CURRY IS GOOD FOR YOU!
LOS ANGELES, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- A spice used for thousands of years, curry, may be a powerful new weapon in fighting Alzheimer's Disease, researchers said. Researchers from UCLA and the Department of Veterans Affairs said their study of curcumin, the yellow pigment in curry, found it broke up existing beta
amyloid on rats' brains and helped prevent accumulation of the destructive plaque.
Reporting in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, the team said curcumin is more effective in stopping the protein fragments from forming than many other drugs being tested to treat the disease that affects 4 million Americans and millions more worldwide.
"The prospect of finding a safe and effective new approach to both prevention and treatment of Alzheimer's disease is tremendously exciting," said Gregory Cole, the main UCLA investigator.
"Curcumin has been used for thousands of years as a safe anti-inflammatory in a variety of ailments as part of Indian traditional medicine," Cole said. Recent animal studies "support a growing interest in its possible use for diseases of aging involving oxidative damage and inflammation like Alzheimer's, cancer and
heart disease."
Cole called for human trials of curcumin to establish safe and effective doses.
Now all we need is to prove beer is good for you too and then I can cancel my gym membership and set about becoming the healthiest guy in town.
Friday, December 31, 2004
NEW YEAR’S HUMBUG
So here it is again. Regular as clockwork. New Year’s Eve.
A time for compulsory fun and laughter, for queuing for the privilege of entering overcrowded and bars and clubs so you can buy overpriced watered-down drinks, for restaurants only offering revolting “Special Set Menus” wherever you look, and for every taxi being full and queues at the rank being round the block.
There are some redeeming features I suppose which can make for some light entertainment. There are inevitably a few who spectacularly misjudge their drinking capacity and are fast asleep in the middle of the road by 8.30pm, giving endless opportunities for humiliating photos, and wherever you are it’s a sure bet that someone, usually a rugby player with a nickname like “jockstrap” or some such, will try to climb on the bar, roaored on by his mates, and then either fall or get pushed off, necessitating a trip to casualty.
Other than that though I can think of no reason to venture outside of the environs of Chateau Chariot.
Happy New Year.
If anyone needs me I shall be at home, curled up with a good wife…
So here it is again. Regular as clockwork. New Year’s Eve.
A time for compulsory fun and laughter, for queuing for the privilege of entering overcrowded and bars and clubs so you can buy overpriced watered-down drinks, for restaurants only offering revolting “Special Set Menus” wherever you look, and for every taxi being full and queues at the rank being round the block.
There are some redeeming features I suppose which can make for some light entertainment. There are inevitably a few who spectacularly misjudge their drinking capacity and are fast asleep in the middle of the road by 8.30pm, giving endless opportunities for humiliating photos, and wherever you are it’s a sure bet that someone, usually a rugby player with a nickname like “jockstrap” or some such, will try to climb on the bar, roaored on by his mates, and then either fall or get pushed off, necessitating a trip to casualty.
Other than that though I can think of no reason to venture outside of the environs of Chateau Chariot.
Happy New Year.
If anyone needs me I shall be at home, curled up with a good wife…
Thursday, December 30, 2004
VERY CYNICAL, BUT DOES THAT MAKE HIM WRONG?
link
Bet that one will start some ranting of gargantuan proportions.
And one of the people I know who was in Phuket is our very own Attila the Gun, who is well-known for his moderate world view of things. When he sees that post I may have to absent myself for a while!
link
Bet that one will start some ranting of gargantuan proportions.
And one of the people I know who was in Phuket is our very own Attila the Gun, who is well-known for his moderate world view of things. When he sees that post I may have to absent myself for a while!
A CHRISTMAS TO FORGET
A Hong Kong couple who survived the tsunami after spending seven hours adrift when water surged through their Phuket hotel room are being investigated by the Social Welfare Dept.
Leung Wai-Kei, 27, said she had let go of a rail she was clinging to and grabbed hold of a floating mattress. Then she saw her husband, Ko Chung-Keung, 36, clinging to a piece of wood nearby.
The couple, who have two children, said in Phuket that they wanted to realize their dream of spending a sunny Christmas together. They said they had won $27,000 on horse racing recently.
But it emerged last night that they had been living on welfare payments for five years and they were separated two or three years ago.
A Social Welfare Dept spokesman said “I can confirm that we are investigating a fraud case involving a 27-year-old woman and a 36-year-old man after receiving a number of reports.”
A government source said Mrs Leung and her two children were claiming single-parent welfare payments of about $9,500 a month. Under the rules, a family of four can receive about $8,000 a month.
The couple, who were slightly injured, returned to Hong Kong last night and were sent to Tuen Mun Hospital, where Mrs Leung was admitted in stable condition. (from the SCMP)
D'oh!
A Hong Kong couple who survived the tsunami after spending seven hours adrift when water surged through their Phuket hotel room are being investigated by the Social Welfare Dept.
Leung Wai-Kei, 27, said she had let go of a rail she was clinging to and grabbed hold of a floating mattress. Then she saw her husband, Ko Chung-Keung, 36, clinging to a piece of wood nearby.
The couple, who have two children, said in Phuket that they wanted to realize their dream of spending a sunny Christmas together. They said they had won $27,000 on horse racing recently.
But it emerged last night that they had been living on welfare payments for five years and they were separated two or three years ago.
A Social Welfare Dept spokesman said “I can confirm that we are investigating a fraud case involving a 27-year-old woman and a 36-year-old man after receiving a number of reports.”
A government source said Mrs Leung and her two children were claiming single-parent welfare payments of about $9,500 a month. Under the rules, a family of four can receive about $8,000 a month.
The couple, who were slightly injured, returned to Hong Kong last night and were sent to Tuen Mun Hospital, where Mrs Leung was admitted in stable condition. (from the SCMP)
D'oh!
HO HUM
It's 11 am. It was pretty clear by about 8.30 that there was very little chance of any trades happening today. I've read all the blogs I'm interested in. I've read the SCMP cover to cover (including the Business section). I've read the BBC, the Telegraph and the Times reports on the cricket. CNN now seems to be on some sort of "Tsunami Repeat" mode where they just show the same stuff over and over again. The cricket isn't due to start again till 4pm.
What to do?
It's 11 am. It was pretty clear by about 8.30 that there was very little chance of any trades happening today. I've read all the blogs I'm interested in. I've read the SCMP cover to cover (including the Business section). I've read the BBC, the Telegraph and the Times reports on the cricket. CNN now seems to be on some sort of "Tsunami Repeat" mode where they just show the same stuff over and over again. The cricket isn't due to start again till 4pm.
What to do?
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
SPORT
Rugby
------
Leicester 50 - 7 Worcester
Cricket
-------
England 281 for 1 at end of Day 3 v South Africa
Magnificent....
Rugby
------
Leicester 50 - 7 Worcester
Cricket
-------
England 281 for 1 at end of Day 3 v South Africa
Magnificent....
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Sunday, December 26, 2004
TECHNOLOGICAL HELP NEEDED PLEASE
I hope everyone had a good christmas, but now I need your help please.
It is time for a new computer. Our Dell laptop is now 4 years old, which I believe makes it stone age in techie world.
Seeing as it has not moved from the table top here for over a year we might as well get one of those box things with a proper keyboard and decent size screen.
I know it needs to have a million USB ports for Palms, MP3's, printers, digital cameras etc etc but that is as much of a decision as I am qualified to make.
So I need some help.
It'll mainly be used for email / internet and storage for photos and MP3s, plus for burning CD's and DVD's.
Can someone who knows abouth these things please give me some advice on what to get.
Do I need bluetooth?
Do I need firwire? (What is firewire??)
Should it have built in CD and/or DVD readers and writers?
Should it have built in SD / Memory Stick readers?
What version of Windows should it run?
Should it have woofers and tweeters?
Should I have a bag on my head?
HELP.....
I hope everyone had a good christmas, but now I need your help please.
It is time for a new computer. Our Dell laptop is now 4 years old, which I believe makes it stone age in techie world.
Seeing as it has not moved from the table top here for over a year we might as well get one of those box things with a proper keyboard and decent size screen.
I know it needs to have a million USB ports for Palms, MP3's, printers, digital cameras etc etc but that is as much of a decision as I am qualified to make.
So I need some help.
It'll mainly be used for email / internet and storage for photos and MP3s, plus for burning CD's and DVD's.
Can someone who knows abouth these things please give me some advice on what to get.
Do I need bluetooth?
Do I need firwire? (What is firewire??)
Should it have built in CD and/or DVD readers and writers?
Should it have built in SD / Memory Stick readers?
What version of Windows should it run?
Should it have woofers and tweeters?
Should I have a bag on my head?
HELP.....
Thursday, December 23, 2004
SENSIBLE POLICIES FOR A HAPPIER MEXICO
Mexico City (dpa) - Come New Years, residents of Villahermosa, a
sizable city southeast of the capital, may no longer run around naked
in their own homes.
If caught in the act, they face 36 hours of arrest or a fine of 133
dollars, the Mexican daily ``La Jornada'' reported Wednesday. The town
of half a million residents lies in a tropical zone about 750
kilometres southeast of Mexico City.
The town has also forbidden residents to appear at parties without
an invitation.
Only one council member, Rodrigo Sanchez, voted against the law,
saying it was ``laughable'' and ``an attack on civil rights''.
Mexican towns and cities are in the grips of a passing such
regulations, presumably in an effort to bolster city incomes.
But whether they actually make any money on the nudity law is
another thing: the town has also forbidden spying on one's neighbours.
Mexico City (dpa) - Come New Years, residents of Villahermosa, a
sizable city southeast of the capital, may no longer run around naked
in their own homes.
If caught in the act, they face 36 hours of arrest or a fine of 133
dollars, the Mexican daily ``La Jornada'' reported Wednesday. The town
of half a million residents lies in a tropical zone about 750
kilometres southeast of Mexico City.
The town has also forbidden residents to appear at parties without
an invitation.
Only one council member, Rodrigo Sanchez, voted against the law,
saying it was ``laughable'' and ``an attack on civil rights''.
Mexican towns and cities are in the grips of a passing such
regulations, presumably in an effort to bolster city incomes.
But whether they actually make any money on the nudity law is
another thing: the town has also forbidden spying on one's neighbours.
THE DANGERS OF LONG HAUL TRAVEL
We all know about the obvious dangers of long haul travel. Every airline now shows you one of those silly videos showing a smiling man or woman doing a variety of preposterous exercises to keep the blood going while you're shoehorned into your miniscule cattle class seat, lest you suffer from deep vein thrombosis and sue the bastards.
There are other dangers however.
Last night I decided to imbibe a spot of festive spirit with Genghis in the perennial favourite - Stormies in LKF. While there I had the (mis)fortune to bump into fellow blogger Shandyman. He was with undoubtedly the biggest man in HK, a huge Aussie, who I shall call Bruce for anonimity's sake. They were both off to Mud Island for Christmas on last nights flights, Shandy to the bosom of his family and Bruce to the bosom of his girlfriend. Both had packed and, in a burst of efficiency, had checked in much earlier in the day. They were in LKF to have a couple of rum and cokes each to set them on their way.
All well and good.
Except that before their pre-flight refreshments they had been to lunch in Dot Cod.
For 8 hours.
Shandy was upright, but only just.
Bruce was upright for a while, but then decided he needed to rest his eyes for 15 minutes or so by lying down in the middle of LKF, where he was the source of much amusement to the snaggle-toothed mainland tour parties who seemed to be out in even greater numbers than usual.
Bruce was eventually roused, but then Shandy realised he had forgotten something vital for his trip, the Little Madam.
Yes she was going too but had sensibly opted out of the pre-flight drinkathon.
Panic phone calls ensued and LM was eventually located, hopefully for her she was at a check-in desk getting her seat changed.
God knows if either of them made it to the flight, but my heart goes out to the poor people who had to sit next to either of them for 13 hrs.
We all know about the obvious dangers of long haul travel. Every airline now shows you one of those silly videos showing a smiling man or woman doing a variety of preposterous exercises to keep the blood going while you're shoehorned into your miniscule cattle class seat, lest you suffer from deep vein thrombosis and sue the bastards.
There are other dangers however.
Last night I decided to imbibe a spot of festive spirit with Genghis in the perennial favourite - Stormies in LKF. While there I had the (mis)fortune to bump into fellow blogger Shandyman. He was with undoubtedly the biggest man in HK, a huge Aussie, who I shall call Bruce for anonimity's sake. They were both off to Mud Island for Christmas on last nights flights, Shandy to the bosom of his family and Bruce to the bosom of his girlfriend. Both had packed and, in a burst of efficiency, had checked in much earlier in the day. They were in LKF to have a couple of rum and cokes each to set them on their way.
All well and good.
Except that before their pre-flight refreshments they had been to lunch in Dot Cod.
For 8 hours.
Shandy was upright, but only just.
Bruce was upright for a while, but then decided he needed to rest his eyes for 15 minutes or so by lying down in the middle of LKF, where he was the source of much amusement to the snaggle-toothed mainland tour parties who seemed to be out in even greater numbers than usual.
Bruce was eventually roused, but then Shandy realised he had forgotten something vital for his trip, the Little Madam.
Yes she was going too but had sensibly opted out of the pre-flight drinkathon.
Panic phone calls ensued and LM was eventually located, hopefully for her she was at a check-in desk getting her seat changed.
God knows if either of them made it to the flight, but my heart goes out to the poor people who had to sit next to either of them for 13 hrs.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Never-changing calendar developed
BALTIMORE, Dec. 21 (UPI) -- A scientist at The John Hopkins University has developed a calendar that never changes from year to year, with Christmas always falling on a Sunday.Using computer programs and mathematical formulas, Richard Henry, professor in the Henry A. Rowland Department of Physics and Astronomy, is waging a Web-based campaign to have the world change to his model by Jan. 1, 2006. Henry said this transition date is ideal, because New Year's Day 2006 falls on a Sunday on both the old and proposed calendars, facilitating a seamless transition.Under Henry's plan, each new 12-month period is identical to the one that came before. Each month has either 30 or 31 days. January, for instance, would have 30 days, as would February, April, May, July, August, October and November. March, June, September and December would all have 31 days.To compensate for leap years, Henry proposes instituting instead a one-week "mini-month" between June and July every five or six years. In honor of his personal hero, Sir Isaac Newton, Henry has dubbed this period "Newton."
Only an American could think it's a good idea to have Christmas Day and New Year's Day always fall on a Sunday (presumably his logic is that then people wouldn't need to have a day off work - God forbid that might happen!).
BALTIMORE, Dec. 21 (UPI) -- A scientist at The John Hopkins University has developed a calendar that never changes from year to year, with Christmas always falling on a Sunday.Using computer programs and mathematical formulas, Richard Henry, professor in the Henry A. Rowland Department of Physics and Astronomy, is waging a Web-based campaign to have the world change to his model by Jan. 1, 2006. Henry said this transition date is ideal, because New Year's Day 2006 falls on a Sunday on both the old and proposed calendars, facilitating a seamless transition.Under Henry's plan, each new 12-month period is identical to the one that came before. Each month has either 30 or 31 days. January, for instance, would have 30 days, as would February, April, May, July, August, October and November. March, June, September and December would all have 31 days.To compensate for leap years, Henry proposes instituting instead a one-week "mini-month" between June and July every five or six years. In honor of his personal hero, Sir Isaac Newton, Henry has dubbed this period "Newton."
Only an American could think it's a good idea to have Christmas Day and New Year's Day always fall on a Sunday (presumably his logic is that then people wouldn't need to have a day off work - God forbid that might happen!).
YET ANOTHER CHRISTMAS JOKE
A small boy goes christmas shopping with his grandfather, but there are hundreds of people in the shopping mall and he soon gets seperated from his grandfather. Fortunately his grandfather had had the foresight to tell him what to do in case this happened, so, remembering his grandfathers instructions, he finds a policeman and tells him "I've lost my grandad". The policeman says "Don't worry lad. We'll find him for you. What's he like ?" The little boy replied "Jack Daniels and birds with big tits "
Boom boom....
A small boy goes christmas shopping with his grandfather, but there are hundreds of people in the shopping mall and he soon gets seperated from his grandfather. Fortunately his grandfather had had the foresight to tell him what to do in case this happened, so, remembering his grandfathers instructions, he finds a policeman and tells him "I've lost my grandad". The policeman says "Don't worry lad. We'll find him for you. What's he like ?" The little boy replied "Jack Daniels and birds with big tits "
Boom boom....
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
ANYONE LOOKING FOR A NEW AMAH?
Check out the second advert down on this list of helpers looking for work - Maribel Apostol Taguinod (Belle to her friends apparently!)
Surely someone out there can provide some form of employment for a 29 year old single female ex-model from the Philippines.
Shaky?
Shandy?
Hemlock?
Fumier?
Simon? (I'm sure Mrs M wouldn't mind)
Check out the second advert down on this list of helpers looking for work - Maribel Apostol Taguinod (Belle to her friends apparently!)
Surely someone out there can provide some form of employment for a 29 year old single female ex-model from the Philippines.
Shaky?
Shandy?
Hemlock?
Fumier?
Simon? (I'm sure Mrs M wouldn't mind)
Monday, December 20, 2004
ANOTHER CHRISTMAS JOKE
Heard a great joke on the Radio this morning. They claimed that George W Bush is Time Magazine's "Person of the Year".
What kidders eh.
They should have saved it for April Fools though.
I mean who would really believe that?
Turns out sadly it is true.
This puts Geroge W Bush in illustrious company. Previous winners of this award include Adolf Hitler in 1938, Josef Stalin in 1939 AND 1942 and Ayatollah Khomeni in 1979.
Clearly there are bonus points in the calculations used for causing huge numbers of deaths and crushing civil liberties and dissent.
Heard a great joke on the Radio this morning. They claimed that George W Bush is Time Magazine's "Person of the Year".
What kidders eh.
They should have saved it for April Fools though.
I mean who would really believe that?
Turns out sadly it is true.
This puts Geroge W Bush in illustrious company. Previous winners of this award include Adolf Hitler in 1938, Josef Stalin in 1939 AND 1942 and Ayatollah Khomeni in 1979.
Clearly there are bonus points in the calculations used for causing huge numbers of deaths and crushing civil liberties and dissent.
Friday, December 17, 2004
HONG KONG SEVENS
Despite having been away on the day of the public sale I've got some tickets... nahnahnahnahnah...
The secret?
Give your amah a wedge of cash. Ask her to round up some friends. Give her a map and the time the tickets go on sale. Explain there might be a queue so best to get there a bit early. Then go on holiday.
Lo and behold - I've got tickets!
She has earnt her 13mth bonus this year.
Despite having been away on the day of the public sale I've got some tickets... nahnahnahnahnah...
The secret?
Give your amah a wedge of cash. Ask her to round up some friends. Give her a map and the time the tickets go on sale. Explain there might be a queue so best to get there a bit early. Then go on holiday.
Lo and behold - I've got tickets!
She has earnt her 13mth bonus this year.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
There was this man who worked for the Post Office and whose job it was
to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day just before Xmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply
addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".
With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read,
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had GBP100 in it, which was all the
money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas.
Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas
dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God, can you please help me?"
The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on
the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.
The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and
had a whip round. Between them they raised GBP96.
Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash onto
the old lady. And for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed
to God landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around
while the letter was opened.
It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself
with joy.
By the way, there was GBP4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving
b******s at the Post Office."
to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day just before Xmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply
addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".
With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read,
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had GBP100 in it, which was all the
money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas.
Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas
dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God, can you please help me?"
The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on
the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.
The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and
had a whip round. Between them they raised GBP96.
Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash onto
the old lady. And for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed
to God landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around
while the letter was opened.
It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself
with joy.
By the way, there was GBP4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving
b******s at the Post Office."
Friday, December 03, 2004
A JOKE TO FINISH THE WEEK
Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"
Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap.
"Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David made his own lunch."
(Thankyou reader)
And with that I'm off to Bali for a week.
Byeeeeeeee
Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"
Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap.
"Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David made his own lunch."
(Thankyou reader)
And with that I'm off to Bali for a week.
Byeeeeeeee
BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN
So far today no car bombs have exploded in Iraq. A spokesman for the interim Iraqi government described this as "totally unprecedented" and vowed the government would work "tirelessly" to ensure an immediate return to chaos.
A spokesman for the Association of Baghdad Car Dealers commented that if there was not immediate government action his members would be forced to consider laying off staff in "the near future" as demand for new cars to replaced those used by the bombers is crucial to their market.
UPDATE FROM REUTERS
Normal Service has been resumed
15:31 03Dec2004 RTRS-UPDATE 1-Car bomb in northern Baghdad kills 14 - police
BAGHDAD, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A car bomb killed at least 14 people on Friday in the tense northern Baghdad neighbourhood of Aadhamiya, police said.
Aadhamiya is a mainly Sunni area that has seen frequent attacks by insurgents. There was no immediate information on the target of the car bomb attack.
Earlier on Friday, gunmen stormed a police station in southern Baghdad, killing 11 policemen.
So far today no car bombs have exploded in Iraq. A spokesman for the interim Iraqi government described this as "totally unprecedented" and vowed the government would work "tirelessly" to ensure an immediate return to chaos.
A spokesman for the Association of Baghdad Car Dealers commented that if there was not immediate government action his members would be forced to consider laying off staff in "the near future" as demand for new cars to replaced those used by the bombers is crucial to their market.
UPDATE FROM REUTERS
Normal Service has been resumed
15:31 03Dec2004 RTRS-UPDATE 1-Car bomb in northern Baghdad kills 14 - police
BAGHDAD, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A car bomb killed at least 14 people on Friday in the tense northern Baghdad neighbourhood of Aadhamiya, police said.
Aadhamiya is a mainly Sunni area that has seen frequent attacks by insurgents. There was no immediate information on the target of the car bomb attack.
Earlier on Friday, gunmen stormed a police station in southern Baghdad, killing 11 policemen.
HOW SAD IS THIS?
"Santacam" to allay paedophile fears
LONDON, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A Father Christmas will have a webcam in his grotto to overcome parents' concerns after a number of high-profile paedophile cases in Britain in the past few years.
The St Elli shopping centre in Llanelli, south Wales, said children taking part in the traditional Christmas ritual of telling Santa their gift wishes would also sit beside him rather than on his knee.
"It's a sad sign of the times," St Elli manager Gilmour Jones was quoted as saying by the Guardian newspaper on Friday. "But I'm afraid that it was either this or not having Santa's grotto at all."
At the risk of sounding like an old fart, has the world really degenerated to the point where a "Santacam" is necessary before parents will lets their kids go to see Santa?
"Santacam" to allay paedophile fears
LONDON, Dec 3 (Reuters) - A Father Christmas will have a webcam in his grotto to overcome parents' concerns after a number of high-profile paedophile cases in Britain in the past few years.
The St Elli shopping centre in Llanelli, south Wales, said children taking part in the traditional Christmas ritual of telling Santa their gift wishes would also sit beside him rather than on his knee.
"It's a sad sign of the times," St Elli manager Gilmour Jones was quoted as saying by the Guardian newspaper on Friday. "But I'm afraid that it was either this or not having Santa's grotto at all."
At the risk of sounding like an old fart, has the world really degenerated to the point where a "Santacam" is necessary before parents will lets their kids go to see Santa?
Thursday, December 02, 2004
MOBILE PORN
One of the main drivers of 3G mobile phone growth globally is expected to be "adult content" downloads. In most of the world this is quietly brushed under the carpet and everyone pretends it's for video-conferencing and the like, however the porn industry was originally widely credited with ensuring the success of VHS over Betamax many years (it was the format of choice for filiming apparently as the cameras and equipment were cheaper than the Betamax equivalents, even though Betamax was by far and away the better quality format), and has been largely behind the explosive growth in web.
In Belgium however they have recognised this and while they still don't have 3G there, they are using it to promote 2G and MMS functions as this ad (not work safe) none-too-subtly shows. (website found courtesy of Shaky, though he may not want me to mention that)
I can scarcely imagine what their 3G ad will be like
One of the main drivers of 3G mobile phone growth globally is expected to be "adult content" downloads. In most of the world this is quietly brushed under the carpet and everyone pretends it's for video-conferencing and the like, however the porn industry was originally widely credited with ensuring the success of VHS over Betamax many years (it was the format of choice for filiming apparently as the cameras and equipment were cheaper than the Betamax equivalents, even though Betamax was by far and away the better quality format), and has been largely behind the explosive growth in web.
In Belgium however they have recognised this and while they still don't have 3G there, they are using it to promote 2G and MMS functions as this ad (not work safe) none-too-subtly shows. (website found courtesy of Shaky, though he may not want me to mention that)
I can scarcely imagine what their 3G ad will be like
BLOG
"Word of the Year"
And YOU can choose blog of the year here
In keeping with Asian voting practices, I am happy to announce that my vote is for sale. Any bloggers desperate to win and prepared to cheat start counting your pennies and feel free to leave your bids in my comments section.
And don't worry that this blatant auction means my vote will be discounted. My vote WILL be counted because otherwise the next time Simon and I play squash there will be an "accident"....
"Word of the Year"
And YOU can choose blog of the year here
In keeping with Asian voting practices, I am happy to announce that my vote is for sale. Any bloggers desperate to win and prepared to cheat start counting your pennies and feel free to leave your bids in my comments section.
And don't worry that this blatant auction means my vote will be discounted. My vote WILL be counted because otherwise the next time Simon and I play squash there will be an "accident"....
HARRY REDKNAPP
Sadly Harry Redknapp has left Portsmouth Football Club for some time out of the game. Like many footballing folk, he was as well known for his gifts with the English language as he was for his gifts at management.
A few of his classic comments are below... (the comment on Samassi Abou's bout of food poisoning is a particular favourite of mine)
* On his former West Ham striker: "John Hartson's got more
previous than Jack the ripper"
* On the ignoble art of 'diving': "Abou retaliated but the
fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling
around."
* On his relationship as Portsmouth's director of football with
the club's then-manager: "I shall not be interfering with Graham
Rix."
* On tactics: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in
bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only
want to talk football in bed."
* On a training-ground scrap between Alvin Martin and Matthew
Rush: "I've seen better fights at a wedding."
* On Samassi Abou: "He don't speak the English too good."
* On a striker he subsequently signed who went on to score just
two goals for West Ham: "I look at Arsenal's bench and they have
Davor Suker sitting there. The man's a legend and would score goals by the
bucketload whoever he played for."
* On West Ham's Uefa Cup chances: "Where are we in relation to
Europe? Not too far from Dover."
* On a spurned chance against Chelsea: "Joe Cole missed an open
goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
* On the crowd barracking Michael Carrick: "Everyone f***ing jumps
all over you. When Michael Carrick gave the ball away the other
week there was 20,000 people c*nting him off. He give a bad ball and they are
all f***ing 'wan**r.'"
* On new signings: "With the foreigners it's more difficult. Most of
them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go
racing. They don't even drink."
* On signing Portuguese winger Dani: "My missus fancies him. Even I don't
know whether to play him or f*ck him."
* On his playing career: "Even when we had Moore, Hurst and
Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. Which just shows how
crap the other eight of us were."
* On Paolo Di Canio's one-fingered gesture to Aston Villa fans:
"From a still picture how does anybody know what Di Canio was doing?
He might have been signalling to a team-mate about a tactic from a corner.
He might have been gesturing a tactical change. He could have been showing
that the score was 1-0."
* On Samassi Abou's mystery ailment: "The lad went home to the
Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy
missionary or something."
* And then there was his interview with Sportonair.com after Harry's
West Ham side had surrendered a first-half lead against Arsenal
and ultimately lost the match
Reporter: Harry, what message did you give the players
at half-time?
Redknapp: "Just 'play the same as we did first half.'
What do you f*cking think I said to them at half-time?"
Reporter: "Dunno."
Redknapp: "'Go and f*cking sit back and let them attack
us' or summink? Is that what you think I said? What a f*cking stupid
question."
He will be sorely missed
Sadly Harry Redknapp has left Portsmouth Football Club for some time out of the game. Like many footballing folk, he was as well known for his gifts with the English language as he was for his gifts at management.
A few of his classic comments are below... (the comment on Samassi Abou's bout of food poisoning is a particular favourite of mine)
* On his former West Ham striker: "John Hartson's got more
previous than Jack the ripper"
* On the ignoble art of 'diving': "Abou retaliated but the
fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling
around."
* On his relationship as Portsmouth's director of football with
the club's then-manager: "I shall not be interfering with Graham
Rix."
* On tactics: "I sorted out the team formation last night lying in
bed with the wife. When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only
want to talk football in bed."
* On a training-ground scrap between Alvin Martin and Matthew
Rush: "I've seen better fights at a wedding."
* On Samassi Abou: "He don't speak the English too good."
* On a striker he subsequently signed who went on to score just
two goals for West Ham: "I look at Arsenal's bench and they have
Davor Suker sitting there. The man's a legend and would score goals by the
bucketload whoever he played for."
* On West Ham's Uefa Cup chances: "Where are we in relation to
Europe? Not too far from Dover."
* On a spurned chance against Chelsea: "Joe Cole missed an open
goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
* On the crowd barracking Michael Carrick: "Everyone f***ing jumps
all over you. When Michael Carrick gave the ball away the other
week there was 20,000 people c*nting him off. He give a bad ball and they are
all f***ing 'wan**r.'"
* On new signings: "With the foreigners it's more difficult. Most of
them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go
racing. They don't even drink."
* On signing Portuguese winger Dani: "My missus fancies him. Even I don't
know whether to play him or f*ck him."
* On his playing career: "Even when we had Moore, Hurst and
Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. Which just shows how
crap the other eight of us were."
* On Paolo Di Canio's one-fingered gesture to Aston Villa fans:
"From a still picture how does anybody know what Di Canio was doing?
He might have been signalling to a team-mate about a tactic from a corner.
He might have been gesturing a tactical change. He could have been showing
that the score was 1-0."
* On Samassi Abou's mystery ailment: "The lad went home to the
Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy
missionary or something."
* And then there was his interview with Sportonair.com after Harry's
West Ham side had surrendered a first-half lead against Arsenal
and ultimately lost the match
Reporter: Harry, what message did you give the players
at half-time?
Redknapp: "Just 'play the same as we did first half.'
What do you f*cking think I said to them at half-time?"
Reporter: "Dunno."
Redknapp: "'Go and f*cking sit back and let them attack
us' or summink? Is that what you think I said? What a f*cking stupid
question."
He will be sorely missed
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
SIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU GO "OUCH"
Just been in the gym.
Heard a hairdryer spring into life in the changing room afterwards and turned round to see who on earth was using a hairdryer so I could avoid them in the future (let's be honest - only one type of man would ever use a hairdryer in a gym changing room - the sort who hang around the weights in lycra shorts but are never actually seen lifting anything (apart from their shirts maybe) ) .
Anyway imagine my surprise when it wasn't someone pouting into the mirror. It was in fact a late middle-aged, bald asian gentleman who was using it.
Note the word bald.
That only leaves 3 possible places he could be using it.
And it wasn't his armpits he was drying with that blast of superheated air.
Ouch!!
(The temptation to include the words "blow" and "job" into this post was very strong but I managed to resist in the interest of family friendly blogging)
Just been in the gym.
Heard a hairdryer spring into life in the changing room afterwards and turned round to see who on earth was using a hairdryer so I could avoid them in the future (let's be honest - only one type of man would ever use a hairdryer in a gym changing room - the sort who hang around the weights in lycra shorts but are never actually seen lifting anything (apart from their shirts maybe) ) .
Anyway imagine my surprise when it wasn't someone pouting into the mirror. It was in fact a late middle-aged, bald asian gentleman who was using it.
Note the word bald.
That only leaves 3 possible places he could be using it.
And it wasn't his armpits he was drying with that blast of superheated air.
Ouch!!
(The temptation to include the words "blow" and "job" into this post was very strong but I managed to resist in the interest of family friendly blogging)
Monday, November 29, 2004
THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL BLOGGER
Thoughts from Australia...
-------------------------
Every restaurant serves almost nothing except steak, even the "seafood" ones.
It's a big place.
So are most Aussies
They therefore probably should avoid the midriff revealing fashion look.
But they don't.
Yuk. There were some stomach churning sights. Especially after a large steak lunch.
Thoughts from the flight...
-------------------------
a new entrant in the "worst film ever category" - King Arthur. Under no circumstances should anyone ever consider seeing this movie. The 2 minutes towards the end of Keira Knightley painted blue and running around in a cross between a belt for breasts (maybe it was supposed to be some form of medieval bra?) and some form of Olde Englishe bondage outfit in no way make up for the rest of the unadulterated crap that is the rest of this movie.
Thoughts from Australia...
-------------------------
Every restaurant serves almost nothing except steak, even the "seafood" ones.
It's a big place.
So are most Aussies
They therefore probably should avoid the midriff revealing fashion look.
But they don't.
Yuk. There were some stomach churning sights. Especially after a large steak lunch.
Thoughts from the flight...
-------------------------
a new entrant in the "worst film ever category" - King Arthur. Under no circumstances should anyone ever consider seeing this movie. The 2 minutes towards the end of Keira Knightley painted blue and running around in a cross between a belt for breasts (maybe it was supposed to be some form of medieval bra?) and some form of Olde Englishe bondage outfit in no way make up for the rest of the unadulterated crap that is the rest of this movie.
Friday, November 19, 2004
GREAT SOUTHERN LAND
And so it’s off to sunny Australia for me on Sunday night, sadly for work rather than holidays.
Start with 2 days in Sydney, then a day in Brisbane, back to Sydney for a day then a day in Melbourne to finish off…
I am also toying with contacting my "long-lost" stepsister who I've only ever met twice (last time approx 18 years ago I think) and lives in Sydney. She's now got a husband (South African - they get everywhere!) and two kids which I guess makes me a step-uncle. Have got her phone number from my step-father but not had the nerve to call her yet - it's a bit daunting somehow.
Have fun while I’m gone everyone
And so it’s off to sunny Australia for me on Sunday night, sadly for work rather than holidays.
Start with 2 days in Sydney, then a day in Brisbane, back to Sydney for a day then a day in Melbourne to finish off…
I am also toying with contacting my "long-lost" stepsister who I've only ever met twice (last time approx 18 years ago I think) and lives in Sydney. She's now got a husband (South African - they get everywhere!) and two kids which I guess makes me a step-uncle. Have got her phone number from my step-father but not had the nerve to call her yet - it's a bit daunting somehow.
Have fun while I’m gone everyone
SPORT
England v South Africa
-----------------------------
This weekend is one of the few times each year when I actually miss Mud Island. England v South Africa at Twickenham.
On paper South Africa should win, despite their recent loss to Ireland and only scraping past Wales. They are the reigning Tri-Nations Champions, have a settled side and will want to avenge last weeks defeat.
England however will obviously have home advantage and will be determined to prove that last weekends thrashing of the Canadians was not a fluke.
Should be a cracking game, made more tasty by the fact that my (closet South African) wife and I are having dinner with some South Africans tomorrow night, and the game kicks off at 10.30pm. It could get messy come after-eight mint time.
The heart says England, head says South Africa
Wales v New Zealand
--------------------------
The only international sporting event where laughing at the sheep-shaggers could mean either side.
Wales to be crushed ruthlessly (or is that a hope, not a forecast)
Scotland v Australia
-------------------------
Having featured in last weekends top comedy fixture when they scored 100pts vs Japan, Scotland will now be featuring as the other side in this weekends top comedy fixture.
Australia to win by miles.
Ireland v USA
-----------------
Would be top comedy fixture where it not for above.
USA to play bravely in the first half and hold their own, then Ireland to walk away with it in the second half.
Other games
Wasps v Leicester
---------------------
3rd v 1st. Both teams will be missing players through international commitments so both will be fielding a few relatively inexperienced players, but the likes of Dallaglio, Johnson and Back will all be on display. If Wasps win then they move to within a point of Leicester and the race is wide open. If Leicester win then they will have gone a long way towards knocking out one of the few teams that may catch them.
England v South Africa
-----------------------------
This weekend is one of the few times each year when I actually miss Mud Island. England v South Africa at Twickenham.
On paper South Africa should win, despite their recent loss to Ireland and only scraping past Wales. They are the reigning Tri-Nations Champions, have a settled side and will want to avenge last weeks defeat.
England however will obviously have home advantage and will be determined to prove that last weekends thrashing of the Canadians was not a fluke.
Should be a cracking game, made more tasty by the fact that my (closet South African) wife and I are having dinner with some South Africans tomorrow night, and the game kicks off at 10.30pm. It could get messy come after-eight mint time.
The heart says England, head says South Africa
Wales v New Zealand
--------------------------
The only international sporting event where laughing at the sheep-shaggers could mean either side.
Wales to be crushed ruthlessly (or is that a hope, not a forecast)
Scotland v Australia
-------------------------
Having featured in last weekends top comedy fixture when they scored 100pts vs Japan, Scotland will now be featuring as the other side in this weekends top comedy fixture.
Australia to win by miles.
Ireland v USA
-----------------
Would be top comedy fixture where it not for above.
USA to play bravely in the first half and hold their own, then Ireland to walk away with it in the second half.
Other games
Wasps v Leicester
---------------------
3rd v 1st. Both teams will be missing players through international commitments so both will be fielding a few relatively inexperienced players, but the likes of Dallaglio, Johnson and Back will all be on display. If Wasps win then they move to within a point of Leicester and the race is wide open. If Leicester win then they will have gone a long way towards knocking out one of the few teams that may catch them.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
GENGHIS'ISM
He's back, after an innordinately long period of relative calm.
We were talking about the fox-hunting ban in the UK, then Hilary Clinton appeared on CNN...
"how about we set a pack of dogs on her? Then I could gut-shot her and watch her bleed to death"
Form is temporary, class is eternal.
He's back, after an innordinately long period of relative calm.
We were talking about the fox-hunting ban in the UK, then Hilary Clinton appeared on CNN...
"how about we set a pack of dogs on her? Then I could gut-shot her and watch her bleed to death"
Form is temporary, class is eternal.
Monday, November 15, 2004
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME
Weekend Rugby results.
England 70-0 Canada
Scotland 100-8 Japan
Wales 66-7 Romania
Why bother. Full-time professionals versus enthusiastic amateurs. The games are played in front of half-full stadiums with no atmosphere, and do no favours to the minnows who simply have their noses rubbed in the dirt.
It would be much more useful if these minor teams played each other in a mini tournament, so each had realistic chances of winning a few games and so maybe getting some positive headlines back home and help grow the sport domestically.
Weekend Rugby results.
England 70-0 Canada
Scotland 100-8 Japan
Wales 66-7 Romania
Why bother. Full-time professionals versus enthusiastic amateurs. The games are played in front of half-full stadiums with no atmosphere, and do no favours to the minnows who simply have their noses rubbed in the dirt.
It would be much more useful if these minor teams played each other in a mini tournament, so each had realistic chances of winning a few games and so maybe getting some positive headlines back home and help grow the sport domestically.
Friday, November 12, 2004
SPORT
The Northern Hemisphere Rugby Internationals season got under way last weekend, with the Welsh and the Scots both losing (tee hee hee). This weekend England get under way against Canada.
In many ways it's the perfect opening game.
Only 4 of the world cup winning team remain, with Jason Robinson captaining the side. Missing through either injury or retirement are Martin Johnson, Neil Back, Richard Hill, Trevor Woodman, Jonny Wilkinson and Jason Leaonard, and Matt Dawson and Will Greenwood have been overlooked, the former for disciplinary reasons and the latter in favour of Henry Paul, who Hong Kongers should know through his huge contributions to Englands winning streak in the HK 7's.
The team therefore is very raw, with 2 new caps featuring - Mark Cueto on the wing and Andy Hazell on the flank.
Even so England should have way too much firepower for the Canadians mix of amateurs and semi-pros (including such luminaries as Stirling Richmond who plays here in HK for DeA Tigers) and should put 40 - 50 points on them.
I expect a gritty first half of forwards slugging it out then England's strength and fitness will tell in the second half.
Swing low, sweet chariot.....
The Northern Hemisphere Rugby Internationals season got under way last weekend, with the Welsh and the Scots both losing (tee hee hee). This weekend England get under way against Canada.
In many ways it's the perfect opening game.
Only 4 of the world cup winning team remain, with Jason Robinson captaining the side. Missing through either injury or retirement are Martin Johnson, Neil Back, Richard Hill, Trevor Woodman, Jonny Wilkinson and Jason Leaonard, and Matt Dawson and Will Greenwood have been overlooked, the former for disciplinary reasons and the latter in favour of Henry Paul, who Hong Kongers should know through his huge contributions to Englands winning streak in the HK 7's.
The team therefore is very raw, with 2 new caps featuring - Mark Cueto on the wing and Andy Hazell on the flank.
Even so England should have way too much firepower for the Canadians mix of amateurs and semi-pros (including such luminaries as Stirling Richmond who plays here in HK for DeA Tigers) and should put 40 - 50 points on them.
I expect a gritty first half of forwards slugging it out then England's strength and fitness will tell in the second half.
Swing low, sweet chariot.....
REALITY CHECK
Last night we were putting together a video tape of the little charioteers to send to the grandparents.
During the editing process some huge fat b*****d kept popping up on the screen.
It took a few minutes to realise it was in fact me.
I can no longer pretend the earth's gravity is stronger here than in Exchange Square, or that the washing machine has shrunk all my clothes.
The evidence was there in front of my eyes.
so from now on it's healthy food and fitness for me until I've shifted about 10kg or so.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym (or Lan Kwai Fong or East Central if after 7.00 on a Friday - no need to get too carried away after all).
Last night we were putting together a video tape of the little charioteers to send to the grandparents.
During the editing process some huge fat b*****d kept popping up on the screen.
It took a few minutes to realise it was in fact me.
I can no longer pretend the earth's gravity is stronger here than in Exchange Square, or that the washing machine has shrunk all my clothes.
The evidence was there in front of my eyes.
so from now on it's healthy food and fitness for me until I've shifted about 10kg or so.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym (or Lan Kwai Fong or East Central if after 7.00 on a Friday - no need to get too carried away after all).
Thursday, November 11, 2004
CLARIFICATION OF MY PREVIOUS POST
Having had two Americans ask me yesterday whether I knew that Karl Rove had not really made those comments, I would like to clarify that yes, I am aware there were not real comments, and yes, I do know that the purported press conference never happened.
In fact I would like to go further and say that that was the whole point of the post, which was meant to be amusing.
I intend to borrow a tactic successfully employed by American television for years, and shall in future be putting up signs with the words "LAUGH NOW" at the end of any future humourous posts so that American readers are able to easily identify those that are meant to light-hearted and/or funny and react appropriately.
I apologise for any misunderstandings that may have arisen from a lack of clarity in past posts.
I misunderestimated my readership (LAUGH NOW)
Having had two Americans ask me yesterday whether I knew that Karl Rove had not really made those comments, I would like to clarify that yes, I am aware there were not real comments, and yes, I do know that the purported press conference never happened.
In fact I would like to go further and say that that was the whole point of the post, which was meant to be amusing.
I intend to borrow a tactic successfully employed by American television for years, and shall in future be putting up signs with the words "LAUGH NOW" at the end of any future humourous posts so that American readers are able to easily identify those that are meant to light-hearted and/or funny and react appropriately.
I apologise for any misunderstandings that may have arisen from a lack of clarity in past posts.
I misunderestimated my readership (LAUGH NOW)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
U.S. ELECTION
From The Onion
"The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."
Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty—or, for that matter, good sense."
Sums it up rather well I think.
From The Onion
"The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."
Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty—or, for that matter, good sense."
Sums it up rather well I think.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Study: Women not as faithful as gorillas
2004-11-08 13:04 (New York)
CHICAGO, Nov. 8 (UPI) -- University of Chicago researchers have determined the size of men's testicles has evolved based on the infidelity of women, The Times of London reported.
Researchers led by Bruce Lahn found in promiscuous species such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex, as once inside the female, sperm must battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilizes the egg. To maximize their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, and accordingly, gorillas' testicles are tiny.
Human testicles are somewhere in between in size, suggesting while women are not as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.
The study was published Monday in the journal Nature Genetics.
No Comment.
2004-11-08 13:04 (New York)
CHICAGO, Nov. 8 (UPI) -- University of Chicago researchers have determined the size of men's testicles has evolved based on the infidelity of women, The Times of London reported.
Researchers led by Bruce Lahn found in promiscuous species such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex, as once inside the female, sperm must battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilizes the egg. To maximize their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, and accordingly, gorillas' testicles are tiny.
Human testicles are somewhere in between in size, suggesting while women are not as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.
The study was published Monday in the journal Nature Genetics.
No Comment.
Monday, November 08, 2004
ROGER BINGHAM 1968-2004
Was away on business on Thursday and Friday last week. Heard while I was away that a friend from college had died from complications after surgery for cancer. He was 36, rarely drank more than a beer or two, a fitness and sport nut who played Rugby till his knees had no cartilege left and then took up Triathlons just to make certain.
I saw him at the wedding I went to in July and while I knew he had had some health problems he appeared in rude health and on fine form. He was even asking about how to go about doing the Maclehose (as if I'd know).
How can someone who didn't wreck themselves daily at college and was almost overly health-conscious be struck down like that so young when everyone else just sails on, still drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor and doing no exercise.
I've been trying all weekend to get my head round it and I can't. He is the first person of my little circle to die from a disease like this.
I can't really think what else to say, so I shall fall back on quoting the ever-reliable Blackadder (or in this case Captain Darling, who had just been informed he was being posted to the front just ahead of "The Big Push") to sum up my feelings on hearing the news.
"Made a note in my diary. It just says "bugger""
Was away on business on Thursday and Friday last week. Heard while I was away that a friend from college had died from complications after surgery for cancer. He was 36, rarely drank more than a beer or two, a fitness and sport nut who played Rugby till his knees had no cartilege left and then took up Triathlons just to make certain.
I saw him at the wedding I went to in July and while I knew he had had some health problems he appeared in rude health and on fine form. He was even asking about how to go about doing the Maclehose (as if I'd know).
How can someone who didn't wreck themselves daily at college and was almost overly health-conscious be struck down like that so young when everyone else just sails on, still drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor and doing no exercise.
I've been trying all weekend to get my head round it and I can't. He is the first person of my little circle to die from a disease like this.
I can't really think what else to say, so I shall fall back on quoting the ever-reliable Blackadder (or in this case Captain Darling, who had just been informed he was being posted to the front just ahead of "The Big Push") to sum up my feelings on hearing the news.
"Made a note in my diary. It just says "bugger""
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
OPEN LETTER TO B
B, this weekend the Northern Hemisphere Rugby international season kicks off with Wales scheduled to be walked all over by South Africa and Scotland due to be annihilated by Australia. A quick check of espnstar.com reveals that NEITHER game is being shown.
Instead, during the Wales game, StarSports will be showing Tennis (barely a sport at the best of times) - some competiton called the Masters Series (doesn't that mean oldies past their play-by-date) from Paris,
and during the Scotland game they will be showing "highlights" of a Motorcycling Grand Prix from Valencia which happened ages ago.
ESPN will be showing a repeat of a basketball game and horse racing reruns at the same times.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AT YOUR PLACE? WHO DECIDES THIS CRAP?
B, this weekend the Northern Hemisphere Rugby international season kicks off with Wales scheduled to be walked all over by South Africa and Scotland due to be annihilated by Australia. A quick check of espnstar.com reveals that NEITHER game is being shown.
Instead, during the Wales game, StarSports will be showing Tennis (barely a sport at the best of times) - some competiton called the Masters Series (doesn't that mean oldies past their play-by-date) from Paris,
and during the Scotland game they will be showing "highlights" of a Motorcycling Grand Prix from Valencia which happened ages ago.
ESPN will be showing a repeat of a basketball game and horse racing reruns at the same times.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AT YOUR PLACE? WHO DECIDES THIS CRAP?
THANK GOD IT'S NEARLY OVER...
Never has the world been so split in it's views.
Fiercely partisan supporters of both sides have been trading slurs, accusations, and quite possibly blows.
Most foreigners have been strongly supporting the underdog.
The favourites die-hard supporters don't care what foreigners think.
There has been endless coverage in the world's press, and endless discussion here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower, but finally it's nearly all over, as later today the final test between Australia and India kicks off in Mumbai. Australia are looking for a 3-0 clean sweep of the series (having already won the series, the first time on Indian soil for 30 years) and recognition as the worlds preeminent cricket team, and India playing for pride, and looking to prove to the world they are still a great cricketing nation who would have taken the series to the wire but for a rained off final day in the second test in Chennai.
This morning's news - Shane Warne is out with a broken thumb - great news for India on what is expected to be a turning wicket.
Updates will follow as the wickets fall...
Never has the world been so split in it's views.
Fiercely partisan supporters of both sides have been trading slurs, accusations, and quite possibly blows.
Most foreigners have been strongly supporting the underdog.
The favourites die-hard supporters don't care what foreigners think.
There has been endless coverage in the world's press, and endless discussion here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower, but finally it's nearly all over, as later today the final test between Australia and India kicks off in Mumbai. Australia are looking for a 3-0 clean sweep of the series (having already won the series, the first time on Indian soil for 30 years) and recognition as the worlds preeminent cricket team, and India playing for pride, and looking to prove to the world they are still a great cricketing nation who would have taken the series to the wire but for a rained off final day in the second test in Chennai.
This morning's news - Shane Warne is out with a broken thumb - great news for India on what is expected to be a turning wicket.
Updates will follow as the wickets fall...
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
DO YOU WANT THE GOOD NEWS OR THE BAD NEWS?
U.K. Inland Revenue Says Tax Records `Accidentally' Deleted
By Robert Hutton
Nov. 2 (Bloomberg) -- The U.K. Inland Revenue, the agency that
collects income tax, says it has ``accidentally'' deleted the
records of an unknown number of people and so can't say whether the
taxpayers concerned owe it money or are due refunds.
The taxpayers affected are people who left jobs three years
ago and didn't start work again or begin taking a pension, the
Inland Revenue said in a statement. That would include women who
stopped working after having babies, people sent to prison,
students who had left summer jobs to return to university, and
people who had died.
The agency, which has 30 million people on its database, said
it has been unable to recover the records and doesn't know how many
sets were deleted from its computer system. Hundreds of thousands
of people may be affected, said Richard Bacon, a lawmaker from the
opposition Conservative Party, who is calling for an investigation.
``How an organization doing something as important as the
Inland Revenue can be so sloppy as accidentally to delete
potentially large quantities of data is difficult to understand,''
said Bacon. ``Some taxpayers will not have received repayments to
which they are entitled and others may owe money which has not been
collected.''
I left my job in the UK three years ago and didn't start working there again.
Not sure if this is good news or bad news.
Could be an interesting call to the accountant!
By the way if you're wondering why this looks rather odd it's because my Internet Explorer isn't working so I'm using Netscape which doesn't seem to be very blogger friendly
UPDATE - I.E. is back! Hurrah
U.K. Inland Revenue Says Tax Records `Accidentally' Deleted
By Robert Hutton
Nov. 2 (Bloomberg) -- The U.K. Inland Revenue, the agency that
collects income tax, says it has ``accidentally'' deleted the
records of an unknown number of people and so can't say whether the
taxpayers concerned owe it money or are due refunds.
The taxpayers affected are people who left jobs three years
ago and didn't start work again or begin taking a pension, the
Inland Revenue said in a statement. That would include women who
stopped working after having babies, people sent to prison,
students who had left summer jobs to return to university, and
people who had died.
The agency, which has 30 million people on its database, said
it has been unable to recover the records and doesn't know how many
sets were deleted from its computer system. Hundreds of thousands
of people may be affected, said Richard Bacon, a lawmaker from the
opposition Conservative Party, who is calling for an investigation.
``How an organization doing something as important as the
Inland Revenue can be so sloppy as accidentally to delete
potentially large quantities of data is difficult to understand,''
said Bacon. ``Some taxpayers will not have received repayments to
which they are entitled and others may owe money which has not been
collected.''
I left my job in the UK three years ago and didn't start working there again.
Not sure if this is good news or bad news.
Could be an interesting call to the accountant!
By the way if you're wondering why this looks rather odd it's because my Internet Explorer isn't working so I'm using Netscape which doesn't seem to be very blogger friendly
UPDATE - I.E. is back! Hurrah
ELECTION COVERAGE
CNN is now on non-stop here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower. All the commentators keep referring to how this is now a "post nine-eleven" world and how this will impact the voting.
Well I'm sorry but I don't see how that's relevant?
The Porsche 911 has been around since 1963. Why is it suddenly so important?
CNN is now on non-stop here at U.S. MegaCorp Tower. All the commentators keep referring to how this is now a "post nine-eleven" world and how this will impact the voting.
Well I'm sorry but I don't see how that's relevant?
The Porsche 911 has been around since 1963. Why is it suddenly so important?
THE CHARIOTEERS ELECTION GUIDE
For those who may still be undecided as to who to vote for / support in tonight's election, here is a very brief summary of the salient points of the 2 main candidates campaigns.
George Bush
----------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden.
Is George Bush
John Kerry
--------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden
Is NOT George Bush
Sadly I will unable to watch all the converage as I have an urgent appointment with my bed. Will someone please wake me when it's all over.
Happy voting all.
For those who may still be undecided as to who to vote for / support in tonight's election, here is a very brief summary of the salient points of the 2 main candidates campaigns.
George Bush
----------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden.
Is George Bush
John Kerry
--------------
Will hunt down Bin Laden
Is NOT George Bush
Sadly I will unable to watch all the converage as I have an urgent appointment with my bed. Will someone please wake me when it's all over.
Happy voting all.
Monday, November 01, 2004
HEMLOCK
Absolutely Superb.
Sums the U.S. election up perfectly. Americans are working themselves into a frenzy and no-one else can tell the difference between the 2 candidates
Absolutely Superb.
Sums the U.S. election up perfectly. Americans are working themselves into a frenzy and no-one else can tell the difference between the 2 candidates
MUD ISLAND
Yet another reason never to go back (from the Telegraph)...
One man has died after two teenagers carried out a series of "violent and unprovoked" attacks on the South Bank in central London.
At least four other assaults took place within 15 minutes in the early hours of Saturday along a short stretch of the riverside route as people walked home from a night out.
David Morley, 37, a barman from Chiswick, west London, was punched and kicked in the final attack close to Hungerford Bridge and died in hospital from multiple injuries. He had sustained more than 40 bruises. His 29-year-old friend was also beaten.
Detective Chief Inspector Nick Scola, of the Specialist Crime Directorate, said: "People returning home were targeted in violent and unprovoked assaults. Clearly robbery was one of the motives we are looking at, but we are keeping an open mind.
"This is a well lit area and would have been busy with people returning home from the theatre, from restaurants and from the city at the time the attacks took place."
The youths, one black and one white, were spotted with two young women and stole money from two of their victims. Detectives were studying CCTV footage from the area and interviewed 70 people at the scene.
The first attack took place at 3.15am when a 35-year-old man was hit over the head with an unidentified object as he sat in Jubilee Gardens, near the London Eye. Ten minutes later, two men, aged 29 and 25, were assaulted close to the Royal Festival Hall and suffered minor injuries.
At around 3.30am, yards from the scene of the two earlier assaults, Mr Morley and his friend were attacked.
One witness said the youths had also set upon a woman, punching her in the face at the bottom of the steps leading to Hungerford Bridge.
After the fatal attack, the group fled through Jubilee Gardens towards the Shell Centre, headquarters of the oil company.
Mr Scola said: "The unpredictable nature of these attacks means the assailants could strike again."
Yet another reason never to go back (from the Telegraph)...
One man has died after two teenagers carried out a series of "violent and unprovoked" attacks on the South Bank in central London.
At least four other assaults took place within 15 minutes in the early hours of Saturday along a short stretch of the riverside route as people walked home from a night out.
David Morley, 37, a barman from Chiswick, west London, was punched and kicked in the final attack close to Hungerford Bridge and died in hospital from multiple injuries. He had sustained more than 40 bruises. His 29-year-old friend was also beaten.
Detective Chief Inspector Nick Scola, of the Specialist Crime Directorate, said: "People returning home were targeted in violent and unprovoked assaults. Clearly robbery was one of the motives we are looking at, but we are keeping an open mind.
"This is a well lit area and would have been busy with people returning home from the theatre, from restaurants and from the city at the time the attacks took place."
The youths, one black and one white, were spotted with two young women and stole money from two of their victims. Detectives were studying CCTV footage from the area and interviewed 70 people at the scene.
The first attack took place at 3.15am when a 35-year-old man was hit over the head with an unidentified object as he sat in Jubilee Gardens, near the London Eye. Ten minutes later, two men, aged 29 and 25, were assaulted close to the Royal Festival Hall and suffered minor injuries.
At around 3.30am, yards from the scene of the two earlier assaults, Mr Morley and his friend were attacked.
One witness said the youths had also set upon a woman, punching her in the face at the bottom of the steps leading to Hungerford Bridge.
After the fatal attack, the group fled through Jubilee Gardens towards the Shell Centre, headquarters of the oil company.
Mr Scola said: "The unpredictable nature of these attacks means the assailants could strike again."
Friday, October 29, 2004
BLEEDING HEARTS
I urge you to read the last part of Simon's Blog round up - Under "SE and Other Asia" - the part about the death sentence in Singapore, and then get involved in the comments section.
I urge you to read the last part of Simon's Blog round up - Under "SE and Other Asia" - the part about the death sentence in Singapore, and then get involved in the comments section.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
GENGHIS'ISM
The return of an old favourite - todays comment is on the "stunning" victory in the World Series of the Boston Red Sox who came back from 3-0 down in the playoffs to beat the Yankees 4-3, and then thumped the Cardinals 4-0 in the finale.
The only good thing about the Red Sox winning the World Series is that their scumbag fans might set fire to the dump. I think we should give Massachusets and all it's Liberals to Canada
UPDATE - from the horse's mouth (or should that be arse?), apparently the line was... Hopefully their scumbag fans would burn that godforsaken shithole to the ground.
The return of an old favourite - todays comment is on the "stunning" victory in the World Series of the Boston Red Sox who came back from 3-0 down in the playoffs to beat the Yankees 4-3, and then thumped the Cardinals 4-0 in the finale.
The only good thing about the Red Sox winning the World Series is that their scumbag fans might set fire to the dump. I think we should give Massachusets and all it's Liberals to Canada
UPDATE - from the horse's mouth (or should that be arse?), apparently the line was... Hopefully their scumbag fans would burn that godforsaken shithole to the ground.
I TAKE IT ALL BACK
I may have given the impression that I was not in favour of UK troops moving into more dangerous roles in Iraq to help out the Americans.
I have now learnt that the troops being redeployed are from the "largely-Welsh" Queen's Dragoon Guards.
If the Americans, or indeed Iraqis, want them, they can have them.
I may have given the impression that I was not in favour of UK troops moving into more dangerous roles in Iraq to help out the Americans.
I have now learnt that the troops being redeployed are from the "largely-Welsh" Queen's Dragoon Guards.
If the Americans, or indeed Iraqis, want them, they can have them.
Monday, October 25, 2004
FRIENDLY FIRE
According to Shaky, there is uproar in the UK at the decision to send to lend the US some of our troops as "it puts them within rifle range of the Americans".
A quick google later and it turns out that in the first War in Iraq "it has emerged that friendly fire killed more British troops that the Iraqis did - of 16 British soldiers killed, nine were killed by Americans".
I hope their body armour is as thick on the back as the front.
According to Shaky, there is uproar in the UK at the decision to send to lend the US some of our troops as "it puts them within rifle range of the Americans".
A quick google later and it turns out that in the first War in Iraq "it has emerged that friendly fire killed more British troops that the Iraqis did - of 16 British soldiers killed, nine were killed by Americans".
I hope their body armour is as thick on the back as the front.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
U.K. TROOPS SINGLE-HANDEDLY WIN WAR ON TERROR
So the Yanks are now pleading with us to help them out with a bit of manpower in Iraq. Now the boots on the other foot eh!!!! Time for us bail out “your sorry asses” (though quite why donkeys need bailing out, or are involved in a war, even in Iraq, is not clear)
Yet again you were late to the party - we were getting bombed by lunatic terrorists for decades (mainly funded from the U.S. I might add), and you just sat by and did nothing till finally someone attacked you (reminiscent of another war maybe?).
But now having stirred up the shit you suddenly realize that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and have come cap in hand to us. Well we’ve learnt from the past and have given ourselves the nice cushy options, in a nice cushy part of Iraq, and let our allies to do all the nasty work. But at least we turned up on time, in the right place, and we will be glad to lend you a few troops.
In return we shall be expecting you guys to be eternally grateful that we got involved, and every time you question our involvement we shall come back with the line that without us you’d all be speaking Arabic!
We also reserve the right to make lots of movies in the future in which us Brits single-handedly beat the evil Iraqi dictator without any mention of any of our allies, or who did any of the actual fighting. We also reserve the right to make “factual” movies where we portray “actual events” from the war but substitute in British actors for any role that was actually fulfilled by an American (or any part of the US military military) in real-life, or which would otherwise have been played by Tom Hanks.
So the Yanks are now pleading with us to help them out with a bit of manpower in Iraq. Now the boots on the other foot eh!!!! Time for us bail out “your sorry asses” (though quite why donkeys need bailing out, or are involved in a war, even in Iraq, is not clear)
Yet again you were late to the party - we were getting bombed by lunatic terrorists for decades (mainly funded from the U.S. I might add), and you just sat by and did nothing till finally someone attacked you (reminiscent of another war maybe?).
But now having stirred up the shit you suddenly realize that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and have come cap in hand to us. Well we’ve learnt from the past and have given ourselves the nice cushy options, in a nice cushy part of Iraq, and let our allies to do all the nasty work. But at least we turned up on time, in the right place, and we will be glad to lend you a few troops.
In return we shall be expecting you guys to be eternally grateful that we got involved, and every time you question our involvement we shall come back with the line that without us you’d all be speaking Arabic!
We also reserve the right to make lots of movies in the future in which us Brits single-handedly beat the evil Iraqi dictator without any mention of any of our allies, or who did any of the actual fighting. We also reserve the right to make “factual” movies where we portray “actual events” from the war but substitute in British actors for any role that was actually fulfilled by an American (or any part of the US military military) in real-life, or which would otherwise have been played by Tom Hanks.
EAGLES
Last night I went to the Eagles concert, in the Hong Kong Coliseum. Never been there before. Never will again. The address is in Hung Hom, on the Kowloon side of the harbour.
We decide to get the ferry to Hung Hom. The Coliseum must be close by right?
Leave work, meet Mrs C, and get in a cab. “Star Ferry please”. Off we go. The wrong way. And straight into the biggest traffic jam I’ve seen in Hong Kong. 20 minutes later (it’s a 10 minute walk to the ferry from the office) we finally get out at the Mandarin and walk under the underpass to the Ferry ourselves.
The ferry has just left. 20 minutes to the next one. No problem. It’s 7 now, 7.20 ferry, 7.40 arrive, short walk. Concert due to start at 8pm. Lots of Gweilos have had the same bright idea as us so we feel someone must know what’s going on and we’ll be fine.
7.20 – the ferry arrives and on we hop.
7.35 – we arrive at Hung Hom pier. It is surrounded by the only empty and barren piece of land in the whole of Hong Kong. All it is missing are tumbleweeds blowing across the broken concrete.
“Where the fcuk are we?”
“Why have they built a pier miles from any signs of civilization?”
“Where’s the Coliseum?”
Noone knows.
“Where are the cabs?”
“There aren’t any but there’s a cab rank”
5 minutes later we’re at the rank, in the middle of a long queue of similarly lost Gweilos and there is no sign of a cab, so we decide to start walking
Just round the corner is a huge shopping centre (with what appears to be a large concrete ship-shaped thing in the middle of it for no obvious reason), and loads of cabs, so in we hop and off we go. Turns out the Coliseum is miles from the pier, but after 10 minutes driving and 10 minutes in a jam around the venue out we get and there we are at 8pm on the nose.
There’s a huge queue at the catering outlets outside for beers etc so I suggest we go in and get a beer inside.
The ticket has “Gate B” on it in big black letters.
So I go to Gate B, which has a big black letter B on a red background
“No no – you need to go to the Blue Gate – B stands for Blue”
Well Obviously.
B stands for Blue.
Not just B.
Or Brown.
Or Black.
Or Burnt Ochre.
Or Beaten to Death by an Enraged and Thirsty Expat
We find the “Blue” Gate. You can tell by the Blue background and the big, black letter G on it.
Knowing that Hong Kong’ers aren’t exactly au fait with Gweilo concert customs, in particular beer drinking, I thought I’d better check with the gate man that you can indeed buy beer inside.
“Can I buy beer inside the building?”
“Certainly no problem”
“You’re sure I can buy beer inside?”
“Yes yes”
So in we go.
We find our seats almost immediately and I ask the trying-to-be-very helpful venue staff where I can buy a beer.
“No beer inside. Not allowed”
“But I specifically asked and was specifically told that beer was available”
“No no. No beer allowed”
Bugger.
Can’t be bothered to fight my way out again so decide to watch the concert dry.
5 minutes later an Aussie couple come by clutching paper cups of beer.
“Excuse me. Where did you get those?”
“You have to go back outside, buy the beer in cans and then put it into paper cups and then you can bring it in”
“Excellent. Thanks.”
I stand up to get the beers in.
The lights promptly go down and The Eagles appear 30 minutes late.
Ah sod it. I’ll watch some and then go get a beer.
A few melodies later and they’re saying 1 more before the break. Right. That’s my cue. Beat the rush. Off I go.
I get to the bar. It is staffed by two women who have clearly never seen a Gweilo before, let alone tried to communicate with them. There is also one old dear at the back who is lifting cans of Carlsberg individually out of a 24 can pack and putting them on a table, from where the two saleswomen are individually picking them up, opening them (my one had long nails so had to use a fork to lever the top open), and then slowly pour them into paper cups.
Thank God I got out early because you could have died of thirst in the queue that formed 10 seconds after they finished that song.
Back in I go.
Second half is pretty good. The classics are played, the encore is Hotel California, the second encore is Desperado. Ok that’s enough and off we go.
15 minutes of wandering around the bowels of Kowloon later and we find a cab.
“The Peak please”
“Hong Kong?”
Yes. Hong Kong island”
Much sighing and sucking of teeth later…. “OK” and we’re away, homeward bound….
Several directions later (I think it was our drivers first time on the island) and we’re approaching home, which is on a narrow and windy road. It’s now midnight. We turn a corner and there in front of us is a huge fcuking great mobile crane being loaded onto the back of a lowloader in the middle of a residential area (they are building yet more flats at the top end of the road). Road totally blocked. 5 minutes we sit in the cab with a queue forming behind us.
"Sod this. Let’s walk. It’s only 10 minutes from here”
We pay the guy and off we go.
2 minutes later all the cars that were behind us drive past.
Bugger. They must have finally got that thing loaded and out of the way.
So we arrive home at about 12.15, to find that our front door is open and one of our dogs is running around outside being chased by a security guard.
Another average night out in Hong Kong….
Last night I went to the Eagles concert, in the Hong Kong Coliseum. Never been there before. Never will again. The address is in Hung Hom, on the Kowloon side of the harbour.
We decide to get the ferry to Hung Hom. The Coliseum must be close by right?
Leave work, meet Mrs C, and get in a cab. “Star Ferry please”. Off we go. The wrong way. And straight into the biggest traffic jam I’ve seen in Hong Kong. 20 minutes later (it’s a 10 minute walk to the ferry from the office) we finally get out at the Mandarin and walk under the underpass to the Ferry ourselves.
The ferry has just left. 20 minutes to the next one. No problem. It’s 7 now, 7.20 ferry, 7.40 arrive, short walk. Concert due to start at 8pm. Lots of Gweilos have had the same bright idea as us so we feel someone must know what’s going on and we’ll be fine.
7.20 – the ferry arrives and on we hop.
7.35 – we arrive at Hung Hom pier. It is surrounded by the only empty and barren piece of land in the whole of Hong Kong. All it is missing are tumbleweeds blowing across the broken concrete.
“Where the fcuk are we?”
“Why have they built a pier miles from any signs of civilization?”
“Where’s the Coliseum?”
Noone knows.
“Where are the cabs?”
“There aren’t any but there’s a cab rank”
5 minutes later we’re at the rank, in the middle of a long queue of similarly lost Gweilos and there is no sign of a cab, so we decide to start walking
Just round the corner is a huge shopping centre (with what appears to be a large concrete ship-shaped thing in the middle of it for no obvious reason), and loads of cabs, so in we hop and off we go. Turns out the Coliseum is miles from the pier, but after 10 minutes driving and 10 minutes in a jam around the venue out we get and there we are at 8pm on the nose.
There’s a huge queue at the catering outlets outside for beers etc so I suggest we go in and get a beer inside.
The ticket has “Gate B” on it in big black letters.
So I go to Gate B, which has a big black letter B on a red background
“No no – you need to go to the Blue Gate – B stands for Blue”
Well Obviously.
B stands for Blue.
Not just B.
Or Brown.
Or Black.
Or Burnt Ochre.
Or Beaten to Death by an Enraged and Thirsty Expat
We find the “Blue” Gate. You can tell by the Blue background and the big, black letter G on it.
Knowing that Hong Kong’ers aren’t exactly au fait with Gweilo concert customs, in particular beer drinking, I thought I’d better check with the gate man that you can indeed buy beer inside.
“Can I buy beer inside the building?”
“Certainly no problem”
“You’re sure I can buy beer inside?”
“Yes yes”
So in we go.
We find our seats almost immediately and I ask the trying-to-be-very helpful venue staff where I can buy a beer.
“No beer inside. Not allowed”
“But I specifically asked and was specifically told that beer was available”
“No no. No beer allowed”
Bugger.
Can’t be bothered to fight my way out again so decide to watch the concert dry.
5 minutes later an Aussie couple come by clutching paper cups of beer.
“Excuse me. Where did you get those?”
“You have to go back outside, buy the beer in cans and then put it into paper cups and then you can bring it in”
“Excellent. Thanks.”
I stand up to get the beers in.
The lights promptly go down and The Eagles appear 30 minutes late.
Ah sod it. I’ll watch some and then go get a beer.
A few melodies later and they’re saying 1 more before the break. Right. That’s my cue. Beat the rush. Off I go.
I get to the bar. It is staffed by two women who have clearly never seen a Gweilo before, let alone tried to communicate with them. There is also one old dear at the back who is lifting cans of Carlsberg individually out of a 24 can pack and putting them on a table, from where the two saleswomen are individually picking them up, opening them (my one had long nails so had to use a fork to lever the top open), and then slowly pour them into paper cups.
Thank God I got out early because you could have died of thirst in the queue that formed 10 seconds after they finished that song.
Back in I go.
Second half is pretty good. The classics are played, the encore is Hotel California, the second encore is Desperado. Ok that’s enough and off we go.
15 minutes of wandering around the bowels of Kowloon later and we find a cab.
“The Peak please”
“Hong Kong?”
Yes. Hong Kong island”
Much sighing and sucking of teeth later…. “OK” and we’re away, homeward bound….
Several directions later (I think it was our drivers first time on the island) and we’re approaching home, which is on a narrow and windy road. It’s now midnight. We turn a corner and there in front of us is a huge fcuking great mobile crane being loaded onto the back of a lowloader in the middle of a residential area (they are building yet more flats at the top end of the road). Road totally blocked. 5 minutes we sit in the cab with a queue forming behind us.
"Sod this. Let’s walk. It’s only 10 minutes from here”
We pay the guy and off we go.
2 minutes later all the cars that were behind us drive past.
Bugger. They must have finally got that thing loaded and out of the way.
So we arrive home at about 12.15, to find that our front door is open and one of our dogs is running around outside being chased by a security guard.
Another average night out in Hong Kong….
DID THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU, OR WAS IT THE CAR?
A car has fallen off a cliff in Mendoza, Argentina while a couple had sex inside it.
According to Terra Noticias Populares the 35-year old man and the 31-year-old woman who don't want to be identified were not harmed at the 100-metre fall.
But the fire fighters had to be called to help the woman get out of the car.
The couple told the police that they were so concentrated in their activity that they did not feel the car moving.
Police spokesperson said: "What could have been a tragedy is now our latest joke!"
From Ananova.com
A car has fallen off a cliff in Mendoza, Argentina while a couple had sex inside it.
According to Terra Noticias Populares the 35-year old man and the 31-year-old woman who don't want to be identified were not harmed at the 100-metre fall.
But the fire fighters had to be called to help the woman get out of the car.
The couple told the police that they were so concentrated in their activity that they did not feel the car moving.
Police spokesperson said: "What could have been a tragedy is now our latest joke!"
From Ananova.com
STUPIDITY
A post entitled Good Deeds this morning on SimonWorld has got my goat. It concerns "phishing" and the "you've-won-the-Spanish-lottery,-just-give-us-your-bank-acct-details,-your-pin-numbers-and-a-large-cheque-and-we'll-get-the-money-right-to-you" scam that I'm sure we've all received via email dozens of times. Someone called Romana, who clearly comes from educationally subnormal stock, said that only the internet and SimonWorld prevented her dad from firing off all his details immediately in response to one of these emails.
While I agree that it is clearly illegal to go around robbing people blind, my views on this are somewhat unsympathetic. My comment on SimonWorld was...
i'm sorry but there is a bit of evolutionary darwinism going on here....
you know how lions target the weak, the crippled, the old and/or the frail as easy targets, and so keep raising the genetic bar of the herd by removing the duds, well this is the same.
anyone who is so stupid as to believe that they have won a foreign lottery they have not even entered, and to be informed of the winning in an email from someone they've never heard of, deserves to lose everything!
it's natures way of ensuring that stupid people sink to the bottom
and I stand by it.
A post entitled Good Deeds this morning on SimonWorld has got my goat. It concerns "phishing" and the "you've-won-the-Spanish-lottery,-just-give-us-your-bank-acct-details,-your-pin-numbers-and-a-large-cheque-and-we'll-get-the-money-right-to-you" scam that I'm sure we've all received via email dozens of times. Someone called Romana, who clearly comes from educationally subnormal stock, said that only the internet and SimonWorld prevented her dad from firing off all his details immediately in response to one of these emails.
While I agree that it is clearly illegal to go around robbing people blind, my views on this are somewhat unsympathetic. My comment on SimonWorld was...
i'm sorry but there is a bit of evolutionary darwinism going on here....
you know how lions target the weak, the crippled, the old and/or the frail as easy targets, and so keep raising the genetic bar of the herd by removing the duds, well this is the same.
anyone who is so stupid as to believe that they have won a foreign lottery they have not even entered, and to be informed of the winning in an email from someone they've never heard of, deserves to lose everything!
it's natures way of ensuring that stupid people sink to the bottom
and I stand by it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
GOING HOME
Sadly nothing of particular interest has happened to me recently (some might say ever), and the usual tactic of rehashing what's in the papers has already been dealt with by several other bloggers, but a local colleague here moaning about the state of public transport here in HK and claiming he had caught a cold as a result of using it (for those who are not in HK, or have not visited, public transort here is amazingly clean, efficient and pleasant to use) reminded me of this little gem which is ages old, and may well be false, but was sent to me a while ago by a fellow englishman. The alarming thing is that even if it is false, it is believable. It is number 9,184,528,472,531 etc etc on my list of "reasons to never go back to Mud Island"
If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read.
During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.
The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats:
1. 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog)
2. 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive)
3. Vomit originating from at least 9 separate people
4. Human urine originating from at least 4 separate people
5. Human excrement
6. Rodent excrement
7. Human semen
When the seats were taken apart, they found:
8. The remains of 6 mice
9. The remains of 2 large rats
10. 1 previously unheard of fungus
It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests,you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people.
It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.
It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recentlyflushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating.
It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).
Night all and happy commute (especially those unlucky enough to be in blighty.
Sadly nothing of particular interest has happened to me recently (some might say ever), and the usual tactic of rehashing what's in the papers has already been dealt with by several other bloggers, but a local colleague here moaning about the state of public transport here in HK and claiming he had caught a cold as a result of using it (for those who are not in HK, or have not visited, public transort here is amazingly clean, efficient and pleasant to use) reminded me of this little gem which is ages old, and may well be false, but was sent to me a while ago by a fellow englishman. The alarming thing is that even if it is false, it is believable. It is number 9,184,528,472,531 etc etc on my list of "reasons to never go back to Mud Island"
If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read.
During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.
The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats:
1. 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog)
2. 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive)
3. Vomit originating from at least 9 separate people
4. Human urine originating from at least 4 separate people
5. Human excrement
6. Rodent excrement
7. Human semen
When the seats were taken apart, they found:
8. The remains of 6 mice
9. The remains of 2 large rats
10. 1 previously unheard of fungus
It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests,you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people.
It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.
It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recentlyflushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating.
It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).
Night all and happy commute (especially those unlucky enough to be in blighty.
Friday, October 15, 2004
I'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
Last night, in a bout of gravity-induced madness (see below), I decided to walk home. Not that arduous you may think, but remember I live on the Peak....
Fortunately for me we have just moved offices and are now very close to the base of the Peak Tram so it is easy to find a route up (apart from just hopping on the Tram). I settled on Tramway Path up to McDonnell Rd, then Brewin Path to May Road, then Chatham Path to Barker Rd and finally Hospital Path to home sweet home.
So off I go.
What a fool...
It looks close, easy and a nice bracing walk away from the traffic.
Turns out it is fcuking steep, fcuking miles, and fcuking hard work. Also above May Road the paths are not lit so it is fcuking dark.
45 sweaty minutes later I arrived home.
Won't be doing that again in a hurry!
Last night, in a bout of gravity-induced madness (see below), I decided to walk home. Not that arduous you may think, but remember I live on the Peak....
Fortunately for me we have just moved offices and are now very close to the base of the Peak Tram so it is easy to find a route up (apart from just hopping on the Tram). I settled on Tramway Path up to McDonnell Rd, then Brewin Path to May Road, then Chatham Path to Barker Rd and finally Hospital Path to home sweet home.
So off I go.
What a fool...
It looks close, easy and a nice bracing walk away from the traffic.
Turns out it is fcuking steep, fcuking miles, and fcuking hard work. Also above May Road the paths are not lit so it is fcuking dark.
45 sweaty minutes later I arrived home.
Won't be doing that again in a hurry!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
HE AINT HEAVY, HE'S MY REFLECTION
Just back from first trip to the gym since SARS (moving buildings puts these stupid ideas into your head). A few things seem to have changed since my last visit to a gym.
Firstly absolutely EVERYONE has an iPOd. I could tell people were looking at my little Panasonic MP3 thingy and sniggering.
Secondly, there are even more machines now to inflict pain on muscles I never knew I had, and most of them are way to complicated for a simpleton like me to understand.
But by far the most significant change is gravity. Clearly gravity has got a lot stronger since my last visit to a gym.
I'm sure the weights were lighter before, and no matter how many sets of scales I stood on I couldn't find any that were within 4 kgs of my last time on the scales, and they weren't telling me I'd lost weight!
I'm blaming it on the fact that in our last place the gym was on the 36th floor whereas here it is on the 3rd. I had no idea there was so much more gravity down near the ground!
Where are Einstein and Newton when you need them to back you up?
Just back from first trip to the gym since SARS (moving buildings puts these stupid ideas into your head). A few things seem to have changed since my last visit to a gym.
Firstly absolutely EVERYONE has an iPOd. I could tell people were looking at my little Panasonic MP3 thingy and sniggering.
Secondly, there are even more machines now to inflict pain on muscles I never knew I had, and most of them are way to complicated for a simpleton like me to understand.
But by far the most significant change is gravity. Clearly gravity has got a lot stronger since my last visit to a gym.
I'm sure the weights were lighter before, and no matter how many sets of scales I stood on I couldn't find any that were within 4 kgs of my last time on the scales, and they weren't telling me I'd lost weight!
I'm blaming it on the fact that in our last place the gym was on the 36th floor whereas here it is on the 3rd. I had no idea there was so much more gravity down near the ground!
Where are Einstein and Newton when you need them to back you up?
Monday, October 11, 2004
WHAT'S WRONG WITH "GOOD LUCK"?
Our company moved buildings last weekend. Just had this drop into my inbox.
"[Big Boss] invites you to join the pig cutting ceremony at the trading floor to wish us prosperity in this new office."
Pig cutting?????????????????????????????????????????????????
And Big Boss is a 100% English gweilo. Imagine if he'd been Chinese? What the hell would they have been cutting then?
It's on at 11.30 - I shall report back with news.
UPDATE
It really was a pig. A huge barbecued pig. Which had to be cut down the middle by Big Boss with a ruddy great cleaver.
And Big Boss really is Jewish and so isn't allowed to touch pork.
He did a good job though - he held the cleaver and got someone else to smack it on the back to get through the crisp skin.
Cha siu for lunch I think.
Our company moved buildings last weekend. Just had this drop into my inbox.
"[Big Boss] invites you to join the pig cutting ceremony at the trading floor to wish us prosperity in this new office."
Pig cutting?????????????????????????????????????????????????
And Big Boss is a 100% English gweilo. Imagine if he'd been Chinese? What the hell would they have been cutting then?
It's on at 11.30 - I shall report back with news.
UPDATE
It really was a pig. A huge barbecued pig. Which had to be cut down the middle by Big Boss with a ruddy great cleaver.
And Big Boss really is Jewish and so isn't allowed to touch pork.
He did a good job though - he held the cleaver and got someone else to smack it on the back to get through the crisp skin.
Cha siu for lunch I think.
SUDDENLY THE WORLD MAKES SENSE AGAIN
As I expected, it was a tight game, finishing 16-16 at Welford Road.
The table now reads.....
Leicester 23
Sale 22
Gloucester 21
Wasps 21
Bath 19
Newcastle 14
London Irish 14
Northampton 12
Leeds 11
Saracens 9
Worcester 8
Harlequins 3
Tiiiiiiiggggggggeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssss
As I expected, it was a tight game, finishing 16-16 at Welford Road.
The table now reads.....
Leicester 23
Sale 22
Gloucester 21
Wasps 21
Bath 19
Newcastle 14
London Irish 14
Northampton 12
Leeds 11
Saracens 9
Worcester 8
Harlequins 3
Tiiiiiiiggggggggeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssss
Friday, October 08, 2004
LEICESTER V BATH
The only team the average Leicester fan wants to see lose more than Northampton is Bath, so this weekends clash at Welford Road should a cracker. On current form Leicester should shade it, but a few players are carrying knocks and may not make the starting 15, including Austin Healey, Seru Rabeni and Ollie Smith. If more than 1 of those doesn't make it then the two teams will be very evenly matched
The only team the average Leicester fan wants to see lose more than Northampton is Bath, so this weekends clash at Welford Road should a cracker. On current form Leicester should shade it, but a few players are carrying knocks and may not make the starting 15, including Austin Healey, Seru Rabeni and Ollie Smith. If more than 1 of those doesn't make it then the two teams will be very evenly matched
(NOT) GREAT WORKS OF LITERATURE
Just received this from my most loyal reader (thanks Mrs C).
For those of you who do not know, Bulwer-Lytton wrote The Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the contest title...
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
"AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!'"
Just received this from my most loyal reader (thanks Mrs C).
For those of you who do not know, Bulwer-Lytton wrote The Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the contest title...
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
"AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!'"
Thursday, October 07, 2004
MAN PREFERS JAIL TO BEING HOME WITH HIS WIFE
Itzehoe, Germany (dpa) - A man in Germany surrendered to authorities saying he preferred spending time in jail rather than being free at home with his wife, police said Tuesday.
The 47-year-old man in the North Sea coastal town of Itzehoe had been slapped with a fine of 100 dollars for an offence.
Faced with a choice of paying the fine or spending 10 days in jail, he asked officers to lock him away.
``He said he couldn't stand the constant bickering at home with his wife and was looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet,'' a police spokesman said.
No Comment
Itzehoe, Germany (dpa) - A man in Germany surrendered to authorities saying he preferred spending time in jail rather than being free at home with his wife, police said Tuesday.
The 47-year-old man in the North Sea coastal town of Itzehoe had been slapped with a fine of 100 dollars for an offence.
Faced with a choice of paying the fine or spending 10 days in jail, he asked officers to lock him away.
``He said he couldn't stand the constant bickering at home with his wife and was looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet,'' a police spokesman said.
No Comment
VOCABULARY
In one of his/her recent comments Germaine Greer (aka Genghis) has coined a superb new word for people from the great southern land whose views he finds risible - Antipodopes.
For the first time since the Rugby World Cup I am grateful that I am surrounded by Aussies. I shall be able to use it frequently!
In one of his/her recent comments Germaine Greer (aka Genghis) has coined a superb new word for people from the great southern land whose views he finds risible - Antipodopes.
For the first time since the Rugby World Cup I am grateful that I am surrounded by Aussies. I shall be able to use it frequently!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
LONG HAIR
Simon is having a go at Long Hair, saying he is making a mockery of LegCo and himself.
Leaving aside the question of whether it is possible to make a mockery of something as toothless and impotent as LegCo, I couldn't disagree more.
Having Long Hair in LegCo is like when we had real characters in the House in the UK - people like Tony Benn, Arthur Scargill, Ken Livingstone and Dennis Skinner. As their numbers have thinned, so UK politics has become increasingly grey and bland, with little distinction between left and right and the entire place is now dominated by tedious men in suits all looking out for themselves instead of the people they are supposed to represent. The men I mentioned above may have been lunatics but at least they made the place interesting, generated popular debate about government in general and government policies in particular, and stood by their principles instead of constantly shifiting position to suit the prevailing mood.
At least with Long Hair you can be pretty sure he's unlikely to be in it solely to line his own pockets and brown-nose Beijing, unlike all the other slimey little toads in Hong Kongs laughable masquerade of a parliament. And he at least might have the balls to turn round to them and say no to the property developers who run the few parts of Hong Kong life that aren't directly controlled by Beijing.
What LegCo needs is MORE people like Long Hair, not fewer.
UPDATE - Coverage of the swearing in of Long Hair is on the BBC website here and the Standard here.
And does anyone else find it ironic that the fiercest critic of a parliament that is totally beholden to the Chinese Communist Party, and the staunchest supporter of universal suffrage in Hong Kong, is an avowed Marxist?
Simon is having a go at Long Hair, saying he is making a mockery of LegCo and himself.
Leaving aside the question of whether it is possible to make a mockery of something as toothless and impotent as LegCo, I couldn't disagree more.
Having Long Hair in LegCo is like when we had real characters in the House in the UK - people like Tony Benn, Arthur Scargill, Ken Livingstone and Dennis Skinner. As their numbers have thinned, so UK politics has become increasingly grey and bland, with little distinction between left and right and the entire place is now dominated by tedious men in suits all looking out for themselves instead of the people they are supposed to represent. The men I mentioned above may have been lunatics but at least they made the place interesting, generated popular debate about government in general and government policies in particular, and stood by their principles instead of constantly shifiting position to suit the prevailing mood.
At least with Long Hair you can be pretty sure he's unlikely to be in it solely to line his own pockets and brown-nose Beijing, unlike all the other slimey little toads in Hong Kongs laughable masquerade of a parliament. And he at least might have the balls to turn round to them and say no to the property developers who run the few parts of Hong Kong life that aren't directly controlled by Beijing.
What LegCo needs is MORE people like Long Hair, not fewer.
UPDATE - Coverage of the swearing in of Long Hair is on the BBC website here and the Standard here.
And does anyone else find it ironic that the fiercest critic of a parliament that is totally beholden to the Chinese Communist Party, and the staunchest supporter of universal suffrage in Hong Kong, is an avowed Marxist?
ALERT THE MEDIA
As of 30 minutes ago I have completed my three year residency requirement in Hong Kong and so am now available for selection for both the Hong Kong Cricket team and the Hong Kong Rugby team.
If either team needs an unfit late-thirtysomething year old with a receding hairline to make up the numbers one afternoon please feel free to contact me. I am equally inept at both games and I am available most weekends, hangovers permitting.
As of 30 minutes ago I have completed my three year residency requirement in Hong Kong and so am now available for selection for both the Hong Kong Cricket team and the Hong Kong Rugby team.
If either team needs an unfit late-thirtysomething year old with a receding hairline to make up the numbers one afternoon please feel free to contact me. I am equally inept at both games and I am available most weekends, hangovers permitting.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
SEX TOY SHUTS DOWN AUSTRALIAN AIRPORT
Sydney (dpa) - A sex toy left in a rubbish bin that was mistaken for a bomb forced the evacuation of an airport on Australia's east coast Monday. Mackay airport in far north Queensland closed down for an hour after a security officer became alarmed about what turned out to be a vibrator. ``It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,'' cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant said. ``We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out,'' she told Australia's AAP news agency. She said, in retrospect, the humming did sound exactly like a vibrator, but that it was better to be safe then sorry. ``You can't afford to take chances,'' Bryant said.
I'm sure her colleagues, those famed models of restraint and decorum in the cosmopolitan and cultural hub that is "far north Queensland", are absolutely not asking her how she knows what the sound is like and are absolutely not taking the piss at all.
Sydney (dpa) - A sex toy left in a rubbish bin that was mistaken for a bomb forced the evacuation of an airport on Australia's east coast Monday. Mackay airport in far north Queensland closed down for an hour after a security officer became alarmed about what turned out to be a vibrator. ``It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,'' cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant said. ``We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out,'' she told Australia's AAP news agency. She said, in retrospect, the humming did sound exactly like a vibrator, but that it was better to be safe then sorry. ``You can't afford to take chances,'' Bryant said.
I'm sure her colleagues, those famed models of restraint and decorum in the cosmopolitan and cultural hub that is "far north Queensland", are absolutely not asking her how she knows what the sound is like and are absolutely not taking the piss at all.
NEW ENGLAND CAPTAIN
Wilkinson has been confirmed as the new captain of England for the upcoming 3 autumn internationals. Not a shock but it is a big ask of someone who is only 25 to be both the lynchpin of the team at fly-half and captain. Still if anyone can do it he can.
Frankly I think he's on a hiding to nothing this year. We will walk all over Canada on 13 Nov but then we have South africa and Australia the next two weekends and without Johnson, Leaonard, Dallaglio, Back and potentially Hill (currently injured) the squad looks particularly thin and lacking experience up front. I have high hopes but low expectations for both this autumn and next years Six Nations, and I think Wilkinsons reign could start off with some sound thrashings at the hands of the Aussies, and the hands and feet of the notoriously dirty Bokke and Froggies.
Doesn't really matter though - he's only keeping the seat warm till the little Charioteer has mastered the rules anyway.
Wilkinson has been confirmed as the new captain of England for the upcoming 3 autumn internationals. Not a shock but it is a big ask of someone who is only 25 to be both the lynchpin of the team at fly-half and captain. Still if anyone can do it he can.
Frankly I think he's on a hiding to nothing this year. We will walk all over Canada on 13 Nov but then we have South africa and Australia the next two weekends and without Johnson, Leaonard, Dallaglio, Back and potentially Hill (currently injured) the squad looks particularly thin and lacking experience up front. I have high hopes but low expectations for both this autumn and next years Six Nations, and I think Wilkinsons reign could start off with some sound thrashings at the hands of the Aussies, and the hands and feet of the notoriously dirty Bokke and Froggies.
Doesn't really matter though - he's only keeping the seat warm till the little Charioteer has mastered the rules anyway.
Friday, October 01, 2004
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Just watched the debate on CNN (am at work on a public holiday - v annoying). Kerry came across much better and appeared much more "presidential".
A discussion here afterwards brought the following gem from one of our colleagues in Tokyo...
"Kerry definitely came across better, but the problem is American politics panders to the lowest common denominator so a lot of people may well vote for Bush precisely because he's an idiot."
More ammo for my argument that democracy is an inherently flawed system and a benevolent dictatorship is the best way to go.
Just watched the debate on CNN (am at work on a public holiday - v annoying). Kerry came across much better and appeared much more "presidential".
A discussion here afterwards brought the following gem from one of our colleagues in Tokyo...
"Kerry definitely came across better, but the problem is American politics panders to the lowest common denominator so a lot of people may well vote for Bush precisely because he's an idiot."
More ammo for my argument that democracy is an inherently flawed system and a benevolent dictatorship is the best way to go.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
THEY MUST BE TAKING THE PISS?
An athlete helps out his mates by providing urine samples for them to give to testing authorities, and then they all fail because he has taken a banned diuretic...
A Farul Constanta player has admitted supplying urine for two team mates who failed dope tests after a Romanian first division match last month.
A Romanian Professional League (LPF) official said on Thursday an investigation had shown that the urine samples taken from midfielders Iulian Apostol and Adrian Senin were completed by Mihai Baicu.
"Baicu confirmed he had made a contribution to his colleagues' urine samples because they were not able to offer enough substance after the effort of the match," LPF first vice-president Robi Urs told Reuters.
"Baicu revealed that he had taken the diuretic substance of furosemide in order to lose some weight but he did not know that it was a banned substance," Urs said.
"He put his urine in his team mates' test tubes with their agreement."
Urs said the investigation would be extended to the medical team who gathered the samples after Farul Constanta drew 1-1 with Sportul Studentesc.
"If convicted of fresh charges, all three players will be punished for forging the doping investigation's results...The punishment will surely be more severe than for the first doping offence," Urs said.
Under the Romanian soccer federation's rules, a player failing a dope test faces a ban of up to two years if the result of a second sample also proves positive.
An athlete helps out his mates by providing urine samples for them to give to testing authorities, and then they all fail because he has taken a banned diuretic...
A Farul Constanta player has admitted supplying urine for two team mates who failed dope tests after a Romanian first division match last month.
A Romanian Professional League (LPF) official said on Thursday an investigation had shown that the urine samples taken from midfielders Iulian Apostol and Adrian Senin were completed by Mihai Baicu.
"Baicu confirmed he had made a contribution to his colleagues' urine samples because they were not able to offer enough substance after the effort of the match," LPF first vice-president Robi Urs told Reuters.
"Baicu revealed that he had taken the diuretic substance of furosemide in order to lose some weight but he did not know that it was a banned substance," Urs said.
"He put his urine in his team mates' test tubes with their agreement."
Urs said the investigation would be extended to the medical team who gathered the samples after Farul Constanta drew 1-1 with Sportul Studentesc.
"If convicted of fresh charges, all three players will be punished for forging the doping investigation's results...The punishment will surely be more severe than for the first doping offence," Urs said.
Under the Romanian soccer federation's rules, a player failing a dope test faces a ban of up to two years if the result of a second sample also proves positive.
RULE BRITANNIA
The Paralympics have just finished in Greece which means that finally we can forget all about the Summer Olympics for another 4 years. The Winter Olympics of course are another thing altogether but at least in post of those “sports” there’s a reasonable chance of someone injuring themselves severely, and of course we have the bonus of the fact that the Chinese are crap at winter sports so it’s not shown here at all anyway.
Normally the Paralympics don’t even register in my consciousness as they are the same sports as in the normal Olympics only played by people who are nowhere near as good. In fact it’s only in comparison with the Paralympics that the Olympics becomes worth watching.
This year however I heard something on the radio that prompted me to got the trouble of checking the BBC website.
It seems that when it comes to Paralympic games we are world beaters. Apparently we are hopeless at most normal games, but lop a limb off us and we immediately become unstoppable! We got 35 gold medals this year, which puts us second in the table behind China (and I think most would agree they have more than their fair share of cripples so are bound to be able to find a few good ones. In fact the cynic in me questions whether they don’t just take their B team who couldn’t quite make the grade for the normal games and removed a few strategic body parts). But most importantly, and the only reason I even bothered to take note of this, is that this also put us way ahead of those cocky little Aussies, who scraped together a measly 26 golds, though they were better at being second or third best than us (presumably usually behind as British gold medal winner).
It seems that, having invented most of the sports and games that matter in the world (in our spare time, when we weren’t busy building the greatest empire the world has ever seen), and then perfected them, us Brits have decided to let the rest of the world have a run at the “able-bodied” version of these activities while we concentrate on making things as hard as possible for ourselves by playing them without the benefit of things like legs, arms or eyesight.
For those who care the top 10 table is…
Rank Country Gold Silver Bronze Total
1. China 63 46 32 141
2. G.B. 35 30 29 94
3. Canada 28 19 25 72
4. U.S.A. 27 22 39 88
5. Australia 26 38 36 100
6. Ukraine 24 12 19 55
7. Spain 20 27 24 71
8. Germany 19 28 32 79
9. France 18 26 30 74
10. Japan 17 15 20 52
compared to the “normal” games where we just scrape in…
Rank Country Gold Silver Bronze Total
1 U.S.A. 35 39 29 103
2 China 32 17 14 63
3 Russia 27 27 38 92
4 Australia 17 16 16 49
5 Japan 16 9 12 37
6 Germany 14 16 18 48
7 France 11 9 13 33
8 Italy 10 11 11 32
9 S. Korea 9 12 9 30
10 G.B. 9 9 12 30
Thank God there are 4 more years before we have to go through all this again.
The Paralympics have just finished in Greece which means that finally we can forget all about the Summer Olympics for another 4 years. The Winter Olympics of course are another thing altogether but at least in post of those “sports” there’s a reasonable chance of someone injuring themselves severely, and of course we have the bonus of the fact that the Chinese are crap at winter sports so it’s not shown here at all anyway.
Normally the Paralympics don’t even register in my consciousness as they are the same sports as in the normal Olympics only played by people who are nowhere near as good. In fact it’s only in comparison with the Paralympics that the Olympics becomes worth watching.
This year however I heard something on the radio that prompted me to got the trouble of checking the BBC website.
It seems that when it comes to Paralympic games we are world beaters. Apparently we are hopeless at most normal games, but lop a limb off us and we immediately become unstoppable! We got 35 gold medals this year, which puts us second in the table behind China (and I think most would agree they have more than their fair share of cripples so are bound to be able to find a few good ones. In fact the cynic in me questions whether they don’t just take their B team who couldn’t quite make the grade for the normal games and removed a few strategic body parts). But most importantly, and the only reason I even bothered to take note of this, is that this also put us way ahead of those cocky little Aussies, who scraped together a measly 26 golds, though they were better at being second or third best than us (presumably usually behind as British gold medal winner).
It seems that, having invented most of the sports and games that matter in the world (in our spare time, when we weren’t busy building the greatest empire the world has ever seen), and then perfected them, us Brits have decided to let the rest of the world have a run at the “able-bodied” version of these activities while we concentrate on making things as hard as possible for ourselves by playing them without the benefit of things like legs, arms or eyesight.
For those who care the top 10 table is…
Rank Country Gold Silver Bronze Total
1. China 63 46 32 141
2. G.B. 35 30 29 94
3. Canada 28 19 25 72
4. U.S.A. 27 22 39 88
5. Australia 26 38 36 100
6. Ukraine 24 12 19 55
7. Spain 20 27 24 71
8. Germany 19 28 32 79
9. France 18 26 30 74
10. Japan 17 15 20 52
compared to the “normal” games where we just scrape in…
Rank Country Gold Silver Bronze Total
1 U.S.A. 35 39 29 103
2 China 32 17 14 63
3 Russia 27 27 38 92
4 Australia 17 16 16 49
5 Japan 16 9 12 37
6 Germany 14 16 18 48
7 France 11 9 13 33
8 Italy 10 11 11 32
9 S. Korea 9 12 9 30
10 G.B. 9 9 12 30
Thank God there are 4 more years before we have to go through all this again.
JOKES
Shamelessly stolen from the comedians at the Edinburgh Fringe
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
sh*tting herself. (Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance)
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to
sleep at night. (Susan Murray at the Underbelly)
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks? (Adam Bloom at the Pleasance)
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I
was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. (Susan Murray at
the Underbelly)
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
(David O'Doherty at the Gilded Balloon)
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I
looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, "Say
something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying
school. (Ahmed Ahmed at C34)
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She
said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All
right, but we're not going to get much done." (Jimmy Carr at the ICC)
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
(Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms)
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its
hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that
they're enjoying it as well. (Scott Capurro at the Pleasance)
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help
thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. (Jimmy Carr at
the ICC)
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-
raising?" (Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms)
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face. (Jeremy Limb, at the Trap)
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. (Jimmy
Carr)
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have
botox. The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look
shocked. (Shazia Mirza at the Pleasance)
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
the obvious one was "Shout For Help". (Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the
Tron)
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the
Girl out of Cork ... (Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco)
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax. (Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance)
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join The
circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a
plumber". (Steven Alan Green at C34)
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time. (Demetri Martin at the Assembly
Rooms)
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian
princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
(Ahmed Ahmed at C34)
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign
that said: "Bus tours, ten quid." So I thought I'd give it a try... What
a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus! (Seymour Mace at Cafe
Royal)
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already
got one!" (Norman Lovett at The Stand)
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears. (Chris Addison at the Pleasance)
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious,
but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person." What this phrase really
means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
(Colin Ramone at The Stand)
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p. (Sarah Kendall
at the Pleasance)
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign:
"This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
(Arnold Brown at The Stand)
Shamelessly stolen from the comedians at the Edinburgh Fringe
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
sh*tting herself. (Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance)
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to
sleep at night. (Susan Murray at the Underbelly)
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks? (Adam Bloom at the Pleasance)
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I
was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. (Susan Murray at
the Underbelly)
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
(David O'Doherty at the Gilded Balloon)
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I
looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, "Say
something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying
school. (Ahmed Ahmed at C34)
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She
said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All
right, but we're not going to get much done." (Jimmy Carr at the ICC)
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
(Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms)
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its
hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that
they're enjoying it as well. (Scott Capurro at the Pleasance)
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help
thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. (Jimmy Carr at
the ICC)
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-
raising?" (Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms)
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face. (Jeremy Limb, at the Trap)
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. (Jimmy
Carr)
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have
botox. The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look
shocked. (Shazia Mirza at the Pleasance)
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
the obvious one was "Shout For Help". (Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the
Tron)
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the
Girl out of Cork ... (Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco)
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax. (Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance)
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join The
circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a
plumber". (Steven Alan Green at C34)
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time. (Demetri Martin at the Assembly
Rooms)
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian
princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
(Ahmed Ahmed at C34)
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign
that said: "Bus tours, ten quid." So I thought I'd give it a try... What
a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus! (Seymour Mace at Cafe
Royal)
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already
got one!" (Norman Lovett at The Stand)
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears. (Chris Addison at the Pleasance)
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious,
but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person." What this phrase really
means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
(Colin Ramone at The Stand)
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p. (Sarah Kendall
at the Pleasance)
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign:
"This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
(Arnold Brown at The Stand)
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
HAPPY MID-AUTUMN FESTIVAL ALL
And before we all settle down to our traditional egg and lard pasties (apparently they are traditional because the locals used to smuggle messages inside them to avoid detection by the then-conquering Mongolians. The reason this was the best way to pass messages is because no sane Mongolian, or indeed anyone else, would ever bite into something as revolting as a mooncake, and so the messages would never be discovered), here are a few Killer Facts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only In tropical fish stores.
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
Starfish don't have brains.
And before we all settle down to our traditional egg and lard pasties (apparently they are traditional because the locals used to smuggle messages inside them to avoid detection by the then-conquering Mongolians. The reason this was the best way to pass messages is because no sane Mongolian, or indeed anyone else, would ever bite into something as revolting as a mooncake, and so the messages would never be discovered), here are a few Killer Facts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only In tropical fish stores.
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
Starfish don't have brains.
Monday, September 27, 2004
TAILOR-MADE
Have just returned from a very agreeable bit of Dim Sum in City Hall. To get there and back I had to run the gauntlet of hawkers by the Star Ferry asking if I wanted a suit making. There seem to be more of them every day, and they're becoming more persistent. Next time I'm thinking of saying no to a suit but asking one of them to make me a shirt with the words "NO I DON'T WANT A FCUKING SUIT" emblazoned across the front.
Have just returned from a very agreeable bit of Dim Sum in City Hall. To get there and back I had to run the gauntlet of hawkers by the Star Ferry asking if I wanted a suit making. There seem to be more of them every day, and they're becoming more persistent. Next time I'm thinking of saying no to a suit but asking one of them to make me a shirt with the words "NO I DON'T WANT A FCUKING SUIT" emblazoned across the front.
KEEPING UP WITH THE CHANS
A late entrant in the game!
House 9 have made a sudden play to join the list!
Previously they were out of the running with merely a 4yr old Porsche 911 and a couple of year old S Class Merc, but on Saturday they upped the stakes.
A metallic light blue Ferrari 612 Scaglietti appeared in their parking space, squeezed in between the Porker and the Merc.
At a conservative estimate that is HK$3million worth of car.
Unfortunately the 612 is the ugliest Ferrari for years. It looks all bug–eyed and the radiator grille looks like a stupid grinning mouth. I'm sure the perfomance, technology etc etc are amazing, but is is attempting to replace the stunningly beautiful and understated Ferrari 456. Just goes to show that money and taste don't necessarily go together, though on the plus side at least the new car isn't yellow!
A late entrant in the game!
House 9 have made a sudden play to join the list!
Previously they were out of the running with merely a 4yr old Porsche 911 and a couple of year old S Class Merc, but on Saturday they upped the stakes.
A metallic light blue Ferrari 612 Scaglietti appeared in their parking space, squeezed in between the Porker and the Merc.
At a conservative estimate that is HK$3million worth of car.
Unfortunately the 612 is the ugliest Ferrari for years. It looks all bug–eyed and the radiator grille looks like a stupid grinning mouth. I'm sure the perfomance, technology etc etc are amazing, but is is attempting to replace the stunningly beautiful and understated Ferrari 456. Just goes to show that money and taste don't necessarily go together, though on the plus side at least the new car isn't yellow!
RESULTS ROUND UP
Leicester Tigers 32 - Northampton Saints 13
A thumping
England 217 all out - West Indies 218-8
Not a thumping, but still a handsome win for the Windies. A real shame for England but if you let numbers 9+10 put on 70 runs then you don't deserve to win I'm afraid.
Formula 1 (or Formula 12 if you're Attila)
For once it wasn't a procession. Finally an interesting race. Lots of incidents, lots of overtaking, a few crashes and knocks - overall an excellent debut from Shanghai. And a Ferrari won, but not the one expected. I might well give it a whirl to go next year.
Leicester Tigers 32 - Northampton Saints 13
A thumping
England 217 all out - West Indies 218-8
Not a thumping, but still a handsome win for the Windies. A real shame for England but if you let numbers 9+10 put on 70 runs then you don't deserve to win I'm afraid.
Formula 1 (or Formula 12 if you're Attila)
For once it wasn't a procession. Finally an interesting race. Lots of incidents, lots of overtaking, a few crashes and knocks - overall an excellent debut from Shanghai. And a Ferrari won, but not the one expected. I might well give it a whirl to go next year.
Friday, September 24, 2004
WEEKENDS SPORT PREVIEW
Cricket
England take on the West Indies at the Oval on Saturday for the title of ICC Champions. If England win it would be there first ever one-day cricket title, having failed in 3 World Cup finals. This mini world cup has been a pretty damp squib so far, with the main highlight being England giving the Aussies a hiding for once in the semis. It should be a cracking game with both sides seeming to play well above themselves at present, and big names such as Lara, Sarwan, Flintoff and Harmison will all have opportunities to display their talents. I think at least an hour nursing a lemonade at the bar in Dot Cod will be required at some point.
Rugby
Tigers v Saints this weekend! It’s the big midlands local derby, Leicester v Northampton. Northampton are second only to Bath in the average Tigers fans “team you most want to beat” list and a victory would be sweet indeed. For Leicester the major news is that first choice fly-half, Andy Goode, will be out for six weeks with a knee injury which means we have a 19 year-old debutant Ross Broadfoot at fly-half. Heck of a game to start your career in.
Soccer
Some mindless thugs will try to kick a ball around, while on the terraces some mindless thugs will try to kick each other. In Asia people will bet on the outcome. The winner (in HK at least) will be the Hong Kong Jockey Club. Sounds like fun eh.
Formula One
I must admit that I used to be a big fan of F1, but the races became so boring, with so little overtaking, that I largely gave up on it. I will however be watching the race this weekend. China’s first attempt to host such an event could be interesting and the track is supposed to be excellent, with plenty of space for overtaking manouevres. Fingers crossed for a good race. A measure of how new the Chinese are to this sport though is that one local journalist asked Michael Schumacher (who drives for Ferrari, the well known blood-red liveried racing cars for those of you who have spent the last 50 yrs living under a rock) why he always wears red!
Cricket
England take on the West Indies at the Oval on Saturday for the title of ICC Champions. If England win it would be there first ever one-day cricket title, having failed in 3 World Cup finals. This mini world cup has been a pretty damp squib so far, with the main highlight being England giving the Aussies a hiding for once in the semis. It should be a cracking game with both sides seeming to play well above themselves at present, and big names such as Lara, Sarwan, Flintoff and Harmison will all have opportunities to display their talents. I think at least an hour nursing a lemonade at the bar in Dot Cod will be required at some point.
Rugby
Tigers v Saints this weekend! It’s the big midlands local derby, Leicester v Northampton. Northampton are second only to Bath in the average Tigers fans “team you most want to beat” list and a victory would be sweet indeed. For Leicester the major news is that first choice fly-half, Andy Goode, will be out for six weeks with a knee injury which means we have a 19 year-old debutant Ross Broadfoot at fly-half. Heck of a game to start your career in.
Soccer
Some mindless thugs will try to kick a ball around, while on the terraces some mindless thugs will try to kick each other. In Asia people will bet on the outcome. The winner (in HK at least) will be the Hong Kong Jockey Club. Sounds like fun eh.
Formula One
I must admit that I used to be a big fan of F1, but the races became so boring, with so little overtaking, that I largely gave up on it. I will however be watching the race this weekend. China’s first attempt to host such an event could be interesting and the track is supposed to be excellent, with plenty of space for overtaking manouevres. Fingers crossed for a good race. A measure of how new the Chinese are to this sport though is that one local journalist asked Michael Schumacher (who drives for Ferrari, the well known blood-red liveried racing cars for those of you who have spent the last 50 yrs living under a rock) why he always wears red!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
SECURITY
The world is on high alert. Everything, and every move, is closely scrutinised.
My watch set off the metal detectors in Singapore airport last week.
In America you are no-longer allowed to lock your hold luggage on flights so that it can all be easily checked (and stolen).
All over Europe and the USA, closed circuit TV cameras are appearing everywhere under the guise of "national security".
In Asia, Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia are working together to try to stamp out piracy in the Malacca Strait, partly for economic reasons and partly for fear of a sea-borne terrorist attack.
In Africa however, it's business as usual - Missing tanker "shame" in Nigeria.
How the hell do you lose a full oil tanker?
And there might be another one missing too but they can't confirm that?
Why bother attacking a ship and risking the navy turning up, when you can just go to Africa and take one.
The world is on high alert. Everything, and every move, is closely scrutinised.
My watch set off the metal detectors in Singapore airport last week.
In America you are no-longer allowed to lock your hold luggage on flights so that it can all be easily checked (and stolen).
All over Europe and the USA, closed circuit TV cameras are appearing everywhere under the guise of "national security".
In Asia, Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia are working together to try to stamp out piracy in the Malacca Strait, partly for economic reasons and partly for fear of a sea-borne terrorist attack.
In Africa however, it's business as usual - Missing tanker "shame" in Nigeria.
How the hell do you lose a full oil tanker?
And there might be another one missing too but they can't confirm that?
Why bother attacking a ship and risking the navy turning up, when you can just go to Africa and take one.
Monday, September 20, 2004
COME TO PAPA
Perhaps, if we all wish hard enough, it'll come to Hong Kong and give us a nice day off to mark the end of the summer.
Or perhaps it'll turn up on 1 Oct, wreck our legitimate day off, and turn the fireworks into a damp squib.
Or perhaps it'll just go to Taiwan like all the others this year.
How come they get all the luck?
Perhaps, if we all wish hard enough, it'll come to Hong Kong and give us a nice day off to mark the end of the summer.
Or perhaps it'll turn up on 1 Oct, wreck our legitimate day off, and turn the fireworks into a damp squib.
Or perhaps it'll just go to Taiwan like all the others this year.
How come they get all the luck?
Saturday, September 18, 2004
CHASE HIM LADIES, HE'S IN THE CAVALRY
So Harry is off to Colombia. Those of us sad enough to work in a bank will probably never get to Colombia, but we do have access to useful info for him. The graph below is the number of kidnappings per month in Colombia.
The fact that there are enough to make a graph is enough to mean I probably won't be going anytime soon either!
Good luck Harry
So Harry is off to Colombia. Those of us sad enough to work in a bank will probably never get to Colombia, but we do have access to useful info for him. The graph below is the number of kidnappings per month in Colombia.
The fact that there are enough to make a graph is enough to mean I probably won't be going anytime soon either!
Good luck Harry
Friday, September 17, 2004
TECHNOLOGY RANT
We are moving buildings in two weeks. This lunchtime I have to go to the new building to check PC's, systems etc.
Currently I have 15 systems that I have to log in to, most of them daily, all with different username and password combinations obviously (we are not allowed to write these down so if anyone asks mine are absolutely NOT written on a piece of A4 in the back of my daily trade sheet folder).
Anyone care to make a market in how many will actually be working?
We are moving buildings in two weeks. This lunchtime I have to go to the new building to check PC's, systems etc.
Currently I have 15 systems that I have to log in to, most of them daily, all with different username and password combinations obviously (we are not allowed to write these down so if anyone asks mine are absolutely NOT written on a piece of A4 in the back of my daily trade sheet folder).
Anyone care to make a market in how many will actually be working?
HOME SWEET HOME
Back from Sunny Singapore (weather as always - 32 deg and a chance of rain) to lovely Hong Kong.
Ahhhhhh smell that fresh air.
Admire that view.
What’s that?
You’re choking? The back of your throat is burning? Your eyes are watering? You can’t see Kowloon? You have to stay indoors?
But have no fear. According to the SCMP “scientists in the city and Guangdong are trying to maker things better”.
HURRAH.
“Recognising Hong Kong and the Pearl River Delta are one when it comes to pollution, they will spend the next two years studying how to give earlier warnings of when smog is about to descend”
HOLD ON
Surely they mean “spend the next two years studying how to prevent smog”,
Quick reread confirms my worst fears - “spend the next two years studying how to give earlier warnings of when smog is about to descend”
Well that’s alright then.
Back from Sunny Singapore (weather as always - 32 deg and a chance of rain) to lovely Hong Kong.
Ahhhhhh smell that fresh air.
Admire that view.
What’s that?
You’re choking? The back of your throat is burning? Your eyes are watering? You can’t see Kowloon? You have to stay indoors?
But have no fear. According to the SCMP “scientists in the city and Guangdong are trying to maker things better”.
HURRAH.
“Recognising Hong Kong and the Pearl River Delta are one when it comes to pollution, they will spend the next two years studying how to give earlier warnings of when smog is about to descend”
HOLD ON
Surely they mean “spend the next two years studying how to prevent smog”,
Quick reread confirms my worst fears - “spend the next two years studying how to give earlier warnings of when smog is about to descend”
Well that’s alright then.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Monday, September 13, 2004
Expatriates fear Brown plans to charge them full tax rate By Toby Helm, Chief Political Correspondent(Filed: 10/08/2004)
(cut and pasted from the Telegraph website)
Two million Britons living abroad could face higher taxes after the Treasury refused to rule out changes in the regime for non-resident nationals.
Expatriates fear it could impose an American-style system under which they would pay the same income tax total as if they remained in Britain.
Non-residents are not taxed by Britain on income arising from work carried out wholly overseas but are subject to the tax regimes of the country where they live.
Americans living abroad have to make up the difference if local taxes are less than they would pay at home.
Liam Fox, the Conservative Party chairman, wrote to Gordon Brown, the Chancellor, about his plans after returning from a tour of Hong Kong, Dubai and South Africa during which Britons voiced their fears about persistent rumours of tax rises.
Dr Fox also believes the Treasury may reduce from 90 to 30 the number of days non-residents can spend in this country before becoming liable to tax. Exemptions from capital gains tax are also said to be under threat.
The Treasury did not rule out changes and said the issue of non-residents' tax arrangements had been under review for several years. Officials insisted, however, that they did not believe big changes were imminent.
That view was echoed by independent tax experts who said the changes would be more about modernisation than punitive change. A Treasury spokesman said: "Tax policy is made in Budgets not in response to Liam Fox's overseas visits."
In his pre-Budget report last December, Mr Brown said the whole issue was "complex and far-reaching". The Treasury would consider reform after further consultation.
Dr Fox said: "It is clear from the Treasury's lack of a denial that it is looking at new ways to milk British taxpayers whether they live in the United Kingdom or not.
"This will only add to the impression that Gordon Brown is identifying tax rises should Labour win a third term. No taxpayer will be safe whether they live in Britain or not."
A Labour spokesman accused him of whipping up concerns and claimed the real purpose of his trip had been to raise money from rich businessmen for Tory coffers.
"Liam Fox is like a travelling salesman hawking Tory Party policy round the Far East to the highest bidder."In his letter to Mr Brown, Mr Fox said the rumoured reforms would affect the willingness of people to move abroad to work for British companies exporting overseas.
I do realise that this is a very right-wing paper and they're probably playing the story up to try to drum up a few expat votes for the next election, but even so it's alarming.
I don't care about reducing the number of days from 90 to 30 before you become eligible for tax, in fact I'd like them to reduce it further so I never need to go again, but the tax thing is definitely scary. It doesn't sound like anything is imminent but if this does turn out to be true then it's time to consider another passport I think. Fortunately there seem to lots of them out there. I shall try the following sporting refrains for size and see which fits - Allez les bleus, forza azzuri, nkosi sikelele Africa malup hakanyiswu phondolwayo (hmmm - that looks a bit tricky. Might have to stick with - bokke, bokke, bokke...), waltzing matilda waltzing matilda, who'll come a-waltzing matilda with me... in fact pretty much anything except ka mate ka mate ka ora ka ora. If I want to be cold and wet I might as well stay British, no need to become a Kiwi.
(cut and pasted from the Telegraph website)
Two million Britons living abroad could face higher taxes after the Treasury refused to rule out changes in the regime for non-resident nationals.
Expatriates fear it could impose an American-style system under which they would pay the same income tax total as if they remained in Britain.
Non-residents are not taxed by Britain on income arising from work carried out wholly overseas but are subject to the tax regimes of the country where they live.
Americans living abroad have to make up the difference if local taxes are less than they would pay at home.
Liam Fox, the Conservative Party chairman, wrote to Gordon Brown, the Chancellor, about his plans after returning from a tour of Hong Kong, Dubai and South Africa during which Britons voiced their fears about persistent rumours of tax rises.
Dr Fox also believes the Treasury may reduce from 90 to 30 the number of days non-residents can spend in this country before becoming liable to tax. Exemptions from capital gains tax are also said to be under threat.
The Treasury did not rule out changes and said the issue of non-residents' tax arrangements had been under review for several years. Officials insisted, however, that they did not believe big changes were imminent.
That view was echoed by independent tax experts who said the changes would be more about modernisation than punitive change. A Treasury spokesman said: "Tax policy is made in Budgets not in response to Liam Fox's overseas visits."
In his pre-Budget report last December, Mr Brown said the whole issue was "complex and far-reaching". The Treasury would consider reform after further consultation.
Dr Fox said: "It is clear from the Treasury's lack of a denial that it is looking at new ways to milk British taxpayers whether they live in the United Kingdom or not.
"This will only add to the impression that Gordon Brown is identifying tax rises should Labour win a third term. No taxpayer will be safe whether they live in Britain or not."
A Labour spokesman accused him of whipping up concerns and claimed the real purpose of his trip had been to raise money from rich businessmen for Tory coffers.
"Liam Fox is like a travelling salesman hawking Tory Party policy round the Far East to the highest bidder."In his letter to Mr Brown, Mr Fox said the rumoured reforms would affect the willingness of people to move abroad to work for British companies exporting overseas.
I do realise that this is a very right-wing paper and they're probably playing the story up to try to drum up a few expat votes for the next election, but even so it's alarming.
I don't care about reducing the number of days from 90 to 30 before you become eligible for tax, in fact I'd like them to reduce it further so I never need to go again, but the tax thing is definitely scary. It doesn't sound like anything is imminent but if this does turn out to be true then it's time to consider another passport I think. Fortunately there seem to lots of them out there. I shall try the following sporting refrains for size and see which fits - Allez les bleus, forza azzuri, nkosi sikelele Africa malup hakanyiswu phondolwayo (hmmm - that looks a bit tricky. Might have to stick with - bokke, bokke, bokke...), waltzing matilda waltzing matilda, who'll come a-waltzing matilda with me... in fact pretty much anything except ka mate ka mate ka ora ka ora. If I want to be cold and wet I might as well stay British, no need to become a Kiwi.