, sweet chariot.....
The Northern Hemisphere Rugby Internationals season got under way last weekend, with the Welsh and the Scots both losing (tee hee hee). This weekend England get under way against Canada.
In many ways it's the perfect opening game.
Only 4 of the world cup winning team remain, with Jason Robinson captaining the side. Missing through either injury or retirement are Martin Johnson, Neil Back, Richard Hill, Trevor Woodman, Jonny Wilkinson and Jason Leaonard, and Matt Dawson and Will Greenwood have been overlooked, the former for disciplinary reasons and the latter in favour of Henry Paul, who Hong Kongers should know through his huge contributions to Englands winning streak in the HK 7's.
The team therefore is very raw, with 2 new caps featuring - Mark Cueto on the wing and Andy Hazell on the flank.
Even so England should have way too much firepower for the Canadians mix of amateurs and semi-pros (including such luminaries as Stirling Richmond who plays here in HK for DeA Tigers) and should put 40 - 50 points on them.
I expect a gritty first half of forwards slugging it out then England's strength and fitness will tell in the second half.
Swing low, sweet chariot.....
REALITY CHECK
Last night we were putting together a video tape of the little charioteers to send to the grandparents.
During the editing process some huge fat b*****d kept popping up on the screen.
It took a few minutes to realise it was in fact me.
I can no longer pretend the earth's gravity is stronger here than in Exchange Square, or that the washing machine has shrunk all my clothes.
The evidence was there in front of my eyes.
so from now on it's healthy food and fitness for me until I've shifted about 10kg or so.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym (or Lan Kwai Fong or East Central if after 7.00 on a Friday - no need to get too carried away after all).
Last night we were putting together a video tape of the little charioteers to send to the grandparents.
During the editing process some huge fat b*****d kept popping up on the screen.
It took a few minutes to realise it was in fact me.
I can no longer pretend the earth's gravity is stronger here than in Exchange Square, or that the washing machine has shrunk all my clothes.
The evidence was there in front of my eyes.
so from now on it's healthy food and fitness for me until I've shifted about 10kg or so.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym (or Lan Kwai Fong or East Central if after 7.00 on a Friday - no need to get too carried away after all).
Thursday, November 11, 2004
CLARIFICATION OF MY PREVIOUS POST
Having had two Americans ask me yesterday whether I knew that Karl Rove had not really made those comments, I would like to clarify that yes, I am aware there were not real comments, and yes, I do know that the purported press conference never happened.
In fact I would like to go further and say that that was the whole point of the post, which was meant to be amusing.
I intend to borrow a tactic successfully employed by American television for years, and shall in future be putting up signs with the words "LAUGH NOW" at the end of any future humourous posts so that American readers are able to easily identify those that are meant to light-hearted and/or funny and react appropriately.
I apologise for any misunderstandings that may have arisen from a lack of clarity in past posts.
I misunderestimated my readership (LAUGH NOW)
Having had two Americans ask me yesterday whether I knew that Karl Rove had not really made those comments, I would like to clarify that yes, I am aware there were not real comments, and yes, I do know that the purported press conference never happened.
In fact I would like to go further and say that that was the whole point of the post, which was meant to be amusing.
I intend to borrow a tactic successfully employed by American television for years, and shall in future be putting up signs with the words "LAUGH NOW" at the end of any future humourous posts so that American readers are able to easily identify those that are meant to light-hearted and/or funny and react appropriately.
I apologise for any misunderstandings that may have arisen from a lack of clarity in past posts.
I misunderestimated my readership (LAUGH NOW)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
U.S. ELECTION
From The Onion
"The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."
Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty—or, for that matter, good sense."
Sums it up rather well I think.
From The Onion
"The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."
Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty—or, for that matter, good sense."
Sums it up rather well I think.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Study: Women not as faithful as gorillas
2004-11-08 13:04 (New York)
CHICAGO, Nov. 8 (UPI) -- University of Chicago researchers have determined the size of men's testicles has evolved based on the infidelity of women, The Times of London reported.
Researchers led by Bruce Lahn found in promiscuous species such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex, as once inside the female, sperm must battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilizes the egg. To maximize their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, and accordingly, gorillas' testicles are tiny.
Human testicles are somewhere in between in size, suggesting while women are not as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.
The study was published Monday in the journal Nature Genetics.
No Comment.
2004-11-08 13:04 (New York)
CHICAGO, Nov. 8 (UPI) -- University of Chicago researchers have determined the size of men's testicles has evolved based on the infidelity of women, The Times of London reported.
Researchers led by Bruce Lahn found in promiscuous species such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex, as once inside the female, sperm must battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilizes the egg. To maximize their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, and accordingly, gorillas' testicles are tiny.
Human testicles are somewhere in between in size, suggesting while women are not as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.
The study was published Monday in the journal Nature Genetics.
No Comment.
Monday, November 08, 2004
ROGER BINGHAM 1968-2004
Was away on business on Thursday and Friday last week. Heard while I was away that a friend from college had died from complications after surgery for cancer. He was 36, rarely drank more than a beer or two, a fitness and sport nut who played Rugby till his knees had no cartilege left and then took up Triathlons just to make certain.
I saw him at the wedding I went to in July and while I knew he had had some health problems he appeared in rude health and on fine form. He was even asking about how to go about doing the Maclehose (as if I'd know).
How can someone who didn't wreck themselves daily at college and was almost overly health-conscious be struck down like that so young when everyone else just sails on, still drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor and doing no exercise.
I've been trying all weekend to get my head round it and I can't. He is the first person of my little circle to die from a disease like this.
I can't really think what else to say, so I shall fall back on quoting the ever-reliable Blackadder (or in this case Captain Darling, who had just been informed he was being posted to the front just ahead of "The Big Push") to sum up my feelings on hearing the news.
"Made a note in my diary. It just says "bugger""
Was away on business on Thursday and Friday last week. Heard while I was away that a friend from college had died from complications after surgery for cancer. He was 36, rarely drank more than a beer or two, a fitness and sport nut who played Rugby till his knees had no cartilege left and then took up Triathlons just to make certain.
I saw him at the wedding I went to in July and while I knew he had had some health problems he appeared in rude health and on fine form. He was even asking about how to go about doing the Maclehose (as if I'd know).
How can someone who didn't wreck themselves daily at college and was almost overly health-conscious be struck down like that so young when everyone else just sails on, still drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor and doing no exercise.
I've been trying all weekend to get my head round it and I can't. He is the first person of my little circle to die from a disease like this.
I can't really think what else to say, so I shall fall back on quoting the ever-reliable Blackadder (or in this case Captain Darling, who had just been informed he was being posted to the front just ahead of "The Big Push") to sum up my feelings on hearing the news.
"Made a note in my diary. It just says "bugger""
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
OPEN LETTER TO B
B, this weekend the Northern Hemisphere Rugby international season kicks off with Wales scheduled to be walked all over by South Africa and Scotland due to be annihilated by Australia. A quick check of espnstar.com reveals that NEITHER game is being shown.
Instead, during the Wales game, StarSports will be showing Tennis (barely a sport at the best of times) - some competiton called the Masters Series (doesn't that mean oldies past their play-by-date) from Paris,
and during the Scotland game they will be showing "highlights" of a Motorcycling Grand Prix from Valencia which happened ages ago.
ESPN will be showing a repeat of a basketball game and horse racing reruns at the same times.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AT YOUR PLACE? WHO DECIDES THIS CRAP?
B, this weekend the Northern Hemisphere Rugby international season kicks off with Wales scheduled to be walked all over by South Africa and Scotland due to be annihilated by Australia. A quick check of espnstar.com reveals that NEITHER game is being shown.
Instead, during the Wales game, StarSports will be showing Tennis (barely a sport at the best of times) - some competiton called the Masters Series (doesn't that mean oldies past their play-by-date) from Paris,
and during the Scotland game they will be showing "highlights" of a Motorcycling Grand Prix from Valencia which happened ages ago.
ESPN will be showing a repeat of a basketball game and horse racing reruns at the same times.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AT YOUR PLACE? WHO DECIDES THIS CRAP?
THANK GOD IT'S NEARLY OVER...
Never has the world been so split in it's views.
Fiercely partisan supporters of both sides have been trading slurs, accusations, and quite possibly blows.
Most foreigners have been strongly supporting the underdog.
The favourites die-hard supporters don't care what foreigners think.
There has been endless coverage in the world's press, and endless discussion here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower, but finally it's nearly all over, as later today the final test between Australia and India kicks off in Mumbai. Australia are looking for a 3-0 clean sweep of the series (having already won the series, the first time on Indian soil for 30 years) and recognition as the worlds preeminent cricket team, and India playing for pride, and looking to prove to the world they are still a great cricketing nation who would have taken the series to the wire but for a rained off final day in the second test in Chennai.
This morning's news - Shane Warne is out with a broken thumb - great news for India on what is expected to be a turning wicket.
Updates will follow as the wickets fall...
Never has the world been so split in it's views.
Fiercely partisan supporters of both sides have been trading slurs, accusations, and quite possibly blows.
Most foreigners have been strongly supporting the underdog.
The favourites die-hard supporters don't care what foreigners think.
There has been endless coverage in the world's press, and endless discussion here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower, but finally it's nearly all over, as later today the final test between Australia and India kicks off in Mumbai. Australia are looking for a 3-0 clean sweep of the series (having already won the series, the first time on Indian soil for 30 years) and recognition as the worlds preeminent cricket team, and India playing for pride, and looking to prove to the world they are still a great cricketing nation who would have taken the series to the wire but for a rained off final day in the second test in Chennai.
This morning's news - Shane Warne is out with a broken thumb - great news for India on what is expected to be a turning wicket.
Updates will follow as the wickets fall...
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
DO YOU WANT THE GOOD NEWS OR THE BAD NEWS?
U.K. Inland Revenue Says Tax Records `Accidentally' Deleted
By Robert Hutton
Nov. 2 (Bloomberg) -- The U.K. Inland Revenue, the agency that
collects income tax, says it has ``accidentally'' deleted the
records of an unknown number of people and so can't say whether the
taxpayers concerned owe it money or are due refunds.
The taxpayers affected are people who left jobs three years
ago and didn't start work again or begin taking a pension, the
Inland Revenue said in a statement. That would include women who
stopped working after having babies, people sent to prison,
students who had left summer jobs to return to university, and
people who had died.
The agency, which has 30 million people on its database, said
it has been unable to recover the records and doesn't know how many
sets were deleted from its computer system. Hundreds of thousands
of people may be affected, said Richard Bacon, a lawmaker from the
opposition Conservative Party, who is calling for an investigation.
``How an organization doing something as important as the
Inland Revenue can be so sloppy as accidentally to delete
potentially large quantities of data is difficult to understand,''
said Bacon. ``Some taxpayers will not have received repayments to
which they are entitled and others may owe money which has not been
collected.''
I left my job in the UK three years ago and didn't start working there again.
Not sure if this is good news or bad news.
Could be an interesting call to the accountant!
By the way if you're wondering why this looks rather odd it's because my Internet Explorer isn't working so I'm using Netscape which doesn't seem to be very blogger friendly
UPDATE - I.E. is back! Hurrah
U.K. Inland Revenue Says Tax Records `Accidentally' Deleted
By Robert Hutton
Nov. 2 (Bloomberg) -- The U.K. Inland Revenue, the agency that
collects income tax, says it has ``accidentally'' deleted the
records of an unknown number of people and so can't say whether the
taxpayers concerned owe it money or are due refunds.
The taxpayers affected are people who left jobs three years
ago and didn't start work again or begin taking a pension, the
Inland Revenue said in a statement. That would include women who
stopped working after having babies, people sent to prison,
students who had left summer jobs to return to university, and
people who had died.
The agency, which has 30 million people on its database, said
it has been unable to recover the records and doesn't know how many
sets were deleted from its computer system. Hundreds of thousands
of people may be affected, said Richard Bacon, a lawmaker from the
opposition Conservative Party, who is calling for an investigation.
``How an organization doing something as important as the
Inland Revenue can be so sloppy as accidentally to delete
potentially large quantities of data is difficult to understand,''
said Bacon. ``Some taxpayers will not have received repayments to
which they are entitled and others may owe money which has not been
collected.''
I left my job in the UK three years ago and didn't start working there again.
Not sure if this is good news or bad news.
Could be an interesting call to the accountant!
By the way if you're wondering why this looks rather odd it's because my Internet Explorer isn't working so I'm using Netscape which doesn't seem to be very blogger friendly
UPDATE - I.E. is back! Hurrah
ELECTION COVERAGE
CNN is now on non-stop here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower. All the commentators keep referring to how this is now a "post nine-eleven" world and how this will impact the voting.
Well I'm sorry but I don't see how that's relevant?
The Porsche 911 has been around since 1963. Why is it suddenly so important?
CNN is now on non-stop here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower. All the commentators keep referring to how this is now a "post nine-eleven" world and how this will impact the voting.
Well I'm sorry but I don't see how that's relevant?
The Porsche 911 has been around since 1963. Why is it suddenly so important?
THE CHARIOTEERS ELECTION GUIDE
For those who may still be undecided as to who to vote for / support in tonight's election, here is a very brief summary of the salient points of the 2 main candidates campaigns.
George Bush
----------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden.
Is George Bush
John Kerry
--------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden
Is NOT George Bush
Sadly I will unable to watch all the converage as I have an urgent appointment with my bed. Will someone please wake me when it's all over.
Happy voting all.
For those who may still be undecided as to who to vote for / support in tonight's election, here is a very brief summary of the salient points of the 2 main candidates campaigns.
George Bush
----------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden.
Is George Bush
John Kerry
--------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden
Is NOT George Bush
Sadly I will unable to watch all the converage as I have an urgent appointment with my bed. Will someone please wake me when it's all over.
Happy voting all.
Monday, November 01, 2004
HEMLOCK
Absolutely Superb.
Sums the U.S. election up perfectly. Americans are working themselves into a frenzy and no-one else can tell the difference between the 2 candidates
Absolutely Superb.
Sums the U.S. election up perfectly. Americans are working themselves into a frenzy and no-one else can tell the difference between the 2 candidates
MUD ISLAND
Yet another reason never to go back (from the Telegraph)...
One man has died after two teenagers carried out a series of "violent and unprovoked" attacks on the South Bank in central London.
At least four other assaults took place within 15 minutes in the early hours of Saturday along a short stretch of the riverside route as people walked home from a night out.
David Morley, 37, a barman from Chiswick, west London, was punched and kicked in the final attack close to Hungerford Bridge and died in hospital from multiple injuries. He had sustained more than 40 bruises. His 29-year-old friend was also beaten.
Detective Chief Inspector Nick Scola, of the Specialist Crime Directorate, said: "People returning home were targeted in violent and unprovoked assaults. Clearly robbery was one of the motives we are looking at, but we are keeping an open mind.
"This is a well lit area and would have been busy with people returning home from the theatre, from restaurants and from the city at the time the attacks took place."
The youths, one black and one white, were spotted with two young women and stole money from two of their victims. Detectives were studying CCTV footage from the area and interviewed 70 people at the scene.
The first attack took place at 3.15am when a 35-year-old man was hit over the head with an unidentified object as he sat in Jubilee Gardens, near the London Eye. Ten minutes later, two men, aged 29 and 25, were assaulted close to the Royal Festival Hall and suffered minor injuries.
At around 3.30am, yards from the scene of the two earlier assaults, Mr Morley and his friend were attacked.
One witness said the youths had also set upon a woman, punching her in the face at the bottom of the steps leading to Hungerford Bridge.
After the fatal attack, the group fled through Jubilee Gardens towards the Shell Centre, headquarters of the oil company.
Mr Scola said: "The unpredictable nature of these attacks means the assailants could strike again."
Yet another reason never to go back (from the Telegraph)...
One man has died after two teenagers carried out a series of "violent and unprovoked" attacks on the South Bank in central London.
At least four other assaults took place within 15 minutes in the early hours of Saturday along a short stretch of the riverside route as people walked home from a night out.
David Morley, 37, a barman from Chiswick, west London, was punched and kicked in the final attack close to Hungerford Bridge and died in hospital from multiple injuries. He had sustained more than 40 bruises. His 29-year-old friend was also beaten.
Detective Chief Inspector Nick Scola, of the Specialist Crime Directorate, said: "People returning home were targeted in violent and unprovoked assaults. Clearly robbery was one of the motives we are looking at, but we are keeping an open mind.
"This is a well lit area and would have been busy with people returning home from the theatre, from restaurants and from the city at the time the attacks took place."
The youths, one black and one white, were spotted with two young women and stole money from two of their victims. Detectives were studying CCTV footage from the area and interviewed 70 people at the scene.
The first attack took place at 3.15am when a 35-year-old man was hit over the head with an unidentified object as he sat in Jubilee Gardens, near the London Eye. Ten minutes later, two men, aged 29 and 25, were assaulted close to the Royal Festival Hall and suffered minor injuries.
At around 3.30am, yards from the scene of the two earlier assaults, Mr Morley and his friend were attacked.
One witness said the youths had also set upon a woman, punching her in the face at the bottom of the steps leading to Hungerford Bridge.
After the fatal attack, the group fled through Jubilee Gardens towards the Shell Centre, headquarters of the oil company.
Mr Scola said: "The unpredictable nature of these attacks means the assailants could strike again."