AUSTRALIAN SPORTING REVIVAL?

In a fine night for Australian sport, all their major representative sports teams managed to avoid defeat last night.

John Buchanan, coach of the piss-poor Australian cricket team (the "Canary Yellows") dismissed claims that this was achieved only by avoiding playing anyone at anything, and stated that he hoped this was the beginning of "the long climb back to mediocrity". He also denied categorically that the Canary Yellows had been due to play an exhibition game last night against Chiswick Bowls and Recreational Club for Retired Gentlefolk but had backed out at the last minute for fear of further humiliation. A spokesman for the Chiswick-based club, Mrs Edna Posthlethwaite, 68, however, claimed that the match had been confirmed in writing, and dislpayed to the media a letter allegedly signed by Mr Buchanan, confirming the fixture.

When told Mr Buchanan was denying the match had ever been scheduled she commented "he's a typical whingeing Aussie" and challenged him to rearrange the fixture with the words "come and try us if you think you're hard enough"

Fat fcuking chance on recent evidence.