FRIDAY FROLIC

From a reader

Things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: No.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.