Saturday, August 13, 2016
The Daily Mail
Unbelievable as this may appear to be, it seems the Daily Mail is now a mouthpiece for the Chinese Communist Party - https://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/aug/12/mail-online-teams-up-chinese-newspaper-peoples-daily
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
NASA
Amazing announcements from NASA that they've found oxygen on Mars, and also found over 1,000 "exoplanets" that might harbour life.
Brings to mind the Monty Python song...... You'd better hope that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's bugger all down here on earth.....
Monday, March 28, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Russia
Russia pulls out of Syria just as the budget starts to get really tight.... Coincidence? Methinks not. They're screwed and have to tighten their belts.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Rugby World Cup
I've said it before and I'll say it again - The only thing better than watching Scotland lose is watching Scotland lose in the last minute to a dodgy refereeing call.
Finally something at RWC2015 has put a smile on my face
Saturday, September 19, 2015
RWC. Farrell v Ford
Wouldn't be surprised if Farrell starts the next game at 10. England looked better with him there.
RWC. England 35 Fiji 11
A win's a win but it wasn't convincing. It panned out exactly as I expected. The Fijians gave it everything but ultimately tired and England ran away from them in the last 20 minutes.
Still not sure we're going to get past the Aussies and the Welsh. If we do then there's no reason why we shouldn't make the final.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Singapore Elections
Kenneth Jeyaretnam, leader of the Reform Party
That sums it up perfectly.
Labour Party
A socialist? In charge of the Labour Party? Whatever next?
(Un)fortunately I am old enough to remember the last time true socialists were in charge. I remember queuing for bread and being limited to one loaf per family. I remember doing my homework by candlelight because there was no electricity due to strikes. I remember the "Winter of Discontent".
I almost hope they get back in to remind everyone why socialism is such a stupid idea in practice, no matter how lovely it is in theory.
But only almost. I don't want to live in Mud Island again, and I don't want the people who are stuck there to realise what a dump it is and decide to come join me in lovely Switzerland.
Social Media
I get the point of Facebook. It's to pretend to friends/enemies/potential mates that your life wonderful when in fact it's as dreary as the next person's.
I get the point of LinkedIn. It's to show off to colleagues/competitors/potential employers that you're a wonderful asset and how vital you are to the team/company when in fact you're as dispensable as the next person.
I don't get the point of Twitter. Who else is there to present a fake front to? #socialmediasucks
RWC
For what my opinion is worth, I'm not sure England are going to make it out of the group. Australia are always dangerous, and tend to turn it on when it counts, and the Welsh would like nothing more than to beat England at home in their own tournament.
Lots of comparisons are being made with England's 2003 team but that team was a class apart, and had been laying together for at least 2 years. Everyone knew the team that would take the pitch for the first game at least a year before the tournament. This time it's a new team with several untried combinations in it. England have to hit the ground running - Fiji are no walkovers, though I expect them to run out of steam in the second half - and should have had their number 1 team inked in 6 months ago, not still at the conceptual stage.
Saturday, September 05, 2015
Sam Burgess
I wasn't in agreement with him being in the squad of 45. I was even less enthusiastic about him being in the 31. But slowly I'm coming round. He doesn't actually do much, but just the size of the man gives him a presence. And he does have the skills, even if it's still a bit hit and miss at the Test level.
Come the World Cup games I've now reached a point where I'd have him in the match day 23. Either start him to soften the opposition up, or bring him on in the second half to steamroller tired defenders. Either way don't give him the full 80 mins - he's no Sonny Bill - but he can definitely play a big part as part of the match day squad.
Friday, September 04, 2015
HSBC
So HSBC has decided to rebrand it's UK bank from HSBC to HSBC UK. And apparently they paid money to an agency to come up with that!
They considered reviving the name Midland from the bank they bought 20 years ago but it seems that they were worried it "lacked dynamism". Surely a supposedly ultra-safe ring-fenced retail bank isn't supposed to be dynamic. It's supposed to be a boring place which isn't going to lose your money. I'd have though Midland was the perfect name for it.
Thursday, September 03, 2015
Great British Bake Off
You've got to be kidding me. First time I've ever seen it. What a woeful show. Activities of no interest to any sane person, interspersed with hopelessly unfunny jokes from "comedians". How on earth has this become a huge TV hit?
GBBO justifies my decision to leave Mud island all on it's own.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Thursday, August 06, 2015
Malaysia - the cracks are beginning to show
The slide to third world status continues as they start to harass foreign journalists
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/malaysia/11784140/Malaysia-issues-arrest-warrant-for-Gordon-Browns-sister-in-law-over-allegations-about-prime-minister-Najib-Razak.html
Nothing says there's something to hide like trying to muzzle the press.
And this is why I didn't blog from Singapore. They're not much better and would probably uphold this sort of warrant.
Apple TV. I love it, but.....
I love Apple TV but for the love of God PLEASE MAKE THE REMOTES BIGGER. Or fit some sort of "find my Apple TV remote" function. Some of us have kids. Their ability to lose things is unparalleled.
Tuesday, August 04, 2015
Malaysia. Approach with caution
Superb. I would say only in Malaysia, but actually this could happen in most of Asia given the levels of corruption. Anyway it seems the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission has decided that the $650million found in Prime Minister Najib Razak's bank account was a donation, and in no way related to the $650million hole in the finances of government entity 1MDB.
So that's alright then.
Having spent several years living just across the causeway in Singapore, visiting Malaysia always felt like a visit to the second world. Nice smooth motorways with slum towns and villages on either side. Some ok, but not really maintained infrastructure surrounded by crap. It's stories like this that remind you that in fact in most ways it's really the third world with a few shiny towers and buildings thrown in. Anyone contemplating investing in anything Malaysian should assume it will go pear-shaped and treat any other outcome as a huge result. And don't forget to budget for the bribes.
Monday, August 03, 2015
Let's try again
Going to have another go at this. Trying to play with sidebars etc so apologies if it all goes a bit pear-shaped now and then. Can't remember how to do all that formatting malarkey. I'm sure it'll come back.
In the meantime, there is a new "business section" which is in fact a separate blog I started scribbling some thoughts on a few years ago - It's Crunch Time.
Of course now instead of a job I have a life. So instead of sitting at a computer with nothing better to do than write this drivel I'm afraid I will often be out and about doing something or other (now living in Switzerland which means there is always a mountain out there just asking for someone to hike up it or slide down it) so posts are likely to be occasional, but I thought what the heck. It was a bit of fun 10 years ago. Let's see if it still is.
Giles
In the meantime, there is a new "business section" which is in fact a separate blog I started scribbling some thoughts on a few years ago - It's Crunch Time.
Of course now instead of a job I have a life. So instead of sitting at a computer with nothing better to do than write this drivel I'm afraid I will often be out and about doing something or other (now living in Switzerland which means there is always a mountain out there just asking for someone to hike up it or slide down it) so posts are likely to be occasional, but I thought what the heck. It was a bit of fun 10 years ago. Let's see if it still is.
Giles
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Monday, November 21, 2011
I'm back, and this time i really mean it.... until i can think of a decent title for a new blog anyway.
They themselves say "Everyone agrees now that in the past Britain’s economy had become lopsided – too dependent on debt, consumption and financial services." yet somehow the solution is to offer to guarantee yet more debt? And at the same time they're going to ramp up supply, almost guaranteeing price falls, and taxpayer losses.
I'm newly unemployed in Singapore, and loving it. No more pointless meetings, no more stupid forms to fill in, or HR requests, or online training on how to pick up a box, or targets or "KPI"s to worry about.
And best of all, I'm no longer on the "private side" of the chinese wall in banking, which means I can blog and comment on whatever I want without fear of compliance breathing down my neck.
Hurrah.
As long as i can remember how blogger works of course.
Only thing now is to find something to comment on, and the current debacle seems to be an obvious place to start, so let's go with this as an opener from today's Daily Telegraph.
Taxpayer to take on mortgage risks of first-time buyers
They have to be kidding surely.
Genius. Only a politician could come up with that.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
OK, so last time I lied...
but this time i mean it. Time to start posting again from this increasingly wierd country (assuming i can work out how to post via email).
First up - water. There's tons of it here. It pisses down regularly. Sydney has more rainfall than London. Ignore any Australian who tells you there's a drought - there's just a lack of brainpower.
but this time i mean it. Time to start posting again from this increasingly wierd country (assuming i can work out how to post via email).
First up - water. There's tons of it here. It pisses down regularly. Sydney has more rainfall than London. Ignore any Australian who tells you there's a drought - there's just a lack of brainpower.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
AND WE'RE BACK (for a while at least)
I thought it's about time I had another stab at this blogging malarky, especially as the natives downunder have provided a few crumbs which I hope may enlighten and/or amuse my reader, assuming (s)he is still alive of course.
I'll scribble a few notes tomorrow and update the sidebars etc over time (basically once i can remember how you do that) but in the meantime would any non-australians care to take a stab at defining the following common australian words...
rort
stoush
They crop up all the time down here and I had never heard of either of them before.
I thought it's about time I had another stab at this blogging malarky, especially as the natives downunder have provided a few crumbs which I hope may enlighten and/or amuse my reader, assuming (s)he is still alive of course.
I'll scribble a few notes tomorrow and update the sidebars etc over time (basically once i can remember how you do that) but in the meantime would any non-australians care to take a stab at defining the following common australian words...
rort
stoush
They crop up all the time down here and I had never heard of either of them before.
Friday, August 12, 2005
YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME, I'M PART OF THE UNION....
To - Tony Woodley, General Secretary, Transport and General Workers Union – tgwu@tgwu.org.uk
Dear Sir,
I would like to congratulate you on your decision to take strike action against Gate Gourmet and, by default, British Airways.
I do not for one minute believe the cynics who are pointing out that this is the third August in a row that British Airways has been affected by strike action and are claiming that your members are simply a bunch of lazy shirkers who fancied a few extra days off in the summer, but totally accept your assertion that it is the fault of Gate Gourmet and their “intransigent” management.
I also whole heartedly agree with your support of the “low-paid Asian” workers who walked out on Gate Gourmet and then were sacked as a result, and who clearly would be unable to find any other work in the UK, despite the current unemployment rate currently standing at 2.80%, a level many economists believe is below a sustainable full-employment level.
Unfortunately your action has meant however that myself, my wife, and our 2 children, who were all booked in business class on BA0025 to Hong Kong tonight are now going to be flying on Qantas instead. This unfortunately means that the profits from the flight will now be going to Australia instead of the UK (indeed I see estimates of as high as GBP40 million are being mentioned as the losses BA – and thus the UK - will face from this action) but I am sure it is a small price to pay to safeguard the jobs of the people who put the little plastic covers on top of the boxes of “food” that were prepared several days earlier.
This is also the second time in 3 years that our BA flights have been affected by strike action from your members.
Sadly, despite my whole-hearted support for your position and actions, I actually do have a job which I have to be back in Hong Kong for on Monday, and my “intransigent” management does not seem to understand my support for you and your brothers in arms. As a result this does mean that we will never be booking flights on British Airways again and will in future always use Cathay Pacific or Qantas. I do hope that no other regular passengers are as small-minded as we are being and continue to be loyal to BA despite the repeated problems, as obviously this could materially impact the airline, and hence the number of your members they are able to employ.
Good luck with the struggle comrade.
Yours in Solidarity
Giles
To - Tony Woodley, General Secretary, Transport and General Workers Union – tgwu@tgwu.org.uk
Dear Sir,
I would like to congratulate you on your decision to take strike action against Gate Gourmet and, by default, British Airways.
I do not for one minute believe the cynics who are pointing out that this is the third August in a row that British Airways has been affected by strike action and are claiming that your members are simply a bunch of lazy shirkers who fancied a few extra days off in the summer, but totally accept your assertion that it is the fault of Gate Gourmet and their “intransigent” management.
I also whole heartedly agree with your support of the “low-paid Asian” workers who walked out on Gate Gourmet and then were sacked as a result, and who clearly would be unable to find any other work in the UK, despite the current unemployment rate currently standing at 2.80%, a level many economists believe is below a sustainable full-employment level.
Unfortunately your action has meant however that myself, my wife, and our 2 children, who were all booked in business class on BA0025 to Hong Kong tonight are now going to be flying on Qantas instead. This unfortunately means that the profits from the flight will now be going to Australia instead of the UK (indeed I see estimates of as high as GBP40 million are being mentioned as the losses BA – and thus the UK - will face from this action) but I am sure it is a small price to pay to safeguard the jobs of the people who put the little plastic covers on top of the boxes of “food” that were prepared several days earlier.
This is also the second time in 3 years that our BA flights have been affected by strike action from your members.
Sadly, despite my whole-hearted support for your position and actions, I actually do have a job which I have to be back in Hong Kong for on Monday, and my “intransigent” management does not seem to understand my support for you and your brothers in arms. As a result this does mean that we will never be booking flights on British Airways again and will in future always use Cathay Pacific or Qantas. I do hope that no other regular passengers are as small-minded as we are being and continue to be loyal to BA despite the repeated problems, as obviously this could materially impact the airline, and hence the number of your members they are able to employ.
Good luck with the struggle comrade.
Yours in Solidarity
Giles
Friday, August 05, 2005
MUD ISLAND UPDATE
Alarm went off at 6.30. It was raining. It's now 9.30. It's still raining.
Still at least it is raining here and hopefully not in Edgbaston. A long lunch in front of the TV in the pub beckons I think.
Alarm went off at 6.30. It was raining. It's now 9.30. It's still raining.
Still at least it is raining here and hopefully not in Edgbaston. A long lunch in front of the TV in the pub beckons I think.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
TALES FROM MUD ISLAND…
Finally got here on Thursday night. Haven’t had access to a p.c. till this afternoon though (thankfully).
A few observations so far from the peak of the British summer…
It has rained on average every three hours since we arrived.
Longest continuous spell of sunshine so far – estimated 15 minutes.
Highest temperature recorded so far – 22 degrees.
On the day we arrived the biggest security operation since World War II was in force because of the threat of suicide bombings. This included armed police on trians and tubes, and a very visible police presence across the whole of London
On Friday, a black 18 year old man was killed in an attack which left an axe embedded in his forehead in a racist attack while he was waiting for a bus with his 17 year old white girlfriend.
Today, a man was stabbed to death on a bus by a man who he the victim has asked to stop throwing chips.
God it's a dump.
Finally got here on Thursday night. Haven’t had access to a p.c. till this afternoon though (thankfully).
A few observations so far from the peak of the British summer…
It has rained on average every three hours since we arrived.
Longest continuous spell of sunshine so far – estimated 15 minutes.
Highest temperature recorded so far – 22 degrees.
On the day we arrived the biggest security operation since World War II was in force because of the threat of suicide bombings. This included armed police on trians and tubes, and a very visible police presence across the whole of London
On Friday, a black 18 year old man was killed in an attack which left an axe embedded in his forehead in a racist attack while he was waiting for a bus with his 17 year old white girlfriend.
Today, a man was stabbed to death on a bus by a man who he the victim has asked to stop throwing chips.
God it's a dump.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
TRAVEL ITINERARY FOR NEXT 48 HOURS (all times are local)
Thursday
8pm - CX to Singapore
Friday
8am - breakfast meeting / interview
9am - meeting / interview
10am - meeting / interview
10.45am - meeting / interview
11.30am - meeting / interview
12.30pm - lunch / meeting / interview
2.30pm - to Changi airport
4.05pm - CX to Hong Kong
7.35pm - arrive Hong Kong
8.30pm - arrive home
8.30 - 9.00pm - shower, change, pack
9.00pm - car BACK to HK airport
11.45pm - BA to London with wife and 2 very small insomniacs
Saturday
5.30am - arrive Heathrow
5.30am-8.05am - wait in Heathrow
8.05am - BA to Nice
11.00am - arrive Nice, collect bags, meet stepfather
11.30am - dep Nice in car for 2 hour drive.
1.30pm - arrive my parents house to be greeted by my mother who will not understand why I am so snappy.
2.00pm - arrested by French police for drowning mother in swimming pool.
I can hardly wait....
Thursday
8pm - CX to Singapore
Friday
8am - breakfast meeting / interview
9am - meeting / interview
10am - meeting / interview
10.45am - meeting / interview
11.30am - meeting / interview
12.30pm - lunch / meeting / interview
2.30pm - to Changi airport
4.05pm - CX to Hong Kong
7.35pm - arrive Hong Kong
8.30pm - arrive home
8.30 - 9.00pm - shower, change, pack
9.00pm - car BACK to HK airport
11.45pm - BA to London with wife and 2 very small insomniacs
Saturday
5.30am - arrive Heathrow
5.30am-8.05am - wait in Heathrow
8.05am - BA to Nice
11.00am - arrive Nice, collect bags, meet stepfather
11.30am - dep Nice in car for 2 hour drive.
1.30pm - arrive my parents house to be greeted by my mother who will not understand why I am so snappy.
2.00pm - arrested by French police for drowning mother in swimming pool.
I can hardly wait....
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
JOB UPDATE
It's now 5.45pm and there is a stony silence from Singapore which means that possibility has probably disappeared.
So it's down to beaches, beers, barbies and bronzed babes versus blair, bombs, bus lanes and bloaters from Essex tottering around in high heels screaming into their mobile phones.
What would you do?
It's now 5.45pm and there is a stony silence from Singapore which means that possibility has probably disappeared.
So it's down to beaches, beers, barbies and bronzed babes versus blair, bombs, bus lanes and bloaters from Essex tottering around in high heels screaming into their mobile phones.
What would you do?
SCOTLAND (with apologies to Mia, who seems to love all things Scottish)
It's a very rare indeed that my mother and I see eye to eye on anything, but I just got an email from my mother who is on her way back from her first trip to the Outer Hebrides (my brother-in-law's family have a place there and my sister is there with her family at the moment).
I quote...
sitting in bloody glasgow airport rain fog mist drizzle i HATE scotland never never to return though majestic scenery getting here but granite grubby restarants grubby people who talk fuunny LONG for civilisation no wonder they all emigrated
(that may also explain where I get my notoriously laissez-faire attitude towards punctuation and grammar from)
there's then some family stuff followed by...
never wiil i venture into unknown terriory again cured for life
raining again and fog give me sweaty london anyday
Well said Mum, though even I am appalled at the lack of the odd comma.
It's a very rare indeed that my mother and I see eye to eye on anything, but I just got an email from my mother who is on her way back from her first trip to the Outer Hebrides (my brother-in-law's family have a place there and my sister is there with her family at the moment).
I quote...
sitting in bloody glasgow airport rain fog mist drizzle i HATE scotland never never to return though majestic scenery getting here but granite grubby restarants grubby people who talk fuunny LONG for civilisation no wonder they all emigrated
(that may also explain where I get my notoriously laissez-faire attitude towards punctuation and grammar from)
there's then some family stuff followed by...
never wiil i venture into unknown terriory again cured for life
raining again and fog give me sweaty london anyday
Well said Mum, though even I am appalled at the lack of the odd comma.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
THE SOUND OF SILENCE...
Apologies for the long silence.
I was off on a jaunt and thought I'd post while I was away but I couldn't be bothered.
for the record...
The Lions really were as bad in the flesh as they looked on TV.
Auckland is fun, cold and wet.
Wellington is windy, cold and wet.
Sydney is sunny, warm (even in mid-winter) and hideously expensive if you're looking for property (small clue there for the perceptive among you as to how my job situation is panning out...)
More later....
Apologies for the long silence.
I was off on a jaunt and thought I'd post while I was away but I couldn't be bothered.
for the record...
The Lions really were as bad in the flesh as they looked on TV.
Auckland is fun, cold and wet.
Wellington is windy, cold and wet.
Sydney is sunny, warm (even in mid-winter) and hideously expensive if you're looking for property (small clue there for the perceptive among you as to how my job situation is panning out...)
More later....
Thursday, July 07, 2005
OLYMPICS 2012
Felicitations Paris.
Vous avez reussi a eviter les Jeux Olympiques.
Je suis tellement impressione que vous avez aussi reussi, au meme temps, a donner ces "Jeux" a votre ennemi mortel, Londres. Maintenant ca sera les anglais qui doivent payer et organiser ce tournament futile, pendant que vous ne devez faire que de prendre le train pour 2 1/2 heures si vous voulez le voir.
Un resultat excellent.
(Veuillez m'excuser si j'ai fait des betises enormes. Ca fait presque 5 annees des que j'ai du essayer d'ecrire ou parler francais.)
Felicitations Paris.
Vous avez reussi a eviter les Jeux Olympiques.
Je suis tellement impressione que vous avez aussi reussi, au meme temps, a donner ces "Jeux" a votre ennemi mortel, Londres. Maintenant ca sera les anglais qui doivent payer et organiser ce tournament futile, pendant que vous ne devez faire que de prendre le train pour 2 1/2 heures si vous voulez le voir.
Un resultat excellent.
(Veuillez m'excuser si j'ai fait des betises enormes. Ca fait presque 5 annees des que j'ai du essayer d'ecrire ou parler francais.)
Monday, July 04, 2005
THE SPORTS SECTION
Rugby
-----
Lions Kick-off
New Zealand - catch kick-off, pass, run, pass, score try, convert.
repeat for 80 minutes or until those of us who are going down to NZ for the thrid test are sobbing into our Tsing Tao.
Wimbledon
----------
Serve, miss, serve, hit but miss court, repeat ad nauseam or ad infinitum, whichever comes first.
Rugby
-----
Lions Kick-off
New Zealand - catch kick-off, pass, run, pass, score try, convert.
repeat for 80 minutes or until those of us who are going down to NZ for the thrid test are sobbing into our Tsing Tao.
Wimbledon
----------
Serve, miss, serve, hit but miss court, repeat ad nauseam or ad infinitum, whichever comes first.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
MORE WORDS OR PHRASES THAT SHOULD EXIST. TODAY'S THEME - THE WORKPLACE
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to worka gain.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to worka gain.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
VOLVO JOKE
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh to yourself knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night....
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But ....
Wait a minute....
(Click photo to enlarge)
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh to yourself knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night....
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But ....
Wait a minute....
(Click photo to enlarge)
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
APOLOGIES
for the recent silence. It has not been just because of the abysmal efforts so far of the Lions (though that is certainly a contributing factor), but mainly due to employment distractions.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that the boss has asked me to return to London. I have no desire to go back, but the seat I am currently occupying will disappear late this year so continuing in my current vein is not an option. As a result I have been a little distracted. Will update with more on this later, if any of you care...
for the recent silence. It has not been just because of the abysmal efforts so far of the Lions (though that is certainly a contributing factor), but mainly due to employment distractions.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that the boss has asked me to return to London. I have no desire to go back, but the seat I am currently occupying will disappear late this year so continuing in my current vein is not an option. As a result I have been a little distracted. Will update with more on this later, if any of you care...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
AUSTRALIAN SPORTING REVIVAL?
In a fine night for Australian sport, all their major representative sports teams managed to avoid defeat last night.
John Buchanan, coach of the piss-poor Australian cricket team (the "Canary Yellows") dismissed claims that this was achieved only by avoiding playing anyone at anything, and stated that he hoped this was the beginning of "the long climb back to mediocrity". He also denied categorically that the Canary Yellows had been due to play an exhibition game last night against Chiswick Bowls and Recreational Club for Retired Gentlefolk but had backed out at the last minute for fear of further humiliation. A spokesman for the Chiswick-based club, Mrs Edna Posthlethwaite, 68, however, claimed that the match had been confirmed in writing, and dislpayed to the media a letter allegedly signed by Mr Buchanan, confirming the fixture.
When told Mr Buchanan was denying the match had ever been scheduled she commented "he's a typical whingeing Aussie" and challenged him to rearrange the fixture with the words "come and try us if you think you're hard enough"
Fat fcuking chance on recent evidence.
In a fine night for Australian sport, all their major representative sports teams managed to avoid defeat last night.
John Buchanan, coach of the piss-poor Australian cricket team (the "Canary Yellows") dismissed claims that this was achieved only by avoiding playing anyone at anything, and stated that he hoped this was the beginning of "the long climb back to mediocrity". He also denied categorically that the Canary Yellows had been due to play an exhibition game last night against Chiswick Bowls and Recreational Club for Retired Gentlefolk but had backed out at the last minute for fear of further humiliation. A spokesman for the Chiswick-based club, Mrs Edna Posthlethwaite, 68, however, claimed that the match had been confirmed in writing, and dislpayed to the media a letter allegedly signed by Mr Buchanan, confirming the fixture.
When told Mr Buchanan was denying the match had ever been scheduled she commented "he's a typical whingeing Aussie" and challenged him to rearrange the fixture with the words "come and try us if you think you're hard enough"
Fat fcuking chance on recent evidence.
Monday, June 20, 2005
POSSIBLY THE BEST WEEKEND EVER....
Good - South Africa 30 - France 30
Better - Otago 19 - Lions 30
Even Better - Brilliant Pieterson sinks Aussies
Best - Bangladesh humble sorry Australia
Even the prospect of the imminent choice between unemployment or a return to Mud Island can't wipe the smile off my face.
Good - South Africa 30 - France 30
Better - Otago 19 - Lions 30
Even Better - Brilliant Pieterson sinks Aussies
Best - Bangladesh humble sorry Australia
Even the prospect of the imminent choice between unemployment or a return to Mud Island can't wipe the smile off my face.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
MICHAEL JACKSON, HIS SUPPORTERS AND DEMOCRACY
Not an obvious triumvirate I know but this analysis of the Jackson trial makes the very good point that these people have the vote!
More proof, if ever it was needed, that democracy is a foolish and dangerous experiment that is bound to end in failure. Bring back dictatorships (preferably with me in charge).
Not an obvious triumvirate I know but this analysis of the Jackson trial makes the very good point that these people have the vote!
More proof, if ever it was needed, that democracy is a foolish and dangerous experiment that is bound to end in failure. Bring back dictatorships (preferably with me in charge).
REASONS TO NEVER GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND - A continuing occasional series...
"Take a shower" says Tube boss
Lovely.
His customers are so revolting they need to be told to take a shower.
And his "service" is unable to offer air conditioning.
Mmmmmmmmm - nice.
(Thanks Mr G - a fellow exile from Blighty)
"Take a shower" says Tube boss
Lovely.
His customers are so revolting they need to be told to take a shower.
And his "service" is unable to offer air conditioning.
Mmmmmmmmm - nice.
(Thanks Mr G - a fellow exile from Blighty)
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
THE END OF THE LINE FOR HONG KONG?
In a world exclusive the South China Morning Pointless reports that there is clear evidence that Hong Kong society is crumbling. Under a headline entitled "Double-lane dicers warned amid flyover jam" they report that during yesterdays rush-hour traffic jams, caused in large part by the rerouting of a large section of traffic on the busiest section of road in Hong Kong, at least 10 cars were seen crossing double white lines to get into the lane they needed to be in.
10 cars!!!!
Crossing a double white line!!!
Where will it all end? We're doomed I tell you. Doomed.
Of course in London it's not unheard of for people to drive over roundabouts, through parks, across central reservations and along the pavement to get out of a jam or into the right lane. And in LA they do all that while taking pot shots at each other.
But here in HK crossing double lines is front page news.
Doncha just love it.
In a world exclusive the South China Morning Pointless reports that there is clear evidence that Hong Kong society is crumbling. Under a headline entitled "Double-lane dicers warned amid flyover jam" they report that during yesterdays rush-hour traffic jams, caused in large part by the rerouting of a large section of traffic on the busiest section of road in Hong Kong, at least 10 cars were seen crossing double white lines to get into the lane they needed to be in.
10 cars!!!!
Crossing a double white line!!!
Where will it all end? We're doomed I tell you. Doomed.
Of course in London it's not unheard of for people to drive over roundabouts, through parks, across central reservations and along the pavement to get out of a jam or into the right lane. And in LA they do all that while taking pot shots at each other.
But here in HK crossing double lines is front page news.
Doncha just love it.
Monday, June 13, 2005
HOW TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY
The woeful states of former U.S. industrial giants Ford and General Motors is well documented. Their market shares domestically and internationally have fallen to record lows, they are losing money hand over fist and have recently been downgraded to Junk Bond status.
But none of that will have hurt as much as this.
Toyota is planning to raise it's prices in the U.S. in an effort to help the American car industry by making it's own cars less attractive. Apparently they want to maintain healthy trade relations with the US and want to ensure the industry remains dominated by Japan and America. As the Amercians are unable to make themsleves competitive Toyota has decided to make itself UNcompetitive.
Ouch.
The woeful states of former U.S. industrial giants Ford and General Motors is well documented. Their market shares domestically and internationally have fallen to record lows, they are losing money hand over fist and have recently been downgraded to Junk Bond status.
But none of that will have hurt as much as this.
Toyota is planning to raise it's prices in the U.S. in an effort to help the American car industry by making it's own cars less attractive. Apparently they want to maintain healthy trade relations with the US and want to ensure the industry remains dominated by Japan and America. As the Amercians are unable to make themsleves competitive Toyota has decided to make itself UNcompetitive.
Ouch.
LIONS 13 - N.Z. MAORI 19
It's not the end of the world, or even the tour, but it's certainly not good news. The loss itself is not necessarily the problem, it's the fact that they were on the back foot for pretty much the whole game, and almost never looked threatening. As Woodward said, the final scoreline flattered the Lions.
They'd better shine this Wednesday, especially as Woodward appears to have picked a pretty much full strength back line (the only possible area of contention for the test team would be Wilkinson or Jones at no. 10), or the whole thing is going to fall apart.
It's not the end of the world, or even the tour, but it's certainly not good news. The loss itself is not necessarily the problem, it's the fact that they were on the back foot for pretty much the whole game, and almost never looked threatening. As Woodward said, the final scoreline flattered the Lions.
They'd better shine this Wednesday, especially as Woodward appears to have picked a pretty much full strength back line (the only possible area of contention for the test team would be Wilkinson or Jones at no. 10), or the whole thing is going to fall apart.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
GOD AND LUNCH
When I was a wee lad, growing up in the wilds of Leicestershire, England's rugby heartland, we were taught that there were two religions. One revolved around some guy with a beard who lived a long time ago, and the other involved 15 rugby players wearing striped shirts, with letters on their backs. There were some great names out there including Paul Dodge, Les Cusworth, Dusty Hare, Peter Wheeler and a young Clive Woodward. In any other team each would have been revered in his own right as the undisputed Lord of all he surveyed. But not in Leicester. At Leicester one man rose above them all and came to be admired as the one true God - Dean Richards. He stood head and shoulders above all others and was rock for Leicester, England and the Lions. This being the days when Leicester used letters and not numbers for thier positions he even wore the letter G on his back. what more proof could anyone need?
Sadly his playing days finally had to come to an end, but fortunately the faithful were not left wandering in the desert for long. Another Leicester player picked up the baton from Richards and went on even further, becoming arguably the greatest rugby player England has ever produced, taking Leicester, England and the Lions to new heights. Under his leadership Leicester won the European cup twice, England won the Grand Slam, the Lions won in South Africa and then, to cap it all, England won the World Cup.
I have spent many happy hours watching him play at Welford Road, Twickenham, Parc des Princes, Cardiff Arms Park, Lansdowne Road, Murrayfield, The Colonnial Stadium (now renamed I think) and Stadium Australia.
And today he is in Hong Kong. Having lunch. With me (and about 1,000 others).
My only concern is that if I get to shake his hand I might either burst into tears or wet myself. Or both.
If anyone needs me after 12.00 today, tough.
When I was a wee lad, growing up in the wilds of Leicestershire, England's rugby heartland, we were taught that there were two religions. One revolved around some guy with a beard who lived a long time ago, and the other involved 15 rugby players wearing striped shirts, with letters on their backs. There were some great names out there including Paul Dodge, Les Cusworth, Dusty Hare, Peter Wheeler and a young Clive Woodward. In any other team each would have been revered in his own right as the undisputed Lord of all he surveyed. But not in Leicester. At Leicester one man rose above them all and came to be admired as the one true God - Dean Richards. He stood head and shoulders above all others and was rock for Leicester, England and the Lions. This being the days when Leicester used letters and not numbers for thier positions he even wore the letter G on his back. what more proof could anyone need?
Sadly his playing days finally had to come to an end, but fortunately the faithful were not left wandering in the desert for long. Another Leicester player picked up the baton from Richards and went on even further, becoming arguably the greatest rugby player England has ever produced, taking Leicester, England and the Lions to new heights. Under his leadership Leicester won the European cup twice, England won the Grand Slam, the Lions won in South Africa and then, to cap it all, England won the World Cup.
I have spent many happy hours watching him play at Welford Road, Twickenham, Parc des Princes, Cardiff Arms Park, Lansdowne Road, Murrayfield, The Colonnial Stadium (now renamed I think) and Stadium Australia.
And today he is in Hong Kong. Having lunch. With me (and about 1,000 others).
My only concern is that if I get to shake his hand I might either burst into tears or wet myself. Or both.
If anyone needs me after 12.00 today, tough.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
REASONS TO NEVER GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND (An ongoing series)
London Underground (NSFW - and you need the volume up a bit)
Thanks Mr Glossy
(And to any pedants and/or lawyers.... yes I know the infinitive is split in the title, and no, I don't care)
London Underground (NSFW - and you need the volume up a bit)
Thanks Mr Glossy
(And to any pedants and/or lawyers.... yes I know the infinitive is split in the title, and no, I don't care)
Monday, June 06, 2005
LIONS ROAR, THEN WHIMPER, THEN MAKE A SORT OF GROWLING NOISE....
Phew. That was a bit close.
These first few games are just openers. The players are still getting to know each other and they will still be a bit jet-lagged, so no need to set too much store by the scores, but based on what I watched...
O'Driscoll and Henson look handy as a centre partnership, but Darcy and Greenwood are both good players with proven track records. Picking who will accompany O'Driscoll is going to be a nightmare.
Josh Lewsey is looking like a world-class full back and is surely top of the list for that spot come the tests.
Ronan O'Gara is now behind my mother in the pecking order for the Test fly-half berth. He missed several tackles (two of which led to tries for Bay of Plenty), and missed even more kicks at goal. Doubt he'll be getting his boots muddy again for a while.
Martin Corry will be the Lions no.8 after the loss of Dallaglio.
Phew. That was a bit close.
These first few games are just openers. The players are still getting to know each other and they will still be a bit jet-lagged, so no need to set too much store by the scores, but based on what I watched...
O'Driscoll and Henson look handy as a centre partnership, but Darcy and Greenwood are both good players with proven track records. Picking who will accompany O'Driscoll is going to be a nightmare.
Josh Lewsey is looking like a world-class full back and is surely top of the list for that spot come the tests.
Ronan O'Gara is now behind my mother in the pecking order for the Test fly-half berth. He missed several tackles (two of which led to tries for Bay of Plenty), and missed even more kicks at goal. Doubt he'll be getting his boots muddy again for a while.
Martin Corry will be the Lions no.8 after the loss of Dallaglio.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
AUSTRALIA
The recent silence was largely due to a business trip to Australia (and partly due to apathy). Spent a few days in Sydney and a day in Melbourne.
Some observations....
Sydney. Every time I go to Sydney the locals complain there's a drought, then it rains, then they complain it's raining "in the wrong place". What's that all about?
Melbourne. Cold. Why go to Australia and then be cold? What's the point? Why anyone lives there is a mystery. Oh I know all the locals claim it's the cultural capital of Australia but that's only cos it's freezing and/or raining all the time so they have to spend a lot of time indoors. You don't need culture in Sydney or Brisbane or Perth cos you're on the beach all the time.
Farmers. All they do in Australia is moan. "It's too hot / cold / wet / dry. The government should help us." Well why should the government help you? You're trying to grow plants and animals in what is basically a huge desert - a totally unsuitable environment. Of course it's difficult. If you want it to work trying growing kangaroos, or sand, or something else that is adapted to the climate, instead of importing things from elsewhere and then moaning when they don't grow. And why should the governement help you because of a problem you're having that is out of their control? It's the climate - there's nothing they can do and giving you a big fat cheque to tide you over to next year is only going to mean you'll be back with more moans then.
And lastly....
Why do they serve latte's in glasses? It's a fcuking hot drink for christs sake. Serving it in a glass with no handle makes no sense. My fingers look like I've been trying to erase my fingerprints cos of all the burns. All other coffees come in a cup so why just serve a latte in a glass? Every other country in the world has worked it out - why can't you?
Right. I feel better now I've got that lot off my chest.
The recent silence was largely due to a business trip to Australia (and partly due to apathy). Spent a few days in Sydney and a day in Melbourne.
Some observations....
Sydney. Every time I go to Sydney the locals complain there's a drought, then it rains, then they complain it's raining "in the wrong place". What's that all about?
Melbourne. Cold. Why go to Australia and then be cold? What's the point? Why anyone lives there is a mystery. Oh I know all the locals claim it's the cultural capital of Australia but that's only cos it's freezing and/or raining all the time so they have to spend a lot of time indoors. You don't need culture in Sydney or Brisbane or Perth cos you're on the beach all the time.
Farmers. All they do in Australia is moan. "It's too hot / cold / wet / dry. The government should help us." Well why should the government help you? You're trying to grow plants and animals in what is basically a huge desert - a totally unsuitable environment. Of course it's difficult. If you want it to work trying growing kangaroos, or sand, or something else that is adapted to the climate, instead of importing things from elsewhere and then moaning when they don't grow. And why should the governement help you because of a problem you're having that is out of their control? It's the climate - there's nothing they can do and giving you a big fat cheque to tide you over to next year is only going to mean you'll be back with more moans then.
And lastly....
Why do they serve latte's in glasses? It's a fcuking hot drink for christs sake. Serving it in a glass with no handle makes no sense. My fingers look like I've been trying to erase my fingerprints cos of all the burns. All other coffees come in a cup so why just serve a latte in a glass? Every other country in the world has worked it out - why can't you?
Right. I feel better now I've got that lot off my chest.
Friday, May 20, 2005
SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND....
Three men were sitting together in the pub bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from India, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Boom boom...
Three men were sitting together in the pub bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from India, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Boom boom...
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE
Can someone please explain to me why SimonWorld (to be referred to from now on as LinkFest in an attempt to provoke Phil at Flying Chair to start moaning again like he did about HarbourFest), which started as tales of an expat and then morphed into "East meets Westerner" is currently being written by someone talking about moving from Iowa to South Dakota - this is nothing to do with Asia and not interesting. I have no idea where either state is (I guess they're probably two of the big, empty square-shaped ones in the middle) and even less interest.
Will you please go away whoever you are.
Can someone please explain to me why SimonWorld (to be referred to from now on as LinkFest in an attempt to provoke Phil at Flying Chair to start moaning again like he did about HarbourFest), which started as tales of an expat and then morphed into "East meets Westerner" is currently being written by someone talking about moving from Iowa to South Dakota - this is nothing to do with Asia and not interesting. I have no idea where either state is (I guess they're probably two of the big, empty square-shaped ones in the middle) and even less interest.
Will you please go away whoever you are.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
FARMERS WHINGEING
Small family farms "may vanish"
Many moons ago my parents were friendly with the then president of the National Farmers Union. He was regularly on TV and in the press bemoaning the lot of the farmers and how hard done by they were by the Common Agricultural Policy. What somehow never made the press however was that he would arrive for these interviews in a 1930's supercharged Bentley that had a racing pedigree and was worth probably GBP250,000 (this was in the days when GBP250,000 was a lot of money) .
I'd better not mention his name as he was a referee for me when I was applying for jobs, but ever since then I've treated the moans and complaints of all farmers with huge scepticism.
Small family farms "may vanish"
Many moons ago my parents were friendly with the then president of the National Farmers Union. He was regularly on TV and in the press bemoaning the lot of the farmers and how hard done by they were by the Common Agricultural Policy. What somehow never made the press however was that he would arrive for these interviews in a 1930's supercharged Bentley that had a racing pedigree and was worth probably GBP250,000 (this was in the days when GBP250,000 was a lot of money) .
I'd better not mention his name as he was a referee for me when I was applying for jobs, but ever since then I've treated the moans and complaints of all farmers with huge scepticism.
REASONS NOT TO GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND - AN ONGOING SERIES
Tube air "better than outdoors"
Anyone who has ever been on the London underground will appreciate why the news that it's fetid, rancid air is actually cleaner than that above ground is a cause for concern about London air, not celebration of the air in the Tube.
Tube air "better than outdoors"
Anyone who has ever been on the London underground will appreciate why the news that it's fetid, rancid air is actually cleaner than that above ground is a cause for concern about London air, not celebration of the air in the Tube.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language - Oscar Wilde
I've just remembered that bizarrely watching Teletubbies gave me one of those "surely not" moments regarding the good old U.S. of A yesterday.
You know how when you put a DVD on (any DVD, not just teletubbies) you get a really annoying menu screen which takes ages to load and has a whole load of options when all you want the damn thing to do is play? Well you get that with Teletubbies too (unless you're a parent you will have no concepot of just how annoying the Teletubbies version is). So I put the DVD on last night and was presented with said screen. One of the options is language selection.
Well I had a moment of inspiration. I though given our little lad is still getting to grips with English, I could put it onto say Mandarin, or French, or Spanish or some such and get him going on those. He'll never notice and will be speaking a different language without even knowing it. Clever eh.
So I scrolled to language selection and hit enter.
What I hadn't realised is that out Teletubbies DVD came from the American shop at Fenwick Pier, and so is very very American.
When the language screen came up I was presented with two options. There was a picture of an American flag and.....
wait for it....
not the Spanish flag you might expect given the huge hispanic population of the US but....
the Canadian Flag!
In a moment of lunacy I thought maybe it might be French so I clicked on it, but no..... it is in English again, only with an even sillier accent than the American version.
Do Americans really think Canadian is a foreign language?
I have a horrible feeling the answer is Yes
Germaine - I look forward to your thoughts on this
I've just remembered that bizarrely watching Teletubbies gave me one of those "surely not" moments regarding the good old U.S. of A yesterday.
You know how when you put a DVD on (any DVD, not just teletubbies) you get a really annoying menu screen which takes ages to load and has a whole load of options when all you want the damn thing to do is play? Well you get that with Teletubbies too (unless you're a parent you will have no concepot of just how annoying the Teletubbies version is). So I put the DVD on last night and was presented with said screen. One of the options is language selection.
Well I had a moment of inspiration. I though given our little lad is still getting to grips with English, I could put it onto say Mandarin, or French, or Spanish or some such and get him going on those. He'll never notice and will be speaking a different language without even knowing it. Clever eh.
So I scrolled to language selection and hit enter.
What I hadn't realised is that out Teletubbies DVD came from the American shop at Fenwick Pier, and so is very very American.
When the language screen came up I was presented with two options. There was a picture of an American flag and.....
wait for it....
not the Spanish flag you might expect given the huge hispanic population of the US but....
the Canadian Flag!
In a moment of lunacy I thought maybe it might be French so I clicked on it, but no..... it is in English again, only with an even sillier accent than the American version.
Do Americans really think Canadian is a foreign language?
I have a horrible feeling the answer is Yes
Germaine - I look forward to your thoughts on this
BARNEY v TELETUBBIES
What a marvellous weekend. Happy Birthday Buddha and many thanks for making your birthday a monday this year.
I spent the weekend in the bosom of my family, which, of necessity when that family includes a 21 month old and a 9 month old, means that some time was spent in front of the TV attempting to instill some much-needed peace into proceedings with a few Barney and Teletubby DVDs.
It was at the end of one of these shows, while I was wondering why no one had punched Barney in the face, that it suddenly occurred to me that Hollywood is missing out on some great potential.
Following along from all the recent translations of kids cartoons and TV shows into movies, Spiderman, X-Men, The Hulk, Thunderbirds etc surely it is only a mater of time until Barney and the Teletubbies make it to the big screen. Of course young kids wouldn’t be able to go on their own to see these movies, and there is no way any sane adult is going to take them (a 30 minute video is painful enough already), so instead of making it some twee kiddsy type thing how about pitching it at the poor parents who have to suffer through these things and making it something they would enjoy – i.e. along the lines oif Alien vs Predator except with Barney and his sidekicks, Baby Bop and the alarmingly named BJ vs the Teletubbies.
You could arm Tinky Winky with an AK-47 for example instead of a very dubious handbag, and Po’s scooter could be traded for an F-15 fighter. Baby Bop could trade her yellow blankie in for a flame thrower, or a surface-to-surface missile launcher. Barney could learn a few Matrix style martial arts type moves. The options are endless.
It could be a great action movie, and hopefully the scriptwriters could engineer it so we have the gratifying sight at the end of all of protagonists dismembered and very very dead.
What a marvellous weekend. Happy Birthday Buddha and many thanks for making your birthday a monday this year.
I spent the weekend in the bosom of my family, which, of necessity when that family includes a 21 month old and a 9 month old, means that some time was spent in front of the TV attempting to instill some much-needed peace into proceedings with a few Barney and Teletubby DVDs.
It was at the end of one of these shows, while I was wondering why no one had punched Barney in the face, that it suddenly occurred to me that Hollywood is missing out on some great potential.
Following along from all the recent translations of kids cartoons and TV shows into movies, Spiderman, X-Men, The Hulk, Thunderbirds etc surely it is only a mater of time until Barney and the Teletubbies make it to the big screen. Of course young kids wouldn’t be able to go on their own to see these movies, and there is no way any sane adult is going to take them (a 30 minute video is painful enough already), so instead of making it some twee kiddsy type thing how about pitching it at the poor parents who have to suffer through these things and making it something they would enjoy – i.e. along the lines oif Alien vs Predator except with Barney and his sidekicks, Baby Bop and the alarmingly named BJ vs the Teletubbies.
You could arm Tinky Winky with an AK-47 for example instead of a very dubious handbag, and Po’s scooter could be traded for an F-15 fighter. Baby Bop could trade her yellow blankie in for a flame thrower, or a surface-to-surface missile launcher. Barney could learn a few Matrix style martial arts type moves. The options are endless.
It could be a great action movie, and hopefully the scriptwriters could engineer it so we have the gratifying sight at the end of all of protagonists dismembered and very very dead.
Friday, May 13, 2005
THE WHINGERS ARE AT IT AGAIN
The same people who killed off HarbourFest with their sniping and prevented it from becoming an annual event are now whingeing that Hong Kong should not build a new multipurpose stadium on the site of the old Kai Tak airport
According to one... "Given the 40,000 seat stadium in Causeway Bay is full for exactly 3 days a year, it's hard to see why Hong Kong needs a 70,000 seat stadium at Kai Tak." while the whinger-in-chief, Phil over at Flying Chair (which for some reason I seem unable to link to) complains that it'll cost "HK$3900 each. I only wish I had that spare right now." (http://www.flyingchair.net/story.php?storyID=1258)
What a load of crap.
The reason the current stadium is rarely used is that it was designed as a sports venue and so is unsuitable for concerts etc. It is also uncovered and in the middle of a residential area. Kai Tak is not a residential area and the proposed stadium will have a retractable roof to keep noise in. It will therefore be possible to use it much more for both sporting and music events.
Phil if you really can't spare HK$3,900 then a) you probably aren't a taxpayer in the first place in which case it is costing you nothing, and b) perhaps you could sell one of the expensive cameras you lug around with you everywhere so that you can delight with us all photos of your breakfast(http://www.flyingchair.net/trackback.php?storyID=1118).
Lastly, and most importantly, if they build a new stadium then the government can sell the current So Kan Po site to a property developer for a squillion dollars and make money out of the deal.
Think it through boys.
The same people who killed off HarbourFest with their sniping and prevented it from becoming an annual event are now whingeing that Hong Kong should not build a new multipurpose stadium on the site of the old Kai Tak airport
According to one... "Given the 40,000 seat stadium in Causeway Bay is full for exactly 3 days a year, it's hard to see why Hong Kong needs a 70,000 seat stadium at Kai Tak." while the whinger-in-chief, Phil over at Flying Chair (which for some reason I seem unable to link to) complains that it'll cost "HK$3900 each. I only wish I had that spare right now." (http://www.flyingchair.net/story.php?storyID=1258)
What a load of crap.
The reason the current stadium is rarely used is that it was designed as a sports venue and so is unsuitable for concerts etc. It is also uncovered and in the middle of a residential area. Kai Tak is not a residential area and the proposed stadium will have a retractable roof to keep noise in. It will therefore be possible to use it much more for both sporting and music events.
Phil if you really can't spare HK$3,900 then a) you probably aren't a taxpayer in the first place in which case it is costing you nothing, and b) perhaps you could sell one of the expensive cameras you lug around with you everywhere so that you can delight with us all photos of your breakfast(http://www.flyingchair.net/trackback.php?storyID=1118).
Lastly, and most importantly, if they build a new stadium then the government can sell the current So Kan Po site to a property developer for a squillion dollars and make money out of the deal.
Think it through boys.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
DAWN OF THE DEAD
Seeing this post over at Wanbro made me wonder...
What is it with people and the dawn?
Everywhere you go some git is trying to get you up at 3am to go to the top of some mountain / temple / up in a hot air balloon / on the back of a camel to see the dawn break over a valley / a mountain / a canyon / a temple / herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain. (* delete as applicable)
Why. It's dawn for God's sake. That means that a) it's fcuking early and I'm on holiday so why would I get up early? That's what I'm on holiday to avoid, and b) it's the same as sunset, only the light is on the other side of whatever it is you're looking at.
So go see the same things at sunset instead. Not only is it a much more civilised time, but people don't look at you quite so oddly when you produce a bottle of something medicinal and proceed to have a few sundowners.
Seeing this post over at Wanbro made me wonder...
What is it with people and the dawn?
Everywhere you go some git is trying to get you up at 3am to go to the top of some mountain / temple / up in a hot air balloon / on the back of a camel to see the dawn break over a valley / a mountain / a canyon / a temple / herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain. (* delete as applicable)
Why. It's dawn for God's sake. That means that a) it's fcuking early and I'm on holiday so why would I get up early? That's what I'm on holiday to avoid, and b) it's the same as sunset, only the light is on the other side of whatever it is you're looking at.
So go see the same things at sunset instead. Not only is it a much more civilised time, but people don't look at you quite so oddly when you produce a bottle of something medicinal and proceed to have a few sundowners.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
"STRIPPING IS ART"
May 4 (Bloomberg) -- Diamond Go Go Bar, a Norwegian bar with
exotic dancers, doesn't have to pay value-added tax on entrance
fees as stripping has been included in a tax exemption covering
ballet and other types of dance performances, Aftenposten
reported, citing court documents.
The bar in downtown Oslo won't have to pay a 1 million-krone
(US$159,500) tax claim because the Oslo City Court concluded that
stripping is an art form in line with ballet, the newspaper said.
``It's well known that that at certain venues, especially
abroad, one may see exceptionally beautiful artists, who move
graciously to music, and who with sensuous movements gradually
undress, giving many restaurant guests a very good experience,''
the newspaper cited the court as saying.
This means that Wan Chai is in fact the artistic hub of Hong Kong, and Cultureport is unnecessary before it's been built.
Also I know what my reply will be next time Mrs C, a ballet fan, suggests an evening of culture...
May 4 (Bloomberg) -- Diamond Go Go Bar, a Norwegian bar with
exotic dancers, doesn't have to pay value-added tax on entrance
fees as stripping has been included in a tax exemption covering
ballet and other types of dance performances, Aftenposten
reported, citing court documents.
The bar in downtown Oslo won't have to pay a 1 million-krone
(US$159,500) tax claim because the Oslo City Court concluded that
stripping is an art form in line with ballet, the newspaper said.
``It's well known that that at certain venues, especially
abroad, one may see exceptionally beautiful artists, who move
graciously to music, and who with sensuous movements gradually
undress, giving many restaurant guests a very good experience,''
the newspaper cited the court as saying.
This means that Wan Chai is in fact the artistic hub of Hong Kong, and Cultureport is unnecessary before it's been built.
Also I know what my reply will be next time Mrs C, a ballet fan, suggests an evening of culture...
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
PERHAPS ESPNSTAR WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL
I went to Delaneys and watched the game on Sunday night.
Oh dear oh dear.
Leicester only have themseves to blame.
They let in a soft try after only two minutes, then dominated the rest of the first half but contirved to drop the ball three times with the try line beckoning, and could only manage to score three penalties to go in at half time 10-9 down.
In the second half play was much more even but the crucial first try of the half went to Toulouse. It was a great try if you ignore the fact that the final pass was clearly forward. Sadly that left Leicester eigth points adrift and playing catch-up rugby, which always leaves a side vulnerable as they have to commit all to attack and leave their defence exposed. Sure enough, after an exchange of penalties, Toulouse scored another try to stretch their lead further and it was all over. A consolation try in the final minute for Leicester made the scoreline slightly less embarrassing but in the end we had the chances to win and just didn't take them. Against opposition like Toulouse you can't afford to do that.
And merci to the Frenchman who bought me a consolation beer. Your Toulouse accent was so thick, and my French so rusty, that I could barely understand a word you said but the beer was much appreciated, and needed.
Next year...
I went to Delaneys and watched the game on Sunday night.
Oh dear oh dear.
Leicester only have themseves to blame.
They let in a soft try after only two minutes, then dominated the rest of the first half but contirved to drop the ball three times with the try line beckoning, and could only manage to score three penalties to go in at half time 10-9 down.
In the second half play was much more even but the crucial first try of the half went to Toulouse. It was a great try if you ignore the fact that the final pass was clearly forward. Sadly that left Leicester eigth points adrift and playing catch-up rugby, which always leaves a side vulnerable as they have to commit all to attack and leave their defence exposed. Sure enough, after an exchange of penalties, Toulouse scored another try to stretch their lead further and it was all over. A consolation try in the final minute for Leicester made the scoreline slightly less embarrassing but in the end we had the chances to win and just didn't take them. Against opposition like Toulouse you can't afford to do that.
And merci to the Frenchman who bought me a consolation beer. Your Toulouse accent was so thick, and my French so rusty, that I could barely understand a word you said but the beer was much appreciated, and needed.
Next year...
Friday, April 22, 2005
THE MOTORING SECTION
Hmmmmm - the thread below is currently on AsiaXpat under the "practical" listing
saab convertible servicing
Posted by georgette (20 hrs ago)
Any good recommendations for a mechanic that specializes in Saabs, not just the engine but the soft top as well. Perferrably on the HK side.Many thanks.
Posted by Royleung (19 hrs ago)
yeshttp://www.triplerichmotors.com/
Posted by fpmr (59 mins ago)
yes HP Cars, expat qualified staff-not only mechanics, but auto electricians (that's what you need for your roof)located in Chai Wan -25580222 ask for Hamish. They do all makes of cars.
Hmmmmm - the thread below is currently on AsiaXpat under the "practical" listing
saab convertible servicing
Posted by georgette (20 hrs ago)
Any good recommendations for a mechanic that specializes in Saabs, not just the engine but the soft top as well. Perferrably on the HK side.Many thanks.
Posted by Royleung (19 hrs ago)
yeshttp://www.triplerichmotors.com/
Posted by fpmr (59 mins ago)
yes HP Cars, expat qualified staff-not only mechanics, but auto electricians (that's what you need for your roof)located in Chai Wan -25580222 ask for Hamish. They do all makes of cars.
Fumier - What do you think we should recommend she does with her Saab?
ESPNSTAR ARE CRAP RANT
So here we are – Heineken European Cup Semi-final weekend is upon us, and 2 cracking games of Rugby are in store.
On Saturday we have an all French tie - Stade Francais vs Biarritz in Paris at Parc des Princes. As of Thursdday nightnearly 40,000 tickets had been sold for the game.
On Sunday we have Leicester (the sole remaining non-French team, and 2 time winners of the Cup) vs Toulouse (also 2 time winners) in Leicester, in front of a 32,000 sell-out crowd. Indeed demand to see the game was such that it has been moved from Leicester’s home ground of Welford Road, which seats 18,000 with temporary seating in place, to the Football clubs ground at Walkers Stadium, and it is only the 32,000 capacity of that ground which prevented more tickets being sold.
All 4 teams are bristling with internationals, and are on peak form. Both games will be massive events
Surely games as big as these will be on ESPN/STAR – “The world leader in sports”
Saturday’s game will be a 10pm kick off HK/Sing time, and Sunday’s at 10.30pm
So let’s check the schedules…..
Saturday night –
ESPN – 10pm – Soccer
UEFA Champions League Quarter Final - REPEAT. Not a new game. Not a live game. But a repeat of an old game.
STAR Sports – 10pm - Golf
A REPEAT of something called Tiger Skins Golf 2005. Never even heard of it.
Sunday night –
ESPN – 9pm Soccer
Messina v Inter Milan – LIVE – hurrah – legitimate live sport. Fair enough. Finishes at 11pm though so could show the Leicester game on a 30 min delay.
11pm – Billiards. Higlights (if there are such things) of the San Miguel Asian 9 Ball tour from Jakarta. YOU HAVE GO TO BE KIDDING
STAR Sports
10.30pm – Tennis – a REPEAT of a Men’s semi-final match from the US Claycourt championships at Houston, Texas.
Not a hint of Rugby.
Looks like I’ll be round at my neighbours with their dodgy satellite feed yet again.
Well Done ESPNSTAR
You have truly plumbed the depths in Sports coverage.
Not only can you not even manage to show the Super 12 games live, and they are surely of huge interest around Asia to the large Aussie, Kiwi and South African expat communities, as well as rugby fans from elsewhere, but the semi finals of what is arguably the worlds premier club competition don’t even make it on the the list to be shown at all, even after the event.
So here we are – Heineken European Cup Semi-final weekend is upon us, and 2 cracking games of Rugby are in store.
On Saturday we have an all French tie - Stade Francais vs Biarritz in Paris at Parc des Princes. As of Thursdday nightnearly 40,000 tickets had been sold for the game.
On Sunday we have Leicester (the sole remaining non-French team, and 2 time winners of the Cup) vs Toulouse (also 2 time winners) in Leicester, in front of a 32,000 sell-out crowd. Indeed demand to see the game was such that it has been moved from Leicester’s home ground of Welford Road, which seats 18,000 with temporary seating in place, to the Football clubs ground at Walkers Stadium, and it is only the 32,000 capacity of that ground which prevented more tickets being sold.
All 4 teams are bristling with internationals, and are on peak form. Both games will be massive events
Surely games as big as these will be on ESPN/STAR – “The world leader in sports”
Saturday’s game will be a 10pm kick off HK/Sing time, and Sunday’s at 10.30pm
So let’s check the schedules…..
Saturday night –
ESPN – 10pm – Soccer
UEFA Champions League Quarter Final - REPEAT. Not a new game. Not a live game. But a repeat of an old game.
STAR Sports – 10pm - Golf
A REPEAT of something called Tiger Skins Golf 2005. Never even heard of it.
Sunday night –
ESPN – 9pm Soccer
Messina v Inter Milan – LIVE – hurrah – legitimate live sport. Fair enough. Finishes at 11pm though so could show the Leicester game on a 30 min delay.
11pm – Billiards. Higlights (if there are such things) of the San Miguel Asian 9 Ball tour from Jakarta. YOU HAVE GO TO BE KIDDING
STAR Sports
10.30pm – Tennis – a REPEAT of a Men’s semi-final match from the US Claycourt championships at Houston, Texas.
Not a hint of Rugby.
Looks like I’ll be round at my neighbours with their dodgy satellite feed yet again.
Well Done ESPNSTAR
You have truly plumbed the depths in Sports coverage.
Not only can you not even manage to show the Super 12 games live, and they are surely of huge interest around Asia to the large Aussie, Kiwi and South African expat communities, as well as rugby fans from elsewhere, but the semi finals of what is arguably the worlds premier club competition don’t even make it on the the list to be shown at all, even after the event.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
DENTISTS
Just back from 2 hours lying in a dentist chair while some sadistic maniac armed with a drill and a syringe caused havoc in my mouth.
Top tip for trips to the dentists - take your iPod, preferably with lots of AC/DC and The Pogues on it. Make sure it's fully charged, and the settings allow you to turn up the volume till your ears bleed and the dentist is asking you to turn it down.
And following todays fun, here are a few things you don't want to hear at a dentists...
Sharp intake of breath followed by (to assistant) "Could you please ask Mrs X (presumably on reception) to call my next patient and cancel. And order some sandwiches too please."
"When do you have to be back at the office?"
"Will you have to talk much this afternoon at work?"
"Are you allergic to any painkillers?"
"I think we've got it fixed, but there's a chance...."
and finally, just as you are leaving,
"Do you have any Advil or Nurofen at the office?"
This could be a loooooong afternoon
And I have to go back for more next week.
UPDATE
4PM - the anaesthetic has now worn off, thought thankfully the Nurofen is doing a grand job of holding back the worst of the pain.
BUT - he has made the new fillings too big - I can;t properly close my teeth. Got to go back at 6 for more drilling and grinding. Fcuking great.
Mrs C - please make sure we have all the ingredients required for a HUGE gin and tonic when i get home.
Just back from 2 hours lying in a dentist chair while some sadistic maniac armed with a drill and a syringe caused havoc in my mouth.
Top tip for trips to the dentists - take your iPod, preferably with lots of AC/DC and The Pogues on it. Make sure it's fully charged, and the settings allow you to turn up the volume till your ears bleed and the dentist is asking you to turn it down.
And following todays fun, here are a few things you don't want to hear at a dentists...
Sharp intake of breath followed by (to assistant) "Could you please ask Mrs X (presumably on reception) to call my next patient and cancel. And order some sandwiches too please."
"When do you have to be back at the office?"
"Will you have to talk much this afternoon at work?"
"Are you allergic to any painkillers?"
"I think we've got it fixed, but there's a chance...."
and finally, just as you are leaving,
"Do you have any Advil or Nurofen at the office?"
This could be a loooooong afternoon
And I have to go back for more next week.
UPDATE
4PM - the anaesthetic has now worn off, thought thankfully the Nurofen is doing a grand job of holding back the worst of the pain.
BUT - he has made the new fillings too big - I can;t properly close my teeth. Got to go back at 6 for more drilling and grinding. Fcuking great.
Mrs C - please make sure we have all the ingredients required for a HUGE gin and tonic when i get home.
Friday, April 15, 2005
A FINAL ATTILA'ISM
Attila is sadly leaving us. He is departing Hong Kong for the cold and wet shores of Mud Island where he has been offered a position at another bank.
But he will not be forgotten, particularly for this gem from last week...
SIMON - Kylie's coming to Hong Kong. Let's see if we can get tickets.
ATTILA - Kylie? Who's Kylie? Is he a singer or something?
You will be sorely missed.
Attila is sadly leaving us. He is departing Hong Kong for the cold and wet shores of Mud Island where he has been offered a position at another bank.
But he will not be forgotten, particularly for this gem from last week...
SIMON - Kylie's coming to Hong Kong. Let's see if we can get tickets.
ATTILA - Kylie? Who's Kylie? Is he a singer or something?
You will be sorely missed.
FRIDAY FROLIC
From a reader
Things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: No.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.
From a reader
Things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: No.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
BRILLIANT
In the middle of this stream of random consciousness from the Shaky Kaiser is a photo, with no comments against it, that made me almost wet myself
I think we should start a petition to get them to make that TV series. See who does the best blessing, the best communion, who's the most removed from reality...
In the middle of this stream of random consciousness from the Shaky Kaiser is a photo, with no comments against it, that made me almost wet myself
I think we should start a petition to get them to make that TV series. See who does the best blessing, the best communion, who's the most removed from reality...
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
NEVER GO ON TOUR WITHOUT A JONNY
so Jonny wilkinson has been left out of the Lions squad.
At first sight this looks like big news, but reading between the lines Woodward is clearly just waiting for him to prove his fitness with a couple of games and then he'll be on the plane.
Stephen Jones and Ronan O'Gara are both excellent fly-halves, and in many areas are probably better than Wilkinson, but he's the team banker. When the pressure's on he's the boy you want in the firing line, and Woodward knows it.
so Jonny wilkinson has been left out of the Lions squad.
At first sight this looks like big news, but reading between the lines Woodward is clearly just waiting for him to prove his fitness with a couple of games and then he'll be on the plane.
Stephen Jones and Ronan O'Gara are both excellent fly-halves, and in many areas are probably better than Wilkinson, but he's the team banker. When the pressure's on he's the boy you want in the firing line, and Woodward knows it.
Monday, April 11, 2005
SIGN OF THE TIMES
Today at midday BST Clive Woodward will announce his squad for this summers Lions tour to New Zealand.
In a sign of the times he will be informing the players he has bselected beforehand not by letter, or a phonecall, or fax, or even email, but by SMS!!
Meantime I can hardly wait for the announcement.
And that reminds me. I must get some flights sorted to Auckland. I have some major customers there who are demanding my presence in late June and early July.
Today at midday BST Clive Woodward will announce his squad for this summers Lions tour to New Zealand.
In a sign of the times he will be informing the players he has bselected beforehand not by letter, or a phonecall, or fax, or even email, but by SMS!!
Meantime I can hardly wait for the announcement.
And that reminds me. I must get some flights sorted to Auckland. I have some major customers there who are demanding my presence in late June and early July.
Friday, April 01, 2005
GOOD ON YOU PRINCE CHARLES
Excellent news. Prince Charles has confirmed, admittedly unwittingly, that he despises the press. Not surprising when you consider that every thing he does is lambasted by the media and he is often treated as an object of ridicule.
If I was him I'd wait till I was King, then dissolve parliament, reinstate myself as absolute monarch and ban most of the media.
I would then revoke the acts of parliament that gave independence to Australia and New Zealand, nick all their best cricketers and rugby players, and then give them back their independence. I was going to suggest doing the same for Canada but I can't think of anything they have that we would want.
Excellent news. Prince Charles has confirmed, admittedly unwittingly, that he despises the press. Not surprising when you consider that every thing he does is lambasted by the media and he is often treated as an object of ridicule.
If I was him I'd wait till I was King, then dissolve parliament, reinstate myself as absolute monarch and ban most of the media.
I would then revoke the acts of parliament that gave independence to Australia and New Zealand, nick all their best cricketers and rugby players, and then give them back their independence. I was going to suggest doing the same for Canada but I can't think of anything they have that we would want.
TERRI SCHIAVO
Terri Schiavo has finally died 13 days after her feeding tube, which has kept her alive since 1990, was removed.
The case has caused outrage amongst the religious nutters in the U.S. with priests, politicians and even the president all wading in with their "culture of life" logic to quote George W implying that everyone should be kept going no matter what the circumstances.
There are 2 things I don't understand about this....
1. Say we keep feeding her, then her lungs pack up. We would implicity have to put her on a ventilator as she can't be allowed to die. Then her heart plays up. We have to install a pacemaker. Then her kidneys pack up. We have to start doing daily dialysis. Then her liver packs up. We give her a transplant. We could keep her going pretty much for ever. Where do we draw the line? And all the time we keep her going we are using up resources that could be used to help other patients. And remember all this is for a woman that the majority of medical opinion believes to be so severely brain damaged she is in a permanent vegetative state. Which brings me to my next point..
2. These religous nutters all believe in God and Heaven. So why are they so determined to keep a woman alive here on earth in a living hell instead of wanting her to die so she can go to heaven and enjoy herself? Shouldn't they be the ones trying to pull the plug, not keep her going?
Terri Schiavo has finally died 13 days after her feeding tube, which has kept her alive since 1990, was removed.
The case has caused outrage amongst the religious nutters in the U.S. with priests, politicians and even the president all wading in with their "culture of life" logic to quote George W implying that everyone should be kept going no matter what the circumstances.
There are 2 things I don't understand about this....
1. Say we keep feeding her, then her lungs pack up. We would implicity have to put her on a ventilator as she can't be allowed to die. Then her heart plays up. We have to install a pacemaker. Then her kidneys pack up. We have to start doing daily dialysis. Then her liver packs up. We give her a transplant. We could keep her going pretty much for ever. Where do we draw the line? And all the time we keep her going we are using up resources that could be used to help other patients. And remember all this is for a woman that the majority of medical opinion believes to be so severely brain damaged she is in a permanent vegetative state. Which brings me to my next point..
2. These religous nutters all believe in God and Heaven. So why are they so determined to keep a woman alive here on earth in a living hell instead of wanting her to die so she can go to heaven and enjoy herself? Shouldn't they be the ones trying to pull the plug, not keep her going?
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
An end to drunken phone calls?
LONDON, March 14 (UPI) -- Cell phone users can now save themselves from making embarrassing drunken phone calls with a new service by British network Virgin Mobile.Phone users can now place a temporary block on calls to ex-partners, bosses or anyone else they are tempted to afflict with their drunken lack of verbal inhibition.Before a night out, one can dial 333, followed by the number to be blocked.The service, Dialing Under the Influence, was introduced after a survey found of the calls people made while drunk, 30 percent were to ex-partners.
From Bloomberg.
LONDON, March 14 (UPI) -- Cell phone users can now save themselves from making embarrassing drunken phone calls with a new service by British network Virgin Mobile.Phone users can now place a temporary block on calls to ex-partners, bosses or anyone else they are tempted to afflict with their drunken lack of verbal inhibition.Before a night out, one can dial 333, followed by the number to be blocked.The service, Dialing Under the Influence, was introduced after a survey found of the calls people made while drunk, 30 percent were to ex-partners.
From Bloomberg.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
OO'ER MISSUS
I guess I must have missed this episode of Rainbow, the Childrens TV programme.
(For non 30-something Brits, Rainbow was a staple of Childrens TV in the UK in the 70's and 80s)
I guess I must have missed this episode of Rainbow, the Childrens TV programme.
(For non 30-something Brits, Rainbow was a staple of Childrens TV in the UK in the 70's and 80s)