AUSTRALIA
The recent silence was largely due to a business trip to Australia (and partly due to apathy). Spent a few days in Sydney and a day in Melbourne.
Some observations....
Sydney. Every time I go to Sydney the locals complain there's a drought, then it rains, then they complain it's raining "in the wrong place". What's that all about?
Melbourne. Cold. Why go to Australia and then be cold? What's the point? Why anyone lives there is a mystery. Oh I know all the locals claim it's the cultural capital of Australia but that's only cos it's freezing and/or raining all the time so they have to spend a lot of time indoors. You don't need culture in Sydney or Brisbane or Perth cos you're on the beach all the time.
Farmers. All they do in Australia is moan. "It's too hot / cold / wet / dry. The government should help us." Well why should the government help you? You're trying to grow plants and animals in what is basically a huge desert - a totally unsuitable environment. Of course it's difficult. If you want it to work trying growing kangaroos, or sand, or something else that is adapted to the climate, instead of importing things from elsewhere and then moaning when they don't grow. And why should the governement help you because of a problem you're having that is out of their control? It's the climate - there's nothing they can do and giving you a big fat cheque to tide you over to next year is only going to mean you'll be back with more moans then.
And lastly....
Why do they serve latte's in glasses? It's a fcuking hot drink for christs sake. Serving it in a glass with no handle makes no sense. My fingers look like I've been trying to erase my fingerprints cos of all the burns. All other coffees come in a cup so why just serve a latte in a glass? Every other country in the world has worked it out - why can't you?
Right. I feel better now I've got that lot off my chest.
Friday, May 20, 2005
SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND....
Three men were sitting together in the pub bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from India, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Boom boom...
Three men were sitting together in the pub bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from India, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Boom boom...
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE
Can someone please explain to me why SimonWorld (to be referred to from now on as LinkFest in an attempt to provoke Phil at Flying Chair to start moaning again like he did about HarbourFest), which started as tales of an expat and then morphed into "East meets Westerner" is currently being written by someone talking about moving from Iowa to South Dakota - this is nothing to do with Asia and not interesting. I have no idea where either state is (I guess they're probably two of the big, empty square-shaped ones in the middle) and even less interest.
Will you please go away whoever you are.
Can someone please explain to me why SimonWorld (to be referred to from now on as LinkFest in an attempt to provoke Phil at Flying Chair to start moaning again like he did about HarbourFest), which started as tales of an expat and then morphed into "East meets Westerner" is currently being written by someone talking about moving from Iowa to South Dakota - this is nothing to do with Asia and not interesting. I have no idea where either state is (I guess they're probably two of the big, empty square-shaped ones in the middle) and even less interest.
Will you please go away whoever you are.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
FARMERS WHINGEING
Small family farms "may vanish"
Many moons ago my parents were friendly with the then president of the National Farmers Union. He was regularly on TV and in the press bemoaning the lot of the farmers and how hard done by they were by the Common Agricultural Policy. What somehow never made the press however was that he would arrive for these interviews in a 1930's supercharged Bentley that had a racing pedigree and was worth probably GBP250,000 (this was in the days when GBP250,000 was a lot of money) .
I'd better not mention his name as he was a referee for me when I was applying for jobs, but ever since then I've treated the moans and complaints of all farmers with huge scepticism.
Small family farms "may vanish"
Many moons ago my parents were friendly with the then president of the National Farmers Union. He was regularly on TV and in the press bemoaning the lot of the farmers and how hard done by they were by the Common Agricultural Policy. What somehow never made the press however was that he would arrive for these interviews in a 1930's supercharged Bentley that had a racing pedigree and was worth probably GBP250,000 (this was in the days when GBP250,000 was a lot of money) .
I'd better not mention his name as he was a referee for me when I was applying for jobs, but ever since then I've treated the moans and complaints of all farmers with huge scepticism.
REASONS NOT TO GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND - AN ONGOING SERIES
Tube air "better than outdoors"
Anyone who has ever been on the London underground will appreciate why the news that it's fetid, rancid air is actually cleaner than that above ground is a cause for concern about London air, not celebration of the air in the Tube.
Tube air "better than outdoors"
Anyone who has ever been on the London underground will appreciate why the news that it's fetid, rancid air is actually cleaner than that above ground is a cause for concern about London air, not celebration of the air in the Tube.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language - Oscar Wilde
I've just remembered that bizarrely watching Teletubbies gave me one of those "surely not" moments regarding the good old U.S. of A yesterday.
You know how when you put a DVD on (any DVD, not just teletubbies) you get a really annoying menu screen which takes ages to load and has a whole load of options when all you want the damn thing to do is play? Well you get that with Teletubbies too (unless you're a parent you will have no concepot of just how annoying the Teletubbies version is). So I put the DVD on last night and was presented with said screen. One of the options is language selection.
Well I had a moment of inspiration. I though given our little lad is still getting to grips with English, I could put it onto say Mandarin, or French, or Spanish or some such and get him going on those. He'll never notice and will be speaking a different language without even knowing it. Clever eh.
So I scrolled to language selection and hit enter.
What I hadn't realised is that out Teletubbies DVD came from the American shop at Fenwick Pier, and so is very very American.
When the language screen came up I was presented with two options. There was a picture of an American flag and.....
wait for it....
not the Spanish flag you might expect given the huge hispanic population of the US but....
the Canadian Flag!
In a moment of lunacy I thought maybe it might be French so I clicked on it, but no..... it is in English again, only with an even sillier accent than the American version.
Do Americans really think Canadian is a foreign language?
I have a horrible feeling the answer is Yes
Germaine - I look forward to your thoughts on this
I've just remembered that bizarrely watching Teletubbies gave me one of those "surely not" moments regarding the good old U.S. of A yesterday.
You know how when you put a DVD on (any DVD, not just teletubbies) you get a really annoying menu screen which takes ages to load and has a whole load of options when all you want the damn thing to do is play? Well you get that with Teletubbies too (unless you're a parent you will have no concepot of just how annoying the Teletubbies version is). So I put the DVD on last night and was presented with said screen. One of the options is language selection.
Well I had a moment of inspiration. I though given our little lad is still getting to grips with English, I could put it onto say Mandarin, or French, or Spanish or some such and get him going on those. He'll never notice and will be speaking a different language without even knowing it. Clever eh.
So I scrolled to language selection and hit enter.
What I hadn't realised is that out Teletubbies DVD came from the American shop at Fenwick Pier, and so is very very American.
When the language screen came up I was presented with two options. There was a picture of an American flag and.....
wait for it....
not the Spanish flag you might expect given the huge hispanic population of the US but....
the Canadian Flag!
In a moment of lunacy I thought maybe it might be French so I clicked on it, but no..... it is in English again, only with an even sillier accent than the American version.
Do Americans really think Canadian is a foreign language?
I have a horrible feeling the answer is Yes
Germaine - I look forward to your thoughts on this
BARNEY v TELETUBBIES
What a marvellous weekend. Happy Birthday Buddha and many thanks for making your birthday a monday this year.
I spent the weekend in the bosom of my family, which, of necessity when that family includes a 21 month old and a 9 month old, means that some time was spent in front of the TV attempting to instill some much-needed peace into proceedings with a few Barney and Teletubby DVDs.
It was at the end of one of these shows, while I was wondering why no one had punched Barney in the face, that it suddenly occurred to me that Hollywood is missing out on some great potential.
Following along from all the recent translations of kids cartoons and TV shows into movies, Spiderman, X-Men, The Hulk, Thunderbirds etc surely it is only a mater of time until Barney and the Teletubbies make it to the big screen. Of course young kids wouldn’t be able to go on their own to see these movies, and there is no way any sane adult is going to take them (a 30 minute video is painful enough already), so instead of making it some twee kiddsy type thing how about pitching it at the poor parents who have to suffer through these things and making it something they would enjoy – i.e. along the lines oif Alien vs Predator except with Barney and his sidekicks, Baby Bop and the alarmingly named BJ vs the Teletubbies.
You could arm Tinky Winky with an AK-47 for example instead of a very dubious handbag, and Po’s scooter could be traded for an F-15 fighter. Baby Bop could trade her yellow blankie in for a flame thrower, or a surface-to-surface missile launcher. Barney could learn a few Matrix style martial arts type moves. The options are endless.
It could be a great action movie, and hopefully the scriptwriters could engineer it so we have the gratifying sight at the end of all of protagonists dismembered and very very dead.
What a marvellous weekend. Happy Birthday Buddha and many thanks for making your birthday a monday this year.
I spent the weekend in the bosom of my family, which, of necessity when that family includes a 21 month old and a 9 month old, means that some time was spent in front of the TV attempting to instill some much-needed peace into proceedings with a few Barney and Teletubby DVDs.
It was at the end of one of these shows, while I was wondering why no one had punched Barney in the face, that it suddenly occurred to me that Hollywood is missing out on some great potential.
Following along from all the recent translations of kids cartoons and TV shows into movies, Spiderman, X-Men, The Hulk, Thunderbirds etc surely it is only a mater of time until Barney and the Teletubbies make it to the big screen. Of course young kids wouldn’t be able to go on their own to see these movies, and there is no way any sane adult is going to take them (a 30 minute video is painful enough already), so instead of making it some twee kiddsy type thing how about pitching it at the poor parents who have to suffer through these things and making it something they would enjoy – i.e. along the lines oif Alien vs Predator except with Barney and his sidekicks, Baby Bop and the alarmingly named BJ vs the Teletubbies.
You could arm Tinky Winky with an AK-47 for example instead of a very dubious handbag, and Po’s scooter could be traded for an F-15 fighter. Baby Bop could trade her yellow blankie in for a flame thrower, or a surface-to-surface missile launcher. Barney could learn a few Matrix style martial arts type moves. The options are endless.
It could be a great action movie, and hopefully the scriptwriters could engineer it so we have the gratifying sight at the end of all of protagonists dismembered and very very dead.
Friday, May 13, 2005
THE WHINGERS ARE AT IT AGAIN
The same people who killed off HarbourFest with their sniping and prevented it from becoming an annual event are now whingeing that Hong Kong should not build a new multipurpose stadium on the site of the old Kai Tak airport
According to one... "Given the 40,000 seat stadium in Causeway Bay is full for exactly 3 days a year, it's hard to see why Hong Kong needs a 70,000 seat stadium at Kai Tak." while the whinger-in-chief, Phil over at Flying Chair (which for some reason I seem unable to link to) complains that it'll cost "HK$3900 each. I only wish I had that spare right now." (http://www.flyingchair.net/story.php?storyID=1258)
What a load of crap.
The reason the current stadium is rarely used is that it was designed as a sports venue and so is unsuitable for concerts etc. It is also uncovered and in the middle of a residential area. Kai Tak is not a residential area and the proposed stadium will have a retractable roof to keep noise in. It will therefore be possible to use it much more for both sporting and music events.
Phil if you really can't spare HK$3,900 then a) you probably aren't a taxpayer in the first place in which case it is costing you nothing, and b) perhaps you could sell one of the expensive cameras you lug around with you everywhere so that you can delight with us all photos of your breakfast(http://www.flyingchair.net/trackback.php?storyID=1118).
Lastly, and most importantly, if they build a new stadium then the government can sell the current So Kan Po site to a property developer for a squillion dollars and make money out of the deal.
Think it through boys.
The same people who killed off HarbourFest with their sniping and prevented it from becoming an annual event are now whingeing that Hong Kong should not build a new multipurpose stadium on the site of the old Kai Tak airport
According to one... "Given the 40,000 seat stadium in Causeway Bay is full for exactly 3 days a year, it's hard to see why Hong Kong needs a 70,000 seat stadium at Kai Tak." while the whinger-in-chief, Phil over at Flying Chair (which for some reason I seem unable to link to) complains that it'll cost "HK$3900 each. I only wish I had that spare right now." (http://www.flyingchair.net/story.php?storyID=1258)
What a load of crap.
The reason the current stadium is rarely used is that it was designed as a sports venue and so is unsuitable for concerts etc. It is also uncovered and in the middle of a residential area. Kai Tak is not a residential area and the proposed stadium will have a retractable roof to keep noise in. It will therefore be possible to use it much more for both sporting and music events.
Phil if you really can't spare HK$3,900 then a) you probably aren't a taxpayer in the first place in which case it is costing you nothing, and b) perhaps you could sell one of the expensive cameras you lug around with you everywhere so that you can delight with us all photos of your breakfast(http://www.flyingchair.net/trackback.php?storyID=1118).
Lastly, and most importantly, if they build a new stadium then the government can sell the current So Kan Po site to a property developer for a squillion dollars and make money out of the deal.
Think it through boys.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
DAWN OF THE DEAD
Seeing this post over at Wanbro made me wonder...
What is it with people and the dawn?
Everywhere you go some git is trying to get you up at 3am to go to the top of some mountain / temple / up in a hot air balloon / on the back of a camel to see the dawn break over a valley / a mountain / a canyon / a temple / herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain. (* delete as applicable)
Why. It's dawn for God's sake. That means that a) it's fcuking early and I'm on holiday so why would I get up early? That's what I'm on holiday to avoid, and b) it's the same as sunset, only the light is on the other side of whatever it is you're looking at.
So go see the same things at sunset instead. Not only is it a much more civilised time, but people don't look at you quite so oddly when you produce a bottle of something medicinal and proceed to have a few sundowners.
Seeing this post over at Wanbro made me wonder...
What is it with people and the dawn?
Everywhere you go some git is trying to get you up at 3am to go to the top of some mountain / temple / up in a hot air balloon / on the back of a camel to see the dawn break over a valley / a mountain / a canyon / a temple / herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain. (* delete as applicable)
Why. It's dawn for God's sake. That means that a) it's fcuking early and I'm on holiday so why would I get up early? That's what I'm on holiday to avoid, and b) it's the same as sunset, only the light is on the other side of whatever it is you're looking at.
So go see the same things at sunset instead. Not only is it a much more civilised time, but people don't look at you quite so oddly when you produce a bottle of something medicinal and proceed to have a few sundowners.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
"STRIPPING IS ART"
May 4 (Bloomberg) -- Diamond Go Go Bar, a Norwegian bar with
exotic dancers, doesn't have to pay value-added tax on entrance
fees as stripping has been included in a tax exemption covering
ballet and other types of dance performances, Aftenposten
reported, citing court documents.
The bar in downtown Oslo won't have to pay a 1 million-krone
(US$159,500) tax claim because the Oslo City Court concluded that
stripping is an art form in line with ballet, the newspaper said.
``It's well known that that at certain venues, especially
abroad, one may see exceptionally beautiful artists, who move
graciously to music, and who with sensuous movements gradually
undress, giving many restaurant guests a very good experience,''
the newspaper cited the court as saying.
This means that Wan Chai is in fact the artistic hub of Hong Kong, and Cultureport is unnecessary before it's been built.
Also I know what my reply will be next time Mrs C, a ballet fan, suggests an evening of culture...
May 4 (Bloomberg) -- Diamond Go Go Bar, a Norwegian bar with
exotic dancers, doesn't have to pay value-added tax on entrance
fees as stripping has been included in a tax exemption covering
ballet and other types of dance performances, Aftenposten
reported, citing court documents.
The bar in downtown Oslo won't have to pay a 1 million-krone
(US$159,500) tax claim because the Oslo City Court concluded that
stripping is an art form in line with ballet, the newspaper said.
``It's well known that that at certain venues, especially
abroad, one may see exceptionally beautiful artists, who move
graciously to music, and who with sensuous movements gradually
undress, giving many restaurant guests a very good experience,''
the newspaper cited the court as saying.
This means that Wan Chai is in fact the artistic hub of Hong Kong, and Cultureport is unnecessary before it's been built.
Also I know what my reply will be next time Mrs C, a ballet fan, suggests an evening of culture...