AUSTRALIA

The recent silence was largely due to a business trip to Australia (and partly due to apathy). Spent a few days in Sydney and a day in Melbourne.

Some observations....

Sydney. Every time I go to Sydney the locals complain there's a drought, then it rains, then they complain it's raining "in the wrong place". What's that all about?

Melbourne. Cold. Why go to Australia and then be cold? What's the point? Why anyone lives there is a mystery. Oh I know all the locals claim it's the cultural capital of Australia but that's only cos it's freezing and/or raining all the time so they have to spend a lot of time indoors. You don't need culture in Sydney or Brisbane or Perth cos you're on the beach all the time.

Farmers. All they do in Australia is moan. "It's too hot / cold / wet / dry. The government should help us." Well why should the government help you? You're trying to grow plants and animals in what is basically a huge desert - a totally unsuitable environment. Of course it's difficult. If you want it to work trying growing kangaroos, or sand, or something else that is adapted to the climate, instead of importing things from elsewhere and then moaning when they don't grow. And why should the governement help you because of a problem you're having that is out of their control? It's the climate - there's nothing they can do and giving you a big fat cheque to tide you over to next year is only going to mean you'll be back with more moans then.

And lastly....

Why do they serve latte's in glasses? It's a fcuking hot drink for christs sake. Serving it in a glass with no handle makes no sense. My fingers look like I've been trying to erase my fingerprints cos of all the burns. All other coffees come in a cup so why just serve a latte in a glass? Every other country in the world has worked it out - why can't you?

Right. I feel better now I've got that lot off my chest.