AMERICANS

I think it's time to introduce the world to the 2 rabid right-wing Americans that I have the misfortune to work with, as they and their views will no doubt form the basis of many a posting. In the interests of anonimity I shall give them pseudonyms.

Firstly there is Attila the Gun. He will support any politician as long as they support the principle that any American who has reached kindertgarten (that's pre-school to non-europeans)age and is has an IQ larger than their shoe size has the inalienable right to carry either an Uzi, Kalashnikov or AK47 at all times (apparently in case they bump into any passing wildlife so they can despatch it as messily and noisily as possible.). Also the guns should preferably be loaded with armour-piercing bullets in case said wildlife happens to have acquired any bullet-proof fur on it's way through evolution. He also starts to froth at the mention of words such as "tax" (unless followed immediately by "cut"), Dean, Edwards, Clark, Kerry, Lieberman or Al Sharpton. Unfortunately he then becomes incoherent and what he says next usually makes no sense.

Secondly there is Genghis Rant. His political views are hard to ascertain as they are normally expounded at such a volume that it causes ears to bleed, and his chief form of political discussion appears to be to repeat the same thing again and again, at increasing volume, until his opponent either dies due to blood loss from the ears, or simply gives up and starts doing something more entertaining, such as sticking knitting needles in their eyes. His reactions are even more extreme than Attila the Gun's, and mention of almost any word in the English language sends him frothing. The one coherent thought I have been able to get out of him is that he is worried George W Bush is showing signs of being dangerously liberal and is hoping to persuade Attila the Gun to stand against him for leadership of the Republican Party.

You will be hearing a lot about these two...