U.K. TROOPS SINGLE-HANDEDLY WIN WAR ON TERROR

So the Yanks are now pleading with us to help them out with a bit of manpower in Iraq. Now the boots on the other foot eh!!!! Time for us bail out “your sorry asses” (though quite why donkeys need bailing out, or are involved in a war, even in Iraq, is not clear)

Yet again you were late to the party - we were getting bombed by lunatic terrorists for decades (mainly funded from the U.S. I might add), and you just sat by and did nothing till finally someone attacked you (reminiscent of another war maybe?).

But now having stirred up the shit you suddenly realize that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and have come cap in hand to us. Well we’ve learnt from the past and have given ourselves the nice cushy options, in a nice cushy part of Iraq, and let our allies to do all the nasty work. But at least we turned up on time, in the right place, and we will be glad to lend you a few troops.

In return we shall be expecting you guys to be eternally grateful that we got involved, and every time you question our involvement we shall come back with the line that without us you’d all be speaking Arabic!

We also reserve the right to make lots of movies in the future in which us Brits single-handedly beat the evil Iraqi dictator without any mention of any of our allies, or who did any of the actual fighting. We also reserve the right to make “factual” movies where we portray “actual events” from the war but substitute in British actors for any role that was actually fulfilled by an American (or any part of the US military military) in real-life, or which would otherwise have been played by Tom Hanks.