ALIEN INVADERS

Hong Kongers have just woken up to the presence of yet more Alien invaders in their midst. Somehow the presence of their nests in the mid-levels and dotted all over the south side of the island had gone unnoticed for years. Now however the Hong Kong government, led by visionary Chief Executive C.H. Tung and backed by Beijing, is determined to stamp out this menace. It seems the invaders have been here for much longer than anyone had imagined, and many have in fact been here so long that most Hong Kongers have started to regard them as in fact being native to the SAR. Nothing could be further from the truth. Research has shown that these invaders first started arriving in significant numbers in 1841 and 1842 and their presence and numbers have been growing steadily since then. Fortunately they are easily identifiable by their pale colouring compared to native species.

They are also relatively easy to find. The worker drones can be found most mornings on the mid-levels escalator, which they use to descend to Central where they forage during the day for the resources to keep their queen and young fed, while the queens remain in the nest, lying on the sofa in front of the TV, engaging in the bizarre ritual of "coffee" with similarly indolent queens, or ordering around junior female workers who remain in the nest to tend to the queens every need. At weekends, when usually resource-rich central empties out, they can be found during the day on the beaches of the south side of the island, or in the evenings in the areas known as Soho, Lan Kwai Fong or Wan Chai where they gather to celebrate another successful week eking out an existence in Hong Kong.

During the early years of this invasion there were plenty of resources available to sustain both native and “alien” species, and they co-existed happily. In fact many even felt that the new arrivals were a benefit to Hong Kong, as their industrious efforts produced by-products such as wealth, stable government and low tax rates. Now however the competition for resources is heating up, and more importantly, a side-effect of the presence of this alin species in Hong Kong is a grwoing from of dementia known as "desire for democracy". Research has shown that prolonged exposure to the aliens can cause native individuals to develop an unhealthy and unwelcome desire to decide their own fate rather than have it decided several thousand kilometres to the north. Clearly this menace has to be stamped out fast if Hong Kong is to fulfill it's potential as part of the glorious Motherland. Various schemes have been proposed.

C.H. Tung has already launched two major efforts to eradicate the menace.

Firstly he has started filling in the harbour, removing the major reason the invaders were first attracted to Hong Kong. By taking away a major resource and replacing it with concrete he aims to remove a fertile source of resources and replace it with a wasteland on which even the native species would be hard-pressed to survive.

The second part of his plan is to remove the food supply for the invaders. At present most of their nutrition comes from Central, and easy and energy efficient location given the invaders preferred nesting sites in Mid Levels. Tung is therefore attempting to move the nutrition rich feeding planes of Central to a remote and inaccessible location he has dubbed Cyberport. He hopes that by making their daily trips for sustenance at least as difficult as it would be in their native habitats the invaders will leave of their own accord. Unfortunately for Tung he failed to realize that in relocating the food supply for the aliens, he would also be relocating the food supply for native species, and so this plan has so far failed to produce any quantifiable results.

Donald Tsang meanwhile has a different plan. He has noted that the invaders are less able and willing to tolerate energy-poor nutrition and cramped nests. His plan is that the invaders can be driven out by sheer weight of numbers. He reasons that if the native species can be persuaded to up their procreation rate, then eventually the invaders will be driven out as the native species natural tendency to use all available resources and leave behind infertile wastelands will lower the average resource level for all to a level that only the native species can tolerate. An added attraction is that to fund this plan he will be using resources provided by the aliens themselves (a by-product of their endeavour known as “taxes”) to encourage the native species to up their reproductive rate. At first glance it seems an admirable plan, however it is not clear whether Mr Tsang has realized that if he replaces the aliens with the native species then this resource supply is likely to dry up.

It is shaping up to be a battle royal! Will the tenacious invaders hold on, or will the natives succeed in eradicating them permanently.

Only time will tell.