BARNEY v TELETUBBIES

What a marvellous weekend. Happy Birthday Buddha and many thanks for making your birthday a monday this year.

I spent the weekend in the bosom of my family, which, of necessity when that family includes a 21 month old and a 9 month old, means that some time was spent in front of the TV attempting to instill some much-needed peace into proceedings with a few Barney and Teletubby DVDs.

It was at the end of one of these shows, while I was wondering why no one had punched Barney in the face, that it suddenly occurred to me that Hollywood is missing out on some great potential.

Following along from all the recent translations of kids cartoons and TV shows into movies, Spiderman, X-Men, The Hulk, Thunderbirds etc surely it is only a mater of time until Barney and the Teletubbies make it to the big screen. Of course young kids wouldn’t be able to go on their own to see these movies, and there is no way any sane adult is going to take them (a 30 minute video is painful enough already), so instead of making it some twee kiddsy type thing how about pitching it at the poor parents who have to suffer through these things and making it something they would enjoy – i.e. along the lines oif Alien vs Predator except with Barney and his sidekicks, Baby Bop and the alarmingly named BJ vs the Teletubbies.

You could arm Tinky Winky with an AK-47 for example instead of a very dubious handbag, and Po’s scooter could be traded for an F-15 fighter. Baby Bop could trade her yellow blankie in for a flame thrower, or a surface-to-surface missile launcher. Barney could learn a few Matrix style martial arts type moves. The options are endless.

It could be a great action movie, and hopefully the scriptwriters could engineer it so we have the gratifying sight at the end of all of protagonists dismembered and very very dead.