MORE WORDS OR PHRASES THAT SHOULD EXIST. TODAY'S THEME - THE WORKPLACE
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to worka gain.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
VOLVO JOKE
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh to yourself knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night....
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But ....
Wait a minute....
(Click photo to enlarge)
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh to yourself knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night....
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But ....
Wait a minute....
(Click photo to enlarge)
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
APOLOGIES
for the recent silence. It has not been just because of the abysmal efforts so far of the Lions (though that is certainly a contributing factor), but mainly due to employment distractions.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that the boss has asked me to return to London. I have no desire to go back, but the seat I am currently occupying will disappear late this year so continuing in my current vein is not an option. As a result I have been a little distracted. Will update with more on this later, if any of you care...
for the recent silence. It has not been just because of the abysmal efforts so far of the Lions (though that is certainly a contributing factor), but mainly due to employment distractions.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that the boss has asked me to return to London. I have no desire to go back, but the seat I am currently occupying will disappear late this year so continuing in my current vein is not an option. As a result I have been a little distracted. Will update with more on this later, if any of you care...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
AUSTRALIAN SPORTING REVIVAL?
In a fine night for Australian sport, all their major representative sports teams managed to avoid defeat last night.
John Buchanan, coach of the piss-poor Australian cricket team (the "Canary Yellows") dismissed claims that this was achieved only by avoiding playing anyone at anything, and stated that he hoped this was the beginning of "the long climb back to mediocrity". He also denied categorically that the Canary Yellows had been due to play an exhibition game last night against Chiswick Bowls and Recreational Club for Retired Gentlefolk but had backed out at the last minute for fear of further humiliation. A spokesman for the Chiswick-based club, Mrs Edna Posthlethwaite, 68, however, claimed that the match had been confirmed in writing, and dislpayed to the media a letter allegedly signed by Mr Buchanan, confirming the fixture.
When told Mr Buchanan was denying the match had ever been scheduled she commented "he's a typical whingeing Aussie" and challenged him to rearrange the fixture with the words "come and try us if you think you're hard enough"
Fat fcuking chance on recent evidence.
In a fine night for Australian sport, all their major representative sports teams managed to avoid defeat last night.
John Buchanan, coach of the piss-poor Australian cricket team (the "Canary Yellows") dismissed claims that this was achieved only by avoiding playing anyone at anything, and stated that he hoped this was the beginning of "the long climb back to mediocrity". He also denied categorically that the Canary Yellows had been due to play an exhibition game last night against Chiswick Bowls and Recreational Club for Retired Gentlefolk but had backed out at the last minute for fear of further humiliation. A spokesman for the Chiswick-based club, Mrs Edna Posthlethwaite, 68, however, claimed that the match had been confirmed in writing, and dislpayed to the media a letter allegedly signed by Mr Buchanan, confirming the fixture.
When told Mr Buchanan was denying the match had ever been scheduled she commented "he's a typical whingeing Aussie" and challenged him to rearrange the fixture with the words "come and try us if you think you're hard enough"
Fat fcuking chance on recent evidence.
Monday, June 20, 2005
POSSIBLY THE BEST WEEKEND EVER....
Good - South Africa 30 - France 30
Better - Otago 19 - Lions 30
Even Better - Brilliant Pieterson sinks Aussies
Best - Bangladesh humble sorry Australia
Even the prospect of the imminent choice between unemployment or a return to Mud Island can't wipe the smile off my face.
Good - South Africa 30 - France 30
Better - Otago 19 - Lions 30
Even Better - Brilliant Pieterson sinks Aussies
Best - Bangladesh humble sorry Australia
Even the prospect of the imminent choice between unemployment or a return to Mud Island can't wipe the smile off my face.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
MICHAEL JACKSON, HIS SUPPORTERS AND DEMOCRACY
Not an obvious triumvirate I know but this analysis of the Jackson trial makes the very good point that these people have the vote!
More proof, if ever it was needed, that democracy is a foolish and dangerous experiment that is bound to end in failure. Bring back dictatorships (preferably with me in charge).
Not an obvious triumvirate I know but this analysis of the Jackson trial makes the very good point that these people have the vote!
More proof, if ever it was needed, that democracy is a foolish and dangerous experiment that is bound to end in failure. Bring back dictatorships (preferably with me in charge).
REASONS TO NEVER GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND - A continuing occasional series...
"Take a shower" says Tube boss
Lovely.
His customers are so revolting they need to be told to take a shower.
And his "service" is unable to offer air conditioning.
Mmmmmmmmm - nice.
(Thanks Mr G - a fellow exile from Blighty)
"Take a shower" says Tube boss
Lovely.
His customers are so revolting they need to be told to take a shower.
And his "service" is unable to offer air conditioning.
Mmmmmmmmm - nice.
(Thanks Mr G - a fellow exile from Blighty)
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
THE END OF THE LINE FOR HONG KONG?
In a world exclusive the South China Morning Pointless reports that there is clear evidence that Hong Kong society is crumbling. Under a headline entitled "Double-lane dicers warned amid flyover jam" they report that during yesterdays rush-hour traffic jams, caused in large part by the rerouting of a large section of traffic on the busiest section of road in Hong Kong, at least 10 cars were seen crossing double white lines to get into the lane they needed to be in.
10 cars!!!!
Crossing a double white line!!!
Where will it all end? We're doomed I tell you. Doomed.
Of course in London it's not unheard of for people to drive over roundabouts, through parks, across central reservations and along the pavement to get out of a jam or into the right lane. And in LA they do all that while taking pot shots at each other.
But here in HK crossing double lines is front page news.
Doncha just love it.
In a world exclusive the South China Morning Pointless reports that there is clear evidence that Hong Kong society is crumbling. Under a headline entitled "Double-lane dicers warned amid flyover jam" they report that during yesterdays rush-hour traffic jams, caused in large part by the rerouting of a large section of traffic on the busiest section of road in Hong Kong, at least 10 cars were seen crossing double white lines to get into the lane they needed to be in.
10 cars!!!!
Crossing a double white line!!!
Where will it all end? We're doomed I tell you. Doomed.
Of course in London it's not unheard of for people to drive over roundabouts, through parks, across central reservations and along the pavement to get out of a jam or into the right lane. And in LA they do all that while taking pot shots at each other.
But here in HK crossing double lines is front page news.
Doncha just love it.
Monday, June 13, 2005
HOW TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY
The woeful states of former U.S. industrial giants Ford and General Motors is well documented. Their market shares domestically and internationally have fallen to record lows, they are losing money hand over fist and have recently been downgraded to Junk Bond status.
But none of that will have hurt as much as this.
Toyota is planning to raise it's prices in the U.S. in an effort to help the American car industry by making it's own cars less attractive. Apparently they want to maintain healthy trade relations with the US and want to ensure the industry remains dominated by Japan and America. As the Amercians are unable to make themsleves competitive Toyota has decided to make itself UNcompetitive.
Ouch.
The woeful states of former U.S. industrial giants Ford and General Motors is well documented. Their market shares domestically and internationally have fallen to record lows, they are losing money hand over fist and have recently been downgraded to Junk Bond status.
But none of that will have hurt as much as this.
Toyota is planning to raise it's prices in the U.S. in an effort to help the American car industry by making it's own cars less attractive. Apparently they want to maintain healthy trade relations with the US and want to ensure the industry remains dominated by Japan and America. As the Amercians are unable to make themsleves competitive Toyota has decided to make itself UNcompetitive.
Ouch.
LIONS 13 - N.Z. MAORI 19
It's not the end of the world, or even the tour, but it's certainly not good news. The loss itself is not necessarily the problem, it's the fact that they were on the back foot for pretty much the whole game, and almost never looked threatening. As Woodward said, the final scoreline flattered the Lions.
They'd better shine this Wednesday, especially as Woodward appears to have picked a pretty much full strength back line (the only possible area of contention for the test team would be Wilkinson or Jones at no. 10), or the whole thing is going to fall apart.
It's not the end of the world, or even the tour, but it's certainly not good news. The loss itself is not necessarily the problem, it's the fact that they were on the back foot for pretty much the whole game, and almost never looked threatening. As Woodward said, the final scoreline flattered the Lions.
They'd better shine this Wednesday, especially as Woodward appears to have picked a pretty much full strength back line (the only possible area of contention for the test team would be Wilkinson or Jones at no. 10), or the whole thing is going to fall apart.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
GOD AND LUNCH
When I was a wee lad, growing up in the wilds of Leicestershire, England's rugby heartland, we were taught that there were two religions. One revolved around some guy with a beard who lived a long time ago, and the other involved 15 rugby players wearing striped shirts, with letters on their backs. There were some great names out there including Paul Dodge, Les Cusworth, Dusty Hare, Peter Wheeler and a young Clive Woodward. In any other team each would have been revered in his own right as the undisputed Lord of all he surveyed. But not in Leicester. At Leicester one man rose above them all and came to be admired as the one true God - Dean Richards. He stood head and shoulders above all others and was rock for Leicester, England and the Lions. This being the days when Leicester used letters and not numbers for thier positions he even wore the letter G on his back. what more proof could anyone need?
Sadly his playing days finally had to come to an end, but fortunately the faithful were not left wandering in the desert for long. Another Leicester player picked up the baton from Richards and went on even further, becoming arguably the greatest rugby player England has ever produced, taking Leicester, England and the Lions to new heights. Under his leadership Leicester won the European cup twice, England won the Grand Slam, the Lions won in South Africa and then, to cap it all, England won the World Cup.
I have spent many happy hours watching him play at Welford Road, Twickenham, Parc des Princes, Cardiff Arms Park, Lansdowne Road, Murrayfield, The Colonnial Stadium (now renamed I think) and Stadium Australia.
And today he is in Hong Kong. Having lunch. With me (and about 1,000 others).
My only concern is that if I get to shake his hand I might either burst into tears or wet myself. Or both.
If anyone needs me after 12.00 today, tough.
When I was a wee lad, growing up in the wilds of Leicestershire, England's rugby heartland, we were taught that there were two religions. One revolved around some guy with a beard who lived a long time ago, and the other involved 15 rugby players wearing striped shirts, with letters on their backs. There were some great names out there including Paul Dodge, Les Cusworth, Dusty Hare, Peter Wheeler and a young Clive Woodward. In any other team each would have been revered in his own right as the undisputed Lord of all he surveyed. But not in Leicester. At Leicester one man rose above them all and came to be admired as the one true God - Dean Richards. He stood head and shoulders above all others and was rock for Leicester, England and the Lions. This being the days when Leicester used letters and not numbers for thier positions he even wore the letter G on his back. what more proof could anyone need?
Sadly his playing days finally had to come to an end, but fortunately the faithful were not left wandering in the desert for long. Another Leicester player picked up the baton from Richards and went on even further, becoming arguably the greatest rugby player England has ever produced, taking Leicester, England and the Lions to new heights. Under his leadership Leicester won the European cup twice, England won the Grand Slam, the Lions won in South Africa and then, to cap it all, England won the World Cup.
I have spent many happy hours watching him play at Welford Road, Twickenham, Parc des Princes, Cardiff Arms Park, Lansdowne Road, Murrayfield, The Colonnial Stadium (now renamed I think) and Stadium Australia.
And today he is in Hong Kong. Having lunch. With me (and about 1,000 others).
My only concern is that if I get to shake his hand I might either burst into tears or wet myself. Or both.
If anyone needs me after 12.00 today, tough.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
REASONS TO NEVER GO BACK TO MUD ISLAND (An ongoing series)
London Underground (NSFW - and you need the volume up a bit)
Thanks Mr Glossy
(And to any pedants and/or lawyers.... yes I know the infinitive is split in the title, and no, I don't care)
London Underground (NSFW - and you need the volume up a bit)
Thanks Mr Glossy
(And to any pedants and/or lawyers.... yes I know the infinitive is split in the title, and no, I don't care)
Monday, June 06, 2005
LIONS ROAR, THEN WHIMPER, THEN MAKE A SORT OF GROWLING NOISE....
Phew. That was a bit close.
These first few games are just openers. The players are still getting to know each other and they will still be a bit jet-lagged, so no need to set too much store by the scores, but based on what I watched...
O'Driscoll and Henson look handy as a centre partnership, but Darcy and Greenwood are both good players with proven track records. Picking who will accompany O'Driscoll is going to be a nightmare.
Josh Lewsey is looking like a world-class full back and is surely top of the list for that spot come the tests.
Ronan O'Gara is now behind my mother in the pecking order for the Test fly-half berth. He missed several tackles (two of which led to tries for Bay of Plenty), and missed even more kicks at goal. Doubt he'll be getting his boots muddy again for a while.
Martin Corry will be the Lions no.8 after the loss of Dallaglio.
Phew. That was a bit close.
These first few games are just openers. The players are still getting to know each other and they will still be a bit jet-lagged, so no need to set too much store by the scores, but based on what I watched...
O'Driscoll and Henson look handy as a centre partnership, but Darcy and Greenwood are both good players with proven track records. Picking who will accompany O'Driscoll is going to be a nightmare.
Josh Lewsey is looking like a world-class full back and is surely top of the list for that spot come the tests.
Ronan O'Gara is now behind my mother in the pecking order for the Test fly-half berth. He missed several tackles (two of which led to tries for Bay of Plenty), and missed even more kicks at goal. Doubt he'll be getting his boots muddy again for a while.
Martin Corry will be the Lions no.8 after the loss of Dallaglio.